Jump to content

Do you feel like you'll always be single?


Delicacy

Recommended Posts

I rarely experience romantic attraction.

I am either grayasexual or asexual, I still don't know.

Most people aren't asexual.

I'm sex repulsed, so I wouldn't have sex to please someone else.

Even though I rarely feel romantic attraction, I'm an extremely romantic person, in the sense that I'm pretty much in love with love. It's frustrating to me because I sometimes wish I was in a relationship, but I know that probably won't happen. Everything is so... difficult, because even if I found someone I wanted to be in a relationship with, that doesn't mean it'd be reciprocated. And even if it was reciprocated and that person loved me despite being sex repulsed... I would feel terrible for not being able to fully satisfy them.

I guess I just... get terribly lonely at times, and it doesn't help to see everyone around me is in a relationship.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this, but I can't help it, it's the way I am. Have you ever felt like this, too?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes and I already accepted my fate, I know I'll always be single.

I'll be a rodent lady (I don't like cats, and I love guineapig, hamsters and rabbits)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been through all of the things you just described, and still had 8 months of really happy relationship, so I'm pretty sure you'll find someone at one point =)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, and lately I really hate that feeling.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Most likely, don't really care. But I can see how it upset you/others. Hope things will get better for you one way or the other :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
somethingrandom

Yes a thousand times yes. I feel so lonely and see my sister in a relationship and all my friends and I feel left out. I do wish I weren't asexual because it would be an easier and less lonely life. But I suppose I am thankful for aven so I won't be totally alone. I don't know what to say to make you feel better other than I understand and there are other people who feel exactly the same. Let's just hope there is something for all of us.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know I will always be single and that does not bother me, however I am not a romantic person anyway :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here nothing here

Link to post
Share on other sites
A Different Mononoke

Yes, I feel that way. Especially after both my sisters got engaged in the same week! I've decided to concentrate on strong friendships instead.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Grace Barton

Now and then I wish I was in a relationship. It is exceedingly rare that I will develop a crush on someone (last crush was just over a year ago, and before that was ten years previous). But I know that I'm not suited to be in a relationship, so it is highly likely that I will remain single. At times that makes me terribly lonely, and sometimes even upset that I will never have that closeness with someone, but it's just a phase I pass through now and then. I know staying single is the right decision for me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Of course I felt the same as you and I wished I wasn't like this sometimes. My best friend and I laugh over it saying we are forever alone or that we'll be dog ladies =D.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I always figured I would be single (even back in high school, I had my friends deflecting anyone who came around looking to ask me out). I don't really feel like I ever wanted to couple up, and am completely happy with the idea of always being single. It feels a lot less stressful, all told.

However, I do think it is cute watching other people being so happy that they coupled up, but that might just be a empathic high off of them getting something that makes them feel so happy. They got something they really wanted, and are happy, so I am happy for them. It has come to the effect of me saying, "I like romance, if it stays over there where I can watch it, and doesn't come near me."

Link to post
Share on other sites

I suppose I've always thought "there's no way I can be single for the rest of my life" but in reality, I'm an anxious mess at the prospect of a relationship. A sensual/romantic relationship is something I sometimes crave and it's in those moments I fear continuous single-ness I suppose. Honestly I don't know what's going to happen with me. Just hoping for the best I suppose. I agree with the above poster in that I get a bit of an empathetic high when I see others happy. Most of the time I'm fine being without anyone anyway so it's all about the mood, ahaha.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I recently broke up with my sexual, romantic girlfriend after 7 months together, and she had so many complaints about our time together, I realized, much too late, that my asexual / aromantic nature was very hard on her. This reminds me that I am very very likely to never be in a working realationship for the rest of my life. This is something that I had known for a long time but I still find it hard to accept sometimes.

I accept myself as asexual / aromantic, but I an yet to fully accept the life of being alone that I surely face.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've felt that way before, however, I've been in several romantic relationships before and after those feelings and figured out how to make things work for me.

