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Hello, I am very uncertain....


RyderFlyte137

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RyderFlyte137

Hello there, everyone.

I am not sure if this is the even the right forum to ask these questions, but I am desperately in want of knowledge from people who know about this sort of thing. I would be very grateful for some borrowed knowledge and I thank those who shall read my little story. Here I go;

At present, I suspect myself a sex adversed/repulsed allosexual. Already, I feel as though I am wasting your time, but please, hear me out. It is difficult to know where to begin. I am a Christian female. In my late teens, who is indifferent to my biological sex. You may be thinking, that any adversion I may have to sex, is due to my faith. This is not entirely true. I may be in favour of celibacy until marriage and more focus upon love than lust, but I am not judgmental and I certainly think my case to be different from other Christians my age.

I do know that, in some sort of way, I do experience sexual attraction. I do have certain ideals concerning the body, that are set apart from aesthetic admiration. I shall say, however, that pictures do not do a great deal for me. Results vary. I do have trouble becoming physically interested in people. I have watched a minut amont of pornography, while I did get a sensation that was more than simply groinal response, I could not help but find it too comical to be arousing. I found that I had a great reaction to erotica stories, because things where described is such a way. Things were far more sensory. I am ashamed to admit, that for a very long time, I was addicted to erotica stories and fantasies. I had found them a sorce of comfort and the feeling they produced was pleasing. It also gave me a feeling that I was loved and appeared as something to be cared for and desired by others within these fantasies. Yes, it was very pathetic. Yet, somehow, there was always a subconsious knowledge, that I did not want to really have sex. I thought it was simply inevitable, that if the offer arose, I would literally not be able to resist it.

Things only really came into perspective, a short while ago. My friend told me that she had had sex with here ex boyfriend. Now, I did not fully realize at the time, because I was angry with her boyfriend for a number of reasons, but looking back, I realize my reaction. I was so utterly baffled. Not because she had sex before marriage, not because of relationship with her boyfriend. I was baffled as to why she had sex at all. I could not wrap my head around why anybody would agree to have sex with anyone, whether they loved each other or not. I tried to picture myself as being proposition for sex by a man I would love, and I could not say yes. Even if they were my husband, I could not have said yes. I did not want it, I simply did not. I realised, that it is always a surprise to me, that any couple, or even spouses have sex. I seem to think that they are simply companions who love each other, are attracted to each other. I simply never think that anyone has had sex, even if they have children.

I always used to think of sex as something inevitable, that happens between lovers, because they cannot control themselves. I contemplated the way I viewed love, and my own experiences of love in the past. I realize, that I do not see sex as something that would enter my romantic relationships. It would not have a place. I almost cringe to think of having sex with someone I am in love with. Thus far, I have been romantically attracted to three people. Two of which were male, one female. I never fallen in love with anyone, via or accompanying sexual intrigue. I have thought them all beautiful, the the sight of each made me feel warm and affectionate and happy. Physical attraction, never came into it. One in particular, the girl, I tried to have a sexual attraction to. I stared at her, in a way I felt I ought, but I did not feel attracted in that way. I tried to think of her sexually, while I did enjoy the thought of kissing her, holding her, the thought of sexual contact felt awkward and unnecessary. It was funny, when I got my first boyfriend, at twelve. Other girls frequently talked about their boyfriends, referring to them as "fit" ("hot" in America). When they asked me if I thought my boyfriend was fit. I was confused by what they asked. I said no, but I liked the way he looked and I did love him. I have never fallen in love with anybody, because I wanted to have sexual contact with them. This also goes for fictional crushes. I have loved them, because of their minds and I wanted them as a companion. I realize how pretentious it sounds, but it is true.

When I imagine being in a relationship, I could not imagine sex being involved. I very much enjoy the idea of kissing, cuddling, affectionate touching and sleeping together. I like the thought of mutual nudity and skin on skin contact, but more as a symbol of mutual honesty, trust and vulnerability. Sex has become irksome, in a way I never realised before. I always knew, somehow, that I would never go after sex. Now I deeply fear it. Whenever I imagine it, and my body reacts the same way, and my mind rambles on with sexual thinking, I am saddened. My thoughts of affection and utter companionship and loyalty, have been some of my happiest thoughts. I would love a chaste marriage. I have never felt more like myself, as I have since I made this realisation. Yet, I get sexual intrusive thoughts that give me bodily responses that I no longer like. I hate the thing that I used to use as a crutch. My desire for it has gone, but I feel haunted that I shall go through with it someday and it scares me. I do not want it and I feel as though these thoughts and feelings are ruining me, in some small way. They feel artificial and like a hinderence.

