Kissing with tongue -- Why?

[Telecaster68]

The biology of that is way beyond my ken, but would we be able to interpretation all that unconsciously from a sample taken while kissing, and process it as 'no, don't fancy you'? The paper's not by a biologist but an anthropologist anyhow, and the speculation is completely unsourced, so there's no real hyopethsis, let alone data, let alone evidence, let alone proof.

Sorry, people building speculation on inaccurate media reporting of inconclusive research is one of those things that get under my skin. MMR, and all that.

[Theoryal]

I love kissing, though I'm not particularly big on touching tongues. I think open-mouth kissing does feel intimate though not necessarily sexual - I think that's mainly a cultural thing although there could be physical stuff going on behind the scenes that I just don't experience - in any case it doesn't make me feel aroused for genital stimulation of any kind. The intimate part for me has a lot to do with just having our heads close and also smell, breathing someone in feels kind of like trying to touch souls. Tongues can actually kind of feel in the way sometimes. I do have to be in the right mood for tongue-kissing, much of the time it's just awkward trying to figure out whose tongue is going where and how to tilt your head right etc. The texture of someone's tongue can be nice if their saliva isn't too slimy, and also... I guess the hardness/squishyness or strength of someone's tongue would have a bearing on whether it was enjoyable or not, I think too strong or solid feeling wouldn't be nice, but more soft and tender feeling would be more comfortable I think because of emotional connotations (I've only french kissed my husband so I can only imagine what other people would be like).

Also, and I don't expect many to relate to this, I've always been one for absently chewing on my pen or sucking on the tips of my hair or somehow ending up with my necklace, or my fingernails or whole fingers in my mouth while thinking about stuff. I tend to hold my tea mug close to my face and absently rub my bottom lip over the edge of the cup, or sit with my hand dangling from my mouth like it's a baby kitten.... I have no idea why I never got over putting stuff in my mouth and sort of playing with biting and sucking on things, but yeah it's just something I do, so nibbling or sucking on someone's lip or fiddling with someones lips or tongue with my tongue is pretty natural to me (however I do not want my mouth near anyone's genitals any more than I want to eat worms covered in pond-slime, ewww).

[D-Ace]

I much prefer a simple peck and a hug if I care about someone and want to be close with them. I don't see the need to get all sloppy with it and exchange bodily fluids. If there's a possibility of me needing to wipe my mouth I'm def. not into it. The most I'd go for in a romantic moment would be a softer lipped kiss for a second longer than a peck if kissing was important to the other person but as for a whole long make out session it just seems dirty and juvenile to me.. Like "oh we're kissing in a sexy way on purpsose because we can and there are no grown ups around!" No offense to anyone who is into that.. It's just how it always strikes me. Like people are doing it for a long time to prove they enjoy it and like each other when really they would rather be watching Netflix or cleaning up the dishes after dinner.

[Skycaptain]

I've tried it, about twice in my life. The first time it didn't do anything for me, and the second time it just felt unnatural and vaguely repulsive

[Hooded_Crow]

I think the fact that it's a more intimate thing than kissing without tongue (I mean, you touch somebody else's *tongue*!) brings some extra excitement to the experience.

I personally like it because it's my partner with me and I'm excited to be so close and private with him. But I would say I prefer the physical sensation of a no-tongue kiss. So I like both

[Tja]

I find it more intimate and sensual than sex.

The invasive aspect seems the most thrilling, to me.

The bond/connection of such an intimate action...mmmmm....

[Telecaster68]

I agree about the invasive part being thrilling. I want to be as close as I can, and inside them is as close as it's possible to be - not that there's anything as rational or articulate going on in my head at the time. It's far to enjoyable to want to focus on anything else when it's happening.

[Someone Else]

I tend to instinctively (and maybe wrongfully) think that if someone is willing to tongue kiss me, they must really, really like and trust me much more than most people. And if I am curious and willing to do it too, I must really, really like and trust her. It's not necessarily the lust but the expression of some kind of intimacy. It's about getting as close as possible to someone, perhaps, like telecaster said. About having something with her that I'd never do with anyone else.

[Squirrel Combat]

For those people, it's the gateway into the soul.

[regithier]

I'm kind of with you on this? I do it because my partner wants to, definitely not of my own volition. Like it seems pointless to me. The entire time I'm just like "what...what are you doing? Why are you doing this? It feels good? Alright...if you say so."

[Kalyke]

To me, it is very interesting how people will scrub their counters with antibacterial soap, clean their hands constantly, and then stick their tongues in the mouth of a stranger. I could go on, but I won't. I mean, why?

