Guest Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 I'm just curious how often are sexual fantasies in aces. I use to call myself demi but I'm not sure as I have sexual fantasies on people I have crush on. If you also have sexual fantasies? If there are other kind of aces who have sex fantasies ? Can be a person having sexual fantasies still categorized as asexual? Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 You can still have fantasies and be asexual, if you aren't desiring sex. It's possible to have fantasies other than sexual fantasies. Although, I think if it were a sexual desire, that might move you into the gray-asexual realm. Either way it's your label and you get to pick. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 If I had an opportunity to meet those people, I'd agree on sex because they are very attractive to me. Link to post Share on other sites
booksoversex Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I have sexual fantasies, but never about anyone I know/see. More like a scenario playing in my head involving strangers, like watching a movie (except sometimes it's like a role-play where I am one of the characters/in their head). So fantasies, yes, about others (or myself), no. Link to post Share on other sites
pack27 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I always had fantasies, and but they're not about sex per se, as they are about the relationship aspect.The sex was more of an added feature to the "movie" Link to post Share on other sites
Dodoa Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I've tried fantasising about sex, because I was told that everyone did it, but it didn't do anything for me and I always got caught up in logistics (How does one get rid of clothing when wrapped in another human? Are we that bendable? Wait the proportions don't work here... that kind of stuff.) So no not really. I do fantasise about cuddling a lot though. Link to post Share on other sites
Im.A.Okay Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Im similar Link to post Share on other sites
Im.A.Okay Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I get sexual images pop into my head but its not something I enjoy or am aroused by and there intermittent sometimes Il have alot in a short space of time then ill go weeks or months without any. it can be random people, fabricated or people I have a crush on. but I have no desire to have sex with them, I feel uncomfortable or irritated with those thoughts. I've been in situations where I've been outright propositioned or had someone try to touch me in an erotic way even if I liked them it felt horrible. The only way I can describe the feeling is like when you get bad news that feeling when your stomach sinks and tightens or you feel something crawling up your neck its really cringe worthy. I tried to force myself into things when I was younger because I thought I was meant be a certain way but the the repulsion overwhelmed my deluded efforts. Im happy to except the way I feel now it helps when you know your Not the only one. Link to post Share on other sites
timewarp Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I've always had sexual fantasies. Only when I actually tried to have sex I found that I'm incredibly uncomfortable with the whole thing, and I was totally not aroused. So they are just that - fantasies. That's why now I identify as asexual. Honestly I don't really care very much about the label, I just want to be able to explain what I like and what I don't, and hopefully be understood. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 I've tried fantasising about sex, because I was told that everyone did it, but it didn't do anything for me and I always got caught up in logistics (How does one get rid of clothing when wrapped in another human? Are we that bendable? Wait the proportions don't work here... that kind of stuff.) So no not really. I do fantasise about cuddling a lot though. Oh my gosh yes. When I watch sex scenes in movies and on TV I spend the time wondering how they take off clothes that fast when I can barely take off socks that fast. :P Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 I've tried fantasising about sex, because I was told that everyone did it, but it didn't do anything for me and I always got caught up in logistics (How does one get rid of clothing when wrapped in another human? Are we that bendable? Wait the proportions don't work here... that kind of stuff.) So no not really. I do fantasise about cuddling a lot though. Oh my gosh yes. When I watch sex scenes in movies and on TV I spend the time wondering how they take off clothes that fast when I can barely take off socks that fast. :P Eh, during sex scenes I use to think about sth different or change the channel. Link to post Share on other sites
Meudwen Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 I'm very sexual but I don't have sexual fantasies about other people. My fantasies usually involve particular kinks, at least one of which in particular has been arousing to me for ages and isn't even necessarily sexual. My fantasies don't usually focus on people, it's more like focusing on the sex acts themselves. Bodies are only involved because they are technically required, but the visualization is kind of minimal at best. I couldn't bear the idea of fantasizing about people that I actually know. For me, sex has to be a great distance away from me, and not involve me personally, in order for me to enjoy it. Because of that, my favorite medium for exploring my kinks/fantasies is fiction. It makes it easier to enjoy without having to worry about being grossed out by seeing the people involved and finding them aesthetically unappealing. All of this might sound kind of prissy but... my kinks are kinda filthy. And because I frequently write my own stuff, I end up thinking about sex all of the time. Partly just because I'm a writer and writers think about their writing nonstop. My writing just happens to be 90% smut. When I first started putting my fics out there, people assumed that I was kinky in real life as well. Truth is, fantasy =/= reality Link to post Share on other sites
