CatastropheCat Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Hi guys, I'm Cat! I'll start off by saying that I'm not sure if I'm ace or not, though I know I'm not aro (though who knows how things may change as I explore myself and the community). What I do know, however, is that I've never experienced sexual attraction or more than a twinge of arousal. I can be making out with my partner, who is genderqueer, and my breathing doesn't even speed up, despite the fact that I'm enjoying what's happening - I like being touched and cuddling. It's been that way for every relationship I've had, and even when looking at porn (I identify as a lesbian so I'm mostly looking at or reading girl/girl stuff), I feel nothing but aesthetic attraction or interest when it comes to what's on the screen or the page. Even when I've tried masturbation, with vibe and without, it's nothing more than sensation. So my question is (and I'm sure you guys get tired of being asked this), am I ace? If so, how do I go about dealing with that. I feel like I'm missing out on something that I don't want to miss out on. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mustardblood Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Asking others if you are asexual is not the best thing to do, only you can say weather or not you are ace. You do however have some of the characteristics of being asexual but, what you are is something for you to realize. Sorry I couldn't help more Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CatastropheCat Posted August 25, 2015 Author Share Posted August 25, 2015 That's fine! I'm more interested in tips in tricks in regards to dealing with feeling ace, coming out, and general advice :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Welcome! It sounds like you may be asexual, since you say that you've never experienced sexual attraction, but it's up to you to decide if that label fits you. If you feel that you are, the process of self-acceptance can take some time. Some asexuals feel "broken" after realizing it at first, feeling like they're missing out on a fundamental human experience, but it may have to do with the societal messages on how everyone is supposed to desire and want sex, which may take some time to unlearn. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
katspark Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 Welcome! From what you said, it definitely sounds like you may be asexual, but it's possible you are grey-asexual as well. You mentioned rare arousal- That's common in asexuals. To quote the "About Asexuality" page on AVEN- "For some sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people experience little or no arousal. Because we don’t care about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and pleasure." It's also possible that you are grey-asexual, meaning that you experience the attraction very rarely and/or faintly. There are also terms like quiosexual and demisexual. Whatever term you think fits you, I hope you find comfort in it and welcome to AVEN Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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