[Perissodactyla]

"The tongue wants what the tongue wants."

[Dakow]

I tend to instinctively (and maybe wrongfully) think that if someone is willing to tongue kiss me, they must really, really like and trust me much more than most people. And if I am curious and willing to do it too, I must really, really like and trust her. It's not necessarily the lust but the expression of some kind of intimacy. It's about getting as close as possible to someone, perhaps, like telecaster said. About having something with her that I'd never do with anyone else.

That actually makes a lot of sense. For me, kissing is something reserved for only the one special person whom I love and trust more than anyone else. I can see the appeal when you look at it like that. It's like a way of expressing that to the other person, and the other person reciprocating is expressing to you that the feeling is mutual.

To me, it is very interesting how people will scrub their counters with antibacterial soap, clean their hands constantly, and then stick their tongues in the mouth of a stranger. I could go on, but I won't. I mean, why?

Well, I'd never ever do this with a stranger (Which, as I said above, might be part of why some people like kissing). I'm comfortable enough with my partner that I tolerate it. But I get what you're saying anyway; it's still someone else's body and you're exposing yourself directly to their germs.

To play devil's advocate for a moment however, I don't think this contradicts our sometimes meticulous standards of cleanliness in other areas. I'd argue that kissing your partner carries far less potential for contracting infections than say, using a public toilet or phone or door. While you can't be certain that your partner doesn't have an infectious disease when you kiss them (incubation periods and all that), the probability of a given individual (such as your partner) having a disease is relatively low.

Compare this to a public phone, or a door handle, in a crowded place. Say 1000 people (a conservative estimate in some places) have touched it in the last 24 hours, and then you touch it and then rub your eyes before washing your hands. The probability that one of those people had an infectious disease is literally 1000x higher than the probability of your partner having one. And therefore, your probability of contracting a disease is much, much higher.

[D-Ace]

I heard somewhere that licking a toilet seat is cleaner than tongue kissing a stranger. Not sure if that is true but I do know that a human mouth is dirty. I always think what if a person has hidden plaque between their teeth? Do they bite their nails? Do they chew the inside of their mouth when they are nervous? Could they have a bleedy spot from flossing? Kissing on a first date is often expected in our culture and to me knowing someone for a few hours still makes them a stranger. I overthink things a lot when it comes to other people's germs near me. The only germs I am okay with are my own :)

[Dakow]

I heard somewhere that licking a toilet seat is cleaner than tongue kissing a stranger. Not sure if that is true but I do know that a human mouth is dirty. I always think what if a person has hidden plaque between their teeth? Do they bite their nails? Do they chew the inside of their mouth when they are nervous? Could they have a bleedy spot from flossing? Kissing on a first date is often expected in our culture and to me knowing someone for a few hours still makes them a stranger. I overthink things a lot when it comes to other people's germs near me. The only germs I am okay with are my own :)

A stranger is no more or less likely to carry infectious diseases than someone you know very well, for what it's worth. Whether you've known them a few hours or a few decades, absolute probability doesn't change :p

[Telecaster68]

And yet, people have been kissing for hundreds of thousands of years without it leading to endemic diseases. It's almost as if our immune systems had evolved to deal with it....

[Lixt]

Toilet seats aren't cleaner, they simply have less bacteria. Clean/dirty isn't really about the amount of bacteria, if we really wanted to make a link with bacteria it would be whether or not they are good where they are. Butt bacteria is what makes your digestion work, they're really good in your colon, but they should not go into your mouth, so licking a toilet is definitely "dirtier" than mouth on mouth contact. Bacteria displacement (i.e. contamination) is the real problem, not their mere existence/amount. There's no problem inhaling bacteria you already have.

That said, I definitely heard more people contracting disease from kissing than sitting on toilets. And never heard anyone talking about licking toilets, though that's probably something they would keep to themselves if they did.

As for kissing with tongue, it's on my non-negotiable "no" list. To each their own, but I hate it. Not for clealiness reasons, but 1. I don't see the appeal, I find kisses on the lips, neck etc. far more pleasuring and 2. it triggers a panic response. I'm not sure if it's linked with my claustrophobia, it does feel like it. And I only compromise things I'm neutral about, I'd do it if "I just didn't see the appeal but it makes my partner happy", but I won't put myself down for someone, no matter how much I like them, so it's on the "never in a million years" list.

[Telecaster68]

I definitely heard more people contracting disease from kissing than sitting on toilets. And never heard anyone talking about licking toilets, though that's probably something they would keep to themselves if they did.

