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can someone help analyze my sexuality? demi, hetero, sapio...?


linatet

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I know someone would be thinking right now I don't have to fit labels, but I really want to analyze my sexuality. yes, I have read about the topic and the aven pages :) the point is that it really is difficult to apply it all considering individual differences. and the differences between sexual attraction, physical attraction, sensual attraction, romantic attraction, sexual desire and sexual drive are so difficult. so, please someone help! I don't know what to make of it all.

(background info: 20 yo, female, brazilian. only had one boyfriend, had sex twice, really enjoyed it)

. romantic fantasies with males and interested in dating males

. primary attraction to males not so common but based on an urge to touch them, specially chest and arms. primary attraction to females based on personality and style (so beautiful and awesome!). sometimes desire to touch their boobs. don’t know if either type is sexual

. when having an intellectual or deep conversation with someone, feelings of an urge to heavy pet them.

. real desire of having sex with someone when have a mental and emotional connection to the person. only situation when fantasizes about sex with someone with real horniness.

. high sex drive, masturbate nearly everyday depending on hormonal cycle. watches porn but fantasizing about person that don’t know well don’t turn on much, have to think of someone I have feelings for

. have crushes on females but no desire to be sexual with them. attracted like magnet to their personalities and excitement feelings

. when person is flirting with me I feel a desire for them to kiss me, but then when they do, I just want the kiss to be over. it doesn’t turn me on and is kind of icky. not sure what to make of it because I want it before but not during

. think friends of both sexes are really beautiful based on affection. desire to kiss and cuddle naked but no desire to be sexual with them

ideas? you can analyze me, that's what I am here for!

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Okay, take my thoughts with a pinch of salt. I'm still learning about all the terms, but I think I can point you towards labels that might help you understand yourself a bit better.

You identify as female and are interested in dating men -- cismen, transmen or all men? -- but you note later on that you also have crushes on women -- would that be ciswomen, transwomen or all women? Depending on your answer you might want to take a look at biromantic or panromantic.

Your primary attraction to males based on the urge to touch them sounds like an aesthetic or sensual attraction. It's not exactly sexual unless you want to touch them in those places for your or their sexual gratification. You can touch someone's body non-sexually. If it's just a generic urge to touch them it'd probably be a sensual attraction -- possibly bisensual...? I think I've seen that term flying around.

If Sapio- is the one where people find intelligence attractive, that could be what you could look into.

The mental and emotional connection sounds a lot like demisexuality.

Not sure what to say to the sex drive bit so I'll let someone else touch upon that.

Not sure what to say for the kissing thing either, but it did make me think of a term I can't remember where people experience some sort of attraction but suddenly lose that interest when it's reciprocated. I can't remember what it's called though and I know next to nothing about it, I'm just aware that it exists. But that might also be a romantic attraction, and I'm not sure if that'd be something you'd relate to since you're talking about kissing.

The last one could be a platonic attraction though.

Again, take with multiple pinches of salt. Hopefully I don't confuse you even more. If I do and/or have, please throw cake at me and I'll leave.

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Not sure what to say for the kissing thing either, but it did make me think of a term I can't remember where people experience some sort of attraction but suddenly lose that interest when it's reciprocated. I can't remember what it's called though and I know next to nothing about it, I'm just aware that it exists. But that might also be a romantic attraction, and I'm not sure if that'd be something you'd relate to since you're talking about kissing.

I'm pretty sure that would be lith/akoi -sexual, -romantic, -sensual, etc, but please correct me if I'm wrong

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"You identify as female and are interested in dating men -- cismen, transmen or all men? -- but you note later on that you also have crushes on women -- would that be ciswomen, transwomen or all women?"

hm.. I don't actually know any transperson. I am attracted to males that are not very masculine, I prefer intellectual, unconventional and/or sensitive. The crushes I have on females are not romantic in a sense that I would not like to be in a relationship with them.

