Identity Crisis

[littledreamer]

Hello all,

Firstly I hate that I feel I have to label myself, but I feel that for my own peace of mind I need to fine myself. Because right now I am so very confused.

I am 26 in 2/3 weeks, Since the age of 12 I have identified as Gay. I've had boyfriends and I've had sex, but only with one person. I am attracted to men. However I have no desire to sleep with them, or put there penis in my mouth or have my penis in there's, even a hand job seems a little unnecessary. I slept with my last boyfriend out of fear of loosing him (which inevitably happened anyway) I didn't enjoy it, I was always thinking of other things whilst it was happening and it was very hard to stay aroused during it.

My confusion gets deeper due to the fact I have a fetish, which over the years I've developed an obsession with as its the only way I can get aroused.

And I'm just very confused by it all. I read about Homoromatic's but I'm not sure if that's what other people would label me. Whilst I want to know what I am (mostly to let potential partners know) I don't want to invade in any group that may find how I am different to them.

I hope I've not offended everyone, my heads a little bit of a mess. This isn't the first time I've tried to discover myself but this time around I need answers.

Thank you for your time.

[nerdperson777]

Well, we can't label you for you, but you could be asexual, if not, at least sex-repulsed. As for homoromantic, I would think you are, unless you got in the relationships with your exes without being romantically attracted to them. I've seen people come in identifying as gay, straight, or anything else and then realizing that they never wanted to sleep with their partners so then they were such -romantic asexual. Your fetish may have to do with sex drive instead, and there are asexuals who have them, just doesn't need it to be released by being with another person.

You are welcomed here regardless of who you are. Have a cake for coming!

[Guest]

Hey there! Firstly, labels aren't that important. Some people like 'em, others don't. There's lots of people on this forum that don't want to label themselves!

If you think you're asexual, then it's good to know that lots of asexuals have fetishes but aren't interested in sex. Just because you have a fetish doesn't make your (possible) asexuality "different" or anything.

And really, you aren't that different. :) There are lots of us here that were in extremely similar situations that you were. And no one will accuse you of "invading a group" because your situation isn't similar! And if they do then they're totally wrong. No one can decide what you are except yourself, so it's fine to jump around from label to label if you feel you must.

Maybe you should figure out what kind of attraction you have to men, it'll help finding an orientation that suits you. Is it sensual, aesthetic, platonic, etc?

[littledreamer]

I am attracted to men in what I've always classed as a 'normal' sensual. I want to have relationships with guys I find aesthetically pleasing or that I develop a deep connection with. I just don't want to have sex with them. I have never had any interest in it and even after having sex have no interest in doing it

[Dizzard]

I can definitely relate on the fetish side of things. Thinking about it is the only thing that can arouse me.....and even then it's power tends to drop if I don't find new material.

For me I feel like the label is important mostly just to have a focal point I can work with, it's nice in theory to be all "oh I don't care for labels, I'll just go with the flow" but I don't think I'd get any benefit from that right now. I feel like having hard facts and putting names on things will give me greater peace of mind.

[Skycaptain]

I know people IRL like you. They have perfectly regular close loving relationships, just not involving sex.

There's no need to pin a label on yourself, other than to say that there are others like you on AVEN