lanson Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Hi everyone, I'm new here... I apologize for my English since it's not my native language... ^_^ So here's my story: I'm 18 and I've grown up in a very religious family, I've always believed in the "no-sex before marriage" thing... so I've always thought it was because of this that I never found sex arousing but it rather grossed me out. I've never felt attraction towards a naked girl (or boy) whenever it happened that I saw one (on a computer or mobile screen, of course). So I'm still virgin and I never masturbated; the thought of ejaculating it's just not appealing to me! Again, I associated this with my religious morality but then I realized I should at least feel tempted, shouldn't I? I don't simply reject those things because I think that masturbation is wrong and that sex is wrong before marriage: I just rather don't desire them. So far you may think I'm a regular asexual person. But the truth is I do have erections and sometimes I ejaculated while I was sleeping (nocturnal emission) and enjoyed it, thinking about something that can actually arouse me: my fetishes. I have many fetishes (and they're pretty bizarre too) and I actually enjoy being turned on by those fetishes... also, they only work with girls (beautiful girls, to be specific). For example, I have a foot fetish (this is the least weird fetish that I have) and I get an erection if I see the foot of a beautiful woman... but if it's a guy's foot or an ugly woman's foot, it just doesn't work. Also, I'm never barefoot in front of other people: I think that for me feet are like genital parts to me, since I find them attractive in the opposite sex and I'm ashamed to show them. With this in mind, just this morning, when I woke up after a nocturnal emission caused by a dream that implied one of my fetishes, I started making researches about not being turned on by sex or the naked bodies and I found this forum. I'm kinda confused, I never realized I could be asexual, since again my fetishes only work with girls... what do you guys think? Sorry for the long post, btw. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Aces can have fetishes and kinks. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lost247365 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Hi lanson!Welcome to AVEN!No one here can tell you what you are, only you can decide that. That said, we can give you our opinions and share our experiences.Let me start by saying that asexuals can and do masturbate and have fetishes. Asexuality does not mean that a person lacks a libdo, but rather it means that a person either does not experience sexual attraction or do not have the desire to have sex with others. An example of this, some asexuals can enjoy erotic material so long as it does not involve themselves. The moment they insert themselves or face the situation in reality they lose all interest. In your case, I would point out that the fetish you told us about does not involve you having sexual intercourse with another person. So it is entirely possible to be asexual in spite of your fetishes.The questions you need to ask yourself are:Have I ever felt an attraction to others to engage in sexual acts?Have I ever desired to commit sexual acts with another person? If the answer to either one of these question is no, then I personally would say you fit the definition of an asexual. But again it is up to you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Prairie Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I'd first step back and ask why a label is important. Labels are just ways of dividing up the whole of all the ways people are, divisions which serve various practical purposes. Are you trying to predict how your sexuality will play out in the future? Trying to determine whether there's something wrong with you? Asking if others can be accepting of how you are? Trying to find people who relate with your experiences? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lanson Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 First off, thanks for all of your replies. The questions you need to ask yourself are:Have I ever felt an attraction to others to engage in sexual acts?Have I ever desired to commit sexual acts with another person? If the answer to either one of these question is no, then I personally would say you fit the definition of an asexual. But again it is up to you. Well, I am definitely asexual, then I'd first step back and ask why a label is important. Labels are just ways of dividing up the whole of all the ways people are, divisions which serve various practical purposes. Are you trying to predict how your sexuality will play out in the future? Trying to determine whether there's something wrong with you? Asking if others can be accepting of how you are? Trying to find people who relate with your experiences? I just wanted to know if there were people like me and, now that I know, I kinda feel better. To be honest, I thought being asexual had another meaning, that's why I was confused. I thought that meant you don't have any kind of attraction, neither for girls nor for boys, but now I see that there are many kinds of attraction and the lack of the sexual attractions is what defines asexuality. Am I right? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jabrid Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I have a friend who believes that asexuals can't have kinks and fetishes. I believe this to be completely untrue. Its perfectly fine to have turn-ons and fetishes. Asexuality doesn't mean strictly no sex, no turn-ons, etc. I'd definitely encourage you to explore a little bit of what you like and dive into the different levels and "shades" of asexuality. Since you lack sexual attraction as well I'd say you are asexual, but again, that's for you to find out. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TripleOG Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Bro, im the same way, and I've always wondered that too, but yes a asexual can have fetishes, but if you feel sexual attraction then your not asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Any sexual orientation can have kinks and fetishes ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SMW22792 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I have kinks and fetishes, but still no sexual attraction to anyone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lanson Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Yeah, by now I'm beginning to get used the idea of being an ace... it actually makes me feel good, I don't know why... ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Monadnock Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Let me add that if you have had a fetish since childhood, it's probably futile to rid yourself of it. Self-acceptance is a better strategy, but this can be hard if you feel shame about the fetish. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tenara Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I also have kinks and fetishes, but I don't experience sexual attraction, so I'm happy to consider myself asexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lanson Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 Let me add that if you have had a fetish since childhood, it's probably futile to rid yourself of it. Self-acceptance is a better strategy, but this can be hard if you feel shame about the fetish. Don't worry, I have no intention of getting rid of it :D Even though we should say "them"... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 As an asexual, it doesn't mean you aren't attracted to others, just not sexually attracted (you don't have an erection or sexual fantasies), I am asexual, I have a zero sex drive, no sexual interests, but I too have certain fetishes, again, fetishes don't have to involve sexual activity, stick to enjoying what you like, as long as you're not harming anyone else, that's fine Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lanson Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 ...(you don't have an erection...)... ...but I too have certain fetishes... Well, don't your fetishes give you an erection? Again, with no sexual desire at all. It's not like I want to masturbate or have sex after I get one (even though I know aces may masturbate)... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 ...(you don't have an erection...)... ...but I too have certain fetishes... Well, don't your fetishes give you an erection? Again, with no sexual desire at all. It's not like I want to masturbate or have sex after I get one (even though I know aces may masturbate)... I don't get erections, it's not something that bothers me either in the same way that sex doesn't bother me, my fetishes aren't sexually driven, they are more for pleasure Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lythr Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Pleasure? Do you mean like the "feel good" feeling? As in it relates more to the release of endorphins rather then sexual release? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Audball Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 ...(you don't have an erection...)... ...but I too have certain fetishes... Well, don't your fetishes give you an erection? Again, with no sexual desire at all. It's not like I want to masturbate or have sex after I get one (even though I know aces may masturbate)... I can relate to this! Getting aroused based on fetish material or erotica is all well and good, but that doesn't mean I want to masturbate once I'm aroused. Although I do masturbate occasionally, it is almost never connected to a particular fantasy or imagining myself having sex with another person. It's usually just an urge to fulfill by myself (like being hungry). It's also a good pain reliever. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Audball Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Pleasure? Do you mean like the "feel good" feeling? As in it relates more to the release of endorphins rather then sexual release? I know you were asking oldgeeza, but I relate to this feeling as well. Sexual release is usually not part of the pleasure I get from fetishes or erotica. So yes, it's like a dopamine rush. Although, his experience might be different if arousal is not involved. On a bit of a different note, I do practice some BDSM. Sadistic pleasure is also a rush, but different than arousal. It's more of a mental high. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Adogg Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I'm an ace with a pretty big fetish that gets me aroused. It's what I think about to self pleasure when I decide to. Even when engaging in this fetish with others, which I have done, I have no sexual attraction or desire to sleep with these people, so I'm in the boat with the others, Fetishes don't mean you can't be ace. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Katarina0815 Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Well... yes, and I have also a fetsh! I like spanking as the "aktiv" part. Maybe it is more a SM variation. But anyway, I had never wanted to have sex with a "game partner". It´s more a game of dominance and submission! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I have been to a fetish event to see what it is all about, I found it to be more of a swingers event, not very appealing. I have also looked at fetish sites, sites where people advertise their services, the amount of ads especially in the BDSM sector that state no sexual favours etc, I don't think I'd want to have sex with someone who just tortured me somehow, some of the things that they get up to, it would be too painful to be a turn on for my liking. There are fetishes like hand & foot fetishes, sneezing etc which I have heard of, whether they involve any form of sexual contact with sexual people, I don't know, I don't know anyone with these fetishes, as I'm a naturally curious person who never really had much of a young persons life, in my later years, I'm now finding out for myself, I have been to Erotica, visited Amsterdams red light district, I still can't work out the sexual turn on as a sexually orientated person does, I doubt even if they explained it to me that I'd understand in the same way they don't understand how an asexual person thinks Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Aces can have fetishes and kinks. ^That.^ @ OP... I've got a few strange ones myself. IMO a foot fetish barely makes the meter. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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