"Your primary attraction to males based on the urge to touch them sounds like an aesthetic or sensual attraction. It's not exactly sexual unless you want to touch them in those places for your or their sexual gratification. You can touch someone's body non-sexually"

yeah.. I don't usually imagine anyhting related to genitalia, more like imagine touching their chests. but that would feel good for me sexually I guess

"Not sure what to say for the kissing thing either, but it did make me think of a term I can't remember where people experience some sort of attraction but suddenly lose that interest when it's reciprocated."

I think it's related to my high sex drive. I really feel an urge to act on it and find a casual partner, but then when I do and start being sexual (heavy pet) I don't get turned on. It feels uncomfortable to do it with someone I don't know well, even if I like them

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Lithromantic is also called Aporomantic (which i prefer because its the only prefix that isn't a metaphor)

I know someone would be thinking right now I don't have to fit labels, but I really want to analyze my sexuality. yes, I have read about the topic and the aven pages :) the point is that it really is difficult to apply it all considering individual differences. and the differences between sexual attraction, physical attraction, sensual attraction, romantic attraction, sexual desire and sexual drive are so difficult. so, please someone help! I don't know what to make of it all.

(background info: 20 yo, female, brazilian. only had one boyfriend, had sex twice, really enjoyed it)

Physical attraction can be intended and interpreted as three different attractions; aesthetic, sensual, and sexual. The sexual public uses this and coined it because they typically feel all of their attractions at once. As well as it being a fundamental emotion to them; which enforces their inability to see a point in looking any deeper. (Much like people not knowing that the faint taste in water is due to minerals, and pure H2O is literally tasteless-- though actually unhealthy because it will then absorb minerals from whatever it touches; i.e. damaging your mouth.)

Sexual desire and sex-drive are probably the same thing. What i mean by that is that there's a problem with sexual/a double meaning. It means sex-like so it could mean arousal/stimulation (i.e. masturbation/libido) or a desire for actual sex (i.e. sex-drive). So sexual desire is just not a word that should be used and there are more accurate ones anyways. Also, in the english language there is no word for masturbation-drive; both libido and obviously sex-drive refer to sex; sex is defined as between two people. But this is to be expected of old words and the allosexual majority thinking they're the same thing. A desire for pleasure and a desire for sex are two different things. The asexual community uses libido to refer to this difference.

List of attractions; it's a bit long so I'll conceal it so the rest is easier to read.

There are 6 types of attraction. They're all typically felt with romantic attraction (and why there can be confusion between attractions) but they aren't needed to make it valid. Other than romantic attraction, obviously, they can all be felt platonically, separately, and in different combinations. The desire to act in a certain way can also be separate from the attraction (e.g. sexual attraction with no desire to act on it).

· Sexual attraction - the impulse/compulsion to have sex with a specific person; to do genital involving things to their body.

· Romantic attraction - an emotion; so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/warm/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to one's normality with others). Some people have a physical reaction to the feeling and others don’t (i.e. butterflies in their stomach, heart rate increase [though those are also symptoms of platonic nervousness], dreamy mindset, anxious euphoria, infatuation, romantically fantasize, etc.).

· Aesthetic attraction - the pull to look at someone because of their looks and or mannerisms. It's different from recognizing good looks/what is aesthetically pleasing.

· Emotional attraction - the fixation on someone because of their emotions (optimism, stoicness, etc.), and by extent personality. I would compare it to having a favorite character or admirance.

· Sensual attraction - the impulse to have non-genital physical contact with someone specific. Platonically displaying this above the norm qualifies as a type of queerplatonic relationship (QPR). I would compare it to how many people have the urge to act toward their pets. Though this term is typically applied to other humans. There are 3 forms of sensual attraction; platonic, romantic (which only differ by chaste kissing), and sexual (in the sense that it’s done for sexual arousal, not because it includes sex/genital contact --and it’s still under asexuality as a kink).

