twerking_corpse Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Hi, I'm an 18 year old female, going to start my first year of college. I've identified as asexual for a bit of time now, but I think I might be demisexual. Here's the thing, I haven't done anything sexual with anyone, not even kissed. I thought I was asexual until I realized I would in fact be open to a relationship (I identify as heteromantic because I know for sure I wouldn't want to be with a girl). Now I know there's sex-positive asexuals and asexuals who get into relationships, but I was thinking that maybe I'm demisexual because I don't feel any sexual attraction, but I think I would if I liked someone enough. I have had a bad experience with a friend who wanted more than I wanted to give, but I was never taken advantage of. I think it might be something I'm not emotionally ready to do (getting into a relationship, I mean) because I was hurt by my former friend. Sorry, this is really long and I hope it makes sense. Any opinion is greatly appreciated on my way to understanding myself. -Jamie Link to post Share on other sites
stonehengegirl Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Hi Jamie, Only you can ultimately be the one who decided what you are (other than a person). I read somewhere that we all get to call ourselves asexual until proven other wise. If you think you're demisexual then maybe you are but you won't really know until it happens. It's good to be open to the possibilities. Enjoy your first year of college! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyErzsebet Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Welcome to AVEN! College is a great time for meeting new people and figuring out stuff about yourself so you don't have to worry about having a precise label yet. If you think you might be demi, then identify as demi. You can also just identify as ace-spectrum without specifying where on the spectrum you are if that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Welcome to AVEN!! I hope the forum helps you better understand who you are. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
twerking_corpse Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Thank you for all the input, guys. I feel good knowing that everyone is so accepting and welcoming here. It's kind of a relief to know that other people are like me and won't judge. I also have read that sexuality can change as we change, so I'll definitely be keeping an open mind. ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
aawhystine Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 They have made a good point. College is a time for experimentation, escaping the nest, learning to be an adult. I am thirty years old, only realized I was asexual within the last few years, and aromantic within the last few weeks. I often told myself that if I met the right person, I would not be averse to being in a dedicated relationship, but for me, I was just fooling myself. Realizing that someone wanting to go out on a date with me is enough for me to spin into a panic attack. Discovering yourself is a life long endeavor, one you never really finish. You are always defining and redefining who you are. Accepting, even to yourself, that you are different from others can be hard, like a dream that has been shattered. Take your time, develop friendships, and keep an open mind. And more than anything else, be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Anne Thrope Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I understand about feeling like you could become sexually attracted to someone after developing a close connection with them; I have felt the same way. I would be careful about identifying as demisexual though! It could become messy if you end up going into a relationship thinking you're demisexual, only to find out later that you are asexual. You can't be sure about demisexuality until it happens. Just be careful, take time to explore your sexuality, and good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
twerking_corpse Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 I'll keep this all in mind as I go forth on my college adventures! Haha, yeah I'm an anxious person but I wonder if dating anxiety would go away if I "found the right person" as everyone seems to think. I mean, it's wonderful if you can, but I don't think everyone has that "right person" in a sexual and romantic way. I'd be happy with someone who's accepting of me, and who doesn't mind if I don't want to be sexual. But, then again, you never know until you try I guess? I just plan on being as safe as possible about it, but you (unfortunately) can't account for everything. Link to post Share on other sites
CMV Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Hello And Welcome To AVEN! Link to post Share on other sites
aawhystine Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I'll keep this all in mind as I go forth on my college adventures! Haha, yeah I'm an anxious person but I wonder if dating anxiety would go away if I "found the right person" as everyone seems to think. I mean, it's wonderful if you can, but I don't think everyone has that "right person" in a sexual and romantic way. I'd be happy with someone who's accepting of me, and who doesn't mind if I don't want to be sexual. But, then again, you never know until you try I guess? I just plan on being as safe as possible about it, but you (unfortunately) can't account for everything. There is such a thing as queerplatonic relationships as well. I don't know a lot about it, as it's not really something I'm interested in because I like living alone, but there is a wide spectrum and variety of types of relationships, with the classical romantic relationship on one end, and the queerplatonic relationship on the other end. You have relationships that are sexual but not romantic, romantic but not sexual, both, neither. You name it! If in doubt, let things go in a way that flows naturally. There's always a chance of heartache, and it might end because the two people cannot achieve their individual needs in the relationship, but you'll learn what you want out of a relationship, and what you need. And that is, in the end, what I think is most important because the uncertainty can be a killer. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Hi and welcome! This is a great place to learn more about some of your feelings and meet others who feel similarly. It's a good place to make some new friends and feel supported too. I'm glad you joined and hope you love being part of this awesome community.!!! :) Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Hello, and welcome to AVEN!! :cake: Finding the right label to define yourself can be a real challenge. It seems like you have a good understanding of how you feel though, which is the first and most difficult step of the process, so don't stress if you can't decide on a label for those feelings right away. Just be who you are, and see what happens. Anyway, I hope this site can be a valuable resource to you if you do want to decide on a label, and I hope that you enjoy being a member of the community! :) Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Hullo, nice to meet you and welcome to AVEN! :cake: I'm glad that you have decided to join and thank you for introducing yourself. I used to think that I may be demisexual... since I wasn't sure whether or not I may be able to feel sexual attraction in the future. Though... I came to accept that the future is completely unknown... but right here and right now I know I am asexual. Only you can decided what to identify as, of course. Though, my point is, regardless of your sexuality, it's okay and you are still more than welcome here. I wish you good luck on your journey and I hope you enjoy it here... more cake! Link to post Share on other sites
CosineTheCat Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 Hello and Welcome to AVEN! This is a wonderful site full of amazing people and I’m glad that you’ve become a part of it, and thank you for sharing your story, I know it’s not always easy thing to do. Be sure to browse around and check out all the different areas. I’m sure you’ll find something that interests you! Welcome Again Link to post Share on other sites
litanies Posted April 3, 2017 Share Posted April 3, 2017 On 8/28/2015 at 3:39 PM, twerking_corpse said: Hi, I'm an 18 year old female, going to start my first year of college. I've identified as asexual for a bit of time now, but I think I might be demisexual. Here's the thing, I haven't done anything sexual with anyone, not even kissed. I thought I was asexual until I realized I would in fact be open to a relationship (I identify as heteromantic because I know for sure I wouldn't want to be with a girl). Now I know there's sex-positive asexuals and asexuals who get into relationships, but I was thinking that maybe I'm demisexual because I don't feel any sexual attraction, but I think I would if I liked someone enough. I have had a bad experience with a friend who wanted more than I wanted to give, but I was never taken advantage of. I think it might be something I'm not emotionally ready to do (getting into a relationship, I mean) because I was hurt by my former friend. Sorry, this is really long and I hope it makes sense. Any opinion is greatly appreciated on my way to understanding myself. -Jamie I actually went through something similar. I assumed I was asexual or gray-asexual through most of my life, but eventually ran into someone I was attracted to who actually was attracted to me (a very rare event). So it turned out I was demisexual. That said ... it was confusing for a long time. The only way to figure it out really is to keep observing yourself through various experiences and contexts. Link to post Share on other sites
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