Prisma Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Due to recent experiences, I found out that I actually can experience sexual attraction- but only as an extension of romantic attraction (which is also very rare for me). What I mean is that when I'm in love with someone I want to be as close as possible to him most of the time (this part, I learned recently, is sensual attraction) and I'm so happy to see him happy that I enjoy sexual interactions because he enjoys them, and I enjoy his enjoyments and excited to see his excitement. So what I was wondering is: Is there a term for this sort of sexual attraction? (BTW- description is written in male since the one person I fell in love with is a man. In general I'd very much doubt gender has anything to do with it, but I don't have enough data to tell) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 I don't think that's sexual attraction; which is the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with someone; to do genital involving things to their body. From what you've said it looks like sexual enjoyment in a moralistic way. Asexuals can enjoy sex, they just don't desire it. Some asexuals only feel comfortable with sexual compromise after a certain bond; which is more like demi-consent (not a used word but maybe it should be). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
knout Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 It sounds a lot like the definition of demisexuality :) A lot of people enjoy pleasing a (sexual) partner, it doesn't necessarily mean they're not asexual. If you check out the recent additions, there's been a few threads pinned with a lot of definitions and labels and if you feel they might help you identify yourself I suggest you take a look at them Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Were you aroused by his excitement? Or just enjoyed him feeling pleasure? That seems to me to be one of the key differences between asexual and sexuals in what I've read. Our partners' excitement turns us on, and in turn, seeing that growing excitement turns them on, which turns us on more, which turns them on more, etc. Arousal spirals. A bit like two mirrors facing each other. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 And if you start wanting to have sex with him only after the two of you have started touching each other sexually/ sensually, then maybe that's secondary attraction. I heard that it's a common thing for women to experience, then again nowadays I doubt everything the massmedia says. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Due to recent experiences, I found out that I actually can experience sexual attraction- but only as an extension of romantic attraction (which is also very rare for me). What I mean is that when I'm in love with someone I want to be as close as possible to him most of the time (this part, I learned recently, is sensual attraction) and I'm so happy to see him happy that I enjoy sexual interactions because he enjoys them, and I enjoy his enjoyments and excited to see his excitement. I'm pretty much exactly like this. I don't really know whether to classify this as sexual attraction. It doesn't really feel like it is. It's still not really what draws me to my partner. http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Primary_vs._secondary_sexual_attraction_model For me anyway, it's felt closest like what this model describes as secondary sexual desire. This isn't any guideline set in stone, though; it's just one hypothetical take on things. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 It could also be responsive desire: http://www.thedirtynormal.com/blog/2010/02/27/do-you-know-when-you-want-it/ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 It could also be responsive desire: http://www.thedirtynormal.com/blog/2010/02/27/do-you-know-when-you-want-it/ Huh, interesting. I think whatever I do experience is a lot like this even though I'm not female... I suspect my partner might be the same way, too Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Responsive desire is more common in women, but men have it too. Essentially, men tend to have a lot heavier foot on the accelerator and less on the brake, but it seems to be the same mechanism. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 If it's just that you enjoy or don't mind sex when you fall in love with someone, it's still possible that you are asexual. Asexuals can still enjoy sex, even if they don't feel the attraction or desire to have it. However, if you are actually feeling sexual attraction for someone once you fall in love, then you'd fit more into the definition of demisexuality. Whichever it is though, it's up for you to decide how you want to identify. II wish you the best of luck figuring it out, and hope that you're able to find a label you feel comfortable using :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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