Publication bias in action...

[Nicnac]

I have never liked kissing with tongue, I have always found it disgusting and really don't understand why people do it. I like lip kisses and I like hugs and cuddles, but anything more than that is something I really don't enjoy and have never understood.

[Nidwin]

I definitely heard more people contracting disease from kissing than sitting on toilets. And never heard anyone talking about licking toilets, though that's probably something they would keep to themselves if they did.

Publication bias in action...

Telecaster (nothing personal but just the irony of your remark here)

aren't you the one claiming that "people have been kissing for hundreds of thousands of years" without any evidence to support such a claim?

:cake:

[Telecaster68]

Well, we've got classical literature going back a few thousand years - 2500 years at least - which talks about it. And humans haven't changed much, physiologically, for hundreds of thousands of years, and kissing, for most people, is one of the fundamental mating behaviours which there are parallels with across nature.

Alternatively, would you say it's an invention of mass culture (which has only really existed for a couple of hundred years - or let's be generous and say 500 years, since the printing press)? Which seems more plausible?

(And by publication bias ... I meant that more people getting a disease from kissing is more likely to be because kissing is way, way, more common than toilet seat licking than because toilet licking is some unspoken habit that's just as popular and therefore comparable).

[Nidwin]

Tele

I've read an article, some time ago, about a study about "kissing" in general and how it was a habit or not around the planet. Will try to find it and post a link if I do.

Edit 1

Here we go, went fast

http://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2015/7/9/is-kissing-a-universal-sexual-and-romantic-behavior-among-humans

[Telecaster68]

Interesting, and seems I was probably wrong about the hundreds of thousands of years. I had a look at the original academic paper it was based on and basically it says ethnographers have seen romantic kissing in 46% of cultures, and there's a strong correlation with how developed the culture is. So not quite a mass market invention, but more to do with ideas about romance etc. I guess. They seemed to be saying that it does tend to arise at that point though, rather than not or it being arbitrary whether it does. And they acknowledge that absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence, though in this case it's a reasonable pointer.

And apparently bonobos kiss with tongues. But then bonobos are party animals...

[A Member Once Known As tqz]

Oh. I thought they were simply cleaning each other's teeth. You know, the old spinach in the teeth problem. But maybe discreetly, perhaps not telling the other person. So maybe some people don't realize that's what's happening to them. I also figured maybe they were sharing a breath mint. Or maybe someone was wondering what the cigarette tasted like to the other person who finished smoking.

I can't imagine a much different reason than those reasons for licking the inside of someone else's mouth. Personally, I have a toothbrush to clean my mouth for myself instead, though an occasional toothpick helps, too.

[Autumn Season]

The countries with the "developed cultures" have TV and internet btw, in other words things like Hollywood movies might influence the people's behavior.

[Telecaster68]

The paper didn't mean mass media culture necessarily, more the kind of thing that emerge as cities develop from smaller farming communities - so classical Athens, ancient Egypt and India for example, which go back 3500 years, and later on, the romantic/chivalric tradition in medieval Europe.

And yes, Hollywood might influence, but then kissing erotically is in Chaucer, Shakespeare, Vedic literature, ancient Egyptian poetry, Rabelais and Aristophanes. So I'm sticking with thousands of years.

[msmisunderstood]

My boyfriend loves it and I absolutely hate it.

[D-Ace]

I just feel like a stranger would be less apt to tell you, hey I had mono last year or strep throat three weeks ago then a long term partner would or someone you live with and know when they have been sick or what their hygiene habits are. I get that a mouth is a mouth but there are reasonable ways of knowing someone's health history and hygiene standards the longer you know them. With a stranger or a first date not many would admit they only brush their teeth once a week. Plus they could have gone on a lunch date and ended it with licking another's bum hole.. Just saying. I don't like the feel of another tongue and spit in my mouth either way but if it happened I would feel better about it if I knew the person extremely well.

[El-not-so-ace]

Regarding public toilets versus kissing, there were quite a few articles that came out that kissing (especially those air kisses) would actually be better than hand shaking! :P Because people touch dirty surfaces with their hands all the time, even when they don't want to. And then there's the study that showed that seats such as those in the public transit systems and even worse in the movie theatres... where there were traces of all sorts of gross stuff like excrement remaining. Ugh, the more you know...

So unless the person you're kissing has horrible hygiene or bad habits, they should be cleaner than any surface in public. Going to go wash my hands now... Hehe

[raddestgrl]

I'm always the one that starts the tongue action. Simply because if we got to that point I'm gonna show of my moves.