Thank you so much, for reading this column of babble. I would really appreciate some insight into what, exactly I am and how I should define it. I'm sorry if this was the wrong forum to come to, but I would really appreciate some advice.

God bless,

RyderFlyte. x

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Two thirds of the U.S. is christian, it's just a very likely overlap.

Sexual attraction: the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with someone specific; to do genital involved things to their body.

Sensual attraction: the urge to have non-genital physical contact.

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At present, I suspect myself a sex adversed/repulsed allosexual. Already, I feel as though I am wasting your time, but please, hear me out. It is difficult to know where to begin. I am a Christian female. In my late teens, who is indifferent to my biological sex. You may be thinking, that any adversion I may have to sex, is due to my faith. This is not entirely true. I may be in favour of celibacy until marriage and more focus upon love than lust, but I am not judgmental and I certainly think my case to be different from other Christians my age.

I am not thinking that, and you would not be the first sex-repulsed allo-sexual or Christian I have seen on this site. I may not be either of those things but I don't mind listening and helping as I can.

I do know that, in some sort of way, I do experience sexual attraction. I do have certain ideals concerning the body, that are set apart from aesthetic admiration. I shall say, however, that pictures do not do a great deal for me. Results vary. I do have trouble becoming physically interested in people. I have watched a minut amont of pornography, while I did get a sensation that was more than simply groinal response, I could not help but find it too comical to be arousing. I found that I had a great reaction to erotica stories, because things where described is such a way. Things were far more sensory. I am ashamed to admit, that for a very long time, I was addicted to erotica stories and fantasies. I had found them a sorce of comfort and the feeling they produced was pleasing. It also gave me a feeling that I was loved and appeared as something to be cared for and desired by others within these fantasies. Yes, it was very pathetic. Yet, somehow, there was always a subconsious knowledge, that I did not want to really have sex. I thought it was simply inevitable, that if the offer arose, I would literally not be able to resist it.

I don't think that is pathetic at all. It is, in my opinion, very normal. I don't think you should feel any shame for enjoying something that helps give you comfort. Believe it or not, many asexuals are the same way. Just because we don't experience sexual attraction to others does not mean we don't have libidos or can't enjoy material such as that.

And I know it is probably meaningless coming from a non-Christian, but I doubt Yeshua/Jesus would frown on that. You aren't hurting anyone or being unfaithful. He was always portrayed as a loving deity and I am sure he wouldn't condemn you for that.

Things only really came into perspective, a short while ago. My friend told me that she had had sex with here ex boyfriend. Now, I did not fully realize at the time, because I was angry with her boyfriend for a number of reasons, but looking back, I realize my reaction. I was so utterly baffled. Not because she had sex before marriage, not because of relationship with her boyfriend. I was baffled as to why she had sex at all. I could not wrap my head around why anybody would agree to have sex with anyone, whether they loved each other or not. I tried to picture myself as being proposition for sex by a man I would love, and I could not say yes. Even if they were my husband, I could not have said yes. I did not want it, I simply did not. I realised, that it is always a surprise to me, that any couple, or even spouses have sex. I seem to think that they are simply companions who love each other, are attracted to each other. I simply never think that anyone has had sex, even if they have children.

Again, many of us here have similar views, and you are not alone in your experiences.

I always used to think of sex as something inevitable, that happens between lovers, because they cannot control themselves. I contemplated the way I viewed love, and my own experiences of love in the past. I realize, that I do not see sex as something that would enter my romantic relationships. It would not have a place. I almost cringe to think of having sex with someone I am in love with. Thus far, I have been romantically attracted to three people. Two of which were male, one female. I never fallen in love with anyone, via or accompanying sexual intrigue. I have thought them all beautiful, the the sight of each made me feel warm and affectionate and happy. Physical attraction, never came into it. One in particular, the girl, I tried to have a sexual attraction to. I stared at her, in a way I felt I ought, but I did not feel attracted in that way. I tried to think of her sexually, while I did enjoy the thought of kissing her, holding her, the thought of sexual contact felt awkward and unnecessary. It was funny, when I got my first boyfriend, at twelve. Other girls frequently talked about their boyfriends, referring to them as "fit" ("hot" in America). When they asked me if I thought my boyfriend was fit. I was confused by what they asked. I said no, but I liked the way he looked and I did love him. I have never fallen in love with anybody, because I wanted to have sexual contact with them. This also goes for fictional crushes. I have loved them, because of their minds and I wanted them as a companion. I realize how pretentious it sounds, but it is true.

