aname Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Hi everyone :) I (currently) identiy as grey-a, I do have a libido, and the occurences of my being sexually attracted are rare. I am recovering from porn addiction and in the process learning alot about the influence of porn on our brains. Its addictive nature may be argued, but I'm not here to open a debate on porn. What we know though, is that it can rewire your brain, change your vision of sex and lead you to objectify the human body. Which it did to me to a certain extent. We also know, and it is great news, that these effects can be reversed. Which is what I'm working on. I've been masturbating before porn but to me it was just a pleasurable thing to do...like eating a cake ;) I don't recall having had any sexual attraction before. I've been watching porn regularly for 8 years now, and the only sexual attractions I've ever had I'm ready to bet were due to the influence of porn (eg. objectification of bodies.) I came to think that I actually would have been an asexual had I never watched porn. Do you guys agree it can have such an influence on someone's sexuality? If you agree, what would then be the impact on the ace community, given how many belonging to the younger generation (and not only) watch porn regularly? I believe that I am far from being alone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
QueenWS Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I've watched porn and I'm still asexual, I was always porn & sex repulsed, so saying "I might have been asexual had I never watched porn" can't be necessarily true... I'm sure there are asexual people that enjoy watching porn. Also congratulations on recovering, I once dated (sadly) a porn addicted and when I tried to help him to stop his addictions he told me I took the "fun" out of his life... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kalyke Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I am no expert in "brain science" but I have read that the brain does not differentiate between reality and what you might say is "virtual" reality in many ways. So, the person must use the frontal lobes (cerebellum) to justify and "order" this reality. When it comes to sex, you are working with the brain stem functions, and in a way, that is separated from the frontal lobe or "higher brain." Certain things certainly activate the brain chemistry. Looking at a baby or baby animal will cause certain pleasurable chemicals like serotonin that make you want to protect and nurture that baby. Looking at an awful or dangerous scene cause other chemicals that may be flight or fight response, which make you want to get away. Your whole body will do what these chemicals order without any kind of "justifying" from the frontal brain. I am still new to the concept of Asexuality so I am not an expert there either, but I feel that a person can be "chemistry" sensitive to sexual impulses, and yet still uninterested at a higher level. All people are on a spectrum of all kinds of things. No one has the same amount of anything. My fear is not the same as someone else. One person's love is not the same as another's. We know a "range" of some feeling, but we do not know if we share it exactly. It is the same as bodily senses like sight, or smell, or taste. Si I think what you say is highly possible and likely in your case. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aname Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 (edited) I am no expert in "brain science" but I have read that the brain does not differentiate between reality and what you might say is "virtual" reality in many ways. So, the person must use the frontal lobes (cerebellum) to justify and "order" this reality. When it comes to sex, you are working with the brain stem functions, and in a way, that is separated from the frontal lobe or "higher brain." So my brain might be confused by the virtuality of porn? I've watched porn and I'm still asexual, I was always porn & sex repulsed, so saying "I might have been asexual had I never watched porn" can't be necessarily true... I'm sure there are asexual people that enjoy watching porn. Also congratulations on recovering, I once dated (sadly) a porn addicted and when I tried to help him to stop his addictions he told me I took the "fun" out of his life... Then I think we agree the answer is, as most of the time when it comes to sexuality, is "it depends"? XD Seriously though, I had in mind, all the young people who actually learned about sexuality through porn (like me) and who may ignore that they might actually be asexuals because they are getting the wrong idea of what sex is really about. I mean I have no clue about that, it's just a theory. Edited September 5, 2015 by aname Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cbay89 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 You bring up a good point and are certainly not alone. I definitely agree that my own experience with porn during masturbation has contributed to my difficulties defining my sexuality. Which is why I stopped watching porn when I started considered dating a year ago. I did not want the increased arousal to cloud my decisions regarding sex in a relationship. For possible TMI Though for me porn was more of an assistance in helping me visualize fantasies than because of finding porn enjoyable. I tended to focus more on the aesthetic attraction of the participants and less on the act they were performing. I was a big fan of the long videos where they spent the first 20 minutes doing foreplay so I rarely got to the sex/sex part. So I think porn can lead to confusion which certainly does not help people in the Ace community. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kalyke Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 So my brain might be confused by the virtuality of porn? For example, it has been shown and studied that children who watch a lot of violent TV, Movies, Video Games, are far more likely to act out violently. The same goes with Porn. "Civilization" as we know it, has been around a few hundred years. We are more adapted to living in small villages in pre-technological times. That is how our brains are. To "see" something, the brain does not differentiate from a motion picture or seeing it in real life. Humans are also imitators, so if someone was having sex in front of you, you might feel sexual. As "independent" as we feel we are, we are actually big conformists. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aname Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 Porn is hella confusing. Some straight males for instance are lead to believe they are gay because they find gay porn arousing. Same with me I thought actually I was highly sexual because of my addiction, which happens to be very untrue too. