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Do you feel like you'll always be single?


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SorryNotSorry

Yes, for many reasons which probably belong in the Hot Box.

'Nuff said.

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Lord Jade Cross

I think it would be a fairly safe for me to believe that I will always remain single since I dont really fit into acceptable behavioural patterns/mentalities required for establishing or maintaining a relationship.

But so far, Im not bothered by this.

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I'm not lonely. But I have cuddlebugs (cat and dog) that keep my need for tactile stimulus under control. I'm not particularly comfortable in social settings but I put in a lot of effort to MAKE myself join groups with similar interests. If I didn't make the effort I'd probably be a total hermit. I tell ya though, I see a lot of people having relationships, marriages, kids, the whole sha-bang and very very few of them seem to be happy. Many still seem a bit lonely. And most of the constant interacting they do might sound good to me on occasion outwardly, but upon closer inspection I think it's the idea that's appealing. If my life was really that crowded... who am I kidding... I refuse to let my life get that crowded before I get completely overwhelmed and isolate. I think sometimes I am just buying into the idea of "an average life" when actually in reality it would make me nutso. So I'm working on appreciating what I have-- a chance to interact and retreat as I need to.

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VindicatorPhoenix

I wouldn't be surprised if I stayed single forever. I like the idea of loving, intimate relationships in theory but I'm not sure if I'd be happy in one. Strong, platonic friendships are probably as far as I'd go.

I've seen it mentioned multiple times in this thread that a lot of people are worried that if they come out as ace, they'll get rejected. That's the case for me.

If I did end up in a long-term relationship (with someone sexual), I feel like I'd be denying my partner a huge part of what they'd want. I might do some compromising and have sex with them (if I loved them enough) but I highly doubt that the sex part would come naturally to me. I speculate that the situation would just get awkward for me when my partner would want passionate sex. Essentially, I just feel like I wouldn't know what to do.

Sometimes when I see happy couples together, I think: "Awww, that's cute!" I'm delighted that they're happy, but I don't know if being in a relationship myself would make me feel the same way. I like hugs and cuddles but maybe I can just do that with a kitty! ^_^

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Lord Jade Cross

I wouldn't be surprised if I stayed single forever. I like the idea of loving, intimate relationships in theory but I'm not sure if I'd be happy in one. Strong, platonic friendships are probably as far as I'd go.

I've seen it mentioned multiple times in this thread that a lot of people are worried that if they come out as ace, they'll get rejected. That's the case for me.

If I did end up in a long-term relationship (with someone sexual), I feel like I'd be denying my partner a huge part of what they'd want. I might do some compromising and have sex with them (if I loved them enough) but I highly doubt that the sex part would come naturally to me. I speculate that the situation would just get awkward for me when my partner would want passionate sex. Essentially, I just feel like I wouldn't know what to do.

Sometimes when I see happy couples together, I think: "Awww, that's cute!" I'm delighted that they're happy, but I don't know if being in a relationship myself would make me feel the same way. I like hugs and cuddles but maybe I can just do that with a kitty! ^_^

Im no expert on this and I know people have certain desires but would it really be accurate to state that an asexual would simply not work out with a sexual just because of sexual discrepancies?

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It's probably normal to feel the way you do sometimes. I'll just say for me I've tried both being alone and the serious relationship thing and I'll just say I really prefer alone. And alone doesn't necessarily mean lonely, they're not the same thing (one is an objective condition, the other a subjective feeling). In fact, you can even feel pretty lonely while in a relationship, if things aren't right.

I think sometimes we all find ourselves giving in to the syndrome of "the grass is greener over there"... if I could just change XYZ in my life everything will be better... well that's not always the case.

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I feel this way sometimes. I have not really had much experience dating, though I want to date and have a romantic relationship. I think I will be able to be happy staying single though so long as I can maintain a significant friend base.

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allrightalready

i do get lonely but one thing i have learned in over a half century is that never is a very long time. my chances might be microscopic but it is still there and living a life i like is more important than finding any "special" person to share it with

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Capslock Cadet

I 100% believed this. And then I unexpectedly met my current partner. So basically, you never know what's in store for you.

