A Different Mononoke Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Hello, So a little advice here please. I've been wanting to get out more and meet more people recently so I started going to a board game night. I've met a few people so that has been a sucess. Even looking into starting a roleplaying game on another night with a few of them. Then one of the guys I'm looking to roleplay with invites me to go to the cinema. I say yes as I want to be friends and hang out. However, then he talks about getting drinks, wanting to pay for me, and I realise that he may be seeing this as a "date". I've already said I would prefer to split the cinema bill (241 cinema tickets and all) which he has agreed, and to the drink suggestion I said I can't drink due to work (which is true) to which he replied it wouldn't have to be alcoholic which I haven't replied to directly - discussing other things. He doesn't know I'm asexual (it hasn't exactly come up and I don't bring it up like hetrosexuals don't bring up being hetro, I'm not exactly looking to get into a romantic relationship with him afterall). I don't think he realises that I just want to hang out as friends. Once I know him better (i.e. met him more than a few times) it may develop into something deeper but there is no guarantee of that. I'm not to good at social interactions so my problems are this: 1) Does he think this is a "date"? How can I figure that out without being overly blunt? 2) If he does think this is a date how do I make it obvious in a nice way that I'm not looking for a romantic/sexual relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
purplesnow Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 It's difficult to know without actually being blunt about it. Different people mean different things by this kind of behaviour. There are nice ways to prod him in the right direction, though, e.g. "by the way, um, sorry if this sounds a little silly, but I just wanted to be clear - we're hanging out as friends, right? Not on a date? Because I think you're awesome and all, and I like spending time with you, but I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea :) ", and if pressed, "I'm not sure if I'm looking for a relationship right now, so let's just hang out as friends, okay?". Link to post Share on other sites
lycanrising Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I think purple snow put it smoothly. You can't really know for sure what he's thinking until you ask him (and even then you might have to use some intuition based on his response) but being polite about making your intentions clear won't hurt anyone either. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Ace Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Go and hang out with him! One "date" does not obligate you into being physical in any way and I'm sure after some one on one time with him you will be able to better tell what his motives are. You can be friendly without being flirty and if he really is a cool guy he will respect your boundaries as a friend without pressuring you into more and making you feel bad about keeping it as a simple friendship. You can always tell him that you would appreciate furthering your friendship but are not interested in dating anyone for a while no matter how great they may be, and later once you are more comfortable with him you can choose if you want to tell him about your asexuality or not. Just remember that you do not owe anyone anything until you are comfortable revealing it! Good luck and let us know the outcome of this "date" or hang out :) Link to post Share on other sites
A Different Mononoke Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 Thanks guys :D Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Sometimes friends offer to pay for stuff, so it may not be a date. You know him better than we do, what do you think? :) Link to post Share on other sites
cbay89 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I unfortunately tend to go for being blunt as I have done hang outs where the other person thought it was a date. But I also do not always say no if their answer is yes because as D-Ace puts it there is no obligation to be physical or continue "dating" afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
blacktea Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 I have gone on dates a couple of times without realizing it. In my experience at least, guys are pretty cool after clarifying you are only interested in a platonic relationship. All my friendships have stayed in tact and one even improved once "not interested in dating, we're just hanging out" clarification was made. I make sure to clarify my position pretty quickly though Link to post Share on other sites
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