Again, you are not the only one to feel this way and I have heard quite a few stories here that sound almost identical to what you are saying. Not finding people hot/fit and being confused by that is quite common among us asexuals. I can't speak on behalf of an allosexual but I personally can relate. Not in the least bit pretentious imho.

When I imagine being in a relationship, I could not imagine sex being involved. I very much enjoy the idea of kissing, cuddling, affectionate touching and sleeping together. I like the thought of mutual nudity and skin on skin contact, but more as a symbol of mutual honesty, trust and vulnerability. Sex has become irksome, in a way I never realised before. I always knew, somehow, that I would never go after sex. Now I deeply fear it. Whenever I imagine it, and my body reacts the same way, and my mind rambles on with sexual thinking, I am saddened. My thoughts of affection and utter companionship and loyalty, have been some of my happiest thoughts. I would love a chaste marriage. I have never felt more like myself, as I have since I made this realisation. Yet, I get sexual intrusive thoughts that give me bodily responses that I no longer like. I hate the thing that I used to use as a crutch. My desire for it has gone, but I feel haunted that I shall go through with it someday and it scares me. I do not want it and I feel as though these thoughts and feelings are ruining me, in some small way. They feel artificial and like a hinderence.

I am sorry to hear that things have become that way. There is not much I, or probably anyone else here, can do other than being a supportive ear to bend. The best that I can relate is that I have a libido that I find intrusive and frustrating but that sounds tame in comparison to having sexual desire and sexual repulsion at the same time.

Thank you so much, for reading this column of babble. I would really appreciate some insight into what, exactly I am and how I should define it. I'm sorry if this was the wrong forum to come to, but I would really appreciate some advice

Well, no one can tell you what to identify as, that is up to you, but I can give my opinions and experiences.

Personally, there are parts of your post that have me questioning whether you really are an allosexual or not. You mention not finding others hot, and say that you don't desire sex at all (one of the two major definitions of asexuality) but then mention that you do feel sexual attractions/desire. It kinda hard to tell.

It sounds to me like you are confusing the many different type of other attractions we feel for sexual attraction. We can experience sexual, romantic, sensual (wanting to cuddle/hold hands), platonic, emotional , and aesthetic attraction. What you describe sound more like a combination of all the other type of attractions and not that sexual to me. Based on that alone I would say you sound more like a sex-averse/repulsed asexual to me.

But, being asexual myself, I am probably overly prone to seeing sexuality in other. If you say that you experience sexual attraction/desire than I have no recourse but to believe you. You know what you feel better than I. So based on that I would say you are as you described yourself. A sex-repulsed allosexual.

Anyway welcome to AVEN! I hope you find the help you need here and in the mean time please help yourself to our asexy cake :)

6933079785_d5f852e1d0_b_zpsxm2ffpkr.jpg

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But if someone never wants to act on their sexual attraction then they can go by asexual.

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RyderFlyte137

Two thirds of the U.S. is christian, it's just a very likely overlap.

Sexual attraction: the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with someone specific; to do genital involved things to their body.

Sensual attraction: the urge to have non-genital physical contact.

Thank you for your reply!

Yes, I do realize that I am most likely not the only Christian who feels this way, I hope I did not sound ignorant when I spoke about it. I am simply used to this interpretation of Christians simply being titled as prudes or brainwashed celibates by others, and also, a sort of obsession with sex in some areas of the church. I did not mean anything by it.

Thank you for the distinction, too! I tend to find that I really appreciate and enjoy the thought of sensual activity, but I will not engage in sexual activity, regardless of when and if it becomes fanciful. I just am not interested enough to go in search of it, or comfortable or desirous enough to wish to engage in it. I would rather sexual activity, be replaced by sensual activity.

Thank you and God bless. x

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RyderFlyte137
At present, I suspect myself a sex adversed/repulsed allosexual. Already, I feel as though I am wasting your time, but please, hear me out. It is difficult to know where to begin. I am a Christian female. In my late teens, who is indifferent to my biological sex. You may be thinking, that any adversion I may have to sex, is due to my faith. This is not entirely true. I may be in favour of celibacy until marriage and more focus upon love than lust, but I am not judgmental and I certainly think my case to be different from other Christians my age.

I am not thinking that, and you would not be the first sex-repulsed allo-sexual or Christian I have seen on this site. I may not be either of those things but I don't mind listening and helping as I can.

