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amb33

Had a bad experience and am hating my asexuality. Advice would be great

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amb33

Long story short I'd been seeing a guy for about a month and a half. We had a serious conversation yesterday about my asexuality (it had come up once before) and as a highly sexual person he didn't feel that he could have a romantic relationship without a physical element, which is fine and I don't resent him for it. We decided that it wouldn't work between us for this reason. I just feel so so awful and I hate myself so much for being asexual right now. All I can think is 'if only I was sexual, if only I was like everyone else, I'd have been able to make this work' but every time I try dating it becomes clearer and clearer that forcing myself into sexual situations is making me more and more ill in the head. I've been awake all night having panic attacks and feeling generally hateful towards myself. I don't know how I'm going to pick myself up after this because it's just hit me that there's nothing I can do to stop myself being asexual, and that makes me very sad. Sorry for the rant AVEN, I just needed to put this down somewhere because it's driving me insane.

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somethingrandom

Don't hate yourself for being asexual! I understand we all have down times and sometimes I think that it would be easier to not be asexual, but you can't just change who you are and certainly shouldn't to please others. It's just an unfortunate situation you've been in and it has knocked your confidence a bit. Just don't concentrate too much on it. Try other things where you might meet new people, maybe asexual dating sites? Break ups are hard, especially being asexual but don't give up hope because one bad experience doesn't determine the rest of your life - you two just weren't right for each other. Maybe if you were sexual and the two of you stayed together, you might have broken up over something else in the future - don't hate your asexuality. Everyone has bad days, just do what you enjoy and try to move on from this. I hope you feel better about it soon :)

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Xavy

It is always a terrible feeling when an otherwise wonderful relationship does not work out ostensively because of your asexuality. I have been there and I had to tell myself that the answer is not hating my asexuality because that is akin to hating myself. Asexuality is part of who I am and, it's a thin line, but I think it is possible to hate a situation that arises due to my asexuality, but not hate my asexuality itself.

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