Hire a escort [TMI]

[Lord Jade Cross]

I was talking to a friend of mine that suggested that it might be easier for me to put to rest a few doubts of mine to rest if I hired a escort. That this way there would be no emotional awkwardness involved in sex and that I could get a clearer idea of the act and it might help me to have a grounded idea of if my aversion to sex is ill based, since I grew up in a hostile "no sex" enviroment.

Anyone have any experiences on this? And did it really change perspectives for you?

[pinkroses]

I haven't had sex, but I did consider it. I think it is different with someone you have an attachment to like a significant other than a stranger. It seems so impersonal with an escort. And why does this have to be done right now. is there a rush or something? Even before I heard of asexuality I decided that I would wait, but if I found someone that I want to do that with it was still an option. Even when I found someone that I liked, I felt that I still didn't want to do it. We aren't together anymore, but not because of that.

My cousin who thinks I should just get it over with, -_- But I have been very happy without sex.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Well there is and there isnt a rush in a way, depending how you look at it. Ive been trying to understand sex for years, especially since I felt like maybe something was wrong with me since everyone around me would hint at it and of course there was the interrogation like questions over the years. I also couldn't feel the desire others said that they got so easily and I attempted several non human interaction ways to go about at it but they all failed to provide any "great sensation" that people often talked about.

The person who suggested it said that sex was no big deal and that the sooner I got through with it, the sooner I could arrive at a more firm conclusion. I explained that I dont like the idea of touch and I dread catching something if I have sex. But I was told that since an escort would be a get in, get out, no lolligagging around thing that it might give me a purely physical experience that migh help sort things out. And that a condom would make sure I didnt catch anything. Though I kind of dont trust those. They have broken before during the times I was testing different way to arrive at the alleged great pleasure.

I was also told that I didnt have the dying to have it feeling like others do because Ive never done it. Though that doesnt sound right to me because I k ew people in high school who were dead set on having sex and hadnt had it yet.

[Ms.Frankenstein]

I'm extremely sex positive when it comes to what other people do. My advice mostly is to make sure you get someone who is reputable, if you want to do this, it would be worth the trip to some place where it is legal and regulated (if you don't already live in such a place). Take every precaution to avoid contacting an STD (make sure condoms are used, makes sure that they are regularly tested.)

That is, if you want to do this. Please don't allow yourself to be pressured into doing something like this, but if you're fond of the idea, be safe and have fun! :)

[Ms.Frankenstein]

Also, condoms aren't to be trusted. They can break or come off.

TMI

I had to fish a condom out of my vagina one time. I would never consent to sex where the only thing between me and potential disaster was a condom. I'm on birth control (now for reasons other than contraception) and if I don't trust you enough to ride bareback, I ain't riding.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Unfortunately its illegal around here. A while ago, I heard a few reports that popular spots for it are being watched and a few arrests have been made.

I did some digging and there are some sites that say are the contact method for groups that offer the service but it doesn't give much information so im not sure if its a scam.

Id be very skeptical as well if a person claimed to have been tested as I couldnt really corroborate unless I could see lab results (ok even if it was with a SO or a known person it be the same but still, I wouldn't trust anyone at face value about it. Same with contraceptives, I wouldnt trust until I saw proof. Of course I would have a pack myself.

I wouldnt engage without anything on, even if the other person requested it so.

Regarding pressure, Im somewhat conflicted as to where the line of distinction would be drawn. For example I know that sex has been in a sense expected from me from alot of people (more than just peers) And I have spent alot of time doing research on it and related conducts of it. I also experimented with methods that I thought would help according to the information I saw, but that the expected reault was not achieved.

Feeling adversion to it also doesnt help me much because it makes me think that if I feel adversion + the experiments didnt work + I seem to lack some sort of "natural" urge = that the end result of engaging in sex would be another failure. So I cant derive a definite "Yes I want this" or "this isnt for me" conclusion.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

You don't really sound like you want to do this so why are you? There are a lot of risks (disease, distress, arrest) and it seems like you have no desire to do it; you're only doing it because others have said you might enjoy it. Before you do anything you should really decide if it's something you want or whether it's because of pressure.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I wouldnt do it unless I was sure. But thats part of the reason I ask. To have data that can hopefully help me.