I don't view myself as "single" as long as I have friends and close relationships or connections with others and I also accept that it's okay if I'm not with someone romantically. I can be okay and healthy, enjoy my life and be happy to be alive without a romantic partner. I certainly want to have a romantic partner (and currently do!), it's certainly nice to share my life and happiness with someone romantically, and unrequited love or romantic feelings is definitely no fun, however, my self esteem doesn't depend on those things. I love and take care of me and that's what matters most. I'm responsible for me and for making me happy, not some stranger that I haven't even met, someone I hardly know, or even my current romantic partner. It's up to me to make the most of the life I have and to do what I can to enjoy it in the now and not wait for some specific set of events to happen in order to finally be able to be happy.

I don't know if any of that is relatable or not and I also don't know what will or won't work for anyone else, however, it's my experience and it's where I'm at now.

With that said, I definitely relate to loneliness and I wouldn't recommend "dating" or getting romantically involved with someone as a way to deal with loneliness.

I highly recommend these articles:

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/be-a-happy-single/

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-when-youre-lonely-or-feel-time-is-running-out/

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/a-question-of-love-to-knowing-your-own-love/

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/reflections-knowing-your-own-like/

Link to post
Share on other sites
catnipQuintessence

Yeah, I get that feeling too... Like how can find someone despite being asexual, rarely feeling romantic attraction, AND having a list of hangups and insecurities a mile long? I don't even like platonic friends touching me very much. One of my closest friends in high school actually pegged me as a future gleeful cat lady, and while that is Excellent and True, I'd appreciate having another human around to love the cats with me, you know?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes and I already accepted my fate, I know I'll always be single.

I'll be a rodent lady (I don't like cats, and I love guineapig, hamsters and rabbits)

This. Except that I LOVE cats and I plan on having a lot of them! :wub:

Sometimes the idea of living the rest of my life alone seems a bit scary and depressing. It's one of many reasons why I feel immature and a bit of a failure. It's hard to accept that some things are completely out of my control, and that my life is going to be completely different from what I had expected, but oh well... *shrug*

Link to post
Share on other sites
dandelionfluff

Sometimes yes and sometimes no.

No, because there have been many men that have tried to date me, and I get asked out/hit on fairly regularly...so I know there are guys interested, and if I did want to date someone so badly I could.

Yes, because I really can't have the type of relationship a regular heterosexual man would want. So therefore, I am almost thoroughly put off dating regular heterosexual people. That diminishes my dating pool greatly. I would rather be single than go through the crap I've gone through in past relationships. The thought of "compromising" or "having to please my partner" honestly sickens me and almost puts me off wanting any type of relationship.

I'm just going to start gathering an army of cats now.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I actually don't think I'll always be single. It feels like it, but my gut tells me that someone special will come my way.

What concerns me is, how would someone deal with... me?

I hate physical contact, and I'm not remotely affectionate.

My challenge is gonna be finding someone who's really compatible with me

Link to post
Share on other sites
Anime Pancake

Hello.

Yeah it's always been hard for me to find someone to be in a relationship with, even before I knew that I was asexual.

Recently I've realized that people are even more sexual than I thought before. When I see how important sex is to most people, I feel like I can't really relate to them at all. So yeah that definitely makes me feel like it will be hard to get in a relationship.

But even people that date don't always have perfect relationships and sometimes they don't really turn out well.

I definitely get lonely but I feel like there's not much I can do about it.

Hopefully things will get better for everyone :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Considering that

  • I have only ever been attracted to a sexual person once (and our relationship didn't work out well, for reasons you can imagine)
  • Despite being technically panromantic, I am definitely homo-leaning
  • I have had the grand amount of four crushes in my whole life, the most recent of which was three years ago (!!!)
  • If I am to be in a relationship, I want it to be completely monogamous (as in no other romantic partners, and no having sex outside the relationship as well as not having sex within the relationship)

I would say that yes, it is pretty unlikely I will end up with somebody at any given point in my life.