· Platonic attraction - (aka a squish; a play on the romantic word crush) the impulse to know or befriend someone specific. The desired bond can vary from being friends, close friends, to best friends.

· And it's possible to find someone charming without romantic attraction. (look up charming's definition/synonyms for further clarification)

· It's also possible to have queerplatonic feelings for someone; A queerplatonic relationship (QPR) is an emotionally platonic relationship (aka no romantic attraction) that has the characteristic(s) associated with a romantic relationship. It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm, displaying platonic sensual attraction above the norm (only differing from romantic sensual attraction with chaste kissing, although preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make one’s feelings unromantic), or a combination of the two. They may or may not have monogamy, live together, have kids, or look like a couple to the public. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs. An example would be Turk and JD from Scrubs.

(The following is currently under the term queerplatonic, but others agree these should be split up into the term Quasiplatonic; an alternative term for queerplatonic for those who want to avoid the gay interpretation of the word, but the prefix does not actually reflect that and means the opposite)

A quasiplatonic relationship (QSPR? QZPR?) is a relationship that does not involve romantic attraction but does involve romantic or sexual things. It can be friends with sexual benefits, friends with make out benefits, or romantically pleasing someone they platonically care about (QP to one and romantic to the other; although it's their decision on what they call the relationship).

As for your bullet points..

. primary attraction to males not so common but based on an urge to touch them, specially chest and arms. primary attraction to females based on personality and style (so beautiful and awesome!). sometimes desire to touch their boobs. don’t know if either type is sexual

. real desire of having sex with someone when have a mental and emotional connection to the person. only situation when fantasizes about sex with someone with real horniness.

. high sex drive, masturbate nearly everyday depending on hormonal cycle. watches porn but fantasizing about person that don’t know well don’t turn on much, have to think of someone I have feelings for

. have crushes on females but no desire to be sexual with them. attracted like magnet to their personalities and excitement feelings

. when person is flirting with me I feel a desire for them to kiss me, but then when they do, I just want the kiss to be over. it doesn’t turn me on and is kind of icky. not sure what to make of it because I want it before but not during

No one uses the primary and secondary attraction scale on here. It's rarely ever mentioned. What is sexual (directly or indirectly) involves the genitals. So unless you want to do things because they turn you on or because you want to turn them on, it's not sexual. But the breast touching may be qualified as a kink. Asexuals can have kinks and fetishes; the orientation strictly refers to sex.

Demisexual: experiencing sexual attraction after an emotional bond has formed

There are "cross-orientations"; where the romantic orientation does not match up with the romantic. If you're bi but only sexually attracted to men then that's Biromantic Heterosexual. But it's also your decision if you want to date women/people you're not sexually attracted to.

Lithsensual aka Aposensual: having sensual attraction but reacting unpositively when its actually reciprocated; more specifically immediately or over time resulting in indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. But if it's just with kissing then that's just an odd trait. This term would apply if it was also toward other sensual things.

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You sound like regular ol' sexual to me. I know that's probably offensive or whatever but. This whole primary vs secondary attraction thing is idiotic and if that's the only thing separating someone from identifying as sexual, that seems pretty silly to me. Many of us sexuals dig people based on personality, emotional connections, etc. Not to mention that there isn't a distinct "touch his penis" attraction... if you want to be close and touch and fondle, that's attraction... choosing to let the situation escalate to where sex is desired, well, there is some amount of choice and personality preference there. Also, you've really enjoyed sex when you've had it. I guess my question is, what makes you even question whether you're sexual?

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Usual caveat emptor: Only you can know what your orientation is. All I can provide are my opinions.

. romantic fantasies with males and interested in dating males

Well, imho, this makes you andro-romantic.

. primary attraction to males not so common but based on an urge to touch them, specially chest and arms. primary attraction to females based on personality and style (so beautiful and awesome!). sometimes desire to touch their boobs. don’t know if either type is sexual


I would say this means you are aesthetically attracted to men, and emotionally attracted to women.

