Jump to content

Realizing a potential change?


El-not-so-ace

Recommended Posts

Has anyone went through a change from asexual, to demi or even allosexual?

Have there been any factors that seem to have been behind it? :o

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes. Some people here say that sexuality is fluid and can and does change.

Or maybe people identify as asexual when they're fourteen and then happen to be late bloomers and develop sexual attraction at some point.

Or maybe they were demi all along and they realise it when the one person they develop the necessary bond with finally enters their life.

It can and does happen. It also in no way invalidates this person's previous identity as asexual, even if they don't identify as such now.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I do not believe sexuality is fluid. Most people that claim to switch about probably had the capacity for it all along and just didn't realise, or were too quick to label themselves with something that they realise was ridiculous a month later. For example: someone likes the opposite sex, is therefore straight. Meets someone of the same sex and now claims to be gay... no, they're bisexual and just didn't realise :P

Anyway, I identified as demi for years but had brief spells of questioning whether I was actually ace because I went for so long between people I found attractive. I also know now that what I felt for people in the past was incredibly mild in comparison to how I feel about someone I've recently become... ahem... involved with :blush:

I guess meeting them was the major factor behind it :lol: also, an epiphany I had earlier in the year that I could no longer live my life the way other people - namely my family - wanted me to. Sounds daft and I always kinda knew it in the back of my mind, but I told myself to stop being stupid, and I have finally started living for myself :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, we have somebody who's gone from sexual to asexual. That's pretty solid proof that orientation can change. I've not heard of someone going from asexual to sexual, though, just from thinking they were asexual to realizing they could actually have interest for particular people.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, we have somebody who's gone from sexual to asexual. That's pretty solid proof that orientation can change. I've not heard of someone going from asexual to sexual, though, just from thinking they were asexual to realizing they could actually have interest for particular people.

The member with the snake as a profile picture? I can't remember names :P

I wouldn't call one person "solid proof". If people are mistaken in thinking they're asexual and "become" sexual, it's not unreasonable for it to be mistaken the other way around either. Besides, I don't know how old that person is, but age is certainly a factor, as is environment, circumstances etc, and medication of course.

EDIT: sorry, I meant those things can influence someone's sexuality, but I don't think it ever changes per se. I got distracted by food :D

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am with dissolved on this one. All the time the LGBT ++ have been around the science has pointed towards sex having a genetic basis, and also being a continuum. If it does not then sex is self chosen, and the people who say that it is a choice are correct. This is why we say that a person who is "gay" cannot become "heterosexual" by coercion, boot camps, or having undesired sex with the opposite gender. If Asexuality has a genetic cause, then you cannot remove it. It can be denied, and many people have relationships with sex out of the fear of losing a partner, or out of the desire to make a partner happy, but not because they want it. Now, what I feel is that the person in question possibly feels aligned with the asexual community, but is not really an asexual. Possibly the person has not desired sex for a long time, undergoing a period of celibacy, but now does want sex. An asexual would not switch back and forth. Being celibate is "chosen" asexuality, when you decide that you are not interested in sex for some reason. You can also be celibate and romantic.

There are a lot of problems with "self defining." It's like a "vegan" who eats like a vegan one week, and then eats meat the next week. That person is simply an omnivore who eats vegan occasionally.

This is just an opinion. There are experts on the subject, and I am not one of them. But I do feel it is my right to state my opinion.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for everyone's opinions! I think that it's definitely possible to have miss-attributed oneself, especially since even the people on here seem to have disagreed in the past about what asexuality really is. I mean, even the one that AVEN has used to confuse me up to very recently after reading a thread debating it. :P

