katspark Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I'm basically asking what the title says. But more explanation, so is romance drive a thing? Like, people talk about sex drive and that's more physical need, for a lack of a better word. But can people have the physical need to date someone? Or is romance / wanting a romantic relationship just like "Yeah it'd be nice to kiss someone and go on dates and do things together" Which is wanting a romantic relationship but not a physical pain/desperation if the needs are not met. I just really want to know, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 When I still felt them (before SSRI medication turned me effectively aromantic), getting caught up in romantic/limerent feelings was an irresistible urge, a force of nature... simply impossible to consciously control - no matter how much I actively tried to avoid/choose against these feelings... whenever they happened, it was scary how easily they could overrule my conscious decisions. So yeah, calling it a "romance drive", comparable to libido in the realm of sexuality, seems very plausible to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I think so. I certainly seek out and strongly desire a romantic relationship with someone once I have romantic feelings for them (if there are no incompatibilities). Link to post Share on other sites
KendraPM Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 I believe it is. There are times when I don't have a crush on anyone but want to be with someone romantically. It's like I "miss," for lack of better word, being in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Yah but i haven't seen many threads talk about it. It means the urge to have a romantic relationship or how frequently one desires romance in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Purnkin Spurce Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Yes I think that's true. I know that I have "sensual drive." Just the desire to hug, touch, caress, pet etc etc and have those feelings reciprocated. It would be interesting if this topic turned into a thing to talk about more often cuz I think it's as legit as sex drive. I tend to feel this desire to want a romantic companion but not necessarily want to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkthrone Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Yes I think that's true. I know that I have "sensual drive." Just the desire to hug, touch, caress, pet etc etc and have those feelings reciprocated. It would be interesting if this topic turned into a thing to talk about more often cuz I think it's as legit as sex drive. I tend to feel this desire to want a romantic companion but not necessarily want to date. Exactly. Even for someone like me who is sexual, I will have the thought "I really just want to cuddle with a girl right now." That's distinct from having a sexual urge, for me it was an urge to express physical closeness, intimacy, things that are for me associated with romance. So I think the idea of a "romance drive" or even a "sensual drive" is certainly valid. Link to post Share on other sites
katspark Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 Yes I think that's true. I know that I have "sensual drive." Just the desire to hug, touch, caress, pet etc etc and have those feelings reciprocated. It would be interesting if this topic turned into a thing to talk about more often cuz I think it's as legit as sex drive. I tend to feel this desire to want a romantic companion but not necessarily want to date. Same thing here, also with the sensual drive. I'm glad I'm not alone in that regard. Link to post Share on other sites
katspark Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 When I still felt them (before SSRI medication turned me effectively aromantic), getting caught up in romantic/limerent feelings was an irresistible urge, a force of nature... simply impossible to consciously control - no matter how much I actively tried to avoid/choose against these feelings... whenever they happened, it was scary how easily they could overrule my conscious decisions. So yeah, calling it a "romance drive", comparable to libido in the realm of sexuality, seems very plausible to me. I believe it is. There are times when I don't have a crush on anyone but want to be with someone romantically. It's like I "miss," for lack of better word, being in a relationship. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 For me it is. I think about dating almost every day and get lonely if I'm not with someone. I feel it's similar to a sex drive and sexual desire. Link to post Share on other sites
Purnkin Spurce Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Yes I think that's true. I know that I have "sensual drive." Just the desire to hug, touch, caress, pet etc etc and have those feelings reciprocated. It would be interesting if this topic turned into a thing to talk about more often cuz I think it's as legit as sex drive. I tend to feel this desire to want a romantic companion but not necessarily want to date. Same thing here, also with the sensual drive. I'm glad I'm not alone in that regard. That's so great about Aven is you find so many people who feel the same as you and ask similar questions. :) Yes I think that's true. I know that I have "sensual drive." Just the desire to hug, touch, caress, pet etc etc and have those feelings reciprocated. It would be interesting if this topic turned into a thing to talk about more often cuz I think it's as legit as sex drive. I tend to feel this desire to want a romantic companion but not necessarily want to date. Exactly. Even for someone like me who is sexual, I will have the thought "I really just want to cuddle with a girl right now." That's distinct from having a sexual urge, for me it was an urge to express physical closeness, intimacy, things that are for me associated with romance. So I think the idea of a "romance drive" or even a "sensual drive" is certainly valid. I definitely get that. And I think they should be valid, there is so much we are just now learning about human emotions and forms of expressing that and I think this should definitely be added to the giant list of asexual/sexual desires. Link to post Share on other sites
TooOldForThis Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 It certainly is, and like sex drive vs. sexual attraction vs. sexual behaviour, it doesn't necessary correlate with romantic orientation or behaviour. For example, I'm panromantic, and experience romantic attraction fairly frequently, and have been in romantic relationships before - but while I like the idea of being in a romantic relationship (or more than one) again in the future, I don't really have much of a 'drive' to seek out such relationships. If I meet someone and there's a spark, then I'll ask them out, but I don't really go looking for relationships. So I don't think I have a very high romantic drive, even though when I do experience romantic attraction it is usually deep and long-lasting. In contrast, one friend of mine feels deeply unhappy when he is not in a romantic relationship, similarly to how a sexual person with a high sex drive might experience frustration when going a long time without sex. He has a very high romantic drive! Another friend seems to experience severe fluctuation in their romantic drive (and experience of limerence), and will go through periods of never thinking about anyone romantically at all followed by periods of falling hard for person after person. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkthrone Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I believe it is. There are times when I don't have a crush on anyone but want to be with someone romantically. It's like I "miss," for lack of better word, being in a relationship. Nice to see that asexuals and sexuals both experience this, as I also have my romantic drive express in basically the same fashion, missing a relationship and the intimacy/affection that come with it. However I'd much rather have a platonic cuddle buddy or something at this point ,but the concept stands. Link to post Share on other sites
aussiekirkland Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 This is super helpful for me cause I've been questioning whether I'm aromantic and it's like hang on... what IS romantic attraction? By the sounds of it it's a desire to date so I guess yes, I am aromantic. Ugh I'm already posting irrelevance but I found this very helpful so thanks guys :) Link to post Share on other sites
thekittyhawk Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 This is super helpful for me cause I've been questioning whether I'm aromantic and it's like hang on... what IS romantic attraction? By the sounds of it it's a desire to date so I guess yes, I am aromantic. Ugh I'm already posting irrelevance but I found this very helpful so thanks guys :) Well. I don't want to burst your bubble of self-discovery but it's not quite what it means. Being aromantic is the inability to get crushes and romantic attraction. It typically comes with a low romantic drive, but not always. E.g. I'm grey-romantic so I get crushes, but very rarely and I have quite low romantic drive. But then - that's not to say that you have to sit around your whole life waiting to get a crush so you can prove you're aromantic. You can't prove a negative. So if that definition woks for you, that's fine! Sorry if I confused you :3 Link to post Share on other sites
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