. when having an intellectual or deep conversation with someone, feelings of an urge to heavy pet them.

I would call this sapiosensuality.

. real desire of having sex with someone when have a mental and emotional connection to the person. only situation when fantasizes about sex with someone with real horniness.

. high sex drive, masturbate nearly everyday depending on hormonal cycle. watches porn but fantasizing about person that don’t know well don’t turn on much, have to think of someone I have feelings for

No offense meant, but I am not sure what you are saying here. If you develop the desire to have sex with someone only once you have an emotional connection that would be demisexuality. If you only desire sex in fantasies and in fades in reality that would be autochorissexuality. I guess it is possible to have both at the same time...

. high sex drive, masturbate nearly everyday depending on hormonal cycle. watches porn but fantasizing about person that don’t know well don’t turn on much, have to think of someone I have feelings for

. have crushes on females but no desire to be sexual with them. attracted like magnet to their personalities and excitement feelings

This would make you a libidoist and sapio-gyneromnatic.

. when person is flirting with me I feel a desire for them to kiss me, but then when they do, I just want the kiss to be over. it doesn’t turn me on and is kind of icky. not sure what to make of it because I want it before but not during

This sounds like aporosensualism to me.

. think friends of both sexes are really beautiful based on affection. desire to kiss and cuddle naked but no desire to be sexual with them

Pansensual asexuality.

ideas? you can analyze me, that's what I am here for!

Well, as you can see I can come up with a variety of labels for you if that is what you want, and there is no rule that you can only be one thing. But if you wanted me to give you a label I would say at times you make it sound like you do desire sex (with the right emotional connection) and same goes with romantic, sensual attractions. I think I would classify you as a demi-romantic demi-sexual. But if any of the other labels I mentions feel like they fit better feel free to use them.

That said, at one point you say you do desire sex and another point you don't. I think I am losing something in translation between the two of us and for that I apologize.

Here is a list of the different types of romantic positions one can have if you want to see more types:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/119238-a-list-of-romantic-orientations/

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@Skullery

I think it's because she says she isn't sexually attracted to women (only romantically).

@Lost

If you only desire sex in fantasies and in fades in reality that would be autochorissexuality.

No, that would be Lithsexuality aka Aposexuality.

There is no actual point to the term autochroissexual aka anegosexual. It can be used on sexual people as well as asexual people. It was created by a doctor to mean someone who is not sexually attracted to what is in erotica but still gets aroused by it. A sexual orientation should refer to having sexual attraction (obviously asexual literally means not having sexual attraction). Arousal is not sexual attraction/the impulse to have sex with someone, nor is the term asexual literal.

Theres also no point in suggesting andro and gyno orientations when someone doesn't specify they're genderqueer or dislike steriotypes associated with hetero/homo terms. You also don't explain that they're specifics they could use while the normal terms still suffice.

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@Skullery

I think it's because she says she isn't sexually attracted to women (only romantically).

But she is sexually attracted to dudes, so... that's heterosexual with girl crushes, which isn't so uncommon :)

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@Lost

If you only desire sex in fantasies and in fades in reality that would be autochorissexuality.

No, that would be Lithsexuality aka Aposexuality.

There is no actual point to the term autochroissexual aka anegosexual. It can be used on sexual people as well as asexual people. It was created by a doctor to mean someone who is not sexually attracted to what is in erotica but still gets aroused by it. A sexual orientation should refer to having sexual attraction (obviously asexual literally means not having sexual attraction). Arousal is not sexual attraction/the impulse to have sex with someone, nor is the term asexual literal.

Theres also no point in suggesting andro and gyno orientations when someone doesn't specify they're genderqueer or dislike steriotypes associated with hetero/homo terms. You also don't explain that they're specifics they could use while the normal terms still suffice.

I must disagree with your assessment that there is no point to the term. Aposexuality is being attracted to someone and either not wanting those those feelings returned or not caring if those feelings are reciprocated. Autochorissexuality on the other hand, is defined as a disconnect between the person and the target of their affections.