I do know that, in some sort of way, I do experience sexual attraction. I do have certain ideals concerning the body, that are set apart from aesthetic admiration. I shall say, however, that pictures do not do a great deal for me. Results vary. I do have trouble becoming physically interested in people. I have watched a minut amont of pornography, while I did get a sensation that was more than simply groinal response, I could not help but find it too comical to be arousing. I found that I had a great reaction to erotica stories, because things where described is such a way. Things were far more sensory. I am ashamed to admit, that for a very long time, I was addicted to erotica stories and fantasies. I had found them a sorce of comfort and the feeling they produced was pleasing. It also gave me a feeling that I was loved and appeared as something to be cared for and desired by others within these fantasies. Yes, it was very pathetic. Yet, somehow, there was always a subconsious knowledge, that I did not want to really have sex. I thought it was simply inevitable, that if the offer arose, I would literally not be able to resist it.

I don't think that is pathetic at all. It is, in my opinion, very normal. I don't think you should feel any shame for enjoying something that helps give you comfort. Believe it or not, many asexuals are the same way. Just because we don't experience sexual attraction to others does not mean we don't have libidos or can't enjoy material such as that.

And I know it is probably meaningless coming from a non-Christian, but I doubt Yeshua/Jesus would frown on that. You aren't hurting anyone or being unfaithful. He was always portrayed as a loving deity and I am sure he wouldn't condemn you for that.

Things only really came into perspective, a short while ago. My friend told me that she had had sex with here ex boyfriend. Now, I did not fully realize at the time, because I was angry with her boyfriend for a number of reasons, but looking back, I realize my reaction. I was so utterly baffled. Not because she had sex before marriage, not because of relationship with her boyfriend. I was baffled as to why she had sex at all. I could not wrap my head around why anybody would agree to have sex with anyone, whether they loved each other or not. I tried to picture myself as being proposition for sex by a man I would love, and I could not say yes. Even if they were my husband, I could not have said yes. I did not want it, I simply did not. I realised, that it is always a surprise to me, that any couple, or even spouses have sex. I seem to think that they are simply companions who love each other, are attracted to each other. I simply never think that anyone has had sex, even if they have children.

Again, many of us here have similar views, and you are not alone in your experiences.

I always used to think of sex as something inevitable, that happens between lovers, because they cannot control themselves. I contemplated the way I viewed love, and my own experiences of love in the past. I realize, that I do not see sex as something that would enter my romantic relationships. It would not have a place. I almost cringe to think of having sex with someone I am in love with. Thus far, I have been romantically attracted to three people. Two of which were male, one female. I never fallen in love with anyone, via or accompanying sexual intrigue. I have thought them all beautiful, the the sight of each made me feel warm and affectionate and happy. Physical attraction, never came into it. One in particular, the girl, I tried to have a sexual attraction to. I stared at her, in a way I felt I ought, but I did not feel attracted in that way. I tried to think of her sexually, while I did enjoy the thought of kissing her, holding her, the thought of sexual contact felt awkward and unnecessary. It was funny, when I got my first boyfriend, at twelve. Other girls frequently talked about their boyfriends, referring to them as "fit" ("hot" in America). When they asked me if I thought my boyfriend was fit. I was confused by what they asked. I said no, but I liked the way he looked and I did love him. I have never fallen in love with anybody, because I wanted to have sexual contact with them. This also goes for fictional crushes. I have loved them, because of their minds and I wanted them as a companion. I realize how pretentious it sounds, but it is true.

Again, you are not the only one to feel this way and I have heard quite a few stories here that sound almost identical to what you are saying. Not finding people hot/fit and being confused by that is quite common among us asexuals. I can't speak on behalf of an allosexual but I personally can relate. Not in the least bit pretentious imho.

When I imagine being in a relationship, I could not imagine sex being involved. I very much enjoy the idea of kissing, cuddling, affectionate touching and sleeping together. I like the thought of mutual nudity and skin on skin contact, but more as a symbol of mutual honesty, trust and vulnerability. Sex has become irksome, in a way I never realised before. I always knew, somehow, that I would never go after sex. Now I deeply fear it. Whenever I imagine it, and my body reacts the same way, and my mind rambles on with sexual thinking, I am saddened. My thoughts of affection and utter companionship and loyalty, have been some of my happiest thoughts. I would love a chaste marriage. I have never felt more like myself, as I have since I made this realisation. Yet, I get sexual intrusive thoughts that give me bodily responses that I no longer like. I hate the thing that I used to use as a crutch. My desire for it has gone, but I feel haunted that I shall go through with it someday and it scares me. I do not want it and I feel as though these thoughts and feelings are ruining me, in some small way. They feel artificial and like a hinderence.