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Most of the time I do think I'll be single till the day I die, but sometimes I find myself craving some kind of close human contact and wish to have a person to be with (like a close-friendship plus cuddles and maybe kisses). But I don't usually get the inclination of flirting or dating and such, which is why I consider myself to be a gray-aro.

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I actually HATE the feeling of being in love. It feels like a virus. It's frustrating because, you have to "be in love," in order to get to the relationship part. But for me, if I'm trying to consider someone as a potential mate, I just obsess about them, and it gets distracting and uncomfortable. I just don't click with the person in general. And then I start losing myself. It's hard to even think, because the person becomes an unwanted thought. And then I just get to the breaking point, where all the shit accumulating in me overflows, and then I talk the guy's ear off and then he wants to leave. Part of me is lonely, but I really really don't want to have to do this anymore. I'd rather be alone than do the lovey dovey stuff. It's all the same, no matter who it is with.

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Probably, unless I meet someone by accident. I do get lonely sometimes, but it passes. I'm not opposed to relationships, but I just feel that actively looking for a partner isn't a priority to me. Being an aromantic, I'm not looking for lovey-dovey relationships anyway.

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Lord Jade Cross

I actually HATE the feeling of being in love. It feels like a virus. It's frustrating because, you have to "be in love," in order to get to the relationship part. But for me, if I'm trying to consider someone as a potential mate, I just obsess about them, and it gets distracting and uncomfortable. I just don't click with the person in general. And then I start losing myself. It's hard to even think, because the person becomes an unwanted thought. And then I just get to the breaking point, where all the shit accumulating in me overflows, and then I talk the guy's ear off and then he wants to leave. Part of me is lonely, but I really really don't want to have to do this anymore. I'd rather be alone than do the lovey dovey stuff. It's all the same, no matter who it is with.

i dont think a relationship needs to be lovey dovey (which sounds exhausting) to qualify as a relationship. I think that a connection of some kind is required but maybe this tends to be translated and confused with the traditional view of what a relationship is.

You can be very good friends and this is technically a relationship and it may even be better than a traditional romantic type. I just think that when people say "relationship" they picture the whole bringing flowers and chocolate, singing poems, "this is our song" Hollywood veesion of what a relationship is.

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CreativeUsername

Recently I've become concerned that I'll always be single. As little as a year ago this maybe didn't bother me all that much. But now that I'm moving into a different life stage, it's starting to weigh heavily on my mind that I might always be single. I was house shopping and was overcome with this desire to share the moments with someone else. I've been working on becoming a parent and I often wish I was sharing this with someone else. Even while exploring a new hobby I've wondered if it might be better if I had a partner to share it with.

I'm not quite sure what to do with these feelings. Just trying to build up a friendship network is daunting. Attempting to figure out how to date for an asexual seems almost impossible.

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Lord Jade Cross

Recently I've become concerned that I'll always be single. As little as a year ago this maybe didn't bother me all that much. But now that I'm moving into a different life stage, it's starting to weigh heavily on my mind that I might always be single. I was house shopping and was overcome with this desire to share the moments with someone else. I've been working on becoming a parent and I often wish I was sharing this with someone else. Even while exploring a new hobby I've wondered if it might be better if I had a partner to share it with.

I'm not quite sure what to do with these feelings. Just trying to build up a friendship network is daunting. Attempting to figure out how to date for an asexual seems almost impossible.

Hmmm, I wonder if this would happen to me as Ive been pondering buying a house some time in the future.

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VindicatorPhoenix

I wouldn't be surprised if I stayed single forever. I like the idea of loving, intimate relationships in theory but I'm not sure if I'd be happy in one. Strong, platonic friendships are probably as far as I'd go.

I've seen it mentioned multiple times in this thread that a lot of people are worried that if they come out as ace, they'll get rejected. That's the case for me.

If I did end up in a long-term relationship (with someone sexual), I feel like I'd be denying my partner a huge part of what they'd want. I might do some compromising and have sex with them (if I loved them enough) but I highly doubt that the sex part would come naturally to me. I speculate that the situation would just get awkward for me when my partner would want passionate sex. Essentially, I just feel like I wouldn't know what to do.