One particular type of Autochorissexuals, those who can have desires in fantasy but not in reality, can and often do want those feelings returned but they can only feel that way when it is in a fantasy. Once one starts discussing the real world those feelings vanish altogether. This would make it categorically different from aposexuality where returned affections are either a turn off or immaterial.

There is definitely overlap, but in my opinion the two are different things. If anything, I would say that aposexuality is just a specific form of autochorissexuality. Both warranting their own definitions.

Edit: Forgot the last part

I feel that andro and gyne prefix are superior to the hetero/homo prefixes as it 1)breaks cis-heteronomativity 2)We do not know gender status unless explicitly stated 3) People can be confused about gender status 4) Gender status is fluid 5) Sexuality is fluid 6) People can be confused on their sexuality 7) people can mistake the gender of the object of their affections 8.) When referring to trans people all hetero/homo prefixes do is cause confusion.

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scarletlatitude

Remember to stay on topic. We are answering a question, not debating labels.

To the op - remember that you can have as many labels as you want. I know a lot of them are being thrown around here. I hope you are able to use our info to find what is right for you. :)

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Then the way the term is used now is completely different from how the man who created it defined it as, which is wrong. He literally defined it as someone who got aroused by erotica but had no desire to have sex with what was on screen (e.g. bestiality porn) And i heard of this term earlier in the year and it didn't have this meaning. It sounds like Lith-Fictosexual anyways.

[PM if you want to continue]

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What is sexual (directly or indirectly) involves the genitals. So unless you want to do things because they turn you on or because you want to turn them on, it's not sexual. But the breast touching may be qualified as a kink. Asexuals can have kinks and fetishes; the orientation strictly refers to sex.

not really sure if it's sexual. I think most of the times it's a fetishe, but then I also think it would turn me on.

how does that work with asexuals?

Lithsensual aka Aposensual: having sensual attraction but reacting unpositively when its actually reciprocated; more specifically immediately or over time resulting in indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. But if it's just with kissing then that's just an odd trait. This term would apply if it was also toward other sensual things.

it's not just with kissing, it's any sexual contact with people I don't know well. but then I have only kissed (not had sex) people I don't know well because I don't get turned on and so would not continue to the sexual contact. I also feel like that with people I like/boyfriends, which really bugs me. I like the idea of being sexual with someone but then leading to the act I just don't get turned on and feel umconfortable. only exception is when I am really connected to someone and used to the person for a long time. even with the guys I was dating and in love with it felt weird.

You sound like regular ol' sexual to me. I know that's probably offensive or whatever but.

no, not at all. I was analyzing my sexuality thinking of something in the lines of hetero, bi, demi or sapio.

This whole primary vs secondary attraction thing is idiotic and if that's the only thing separating someone from identifying as sexual, that seems pretty silly to me.

well, that's cause I read in many places this is what tells apart demisexuals. that they don't feel primary attraction, only when bond is formed. what do you think?

I guess my question is, what makes you even question whether you're sexual?

because I am very different from most people considering sexuality and I never understood it well. my peers have always checked people and found them romantically or sexually attractive, I never have. girls were like: "hey, did you see x?" and I am like: "who's x?" "that really hot guy from our class" and I am like: "???". I never noticed the guys and couldn't tell which ones were considered hot so my friends thought I was asexual (and I wasn't interested on that). I did research on it for years and then came to the conclusion I was not asexual, but I was not really sure of what was going on.

second thing that bugs me is the fact that I like the idea of being sexual with someone but then leading to the act I don't get turned on and just think it's umconfortable. (more on that above)

I started to notice people on the way described on the first post (wanting to touch chest and arms of a selected number of males) after having had sex. because then it was an association thing of "sex is good" and "touching people is good". but when I get sexual with them it just feels umconfortable.

