Is it possible to be asexual at such a young age?

[StrawberryCake]

I am a fourteen year old female and I have just discovered about asexuality not more than one month ago. As I've never heard about that term before, I got really interested and decided to do some research. I've passed days and nights reading definitions, articles and forums about asexuality and I noticed that it absolutely described me (or a big part of me).

I've noticed that I have rarely/never felt any sexual attraction towards any gender. I also don't remember of ever having a crush on someone, which is something that everyone around me thinks as "not normal". One thing about my generation that I'm really annoyed about is that I can't spend half an hour with someone of my age without hearing them talking about boys/girls, relationships, crushes or dirty jokes. In my 14 years of life, I have always felt disgusted by that behavior.

I rarely get turned on, and I'm actually fine with that because sex doesn't seem appealing to me. I think it's illogical (unless you want to have a child with your partner) and it is definitely not necessary for a healthy romantic relationship. I feel extremely uncomfortable when people talk about those topics, or when sexual things happen in movies/books, or even when I see someone making out. Maybe it's normal for some people at my age to think that, but I don't know anyone older than twelve or thirteen that doesn't feel sexual attraction towards others. I'd like to have a relationship in the future and maybe even get married, but a sexual one is absolutely out of question.

Since most of you have so much experience and knowledge about this topic, I think it would be really helpful if you could tell me your opinions about an asexual preteenager.

So, am I too young to be considered as asexual?

[Elluna Hellen]

Short answer: no.

Longer answer: you are not too young to be considered asexual, but if I were you I would keep an open mind for a little while longer. While you can definitely be ace at this age, it also might still change. This doesn't mean there is any harm in considering yourself asexual right now, but if it does eventually change, don't feel bad. You weren't wrong. Sometimes, things just change :)

[ZBD]

I don't think you are "too young to be asexual" (I am 17) although I think it's pretty common not to experience sexual attraction at 14. Some teenagers pretend to have sexual attraction to "look cool" -_-

You can identify yourself as an asexual, and you can even change later ! Maybe you're demisexual, perhaps something else, you should give you time to find yourself :)

[mustardblood]

No, not at all. I also feel the same about many of those things as another of the younger members.

[StrawberryCake]

Thank you for your answers, I'll keep them in mind :)

[verily-forsooth-egads]

I'm in more or less the same boat as you. Everyone seems to say 14 is on the fence—you might be ace for life, you might not be. I'm operating under the assumption that I am, while waiting patiently just in case. It's up to you to decide how sure you're willing to be. Sorry, I wish I could be more helpful.

[StrawberryCake]

You were helpful, don't worry! I will definitely give myself more time to figure this out

[andreas1033]

Until you have developed in the adult you will become, and reach your peak, you cannot really be sure. Like i said before males reach there peak in early 20's, and females late 20's, early 30's.

So even if you are truly asexual, you cannot be sure until you have reached your peak age of energies with is personal to you. So like i said i knew at 13 or so, but did not confirm it totally until 23, as by then as a person and male, i knew i was past my peak energies, and never once had changed my mind or view that i was not interested in others.

So for me, op should be mindful of who you are, but do not right of not being sexual until you have reached your peak of energies. If you get to that age, and you should know it, as its personal to you, of when you have reached your energy peak, and still believe your asexual then fine.

For me saying it openly at 23 really confirmed it to my subconcious, and it was like a weight was lifted of my shoulders. Saying it verbally was like an affirmation(to my subconcious), and i have never had any doubts since.

So my tip to anyone whom is young and thinks they are asexual, i would hold of until your absolutely sure you are to say it verbally. I never wanted to say it verbally until i was totally sure, and at 23 i was.

But its your life and you handle this how you want, that was just what was right for me. I would think being asexual male and asexual female are sightly different, as the two genders reach there peak at different ages. But even if your asexual with virtually no sex drive, you will have a peak of that energy. My view like i did, i waited till i was confident that peak had past till i said it verbally to others. Your really saying it to yourself, and your subconcious.

But like i said how you handle it is your business. I just write this stuff, so you can understand from a male of 40 today what i went through.

