Is there a need to "come out"?

[SGE]

I think it's difficult to come out as an asexual, because so few people know what it actually means. So most of the time, it then obligates you to explain everything, answer endless questions, and justify your 'choices'. It also seems to mean that people feel they have the sudden right to ask really personal questions that I'm not at all comfortable answering. "So you've never had sex??" I'm sorry, that is actually sooooo none of your business! And that's before all the "Aw, what a shame" comments, and the splitting in two to breed thing, urgh!

But still, I'd actually like to come out a bit more. I mean I've told about 5 friends and only one of them seems to have truly accepted it. But I'd like to tell more people because of the visibility thing and because I wish, I wish, that someone had come out to me as asexual in my life so that I could have seen it as a thing.

I suppose if it comes up in conversation, I might just blurt it out and tell people to go Google it (and no, that's none of your business!) but I genuinely think it's hard to come out as ACE, and that makes me feel a bit like a coward. Which is rubbish!

As for family, well, there's no reason for them to know, because it changes nothing about me. No one's pressurising me to get married and have kids, and no one seems to particularly care that I have a very nice single bed, live on my own, and show absolutely no interest in dating.

So I'm counting my blessings there, and all that.

[KendraPM]

I'm both super reluctant to come out and desperately desire to tell those closest to me. I've told my best friend, who was very "whatever" about it (a wonderful response in my opinion, and one I half-expected since she took my "I'm bisexual" in high school pretty well-that was before I had a grasp on what sexual attraction vs romantic attraction was) and my mom, whose response has been "everyone goes through times when they are asexual/the only permanant asexuals are also aromantics" so that's been tough, but beyond that I a) think I'm afraid of reactions (due to the only other person I've told in my life was a co-worker who tried to convince me that I'm sexual and am just confused, and who made fun of the entire concept of asexuality), b) am kind of angrily feeling like it's nobodies bussiness by mine, (I'm a happy person, so this response is strange for me) and c) want to bring it up when people discuss their sexaulities and the troubles they face. I want to contribute, but mostly I don't.

[Skycaptain]

It's a pity that people still feel pressured to publicly state their orientation.

It should be up to the individual concerned. What must be worst is if someone accidentally discovers your orientation when you wanted it kept private.

Others prefer to be more open. In my case I have a family who are extremely easy going, so I floated the concept of asexuality to them whilst trying to decide if I was asexual. Being open does have the advantage of quelling inaccurate speculation as to why I've never been seen with anyone, and also makes going to AVEN meet-ups easier, as nobody asks why I travel a long way to see people I've only met online.

For others, there has to be balanced the potential that less tolerant people will ridicule bully or ostracise them.

Everyone's circumstances are different. If you don't feel comfortable or ready to come out then don't.

[..M..]

far as im concerned my private life is, um, private. I would discuss it with a partner/potential partner as i think that's only fair. I havent told anyone and other than a partner, dont feel any obligation to do so. If relationship/sex-related stuff comes up in discussion with close firends I don't mind telling them my thoughts/feelings ... but wouldnt be likely to use the word asexual (partly becasue the word sounds so absolute, and im not sure it's absolutely accurate, for me). I think few of my close friends would be surprised if I did 'come out' to them though.

[Misery's Fence]

I don't feel a need to come out. I telecommute, so I don't deal with co-workers face to face, and we don't generally discuss private matters. I don't think my family knows that asexuality exists, and I'd rather not have to explain ("But you were married! You have children!"). I think most people just assume I'm a grieving widow who isn't ready to move on yet, and I'm fine with that. :)

However, I did order a black ring. I do wear random rings sometimes, and I don't think anyone close to me will know what it means--but if someone sees it and asks "are you asexual?" I'd figure they obviously know enough about it that I'd be comfortable saying Yes.

Love and Light,

Miz

[SkyWorld]

Nobody has to come out, but there's no shame in doing so. It's just a personal choice. Only with close family and friends have I told, because I trust them and I didn't want to feel like I'm hiding a part of me and pretending to be someone I'm not. For others, I don't pretend, but I also don't broadcast it. If they ask, I'll be happy to answer. Sure it's a personal question, but I honestly do not think it's that big of a deal. It's really none of their concern, whether they know or don't know and whether they like it or not. That's their own problem.