booksoversex Posted September 26, 2015 Share Posted September 26, 2015 I'm very sexual but I don't have sexual fantasies about other people. My fantasies usually involve particular kinks, at least one of which in particular has been arousing to me for ages and isn't even necessarily sexual. My fantasies don't usually focus on people, it's more like focusing on the sex acts themselves. Bodies are only involved because they are technically required, but the visualization is kind of minimal at best. I couldn't bear the idea of fantasizing about people that I actually know. For me, sex has to be a great distance away from me, and not involve me personally, in order for me to enjoy it. Because of that, my favorite medium for exploring my kinks/fantasies is fiction. It makes it easier to enjoy without having to worry about being grossed out by seeing the people involved and finding them aesthetically unappealing. All of this might sound kind of prissy but... my kinks are kinda filthy. And because I frequently write my own stuff, I end up thinking about sex all of the time. Partly just because I'm a writer and writers think about their writing nonstop. My writing just happens to be 90% smut. When I first started putting my fics out there, people assumed that I was kinky in real life as well. Truth is, fantasy =/= reality TMI: Same here. I get aroused by BDSM - videos, fiction, thinking about it, you name it. But I am in no way interested in trying it or participating in it. It is weird, because when you read about people being interested in it online, it's all about how to get involved in it yourself, which I have absolutely no interest in (I could maybe watch others, but I wouldn't want to participate). My fantasies are private and that's what make them so enticing. Link to post Share on other sites
Isskaa Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I'm demisexual and I fantasize about people that I find sexually attractive (means: in my whole life maybe about 4 people) and when there are some sexually attractive people in my life at the moment. And my fantasies depends on how close I am to those people.When we're really close and we've done some sexual things together, I have various fantasies: receiving, giving. I do focus more on act, not on them, but it's not that important and I sometimes want them to have pleasure in my fantasies too.But when we're not so close, my sexual attraction to them isn't that big and we haven't done anything sexual together, this describes it well: My fantasies don't usually focus on people, it's more like focusing on the sex acts themselves. Bodies are only involved because they are technically required, but the visualization is kind of minimal at best. I almost always fantasize that I'm receiving and I focus only about the act. I don't focus on people, they're not detailed, they're just an idea and for some reasons I just know that they are those people from my real life, but they don't really look like anything since I don't focus on them. I "use them" more like a sex toy than a partner. It sounds wrong, but well, that's how it is.I don't fantasize about "anyone" or "strangers" or some fictional characters or made-up persons, scenarios as many asexuals do, because I have poor imagination and I can't imagine something like that :PMy fantasies are always "real": about real people and real situations. For example, I'm about to sleep in my friend's home: I fantasize about having sex with them there.And that's annoying when I really want to fantasise about something, but there's no one at the moment that I find sexually attractive! So I end up thinking about my plans for the next day, my dinner, my school or just nothing when masturbating. Link to post Share on other sites
ninotchka Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I do have quite a few sexual fantasies although I hardly ever appear in them. Most of the people I fantasize with, I'm not actually attracted to and I would never have sex with them. Not a chance. It may sound weird, but that's the way I've always worked. Link to post Share on other sites
MarieIsEatingTacobell Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 I fantasize quite often, but only about my partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Little Sparrow Posted October 14, 2015 Share Posted October 14, 2015 I have sexual fantasies, but never about anyone I know/see. More like a scenario playing in my head involving strangers, like watching a movie (except sometimes it's like a role-play where I am one of the characters/in their head). So fantasies, yes, about others (or myself), no. It works the same for me. Mostly, even those scenarios I imagine involve more cuddling and kissing than actual sex. I also have some particular kinks that I find arousing, but they are not about sex either. There are some stories that turn me on. And then there's animal sex - by which I mean animals having sex, like they naturally do. Somehow I get a kick out of watching a documentary about the Red Deer rut or whatever. None of this involves me actually participating in any sexual activities. i just sit on the sofa and feel good. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I think fantasy and reality can be different. If someone wants sex in the real world then that just sounds like a sexual person to me. The only thing I fantasize about is a certain situation and the people in it are just there. I guess I could call it a fetish. Link to post Share on other sites
pocki Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Grey here (probably, never really been in situations to explore it, but easiest label to use atm), and I can get turned on by watching or reading about sexual acts. I enjoy masturbating sometimes, but I can also just fall asleep after decided to get started by some reading or whatever and never go through with it. I only want to have this sex with myself though. So the fantasies... I put myself in them, but I often fluctuate between the parties of it. And it can never ever be someone I know or a celebrity or someone like that. That just weirds me out to no end. And it is also never me in a fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
anabsolutehorizon Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 I do have sexual fantasies... but they have never involved me. Essentially, I'll fantasize about certain fictional characters having sex (and will read erotic fanfiction at times), but I am not part of the equation. Also, I don't necessarily have to be sexually attracted to either of them in order to have the fantasy. Which may sound strange, but that's how it is a lot of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
