Uncomfortable Level of Acceptance?

[Bezzy-Loo]

After a lot of debate with myself, I opted to come out on facebook about being asexual. I was already comfortable and happy about it when I decided to do it, and past where I'd care about naysaying; my announcement was mostly to spread awareness and largely because I have at least one friend who I strongly suspect of being asexual, so I wanted to offer a starting point if they were still where I was for so long.

I didn't expect much to come of my post. I figured I might get a few questions, a couple "likes," but that it would mostly be ignored.

What I got was acceptance to the point that it actually made me a little uncomfortable. There were some folks that just "liked" it, but there were also a number of people who left "we love you no matter what" comments - most of them people who rarely, if ever, talk to me. I should be glad that I know such accepting people, but under the circumstances, it just feels a bit... off. I'm not even sure how to describe it. (And no one apparently had any questions.)

Does this make sense to anyone?

[Ms.Frankenstein]

I would feel weird about that too. Since they barely know you, I suspect that they are giving the response that they think society expects. It gives me pause though. As if asexuality is something bad or wrong but they love you anyway. I'm not sure that's what they meant.

[IceSinger]

I agree with Ms.Frankenstein. Don´t think

to much about it and live your life just as

you did before. :) Also: That was very

nice of you to help your friend in such a

subtle way. He/She can now research it

and figure it out on their own before they

talk to anyone. :)

[lycanrising]

I think all things considered that's an all round pretty good reaction to receive. Yeah, people you don't speak to often poked their heads up but then again, it's like that on your birthday when all sorts of people pop up like wack-a-moles to congratulate you. So hey, well done on breaking the news successfully!

[Poots]

...

[Jea]

Well, folks on facebook are not the same than people you know irl I guess. Of course, it depends on what you use FB for, but in my case, my friends there are mostly teenagers or young adults who are very supportive of the LGTBA community. Fandom friends. They would comment like that too, I suppose.

Irl people...I don't know at all how they would react. Ignore it or ask questions, I would think.

But anyway, I guess it's good that people are very supportive. It might seem weird, but I think they just mean to make you feel good about it, and to congatulate you about coming out :)

[Guest]

Yeah, that looks like overthinking it. Or maybe the relevant people just didn't notice :P

Don't forget that asexual visibility has worked wonders in the past few years. We still have a long way to go, but people nowadays tend to be much more educated about all things asexuality-related.

[Bezzy-Loo]

I would feel weird about that too. Since they barely know you, I suspect that they are giving the response that they think society expects. It gives me pause though. As if asexuality is something bad or wrong but they love you anyway. I'm not sure that's what they meant.

i think they are trying to write what they think they should, and what makes you feel most accepted?

I think that's most of what bothered me about it, the sense that it was an automated response to something perceived as wrong.

Well, folks on facebook are not the same than people you know irl I guess. Of course, it depends on what you use FB for, but in my case, my friends there are mostly teenagers or young adults who are very supportive of the LGTBA community. Fandom friends. They would comment like that too, I suppose.

Irl people...I don't know at all how they would react. Ignore it or ask questions, I would think.

But anyway, I guess it's good that people are very supportive. It might seem weird, but I think they just mean to make you feel good about it, and to congatulate you about coming out :)

I use it almost exclusively to keep in touch with folks I know IRL or who I have a close enough friendship with online. ^^;

Yeah, that looks like overthinking it. Or maybe the relevant people just didn't notice :P

Don't forget that asexual visibility has worked wonders in the past few years. We still have a long way to go, but people nowadays tend to be much more educated about all things asexuality-related.

I am glad that word seems to be getting out decently. ^_^

[VindicatorPhoenix]

Perhaps these people aren't too familiar with asexuality and don't want to step into unknown territory where they feel they can't offer any insight. Perhaps they didn't want to say anything that could potentially come across as offensive or unsupportive, so they just kept their comments short and sweet.

I think that's most of what bothered me about it, the sense that it was an automated response to something perceived as wrong.

I can see where you're coming from there. It could be interpreted as a "We still love you, even if you're broken" kind of deal. Hopefully that's not their interpretation. I think if you provide a bit of insight into what it means to be asexual and state that you're happy to be ace (if you haven't done so already), it could defeat some of the "asexual = broken" notions, if they're present.

On the positive side, there appear to be no discrimination, invalidation, nor disproving attempts going on (as far as I know); those can get really nasty.

Congrats on coming out, Bezzy-Loo, I hope you get tons of support and acceptance! :)