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't believe all sexuality is fluid, but I also don't believe that it's all static either. And until I walk a mile in another person's shoes, it's not really my place to judge. If a person formerly experienced sexual attraction and now does not, it's kinda splitting hairs to say they aren't asexual; they're experiencing (currently) the exact same lack of attraction as I do, and have to deal with the same issues. Debating the label accomplishes nothing. Similarly, going from asexual to allosexual would mean that someone who can identify with the feeling of not experiencing sexual attraction now experiences it; so, again, they still at one point for all intents and purposes shared in the same feelings and struggles as myself. The whole point of labels is to try to wrap up similar traits held by a significant number of people in a tidy package that allows observers to make some blanket judgements about that group of people; and if the appropriate judgements ("not experiencing sexual attraction") are just as accurate for someone else as they are for me, I see no reason to tell them they can't identify under that label. I'd assume it's pretty rare for sexuality to change that drastically, though. Choosing celibacy is a whole different case, but it's not a sexuality and so trying to say that one became asexual when they simply chose celibacy is a misunderstanding of definitions and not a change in sexuality.

In the case of demisexuality, however, it's kinda hard to imagine a case where one could be 100% sure that someone wasn't demi all along, since demisexuals are kinda by definition asexual (not experiencing sexual attraction) until they form the right emotional connection with the right person or people. And if someone's sexuality fluctuates with them only experiencing sexual attraction very occasionally or in certain situations, they'd fit greysexual better than either asexual or allosexual. To identify firmly as either I'd generally assume that the change is near-permanent (or that it at least lasts a significant amount of time for both states of being). If it changes frequently, then "sexually fluid" is a better umbrella term. There's a lot of things to rule out before declaring that one has entirely changed their sexual identity.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, we have somebody who's gone from sexual to asexual. That's pretty solid proof that orientation can change. I've not heard of someone going from asexual to sexual, though, just from thinking they were asexual to realizing they could actually have interest for particular people.

The member with the snake as a profile picture? I can't remember names :P

I wouldn't call one person "solid proof". If people are mistaken in thinking they're asexual and "become" sexual, it's not unreasonable for it to be mistaken the other way around either. Besides, I don't know how old that person is, but age is certainly a factor, as is environment, circumstances etc, and medication of course.

EDIT: sorry, I meant those things can influence someone's sexuality, but I don't think it ever changes per se. I got distracted by food :D

I'm 21 approaching 22 now. I'm actually writing a little post here to describe the difference between asexual, and sexual as well as romantic v. aromantic. No medications, and there's nothing in my environment that could alter my orientation, and neither circumstances.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, we have somebody who's gone from sexual to asexual. That's pretty solid proof that orientation can change. I've not heard of someone going from asexual to sexual, though, just from thinking they were asexual to realizing they could actually have interest for particular people.

The member with the snake as a profile picture? I can't remember names :P

I wouldn't call one person "solid proof". If people are mistaken in thinking they're asexual and "become" sexual, it's not unreasonable for it to be mistaken the other way around either. Besides, I don't know how old that person is, but age is certainly a factor, as is environment, circumstances etc, and medication of course.

EDIT: sorry, I meant those things can influence someone's sexuality, but I don't think it ever changes per se. I got distracted by food :D

I'm 21 approaching 22 now. I'm actually writing a little post here to describe the difference between asexual, and sexual as well as romantic v. aromantic. No medications, and there's nothing in my environment that could alter my orientation, and neither circumstances.

Huh... that's quite interesting. But you say in your information that you identified as hetero for what, eight or nine years? And you've realised that you're in fact aego/autochorrissexual however many years later. Surely though, something made you realise that you weren't in fact hetero?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 21 approaching 22 now. I'm actually writing a little post here to describe the difference between asexual, and sexual as well as romantic v. aromantic. No medications, and there's nothing in my environment that could alter my orientation, and neither circumstances.

Huh... that's quite interesting. But you say in your information that you identified as hetero for what, eight or nine years? And you've realised that you're in fact aego/autochorrissexual however many years later. Surely though, something made you realise that you weren't in fact hetero?

That's not what he said at all. He said his orientation changed, not that he suddenly realized he was mistaken. I imagine if your orientation changes, you realize by something being different from before, e.g. feeling sexually drawn to others and this then ceasing completely.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm 21 approaching 22 now. I'm actually writing a little post here to describe the difference between asexual, and sexual as well as romantic v. aromantic. No medications, and there's nothing in my environment that could alter my orientation, and neither circumstances.