Sometimes when I see happy couples together, I think: "Awww, that's cute!" I'm delighted that they're happy, but I don't know if being in a relationship myself would make me feel the same way. I like hugs and cuddles but maybe I can just do that with a kitty! ^_^

Im no expert on this and I know people have certain desires but would it really be accurate to state that an asexual would simply not work out with a sexual just because of sexual discrepancies?

That's a good point, thank you for bringing it up. I'm sorry if I came across as stating that asexual + allosexual = no relationship; that's not what I intended to communicate. I meant to say that sex can be a common source of conflict in a relationship between an ace and an allo, but on the other hand, the relationship can also work out very nicely through compromises.

I guess I just get worried sometimes that a lot of people wouldn't want me as a partner because I have no interest or desire to have sex, which is an important part of a relationship for many people.

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CreativeUsername

Recently I've become concerned that I'll always be single. As little as a year ago this maybe didn't bother me all that much. But now that I'm moving into a different life stage, it's starting to weigh heavily on my mind that I might always be single. I was house shopping and was overcome with this desire to share the moments with someone else. I've been working on becoming a parent and I often wish I was sharing this with someone else. Even while exploring a new hobby I've wondered if it might be better if I had a partner to share it with.

I'm not quite sure what to do with these feelings. Just trying to build up a friendship network is daunting. Attempting to figure out how to date for an asexual seems almost impossible.

Hmmm, I wonder if this would happen to me as Ive been pondering buying a house some time in the future.

I think it depends a lot on the person. I've known a lot of sexual people who are aromantic and have never desired a romantic relationship, even into old age.

I had really never sat to consider what I want. Didn't even know that I might be asexual until a couple of years ago. I spent my teens and early twenties in several sexual relationships and alternated feeling as though there was either something wrong with me or that everyone else was also faking just like I was. I was mid 20's when I decided I couldn't stomach faking it or feeling defective anymore so I quit dating entirely. I felt comfortable being single and just naturally assumed that this would be my reality because I couldn't imagine ever being involved in a romantic sexual relationship again.

So that idea that I'd always be single came around by default. Once I started researching and really reading things, I had a lightbulb moment and realized that I'm asexual and I've slowly started feeling less defective and also less accepting of the tightly wrapped box I'd placed myself in. There were a couple of posts in the "Your Ideal Relationship" thread -one beautiful post in particular - that described a relationship that made me perk up and wonder why I had never thought of that before. It's hard to imagine myself in a relationship, but I think that's largely because I've now gone more than five years without one. I've never had a relationship where I wasn't faking things nor one where I was out as asexual so I really have little idea if it's something I truly want or just some old fantasy that is difficult to discard. I suspect I'm likely romantic, though I probably won't know with certainty until I test the theory.

In short, maybe your desires will change, maybe they won't and depends on how you came to determine that romantic relationships were not for them.

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Highly likely that I'm permanently single. As an aro-ace who has never had a proper relationship I can't see myself changing easily. Maybe a best friend / housemate who'd want to share evenings out and such like but that would be about it

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Dave of the wood

Tbh, i hate being single. Its just finding someone who likes the romantic side of things and the fun and laughs without the inevitable ending up in bed, is near enough an impossiblility. Quite an upseting thing all round really, as i have loads of love to give but no takers who are comfortable with the lack of sex bit. Problem is you stick it to the back of your mind and then you see other people being happy as a couple, and it kicks you in the stomach time and time again!

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I'm not quite sure to be honest. Even though I enjoy romantic films and such I just can't picture myself ever being in a romantic relationship nor do I really care to be. I prefer just having strong friendships. I may possibly meet someone in the future but there is a big chance that I'll remain single for my entire life and that doesn't bother me one bit.

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Lord Jade Cross

Recently I've become concerned that I'll always be single. As little as a year ago this maybe didn't bother me all that much. But now that I'm moving into a different life stage, it's starting to weigh heavily on my mind that I might always be single. I was house shopping and was overcome with this desire to share the moments with someone else. I've been working on becoming a parent and I often wish I was sharing this with someone else. Even while exploring a new hobby I've wondered if it might be better if I had a partner to share it with.

