That asexual guy Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Very short video of a guy who identifies as gay and graysexual http://youtu.be/RnLgqGJqDvg Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Love it! I think he did a great job of explaining gray-sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Kisses Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 That's a cool video. I'm kind of gay and greysexual as well, but I think I'm more sexual than him. I kind of feel too sexual for the asexual community and too asexual for the queer community. Link to post Share on other sites
zulawski Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 That's a cool video. I'm kind of gay and greysexual as well, but I think I'm more sexual than him. I kind of feel too sexual for the asexual community and too asexual for the queer community. Same here. I'm a 32-year-old gay guy, definitely on the asexual spectrum, but slightly more sexual than him. After hanging out with a lot of asexuals today at an event, I've been feeling pretty much the same thing ("too sexual for the asexual community and too asexual for the queer community"). It's really helpful to hear another person articulate that. Link to post Share on other sites
That asexual guy Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 It's hard to not really belong on either end. I'm not too sexual for the asexual community. The problem I have with the asexual community that makes me feel I don't belong is this expectation to fit some kind of autocratic definition. If you don't, many make you feel you don't belong with them. On the other end, I think asexuals are queer, but the queer community has not been welcoming to me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I'm sorry that you feel that way. I am a gray-asexual and I've never felt unwelcomed by the asexual community... At least not by the online asexual community. I've never met any of us in real life, or at least not any that are out. I know there are some aces who try to push people into orientation boxes. We try to discourage that on AVEN but I know it still happens. There are a lot of aces who also feel that labels or no labels are fine, whatever you choose is up to you. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Kisses Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I'm sorry that you feel that way. I am a gray-asexual and I've never felt unwelcomed by the asexual community... At least not by the online asexual community. I've never met any of us in real life, or at least not any that are out. I know there are some aces who try to push people into orientation boxes. We try to discourage that on AVEN but I know it still happens. There are a lot of aces who also feel that labels or no labels are fine, whatever you choose is up to you. :) I don't feel too unwelcome, but a few people on this forum have told me I'm on the wrong forum. It also seems like most grey asexual a are more asexual than me. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Kisses Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 The guy in this video sounds more like he's pretty asexual to me. Perhaps a sex-positive ace who's sometimes open to sexual activity with a partner, but I'm not sure what about his description of how he feels makes him anything but asexual. That's what I was thinking. I think he's more on the asexual side of grey-sexuality. He probably doesn't identify as completely asexual because he feels attracted to men and isn't quite sure what sexual attraction is. I sometimes have trouble knowing what sexual attraction is, but I've definitely felt it at least a few times. Link to post Share on other sites
That asexual guy Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 And this is exactly what I'm talking about. People decide to define other people. The dude says he's gray so he's gray. It doesn't matter if he fits your definition of what that means. Link to post Share on other sites
Siggy Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I really like this video because I'm also gay and gray-A, and actually it can be kind of hard to find people in that particular intersection. I also find it really hard to find other ace guys who interact extensively with gay male culture. He didn't really say anything about gay culture, but the video shows him wandering around (what looks like) West Hollywood, looking at go-go boys and Grindr, and I feel like someone out there understands. Link to post Share on other sites
Siggy Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 And this is exactly what I'm talking about. People decide to define other people. The dude says he's gray so he's gray. It doesn't matter if he fits your definition of what that means. He's welcome to call himself whatever he wants, and y'know, maybe there are things he didn't mention in the video that make him more grey than ace. That's definitely a possibility. I was, however, making an observation based on the information I was presented with and with the definitions of 'grey-a' and 'asexual' in mind. Also people aren't automatically whatever they decide to call themselves; that renders terms useless. If someone says, "I'm heterosexual," and they're voluntarily having and enjoying sex with people of the same sex, are they still hetero? I think there's a pretty large area of ambiguity where a person can choose to identify as gray-ace or asexual, and there's no underlying truth to which one they "really" are. Cause they're not like fundamental categories of people, they're just words we made up. And for the record, I've had lots of people say that my experience really sounds like one thing or another. It's pretty annoying and I don't care that it's just an observation based on information being presented. I don't like that every time I present information I have to predict what my particular audience thinks is the perfect balance. Kinda off-putting to see longtimers saying it in the gray forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Siggy Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 So people can't question anything someone else says without it being considered wrong, annoying or offensive rather than just curious about the person's reasoning? Words and phrases do actually require some type of definition, otherwise they're utterly useless. I'm not objecting to the very idea that you might question someone's identity. I'm objecting to this particular instance here and now. It is absolutely not true that words require some type of definition to be useful. Read some philosophy. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 We've got two (sort of) groups on AVEN - those who like labels and those who don't. I know that sometimes the people who really like labels may get annoying if you are a person who doesn't like them. If you notice something that you don't like, you can let a moderator know and we will take a look at it. Remember that you can also ignore people by going into your settings (or PM an admod for help). Whatever your side is (label or no label), let's keep it civil please. :) Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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