anabsolutehorizon Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I do have quite a few sexual fantasies although I hardly ever appear in them. Most of the people I fantasize with, I'm not actually attracted to and I would never have sex with them. Not a chance. It may sound weird, but that's the way I've always worked. I relate to that on a profound level. Occasionally, like, a handful of times ever, I've felt attracted to someone that featured in my fantasies. However (like you), I am never and have never been part of the equation. I quite often fantasize about fictional characters- never actors- but most of them I do not feel any personal attraction to. You're right; it probably does sound pretty weird. But it's the way I've always worked too, and I'm sure there are more of us out there. : ) Link to post Share on other sites
InsightfulWolf Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 I've always had fantasies (which is probably why it took me so long to realize I was greysexual), but they are pretty shallow ones. Short, snippets of things. They are more speculations of what something might be like than a real sexual fantasy. I also think there is a difference between thinking about sex and wanting to have it. I have this innate fascination with idealistic sex, but then when I think about what real sex is like I feel squirmish. That is why I like reading fanfic and manga porn since I can idealize it while remaining safely away from the mess. Link to post Share on other sites
levelskid Posted December 11, 2015 Share Posted December 11, 2015 I'm a story teller so I fantasize stuff all the time...sexually speaking, well, I have this thing called a libido and when it won't leave me alone, I bring up some images to help take care of it. It's pretty hard for me to actually get the sex right and it ends up distracting me more than help so I just focus on the half dressed figures and proceed to focus on the motions. I'm never in those fantasies. I'm more like the director and if I have to make an evening of it, I have my characters go on dates, express their feelings, move in, etc...But when I get to the sex part then I'm like a scientist observing their behavior like they had turn into animals or whatever. Boy I am so weird. Link to post Share on other sites
News_Junkie Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I think it's so interesting that so many of us on the ace spectrum who do have sexual fantasies completely remove ourselves from the equation and find it difficult to fantasize about real people. WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted December 12, 2015 Share Posted December 12, 2015 I think it's so interesting that so many of us on the ace spectrum who do have sexual fantasies completely remove ourselves from the equation and find it difficult to fantasize about real people. WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? ^_^ We've broken out of societal norms. We are becoming self aware. :P Quickly, hide in the AVEN blanket fort before society tries to correct us. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon234 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 I'm just curious how often are sexual fantasies in aces. I use to call myself demi but I'm not sure as I have sexual fantasies on people I have crush on. If you also have sexual fantasies? If there are other kind of aces who have sex fantasies ? Can be a person having sexual fantasies still categorized as asexual? I have sexual fantasies sometimes about a crush. But like Scarletlattitude said, it hinges on sexual desire when it comes to a label of asexual. I don't want to have sex with that person when I do have a fantasy like that. I may think I would want to if I got to know them and developed stronger feelings for them. And so I still call myself demisexual. However, as long as you feel demisexual fits you, no one can stop you from using it. You are what you say and feel you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Hardly any Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Not at all. It's harder to complete the required monthly stimulation (purely a utilitarian activity) if I'm imagining anything in particular. I have to distract myself from the process entirely if I'm going to be done with it. I mean if I'm severely romantically attracted so someone I might think about hugging, cuddling, cheek kissing, but I don't get off with that so much as delight in physical presence. If it's purely aesthetic, high fives and friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
OldAceGuy Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 Deleted Link to post Share on other sites
JaySexual Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I consider myself Demisexual (even though I've never done anything with anyone. not even a hug or kiss.) I do daydream frequently about having someone to spend time being real close with, and cuddling, and allot of times kissing too. Most of the time the 'someone' in those daydreams is just "fictional" (I try to avoid daydreaming about people I know in real life or online...but I will admit that I have a few times...just IDK, there's that occasional rare guy that my daydreamer wants to be the 'someone') Not as often, but I do have sexual daydreams too (always involve romantic cuddling/kissing/etc first) .. on those the 'someone' in them is always "fictional" .. I will not let daydreamer use someone I know... Is it disrespectful to daydream about someone? (even in a non-sexual but romantic way?) Link to post Share on other sites
Nightclaw42 Posted January 29, 2016 Share Posted January 29, 2016 I do have sexual fantasies... but they have never involved me. Essentially, I'll fantasize about certain fictional characters having sex (and will read erotic fanfiction at times), but I am not part of the equation. Also, I don't necessarily have to be sexually attracted to either of them in order to have the fantasy. Which may sound strange, but that's how it is a lot of the time. Same here. To be honest any time when I tried inserting myself in the fantasy (back before discovering asexuality) it was a turn off. Now I know why :P . Link to post Share on other sites
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