That said, at one point you say you do desire sex and another point you don't.

that's exactly why I am bugged haha because I do desire it in my mind in the above situations but not when acting on it (if it's someone I don't know deeply)

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that's exactly why I am bugged haha because I do desire it in my mind in the above situations but not when acting on it (if it's someone I don't know deeply)

If it dependent upon knowing someone deeply that would fit the definition of demi-sexuality.

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that's exactly why I am bugged haha because I do desire it in my mind in the above situations but not when acting on it (if it's someone I don't know deeply)

If it dependent upon knowing someone deeply that would fit the definition of demi-sexuality.

What is weird is that the attraction is not dependent on knowing someone deeply (attraction to touch the person if it's some I don't know, or heavy pet if it's an intellectual/deep conversation), at least attraction in my mind. but acting on it, yes, and not because of some psychological issue or ideology, I have absolutely no problem with casual. it just doesn't turn me on.

Do you understand what I mean?

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What is sexual (directly or indirectly) involves the genitals. So unless you want to do things because they turn you on or because you want to turn them on, it's not sexual. But the breast touching may be qualified as a kink. Asexuals can have kinks and fetishes; the orientation strictly refers to sex.

not really sure if it's sexual. I think most of the times it's a fetishe, but then I also think it would turn me on.

how does that work with asexuals?

The bold is your answer, the rest is elaboration. Sorry for the confusion. Ok, i realize this may get confusing so read it slow. Sexual has two meanings since it means sex-like; literally meaning sex or things associated to it like sexual arousal. Asexuality is about sexual attraction. Sexual in the use strictly pertaining to sex. So asexuality strictly pertains to sex/the genitals. Sexual attraction is not arousal but the urge to have sex with someone. Anything other than desiring contact with genitals is under asexuality as sensual attraction (desire for non-genital physical contact). Out of technicality/no better word, fetishes are sexual, but in the arousal sense. Asexuals can have fetishes and kinks and do things for sexual arousal as long as it doesn't involve desiring sex with someone [which you do, so read the next reply]. Kissing is not sexual; at least as long as you don't want it done for sexual arousal. It can cause sexual arousal but it is not sex; it is romantic; more specifically under the term sensual attraction (desire for non-genital physical contact). There are 3 types of sensual attraction; platonic, romantic, and sexual (in the sense that sexual arousal is desired but genitals aren't, which is a kink). The phrase sensual attraction typically refers to the first two types though.

Lithsensual aka Aposensual: having sensual attraction but reacting unpositively when its actually reciprocated; more specifically immediately or over time resulting in indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. But if it's just with kissing then that's just an odd trait. This term would apply if it was also toward other sensual things.

it's not just with kissing, it's any sexual contact with people I don't know well. but then I have only kissed (not had sex) people I don't know well because I don't get turned on and so would not continue to the sexual contact. I also feel like that with people I like/boyfriends, which really bugs me. I like the idea of being sexual with someone but then leading to the act I just don't get turned on and feel umconfortable. only exception is when I am really connected to someone and used to the person for a long time. even with the guys I was dating and in love with it felt weird.

Hm, perhaps Lithsexual aka Aposexual (which i prefer because its prefix isn't a metaphor) fits better. (same concept as given except with sexual attraction) But making sure i got this right. You feel the need to kiss people but get averse to it because you expect sex? But when you have a better bond with someone you're more open to having sex but sex still doesn't feel right despite mentally desiring it with the person? --Though if you view kissing and such as sexual then Apo would explain why you react badly to it; you view it as sexual reciprocation.

This whole primary vs secondary attraction thing is idiotic and if that's the only thing separating someone from identifying as sexual, that seems pretty silly to me.

well, that's cause I read in many places this is what tells apart demisexuals. that they don't feel primary attraction, only when bond is formed. what do you think?

No one uses Primary and Secondary attraction on here because it's not self explanatory and not used enough to try to learn it. It's self explanatory when you say "initial or immediate attraction" instead of primary, and "after a bond" with secondary.

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