[stonehengegirl]

Instead of an escort, what about a sex therapist? It seems like a better option to me.

[Lord Jade Cross]

If a therapist can help I'd consider it. Though personally, Im a little skeptical as the therapists Ive been to before (not for sex related issues) have all had a very biased opinion and basically the "take this pill" MO rather than helping to dig deeper to possibly find a root for problems.

Not all are the same I know and maybe one who specializes in sex might act differently but that distrust of therapists will remain in the back of my mind.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I wouldnt do it unless I was sure. But thats part of the reason I ask. To have data that can hopefully help me.

From what I've read having sex isn't something you decide to have based on rational data collecting, it's an innate feeling/desire like cuddles. I don't need logic to know whether I want to cuddle my dog...

[scarletlatitude]

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. If someone else is telling you this is the right thing to do and you don't agree, don't do it. You need to do what is best for you. Screw them. They are not you.

[Lord Jade Cross]

I wouldnt do it unless I was sure. But thats part of the reason I ask. To have data that can hopefully help me.

From what I've read having sex isn't something you decide to have based on rational data collecting, it's an innate feeling/desire like cuddles. I don't need logic to know whether I want to cuddle my dog...

I have some different opinions on that. But for me personally, I can say that I can see how logic triggers certain reactions.

[Lord Jade Cross]

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. If someone else is telling you this is the right thing to do and you don't agree, don't do it. You need to do what is best for you. Screw them. They are not you.

I agree. This factor though is one that I hadnt considered much before so thats why Im taking into consideration now. Of course if the factor proves to be useful, first by analasing the information and should the information prove plausible enough, I can then proceed to a physical analysis. If on the contrary, it doesnt prove plausible, I can then add it to the other ones that didnt work and write it off as a possibility.

[Guest]

A condom protects you from some things, but they are not guaranteed. If you are doing PiV, the herpes virus for example, can be active on parts of the skin that are not covered by the condom and will come into contact with you through it. Yeah, it HELPS, but it doesn't GUARANTEE.

Now, if escorts are LEGAL where you are, a legal one would get tested regularly and you can ask for proof of a clean bill of health. That + a condom is pretty safe.

Sex isn't really a big deal. But, bad experiences with sex can be. And so can things you catch from it. So, make sure you go about this safely if you are going to do it. Whether you do or not is up to if you want to. Don't let anyone push you into it.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Now, if escorts are LEGAL where you are, a legal one would get tested regularly and you can ask for proof of a clean bill of health. That + a condom is pretty safe.

Little bits of information like this is what can make a world of difference in an idea.

[blue2 sky]

I don't think you need an escort but like someone said be safe. You could always go to a country or state where its legal.

[Lord Jade Cross]

What would you suggest instead of an escort?

[Ms.Frankenstein]

Just throwing this out there for whoever might need the info - HIV takes up to 6 months to show up on a test. Even if someone is tested weekly, that's a 6 month window that someone could be transmitting HIV. I don't know how long it takes for HIV to become contagious, but it's definitely something to look into and consider for anyone who's thinking about an escort.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Yes. There are also a few other STDs that can be transmitted and remain dormant for a long time. Usually people need for them to flare up to know they have them. Herpes is one that can do this or flare up periodically making it a tricky thing to avoid.

[borealmist]

The person who suggested it said that sex was no big deal and that the sooner I got through with it, the sooner I could arrive at a more firm conclusion. I explained that I dont like the idea of touch and I dread catching something if I have sex. But I was told that since an escort would be a get in, get out, no lolligagging around thing that it might give me a purely physical experience that migh help sort things out.

Well, for some sex isn't a big deal, but for others it is, and varying types of sex can vary in how big a deal it is for the same person.

I was also told that I didnt have the dying to have it feeling like others do because Ive never done it. Though that doesnt sound right to me because I k ew people in high school who were dead set on having sex and hadnt had it yet.

Yeah, I don't think it works that way, nor have I ever heard of someone experiencing that.

I'm not sure what a single sex act with an escort would help with though, I think it would be so far from other sex experiences that it wouldn't actually tell you anything but how you feel about that specifically.

If you want to do it, maybe you could approach someone peripherally involved in other segments of the sex work industry and explain what you want and get some help finding a trustworthy escort who might want to help you figure out what you want to figure out. They're people and finding a competent professional in any field can be hard but always makes a big difference.

