Advice? Various Anxieties Surrounding Looming Asexuality

[mikky26]

Hello all, over the past year and a half I have collected enough evidence to assume that I am most likely asexual. I am still in denial that this is the case because its easy to just say that it just hasn't happened to me yet, despite the fact that I'm turning 22 and likely past the point where any significant developmental changes would *normally* take place.

The thing is is that I am really struggling to come to terms with this probability, because of two main factors:

Firstly, personally it feels like I am likely missing out on a significant part of the human experience, which I would desperately like to experience even if it is not an entirely positive experience.

Secondly, potentially not being able to experience something that the majority of people including most people who identify within (so to speak) "minority orientations" makes me feel like my interactions with people or generally within the social fabric, will be lacking a sense of *fellow feeling* which might be almost handicapping me in a way?

Has anyone else experienced similar feelings or have any helpful coping strategies or just generally any advice?

Thanks in Advance

[VindicatorPhoenix]

Hi mikky26, I've met lots of aces (asexuals) who don't like their orientation and many who wish they could experience sexual attraction. I've had times where I've struggled with depression and I felt like this was a world in which I didn't belong as an ace. I thought that if I did experience sexual attraction, it could bring forth a happy feeling to help me battle the depression.

In the end, however you decide to identify, know that you are not broken. There's more than one way to be happy in this world. If you can't find pleasure through sexual attraction, there could still be 9,999 things out there that could make you happy! I might be asexual, but that doesn't mean I can't love math, psychology, good friends, cats, hugs, cuddling, humor, soccer, or a nice breeze on a warm day!

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

There's more than one way to be happy in this world. If you can't find pleasure through sexual attraction, there could still be 9,999 things out there that could make you happy! I might be asexual, but that doesn't mean I can't love math, psychology, good friends, cats, hugs, cuddling, humor, soccer, or a nice breeze on a warm day!

^ This right here. While you may not find interest in sex, something that 6.93 billion other people find interest in, you probably have many interests that you can share with others. That may be a sport, a video game, or some hobby like carpentry. Your interactions with your peers aren't 100% about sex or dating either, assuming you find the right friends to spend time with.

[CatastropheCat]

Hey, Mikky! I've only recently come to terms with my asexuality (within the past couple of days, actually) and I have a lot of the same worries. I feel like I'm missing out on this HUGE thing and I hate that feeling. What's made up for it for me, though only in part, is the fact that I get to be part of this amazing community. I'm part of something on AVEN - there are people here who are just like me, and people who know how I feel.

Every orientation has it's ups and downs - it's all how you choose to view them. Please don't think you can't be happy or relate to you friends just because you might be ace - there's so much more to life and the world than sex. If you'd like to chat sometime, I'd love to talk; we can work this out together :)

[MsGreen]

Hi Mikky! Everything is about passion. If you find something else that you are very passionate about and you really love to do, doing that together with someone could create the same feeling. For example if you like playing an instrument, creating music with someone could be as intense as sex. Of course you wouldn't have a sexual feeling, but the emotional intimacy would be there since you share something you are really passionate about.

[khathleesi]

I've stated on multiple threads that I don't particularly like being ace....but I will say that what asexuality has given me is a deeper capability to manifest platonic relationships than some of my sexual peers.

Like it BLOWS my MIND that most people think romantic love is the deepest form of love. I'm not aromantic, and I'm actually HUGELY romantic and have been in love before, but almost every sexual person I have ever talked to places a higher value on romantic and sexual partners than the other relationships in their life.

Not to say that sexual folk are incapable of meaningful platonic relationships or whatnot, all I'm saying is that sexual attraction seems to consume a lot of their attention--attention that I've been able to pour into other things that deeply gratify my life. So while I, like you, was upset about missing out on a huge human experience, I'm beginning to think that they're missing out on some things too.

Like Catastrophe said, every orientation has its ups and downs....and every different life perspective is going to be lacking in some areas and expanded in others.

Though if you ever want to have a dialogue about this I'm ya girl because I am always down to talk about asexuality on a conceptual level and how I feel about being ace changes regularly haha.

[Kalyke]

As a thought experiment, can you write out what part of the human experience you will not be missing? Freedom comes to mind for me. Generally, couples have children starting in their early 20s or so. After that time, basically your vacation is going to chuccky cheese for a kids birthday. You are always exhausted. You get out never. You work only for food and shelter. Heck as an Ace, or even childless couple, you can travel and experience "the human experience" in a way that once was only allowed to rich males. Personally, as a female I am pleased as heck that I do not have to spend half a lifetime serving children and servicing mates. I can actually be myself instead of a part of some legal union. So I really don't get it. Couples dream of what a lot of us have.