I am sorry to hear that things have become that way. There is not much I, or probably anyone else here, can do other than being a supportive ear to bend. The best that I can relate is that I have a libido that I find intrusive and frustrating but that sounds tame in comparison to having sexual desire and sexual repulsion at the same time.

Thank you so much, for reading this column of babble. I would really appreciate some insight into what, exactly I am and how I should define it. I'm sorry if this was the wrong forum to come to, but I would really appreciate some advice

Well, no one can tell you what to identify as, that is up to you, but I can give my opinions and experiences.

Personally, there are parts of your post that have me questioning whether you really are an allosexual or not. You mention not finding others hot, and say that you don't desire sex at all (one of the two major definitions of asexuality) but then mention that you do feel sexual attractions/desire. It kinda hard to tell.

It sounds to me like you are confusing the many different type of other attractions we feel for sexual attraction. We can experience sexual, romantic, sensual (wanting to cuddle/hold hands), platonic, emotional , and aesthetic attraction. What you describe sound more like a combination of all the other type of attractions and not that sexual to me. Based on that alone I would say you sound more like a sex-averse/repulsed asexual to me.

But, being asexual myself, I am probably overly prone to seeing sexuality in other. If you say that you experience sexual attraction/desire than I have no recourse but to believe you. You know what you feel better than I. So based on that I would say you are as you described yourself. A sex-repulsed allosexual.

Anyway welcome to AVEN! I hope you find the help you need here and in the mean time please help yourself to our asexy cake :)

6933079785_d5f852e1d0_b_zpsxm2ffpkr.jpg

Hello, there! I'd like to thank you for you very understanding and sweet post, and I'm sorry that I have not replied to it until late.

Concerning what you said about asexual libido and erotic material. I perfectly understand what you mean, but in my case, it was not simply having a look every now and then, it was more of an addiction. It was taking my life up a little to much, as I used it for validation and comfort. To me, this is a harmful behaviour. I do not at all resent people who like to check it out every once in a while, at all. I understand that they enjoy it, I simply do not hold with consuming addiction. I do not believe that Christ resents anyone their attractions or sexuality, so long as lust does not consume their lives. Just as you say, in spite of the fact that you are not a believer yourself, Christ is loving. ^_^

I have found, that sex to me, is something like looking at a picture on a menu. You know, when everything about the pictured dish looks really tasty, you may even salivate a little looking at it. However, you begin to study the ingredients, think about how the dish will really taste and whether you'll be all that happy that you ordered it. You realize, no, you would not like that dish much at all, you don't want to order it. It is a bit like that. Sex, in my head, when I contemplate what I have read about people experiencing it, all seems quite pleasurable, worth a try, a very good thing. Everything is all a bit fragmented and abstract, if that makes sense. Then I start to think about properly, about actually experiencing it myself and the appeal begins to wane. I find that I become uninterested, a little uneasy. I no longer have interest. I have simply resolved that I just do not wish to do it at all, no matter who it is with.

My patterns of attraction are a bit strange. I find aesthetic beauty almost every day when I see people on the streets. Sometimes, however, I do think a bit differently about the certain appearances of others. For example, I may see a picture of a male model and I would feel an awareness of sexual attraction, but if said man was laid out before me, and I could do what every I wanted without consequence, I would not have sex with them. It just seems very off. The thought would come into my head, because that is what I think I am supposed to think in that situation, but I would not work up the desire to really do it. It may seem appealing in abstract thought (as I explained previously), but I would much rather kiss and cuddle and sleep with him, rather than do that. I think that is why I am quite taken with big, muscular type men, they seem as though they would be lovely to partake in sensual activity with.

An odd thing happens when I form loving or deeply companionable feelings to someone, any physical attractions I may have had simply fade. I do not mean that they become less important, I mean they just go away. These are the times, however, that really make me elatedly happy. When I do desire to be with someone, to have them as my partner, I possess this greatly warm, non sexual feeling towards them. That is what makes me want someone. Nothing sexual at all. It's just this damn libido, it makes me doubt myself and it makes me feel as though I shall do something that I do not wish to do, because of it. It is just saddening. I do think that I am a sex adversed allosexual. or at the very least, a grey asxeual, but I suppose only time will tell!

Thank you so very much for you lovely response, I really appreciate it. It is really nice to have things explained by people with a wide knowledge of it and I am very excited to join your group. Jeeves is just retrieving me a fork, that I may tuck into this wonderful, asexy cake!

God bless. x

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sportygal225

Hey, I actually feel the same way that you do! Well I'm wouldn't say that I am sex repulsed, but I do not have desire to have sex and am actually afraid of it. I am also a Christian and we should connect!

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