[IceHurricane]

I never felt the need to come out. I corrected people when they were wrong, but I never did the whole "Mom, dad.... I'm asexual." thing. Whenever my parents talked about bringing boys home, I'd tell them that I don't want to bring boys home, and how I don't like anyone in that way. I usually only mention asexuality if the subject is brought up. If I'm talking about sexuality with someone, then I'll tell them I'm asexual, but if the subject isn't brought up, I won't say anything. ^_^

Anyway, to answer your question, I don't think there's a need to come out. The only person you should come out to is your partner (if you have/want one). Also, if you're aromantic too then maybe you should tell people so they can stop bugging you about boyfriends/girlfriends. :lol:

[regithier]

I personally feel that the only people who need to know about my sexuality are the people I go out with who will be affected by it. Especially because asexuality is relatively new a lot of people my parents age still only know it as a way of cell replication :P.

[AnnieAndromeda]

I personally haven't come out to anyone about being asexual. I don't think I'll tell anyone yet, and in the future, I'll most likely only tell a romantic partner. I'm also one of the younger users since I'm only fourteen. I don't want to get the you're too young to know argument. If you think you'll be taken seriously and you think it's best if that person knows, then go ahead.

[Junibud]

Coming out has certainly kept people from hitting on me, so I count that as a plus! People don't really notice the ring or the paraphenalia, though.

[BlueSaint]

I am planning on telling a friend in a few weeks. For me I just want to be honest and upfront whenever possible, atleast with those people that I care about. That said there are people I have known for years that don't even know how many siblings I have. I see this just as another aspect of who I am, and for those people close to me I want to them see the whole picture. I completely understand someone wanting to keep this to themselves, but after years of keeping feelings, fears, and anxieties to myself I just don't want that anymore. I was unhappy being closed off, but I deluded myself into thinking it was the right thing to do.

There is always going to be risk in opening up to people, and sometimes you will get hurt which I know all too well. That said I feel for myself that for things that matter like this, taking that risk is the right thing to do.

As for going public with my asexuality, I would like to think one day when I gathered enough courage I would. Honestly I have been thinking about this since stumbling on this place and I do mean stumbled. There was discussion in another forum that brought up the term aromantic. I searched for the term and found the AVENWiki. If that never happened I could still very well feel like I did before, broken and confused. Since then and coming to accept that this who I am, I have been happier than I have been in years. And one day I would like to help other people feel like this, too. So if by one day being open about this I can point someone in the right direction, I would like to do that.

[confusedbat]

OMG me neither!! I feel like it's an obligation, just like how I felt not so long ago that it was an obligation to be anyone's girlfriend or sex partner. I have already told my family that I'm gay, but I use gay as a synonym for asexual because I don't want to explain to them what asexual is and for them be like, "You'll find the one! Don't give up!"

[ozzythefabulous]

I came out to my friends about a year ago and I found it helped me a lot and once i had gone through the questioning everyone was really nice about it and to be honest I think it has also brought me closer to my friends ^_^

[Little Sparrow]

I have not felt the need to come out yet. My closest family have realised that I am not unhappy because I'm not in a relationship. Should the discussion come round to that topic with one of them, I might tell them 'actually, there's a word for that'. But whether I put a label on that or not is not going to make much difference.

Otherwise I haven't really got any close friends. Most people I know would find it very strange if I brought up the topic of sexuality. It simply doesn't come up.

I have sometimes imagined how a conversation might go: 'So when are you going to get a boyfriend?' 'Not anytime soon, I'm not looking for one.' 'Are you gay then?' 'No, I don't think I'm anything much.' But no actual conversation has occurred.

That imaginary answer 'not anything much' tipped me off that asexual is probably the best way to describe myself. But unless I'm talking to someone very close and the conversation naturally drifts that way, I wouldn't make any effort to come out.

[seneca]

I've never felt the need to come out. If people can't get to know me without knowing all my sexual details,that just shows what kind of people they are.

[Hallowitch]

I feel like this is a really interesting question actually, because I hate that feeling of "being in the closet" when people around me don't know, because I'm automatically assumed to be straight so much of the time. I have actually had to come out in past, because I was faced with a choice of either that or lying to people, and if I have a modicum of trust in someone, I'd rather come out to them than lie to them. So yeah, I feel like while you're never "forced" to come out, I think almost everyone ends up in situations where you're forced to choose between coming out, or lying to people.

[roti prata no egg plz]

I don't find a need to come out.