How do demisexuals fall in love?

[Vixrotre]

In my case I usually fall for my friends. I think I've developed a crush on a lot of my friends, almost all of them from last few years, because I bond with them, I like them and I have positive feelings for them. But the process of me falling for someone doesn't have to start from a platonic, non-relationship intention.

I've been on few dating websites before, of course with the intention of finding someone I could have a relationship with. I just don't look at pictures and I think that's what most people do. I read their profile and if they don't have one or have a really short, vague descriptions- I skip them and go read someone else. If I like what I read and I think the person and I might get along, I write them a message. Then we usually write to each other, talk on Skype, watch movies and play games together (they HAVE to be a gamer because I can't imagine dating someone who wouldn't be my Player 2). I can start the relation with the intention of turning this into a relationship, but it takes me at least few months to develop actual romantic and/or sexual feelings towards the person.

It doesn't mean I always, 100% of the time fall for someone I have a deeper connection with, but it happens more often than it doesn't in my case.

[WitchettyMan]

Anyway,what I'm trying to get at is... do you have any sort of... control over who you might develop this kind of bond? Do you actually choose someone who might requite your feelings or it just happens, out of nowhere, with no warning or way of foreseeing it happening?

There's absolutely no control, no inclination of who you might develop stuff with. As I get to know someone I sometimes get a bit worried that something could happen so I often pull away thinking it might salvage the friendship... but it's so rare I'd say the chances of it happening are close to zero.

So you're just as likely to develop feelings for someone you barely know anything about as for someone you've know for some time and have intimacy with?

the whole point of demisexual is not developing feelings until you make a bond over knowing someone VERY well so to answer your question, NO lol

Good, because that's what I initially figured from "there's absolutely no control over it". But I get it now.

[Rising Sun]

Not everyone agrees on this. My own experience : I can't have any control on who I'm going to start feeling attracted to (although I know that it isn't going to happen with someone who I already don't know very well) ; however new feelings can be controlled and even killed if necessary. So there is still some choice.

[dissolved]

Anyway,what I'm trying to get at is... do you have any sort of... control over who you might develop this kind of bond? Do you actually choose someone who might requite your feelings or it just happens, out of nowhere, with no warning or way of foreseeing it happening?

There's absolutely no control, no inclination of who you might develop stuff with. As I get to know someone I sometimes get a bit worried that something could happen so I often pull away thinking it might salvage the friendship... but it's so rare I'd say the chances of it happening are close to zero.

So you're just as likely to develop feelings for someone you barely know anything about as for someone you've know for some time and have intimacy with?

No no, it'll be impossible with someone I barely know. I just panic sometimes when I start getting to know someone because I know the potential is there, even though it's rare.

[binary suns]

everyone has their own experiences. you can't really "understand the demisexual experience" because there's always gonna be someone different.

[scarletlatitude]

Anyway,what I'm trying to get at is... do you have any sort of... control over who you might develop this kind of bond? Do you actually choose someone who might requite your feelings or it just happens, out of nowhere, with no warning or way of foreseeing it happening?

There's absolutely no control, no inclination of who you might develop stuff with. As I get to know someone I sometimes get a bit worried that something could happen so I often pull away thinking it might salvage the friendship... but it's so rare I'd say the chances of it happening are close to zero.

So you're just as likely to develop feelings for someone you barely know anything about as for someone you've know for some time and have intimacy with?

No no, it'll be impossible with someone I barely know. I just panic sometimes when I start getting to know someone because I know the potential is there, even though it's rare.

I know what you mean. It's almost like I don't know what to do with those feelings. As soon as the potential for romantic feelings starts to creep into my mind, my whole body goes "WOAH hold up what is this stahp!"