Just throwing this out there for whoever might need the info - HIV takes up to 6 months to show up on a test. Even if someone is tested weekly, that's a 6 month window that someone could be transmitting HIV. I don't know how long it takes for HIV to become contagious, but it's definitely something to look into and consider for anyone who's thinking about an escort.

HIV isn't really what I'd be most worried about, the female-to-male PIV transmission rate even if unprotected is in the range of 4 per 10000 exposures (might be higher during incubation though, but probably not by much; HIV basically has to find a way in through the skin to infect). I'd be more concerned about the high transmission risk STDs.

[Lord Jade Cross]

A desire to have it after an initial exposure to it? Or the desire to have it without an initial exposure?

[borealmist]

A desire to have it after an initial exposure to it? Or the desire to have it without an initial exposure?

I don't think you develop a desire to have it after an initial exposure. That would basically be affecting sexual orientation, which isn't that easy.

You can discover you like things you didn't know about before, but in that case fantasy will be enough to give you a pretty good idea on how you feel about it. You can affect peripheral feelings and things like aversion can often be helped with exposure/cognitive therapy, and you can of course make things better/more enjoyable by practice.

But actually triggering a desire, no, I don't think an exposure will do that. Either you have it or you don't, and even if it's weak you'll feel something if it's there.

[Lord Jade Cross]

But there are cases in which someone will like a fantasy over a reality, at times because of the control factor and safety it provides. Just as there are cases in which a person will like a reality over a fantasy because they understand that a fantasy is just not real so they dont derive any worthwhile pleasure from it.

If you can develop something that you didnt know about before, is it any different than new perspectives that you havent considered before even if you did/didnt engage in it before?

[DreadfulBetty]

You might want to do a web search for Charlie Glickman. He's a nice guy and will know where you cam find a therapist that does the kind of work you are looking for.

Betty

[Ms.Frankenstein]

But there are cases in which someone will like a fantasy over a reality, at times because of the control factor and safety it provides. Just as there are cases in which a person will like a reality over a fantasy because they understand that a fantasy is just not real so they dont derive any worthwhile pleasure from it.

If you can develop something that you didnt know about before, is it any different than new perspectives that you havent considered before even if you did/didnt engage in it before?

I went the other way. I *thought* I wanted it until I actually had it and then went NOPE! (I'm not discounting that there may be some other factor involved, but the bottom line is, what I believed I wanted (fantasy) turned out to be a pretty big DO NOT WANT in reality.)

[MoraDollie]

I was talking to a friend of mine that suggested that it might be easier for me to put to rest a few doubts of mine to rest if I hired a escort. That this way there would be no emotional awkwardness involved in sex and that I could get a clearer idea of the act and it might help me to have a grounded idea of if my aversion to sex is ill based, since I grew up in a hostile "no sex" enviroment.

Anyone have any experiences on this? And did it really change perspectives for you?

This is illegal in most places, so no.

[Lord Jade Cross]

But there are cases in which someone will like a fantasy over a reality, at times because of the control factor and safety it provides. Just as there are cases in which a person will like a reality over a fantasy because they understand that a fantasy is just not real so they dont derive any worthwhile pleasure from it.

If you can develop something that you didnt know about before, is it any different than new perspectives that you havent considered before even if you did/didnt engage in it before?

I went the other way. I *thought* I wanted it until I actually had it and then went NOPE! (I'm not discounting that there may be some other factor involved, but the bottom line is, what I believed I wanted (fantasy) turned out to be a pretty big DO NOT WANT in reality.)

I share a similar feeling to this. At least when imagining myself in a sexual situation, I have to keep it strictly fantasy like. If I imagine my "real" self in the situation, the feeling, well its not the best.

[blue2 sky]

I watched a documentary on virgins and it was about the virgins going to Amsterdam.

There this sex therapist did work with them which involved sex at some point. You need something like this.

I say you don't need it because you could just go to a bar for a one night stand or build an relationship with a woman.

[El-not-so-ace]

I wouldn't recommend an escort just because it might not answer your question. If you don't like it, how do you know if it's because you're actually an asexual and not a potential demisexual who would need to develop a strong emotional bond even before such feelings or drive could appear? It doesn't seem like the solution, but it's up to you.