Huh... that's quite interesting. But you say in your information that you identified as hetero for what, eight or nine years? And you've realised that you're in fact aego/autochorrissexual however many years later. Surely though, something made you realise that you weren't in fact hetero?

That's not what he said at all. He said his orientation changed, not that he suddenly realized he was mistaken. I imagine if your orientation changes, you realize by something being different from before, e.g. feeling sexually drawn to others and this then ceasing completely.

As I stated, I was referring to the information he's included in his profile.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think that sexuality is fluid... but just simply not as common as people make it out to be and just really really rare... but possible. However, when it comes to actual identification of their sexuality may or may not be accurate because of potential lack of information. Such as myself, I thought that I was heterosexual (by default)... used to think I was demi... then grey-a... and then after doing more and more research regarding the matter, did I realize that I'm actually asexual and have been identifying myself as such for quite some time now. No... I was never heterosexual, demi, or grey-a to begin with, and yet at the time, I did identify myself as such due to lack of information.

Anyways, like I said, I think that sexual fluidity can happen, but just that it's pretty rare, yet certainly possible. Even if others disagrees with their sexuality or lack thereof, we shouldn't invalidate their experiences and say that they are "wrong". It's okay to disagree, but we really shouldn't say that others' experiences are invalid regarding fluidity or even identification. I know there are certainly some things that I disagree with... but people have that right to identify themselves as they please, whether we think it's "ridiculous" or not. They know themselves better than anyone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, we have somebody who's gone from sexual to asexual. That's pretty solid proof that orientation can change. I've not heard of someone going from asexual to sexual, though, just from thinking they were asexual to realizing they could actually have interest for particular people.

The member with the snake as a profile picture? I can't remember names :P

I wouldn't call one person "solid proof". If people are mistaken in thinking they're asexual and "become" sexual, it's not unreasonable for it to be mistaken the other way around either. Besides, I don't know how old that person is, but age is certainly a factor, as is environment, circumstances etc, and medication of course.

EDIT: sorry, I meant those things can influence someone's sexuality, but I don't think it ever changes per se. I got distracted by food :D

I'm 21 approaching 22 now. I'm actually writing a little post here to describe the difference between asexual, and sexual as well as romantic v. aromantic. No medications, and there's nothing in my environment that could alter my orientation, and neither circumstances.

Huh... that's quite interesting. But you say in your information that you identified as hetero for what, eight or nine years? And you've realised that you're in fact aego/autochorrissexual however many years later. Surely though, something made you realise that you weren't in fact hetero?

The problem with that claim is that it's not that I realized it. I actually had interest into the idea of having sex with women and actually wanting that. But it ceases to be around age 16. And yes, I was sexually interested into girls back at 8, but it's nowhere the same as if it were in 14. If I look back, the claim that I was sexually interested into girls is very consistent to what I felt before it ceases to be. I'd tried using confusion explanation, but it doesn't really explain away the consistency of what I have felt and what I claim to felt.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The problem with that claim is that it's not that I realized it. I actually had interest into the idea of having sex with women and actually wanting that. But it ceases to be around age 16. And yes, I was sexually interested into girls back at 8, but it's nowhere the same as if it were in 14. If I look back, the claim that I was sexually interested into girls is very consistent to what I felt before it ceases to be. I'd tried using confusion explanation, but it doesn't really explain away the consistency of what I have felt and what I claim to felt.

Hmm, sorry, poor wording on my part most likely. And I hope I haven't insulted you, it's just that of course I've established a logical view/opinion based on personal experience and talking to others, so to suddenly come across someone who claims to be different, not only am I going to find it interesting but I will have to question it :D

I didn't realise you were so young, and that your interest started so early... So if you don't mind me asking... Was it a gradual change, or very abrupt? And what (if anything) did your interest switch to?If you don't wish to discuss it here I understand, but I do find it interesting if you'd rather switch to PM or something, then I'd really appreciate carrying on the conversation.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The problem with that claim is that it's not that I realized it. I actually had interest into the idea of having sex with women and actually wanting that. But it ceases to be around age 16. And yes, I was sexually interested into girls back at 8, but it's nowhere the same as if it were in 14. If I look back, the claim that I was sexually interested into girls is very consistent to what I felt before it ceases to be. I'd tried using confusion explanation, but it doesn't really explain away the consistency of what I have felt and what I claim to felt.