Sometimes the thought doesn't bother me, sometimes it does. I don't mind being single in general, I mostly just wonder how I'll feel about it in the long term. The older I grow, the more difficult it is for me to connect with people... guess I'm just afraid that it will eventually end up at a point where I'm unhappy with my condition but also unable to change it, which would suck :P

Link to post
Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza

Single, yes. Lonely, no. As an introvert I need little socialisation to be happy ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
El-not-so-ace

Before and in some moments even nowadays, I do think that... but then I think about the awesome Ace Communities and tell myself that the chances are more on our side than before! :) Never give up and keep on truckin'!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know this feeling way too well... I tell my allosexual friends and mother that I'm happy being single so they don't worry about me, and honestly I'm not sure I'm capable of more than weak crushes. I'm not sure I can ever love someone enough to put up with them for long-term, or trust them enough to feel completely comfortable with them, or be dedicated enough that I can make them a priority above work and school and actually give them the sort of time and energy that I'd expect in a relationship. But at the same time, I can really understand the draw of having someone who thinks I'm an important part of their world and makes me a priority, and who isn't my mother and blinded by the belief that "beloved Daughter is a perfect angel who can do no wrong". Someone who sees me for me, and still wants to keep me. I've had guys crush on me, or random strangers flirt with me, but it's pretty hard to try and see if they'd still like me when they got to know me when I'm not attracted in the slightest and suspecting they'd find my asexuality a complete dealbreaker, but... I still sometimes selfishly wish I had someone who I could depend on to care about me, asexuality and all, even if I don't know how they could actually convince me.

I honestly don't know if I could have those feelings myself, though, and I'm starting to doubt they exist. And I'd feel horrible if I couldn't return those feelings; if someone was actually able to feel that way about me I'd keep thinking that they'd deserve someone who could give back. Besides, it could just be the loneliness talking - I've moved so much in my life that my friends are either people who have grown distant due to being long-distance relationships and difficult to maintain on different schedules with me being an introvert and not good at initiating contact, or people who I've met in the past year at school who have better friends elsewhere who share more of their interests. I'm bad at forming anything more than surface relationships and it takes its toll.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Single, yes. Lonely, no. As an introvert I need little socialisation to be happy ;)

I feel the same way. However, sometimes I do see parents playing with their kids, and being happy, and it makes me feel sad knowing I'll never have one.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've always liked the idea of having a significant other, someone to share my life with. I get pretty lonely at times, and it would be nice to get a cuddle from someone who isn't a fur-baby. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that I'm asexual, with no physical attraction to anyone at all. It was freeing in its own way, but presented its own problems as well.

The most worrying thing for me is how to go about finding someone who would be OK with spending their life with a woman who won't have sex with them, ever. And is that something you bring up on a first date? That seems pretty intimidating, for them and for me. I'm not sure I'm comfortable explaining my sexuality to a stranger yet. I haven't even told my family, or most of my friends.

There is someone I'm in love with, and have been for a long while. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much chance that we can have that kind of relationship. So yeah, at times it can feel like finding a life partner is an impossible task.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't say that I know. Though I can imagine myself being in a relationship, I have a wide disconnect between fantasies and reality, so I can't be sure.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Always felt that I'll be single even when all my friends were coupling then marrying. I like my space, have a couple of very close friends, and their kids see me as being like a extra mum. And at 38 it's even less than an issue

And I've got a niece and nephew so gran kids for the folks sorted, who knew a little sister may one day be of use 😂.

Link to post
Share on other sites

No, but I know that it may take longer than usual to find someone know that I identify the way that I do. I'm okay with that and have been focusing on other personal development in my life and putting myself out there socially.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Your post is almost exactly how I feel, especially lately. Though I've always felt that a special person will come into my life someday and if I have to wait a little while for that, I'm okay with that. Sometimes it feels like it's just a foolish hope but not always. It's a weird teeter totter of emotions.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...