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I don't watch porn myself so I feel like it's a bit hard for me to comment. Perhaps for some people watching porn can rewire the brain and cause some people to feel rare instances o sexual attraction. We don't really know what causes someone to be on the asexual spectrum, so it suppose it's possible that things like that could have an effect. However if I had to guess, I would say (at least in the majority of people) porn doesn't have to much influence on sexual orientation. There are plenty of people on this site who watch porn but still identify as fully asexual, so porn can't be effecting everyone in that way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I am pretty sure that porn had zero influence on my (a)sexuality. However I practically don't have a libido. So take my experiences with a grain of salt. I tried watching porn, mainly because I am a curious person. My first reaction was a flight-response, as if I had seen something dangerous and I should run away. Then I got used to it and tried to enjoy what I saw. But I couldn't. Maybe the porn was just very bad, or I honestly don't find the human body erotic. Anyway, I looked with big question marks in my head, got bored and decided not to watch it again. ^^° But that was just the AVs. When it comes to erotic literature, I am actually able to enjoy it. When I read what the characters are feeling, I can sympathise. There were even times when I got turned on by what I read, but the feeling passed away so quickly, that consuming erotic fiction for the sex scenes only was never an option. That being said there are a few books I love for their sex scenes. The author describes the protagonists as such a happy, cute couple that it makes me happy to read about all of their interactions. What it did to me is that I became sex positive (as in everyone should make love if they want to and both/ all partners consent). Even so I never started to desire a sexual relationship for myself. And my libido stayed the same as well. In fact imagining myself having sex is a major turn off on all emotional levels. Granted, I used to think that I had this reaction because of my lack of sexual experience. But the more experienced I got the more I understood that I simply don't want sex to happen in my life. When I first learned that I am asexual, I was so confused that I questioned everything I used to like about the erotic fiction. For a while I even disliked reading it or looking at it. But now that I am more secure in what exactly I like and don't, I started reading it again and it is still cute and enjoyable. Doesn't make me less asexual, that's for sure. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Corretto Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I don't watch porn myself so I feel like it's a bit hard for me to comment. Perhaps for some people watching porn can rewire the brain and cause some people to feel rare instances o sexual attraction. We don't really know what causes someone to be on the asexual spectrum, so it suppose it's possible that things like that could have an effect. However if I had to guess, I would say (at least in the majority of people) porn doesn't have to much influence on sexual orientation. There are plenty of people on this site who watch porn but still identify as fully asexual, so porn can't be effecting everyone in that way. Viewing porn does play a significant part in maintaining a 'comfortable' asexual orientation for me. While I never identified it as an addiction, in the medical sense, it does have a therapeutic value. It promotes a remotely enjoyable way of easing a mild discomfort. I've never related masturbation to the 'scratching of an itch' or 'maintaining the plumbing' analogies often used. Thanks to the resulting orgasm [if it's achieved] it does have a faintly positive role in clearing the arousal. I understand the arousal is not related to a sexual orientation. It occurs inadvertently. Pornographic videos are simply a 'device' for overcoming the discomfort of arousal. I've never felt that erotic fantasies or literature, or true cinematic sex-scenes could serve the same purpose. IMO 'purpose' is simply what it's all about, and it takes relatively little effort. Even though I've never experienced a sexual relationship; I'm sure that masturbation and an orgasm prompted by any media source, would bear no comparison with the 'real thing'. The story-line[?], facial expressions and sound effects play no role in my physical response. It's simply, a spoon-fed, means of visualising a sexual act that emphasizes the anatomical aspects I need to stimulate me. Something I've never felt the urge to achieve with someone else. I feel my asexual identity is not influenced by watching porn. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I've watched porn once (to fix my sex-repulsion that failed miserably). It did nothing for me (other than make me feel ill). Then again... I don't have a libido and I've never been aroused (hormone levels are fine, finished puberty, I'm not depressed; I don't know why I've never been aroused). Still asexual... though personally, I think my lack of arousal and libido (and perhaps my sex-repulsion) may play a big part. *shrugs* Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blinkin Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I watch movies with sexual scenes and porn. Still asexual. Behaviour, sexual feelings and attraction are three different things (although sometimes in a very confusing way). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aname Posted September 6, 2015 Author Share Posted September 6, 2015 So from I can read in your answers, some have tried watching porn out of curiosity I tried watching porn, mainly because I am a curious person. and some watch it or watched it to satisfy their libido Pornographic videos are simply a 'device' for overcoming the discomfort of arousal. I feel my asexual identity is not influenced by watching porn. . Then I can conclude, based on the answers I received, that porn has no effect on non-libidoists whatsoever I've watched porn once (to fix my sex-repulsion that failed miserably). It did nothing for me (other than make me feel ill). Then again... I don't have a libido and I've never been aroused (hormone levels are fine, finished puberty, I'm not depressed; I don't know why I've never been aroused). Still asexual... though personally, I think my lack of arousal and libido (and perhaps my sex-repulsion) may play a big part. *shrugs* I am pretty sure that porn had zero influence on my (a)sexuality. However I practically don't have a libido. So take my experiences with a grain of salt. and that some libidoists may use it as a form of release. Is has never influenced anyones' sexuality which is good, but also makes me believe the main explaination for its influence might have been my young age then, I was 11 when I started. All in all, Deltax has been more or less right: However if I had to guess, I would say (at least in the majority of people) porn doesn't have to much influence on sexual orientation. There are plenty of people on this site who watch porn but still identify as fully asexual, so porn can't be effecting everyone in that way. Thank you all for sharing your experience! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blinkin Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I'm glad we could help. Your own input is welcome as well. ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qloshae Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Well, porn has nothing really to do with your sexual attraction, anymore than looking at pictures of food fills your belly. Somewhere else I explained sexuality like this Libido -> Sexual Desire -> Sexual attraction Libido is your general sex drive. Sexual desire being your desire to engage in a sexual activity. Sexual attraction being an attraction to engage in a sexual activity with a specific person. If you get aroused, you probably have a libido. If you want to have sex or masturbate, you probably experience sexual desire (this can be further split into auto-sexual desire like masturbation and actual sexual desire like having sex). If you feel drawn to a specific person for the purpose of having sex with them, you are probably experiencing sexual attraction. There's a very clear line between each of these once you learn them. Also, do note that I say 'probably'. I tried watching porn, mainly because I am a curious person. My first reaction was a flight-response, as if I had seen something dangerous and I should run away. Have had that happen to me as well. :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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