In purgatory - Desire a relationship and find women very attractive, but little interest in actual sex..

[dan_1993]

I really just wonder what this makes me.

On one hand, I'm a guy that finds women attractive physically. Their facial aesthetics, their body aesthetics. I enjoy flirting. I have experienced romantic love and kinda desire it.

But on the other, whilst a woman's body in general turns me on, the idea of sex itself largely repulses me. To me, a vagina looks disgusting. The thought of full sex or especially oral sex makes me feel sick. Particularly with oral sex, I wonder if it's supposed to be something done simply for the pleasure of your partner, which I'm ok with, or if you're supposed to enjoy it too, which i dont understand. I'm not that bothered about anyone doing it to me lol. I am perfectly happy going without sex, and in fact haven't had any for a few years. On occasion, I've actively avoided the opportunity.

A conflicting side of me does not want a relationship and is very happy alone, despite a desire to continue dating and flirting. The thought of having kids or a family is of no interest to me right now either - I'd lose my freedom. A serious confliction arises with the idea of anything sexual, with enjoyment on one hand and strong repulsion on the other. After all, we are all dirty by nature, we produce a variety of horrible bodily fluids and smells lol..

When I think of my friends pairing up and wanting to go off with their partners, it's saddening/depressing. I miss the times we all had a good time together. I can understand why you'd want to give that up via what people have explained to me, but I just cannot emphasise with it. It annoys me somewhat.

Because of all this, I don't see how I can exactly be your averagely sexual guy. But if I do have the attraction, then how can I be asexual? I feel somewhere inbetween. It's not really somewhere that I'm happy to be, because the conflictions all the time make it impossible to be happy, even impossible to have a life 'ideal situation' to aim for, if you know what I'm saying..

-_-

Thanks for reading :)

[Autumn Season]

First of all you don't need to do anything that you don't want to do. If you'd like a relationship without sex and only short-term or without children, then that's perfectly fine. Of course you would need to tell this your romantic (or platonic if you are aromantic) partner before getting into a serious relationship. They have the right to know what to expect.

It is possible to experience aesthetic and romantic attraction but not sexual attraction. If this is how it is for you, then you are likely to be asexual. But only you know the truth about yourself.

There are meet-ups and dating sites for asexuals, if you are interested, too. :)

[Sally]

(inadvertently repeated what Autumn Season said)

[dan_1993]

It might be the case then that I am asexual in that sense. Its not that I don't find the idea of kissing and stuff appealing and certainly I find myself checking out attractive women all the time.

It's a difficult one though, because it's hard enough to find somebody you like to begin with, without adding the whole 'but they have to have little interest in actual sex, but still have interest in foreplay activities' thing.

-_-

[Autumn Season]

It might be the case then that I am asexual in that sense. Its not that I don't find the idea of kissing and stuff appealing and certainly I find myself checking out attractive women all the time.

It's a difficult one though, because it's hard enough to find somebody you like to begin with, without adding the whole 'but they have to have little interest in actual sex, but still have interest in foreplay activities' thing.

-_-

Yup, welcome to my world. xD But it is easier to find somebody nice when you get to know yourself better.