theburgess Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Hello all, I was recently in a relationship with a woman that lasted 1.5 years; I am a lesbian, out and open, and she, very closeted. At first, it really freaked me out that she wouldn't ever make love with me, but preferred cuddling, kissing, and a little foreplay. I took it all very personally.... I have been beginning to realize that she may be asexual....but I think I am too....it took me a little bit to realize this, but this is exactly the kind of relationship that seems very comfortable to me. I was sexually abused as a little kid, and sex has not ever been a whole lot of passion to me, but the other stuff is... Could I have some feedback about this?? Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Cause or no cause, you could still be asexual; as long as you don't have the compulsion to have sex with anyone (different from sexually compromising). Link to post Share on other sites
Qutenkuddly Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Society, in general, keeps pushing the idea that sex is an important part of a romantic relationship and, in the absence of any other information, it's easy to assume that if someone is not displaying sexual interest in us, they mustn't actually love us. Furthermore, those who are on the asexual spectrum may engage in sexual activity, because they believe that's part of what they're supposed to do in a romantic relationship, only to discover it's not really worth the fuss, or that they really don't like it. I honestly thought I was having bad luck dating all these women who turned out to be sex fiends, only to discover that I was the one who had the non-standard level of sexual interest, when I finally came across mention of asexuality in another site. It would have been much easier to have the relevation in, say, my early 20s, as opposed to my late 30s. The key thing here is that, if you're both comfortable with your current relationship, then there's no need to worry too much about it. :) Link to post Share on other sites
cdrdash Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Hello all, I was recently in a relationship with a woman that lasted 1.5 years; I am a lesbian, out and open, and she, very closeted. At first, it really freaked me out that she wouldn't ever make love with me, but preferred cuddling, kissing, and a little foreplay. I took it all very personally.... I have been beginning to realize that she may be asexual....but I think I am too....it took me a little bit to realize this, but this is exactly the kind of relationship that seems very comfortable to me. I was sexually abused as a little kid, and sex has not ever been a whole lot of passion to me, but the other stuff is... Could I have some feedback about this?? Thank you! Hi, I have identified as a lesbian since 1991. It took me till I 2008 to really realize I was a homoromantic asexual. Meaning I'm romantically attracted to women but not sexually attracted to women. I was only in one relationship with a woman and we ended up breaking up in part because of the incompatibility in our sexual desires. She took it very personally that I never initiated sex and didn't really want to have it. At first she did think that meant I didn't love her. But after couples counseling and me exploring asexuality it became clear I was asexual. We might have been able to figure out a way to deal with this but in the end there were other issues in the relationship that were not working for me so I broke it off. Not sure if this will help with your confusion but I figured my story might help shed some light on things. Cathy Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.