I knew at 13 or so, and today at 40, i was right. So you can know when your young, but only time can really show you if your right or wrong.

[Lady Norgard]

I found a psychologists report that said that sexual attraction starts at 10, with 'late bloomers' being about 14. So it's likely that you are ace, but just keep an open mind. I'm 18 am am positive that I am asexual, but I still realise that I may go to uni and find that I'm a lesbian, I'm completely open and chill about it.

there is no problem with you identifying as asexual at 14, we will all welcome you here :) But, I would highly advise not coming out to anyone untill you're positive yourself, and have reached an age where people can't use your age to discredit your orientation. At 18 people still say to me that I'm too young to know, which is utter rubbish, but it has to be put up with.

[Syrotik]

Pretty much what others said. I know that I had a feeling I wasn't quite 'normal' during year 9 at school (just had to look up the age of that, couldn't remember! 13-14 apparently) as others were talking about their crushes and I was sitting there not really understanding what they meant. I used to just pick what ever girl I thought seemed nice, which generally speaking got odd responses because said girls aren't who you're supposed to 'like'... Here I am a little over 10 years on knowing I am asexual. I actually described myself as asexual to a close friend back then, though I didn't know the term actually meant anything like this. Didn't learn it was a thing until I was at university and I got a massive slap to the face that people really do want sex and I was wrong to think others were exaggerating.

But that's just my experience, you may develop feelings and you may not. I hear I still could - sexuality being fluid 'n' all. But ultimately I'd rather be happy with what I am right now than keep waiting for what may or may not happen. Just best to keep an open mind I guess?

[Crystalkinz]

I'm 14 and I'm definitely ace. I know people might say that 14 is too young but there is no way for me, in my mind, that I'm not. Everyone else in my grade, in my school, even, is at the stage of crushes and sexual attraction. I'm not experiencing these things, I find them wholly unappealing, and so on. So, by my interpretation, I'm asexual. I think if you feel that you're ace, feel free identify as such, and if you aren't sure, you don't have to force yourself to keep the label. But either way, being 14 myself, I'd say it's definitely not too young.

[trolltasm]

Honestly, if I'd known of the term in my younger years, I'd have probably used it a lot sooner. And I'd have felt a lot less awkward about myself to boot. I began noticing something was different about me from a really young age, like probably eight or nine at least. Girls I knew would dare boys to kiss them, and then run away. I thought that was the game--never knew they wanted to be caught; that kind of freaked me out. And I've never liked watching kissing or other adult scenes, though my friends would absorb that stuff by the score.

By my early teens, I was pretending I was normal because I thought that, well, I was. I didn't know there were other options or alternatives besides gay or straight, so I figured I had to be one or the other. I don't know if I'd have used the word out loud, because boy did a lot of people around me freak when I opened up about being ace later in life, but then again, maybe I would have, to friends at least.

Eh, anyway, long story short, no. Labels are used to make you feel comfortable with yourself--that's what's most important. Even if you change the label later because you find something that fits better, that's okay. Use whatever labels you want, whenever you want, to feel as comfortable as yourself as you need to be. I don't think you're too young, but just be prepared for the questions and lack of understanding and everything else that goes with identifying as ace if you decide to be open about it to others.

[helana12_03]

I was a lot like you when I was 14. Everyone around me were talking about boys, crushes and cute guys and I didn't... I was also kind of disgusted by this behavior. Btw, I don't think it's a generation thing. Back when I was 14 it was just as impossible to talk to other 14 year olds without hearing them talking about boys/girls/dating/sex (I'm in my 20s...).

I agree with Elluna Hellen. The thing is that different people develop at different rates and it's often hard to tell if you're asexual until you're done developing. I thought I was a late bloomer for a long time before I finally realized I was asexual. When I was around your age, I had a friend who wasn't interested in boys, but then somewhere around age 16-17 things started changing, so you never know... People still tell me that one day I'm going to meet the right guy and things will change (but I doubt it ;)), so people are always going to tell you you're too young to know no matter how old you are.. You can identify as asexual for now and if one day things change, it's not a big deal. Identities can change overtime.