I'm not quite sure what to do with these feelings. Just trying to build up a friendship network is daunting. Attempting to figure out how to date for an asexual seems almost impossible.

Hmmm, I wonder if this would happen to me as Ive been pondering buying a house some time in the future.

I think it depends a lot on the person. I've known a lot of sexual people who are aromantic and have never desired a romantic relationship, even into old age.

I had really never sat to consider what I want. Didn't even know that I might be asexual until a couple of years ago. I spent my teens and early twenties in several sexual relationships and alternated feeling as though there was either something wrong with me or that everyone else was also faking just like I was. I was mid 20's when I decided I couldn't stomach faking it or feeling defective anymore so I quit dating entirely. I felt comfortable being single and just naturally assumed that this would be my reality because I couldn't imagine ever being involved in a romantic sexual relationship again.

So that idea that I'd always be single came around by default. Once I started researching and really reading things, I had a lightbulb moment and realized that I'm asexual and I've slowly started feeling less defective and also less accepting of the tightly wrapped box I'd placed myself in. There were a couple of posts in the "Your Ideal Relationship" thread -one beautiful post in particular - that described a relationship that made me perk up and wonder why I had never thought of that before. It's hard to imagine myself in a relationship, but I think that's largely because I've now gone more than five years without one. I've never had a relationship where I wasn't faking things nor one where I was out as asexual so I really have little idea if it's something I truly want or just some old fantasy that is difficult to discard. I suspect I'm likely romantic, though I probably won't know with certainty until I test the theory.

In short, maybe your desires will change, maybe they won't and depends on how you came to determine that romantic relationships were not for them.

I dont really have any sort of hardcore relationship experience since I have spent my life alone (relationship wise). I never dated, not even to test it out partly because of circumstances and partly due to personal ideals. Not sure how far thay would affect in the overall view of things.

I know alot of people who told me that eventually I wouldnt change and want a relationship but so far, my mind hasnt changed and I have pondered many times were does this alleged desire comes from. People say they feel it but I dont and Im at an age where most people are already married and expecting a kid.

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Probably. I've only ever liked one person, and they've been in the same relationship for the 6 or 7 years that I've known them.

I think it would be nice to find someone I fit with, but emotional bonds like that are hard for me.

And it's not that important for me so while it would be nice I'm also perfectly content not being in a relationship, even if that ends up being for the rest of my life.

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I hope I'll forever be single! I'm done forcing myself in normal relations and I don't feel the need at all to even be in a romantic one, even with another asexual. That said, I'm still getting offers (being mostly surrounded my men) and it's super annoying, but I dunno how to say. I even lied once saying I was a lesbian to be left alone... did not worked, apparently some people thinks lesbians can be turned around or something. If anyone has tips and tricks throw them my way, those situations are so awkward.

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cosmosredshift7

I don't want sex so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it's important to so many other people that I've just kind of given up.

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Touchofinsight

Always? No but most of the time yes. Romantic relationships are something I can find my self being in but I can't see my self "Committing" to anything serious, its just not something I need at this point in my life, probably the rest of it honestly. Its also super easy to be single as a male in the current romantic culture.

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I realize I'm only speaking for myself, but there comes a time when you realize just how much you've been lied to all your life, you wake up one day and look around to find you're the only human being on God's green Earth who's capable of feeling love. Seriously.

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I realize I'm only speaking for myself, but there comes a time when you realize just how much you've been lied to all your life, you wake up one day and look around to find you're the only human being on God's green Earth who's capable of feeling love. Seriously.

I understand the sentiment, all too well. I fight that emotion all the time. But judging from the responses to this thread, you're certainly not alone. Caring people are out there. But finding them can be scary and painful.

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Yeah, sometimes I definitely do think that I'll end up single forever, I mean the odds do seem against me... but hey you never know ^_^ . I go through stages of how much that bothers me or not. Mostly right now anyway I don't mind too much, as I am not particularly settled in one place yet anyway, so I have never really done anything about being perpetually single. But yeah, when I think about it sometimes I do find it hard to imagine just happening to meet someone who not only likes me for me (and vice versa obviously) but also has no interest in sex...

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