I don't want to pick on you, and we've had talks before so I hope you know my interest here is... let's say... purely intellectual, but...

What I'm seeing is that when you were younger and sex was more of a concept than an actual practice, you were mentally interested. Now that you're older and sex is a genuine option, you're still only interested in it as a concept. You like porn and you connect to sexual thoughts and imagery, but you don't want to participate.

I honestly don't see how anything has changed except your circumstances.

Link to post
Share on other sites

First, let me say, I think a person is free to identify as whatever sexual orientation they feel comfortable with and they are free to change how they identify if they wish.

However, I see asexuality as not being capable of experiencing sexual attraction (or rarely being capable of experiencing sexual attraction). So, if a person is today capable of experiecing sexual attraction, that suggests that technically, they were capable of experiencing sexual attraction all along, except maybe the right set of circumstances never happened. To me, they were never really ever asexual.

I really believe that I am not now and will never be capable of experiencing sexual attraction. It is not always easy to deal with that, and I see so many other like me here on AVEN also having difficulties dealing with their asexuality at times, just like me. I am very happy for any asexual person who suddenly realise that they can experience sexual attraction, but I think they owe it themselves (and perhaps to the rest of us in the ace community) to at least admit that their identifying as asexual was probably a mistake.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The problem with that claim is that it's not that I realized it. I actually had interest into the idea of having sex with women and actually wanting that. But it ceases to be around age 16. And yes, I was sexually interested into girls back at 8, but it's nowhere the same as if it were in 14. If I look back, the claim that I was sexually interested into girls is very consistent to what I felt before it ceases to be. I'd tried using confusion explanation, but it doesn't really explain away the consistency of what I have felt and what I claim to felt.

I don't want to pick on you, and we've had talks before so I hope you know my interest here is... let's say... purely intellectual, but...

What I'm seeing is that when you were younger and sex was more of a concept than an actual practice, you were mentally interested. Now that you're older and sex is a genuine option, you're still only interested in it as a concept. You like porn and you connect to sexual thoughts and imagery, but you don't want to participate.

I honestly don't see how anything has changed except your circumstances.

Well, when I was younger, I actually wanted to participate, but I don't really feel the urge to participate anymore or not enough for it to even count as sexual attraction. That's what changed.

The problem with that claim is that it's not that I realized it. I actually had interest into the idea of having sex with women and actually wanting that. But it ceases to be around age 16. And yes, I was sexually interested into girls back at 8, but it's nowhere the same as if it were in 14. If I look back, the claim that I was sexually interested into girls is very consistent to what I felt before it ceases to be. I'd tried using confusion explanation, but it doesn't really explain away the consistency of what I have felt and what I claim to felt.

Hmm, sorry, poor wording on my part most likely. And I hope I haven't insulted you, it's just that of course I've established a logical view/opinion based on personal experience and talking to others, so to suddenly come across someone who claims to be different, not only am I going to find it interesting but I will have to question it :D

I didn't realise you were so young, and that your interest started so early... So if you don't mind me asking... Was it a gradual change, or very abrupt? And what (if anything) did your interest switch to?If you don't wish to discuss it here I understand, but I do find it interesting if you'd rather switch to PM or something, then I'd really appreciate carrying on the conversation.

It was a gradual change, and I did had precocious puberty (doctors). If you really want to know what interest I did switch to, it all started with admiration of naked women in art, and then it switched slowly to porn you may find on the adult websites. As for physical interest, at first, it was merely aesthetic (hence naked women in art), and then I had the desire to want to engage into sex, and it died around age 16. As for the PM, it's not neccessary, and I'm posting this in public for anyone who's curious about individuals like me just so that they can see my perspective and of those with similar experience.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...