What's the difference? (libido and arousal)

[SkyWorld]

So apparently there's a difference between libido and arousal and I'm so confused! I really don't mean to offend anyone, but honestly, I'm just trying to understand. Honestly, I thought that that they were basically the same thing. I thought that having arousal is what makes someone want sex (or masturbate). But.. if they're different... then a nonlibidoist can not have a libido... but still experience arousal and... thus masturbate, well...? Or... a nonlibidoist CAN have a libido... but not experience arousal. But if that's the case they have a libido... doesn't that contradict the very meaning of the word "non-libidoist"?

Even the AVENwiki states about nonlibidoists particularly don't masturbate:

A nonlibidoist is a person who does not have a sex drive, and hence does not experience sexual urges or desires (and in particular, does not masturbate). Nonlibidoism is not equivalent to asexuality, since a large percentage of asexuals do have sex drives or libidos, but still lack any sexual attraction.

I really don't mean to invalidate anyone... but all I'm trying to do is have a clear understanding because I'm so confused right now.

And how can one tell if they experience arousal or not (I'm AFAB)? If I have to ask myself that question... would it be safe to assume that I don't experience arousal? I really have no idea what people mean by "having an itch" and I don't feel the urge to masturbate or have sex. I don't feel any changes "downstairs" at random. I even tried watching porn once to "fix" my sex-repulsion (didn't work out too well...), and it was literally a waste of time because it just did nothing for me. Well... except made me feel ill.

It's just really hard to understand something... when you cannot relate to it at all. But I am willing to try.

[deltaX]

I'll be honest, I'm not quite sure what the difference either. I was under the impression that libido and arousal were the same, or at least similar enough that they could be interchanged often. I don't really understand them either though (I think I'm nonlibidist for the same reason as you), so I'm not sure.

I'd be curious to see if anyone else on AVEN sees a clear difference between libido and arousal.

[Star Bit]

There are two things in Libido; arousal and arousal-drive (this part being that makes it; i.e. satisfying that arousal or obtaining the arousal/orgasm). Maybe putting it as masturbation-drive would make that more obvious. Non-libidoists who can get aroused have no desire to satisfy it. Some would think that's rejecting desire but that would also be the same misconception as sexuals have on asexuals toward other people. Some sexuals can even be indifferent of satisfying their desires or actually unwant it.

[Rising Sun]

Arousal is basically just an erection, and it can happen randomly. Libido is feeling the urge to take care of it.

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

Slight TMI ahead:

How it works for me is that I don't experience arousal just randomly, which seems to happen to people with a libido, particularly during puberty (awkward random boners etc). However, I can feel arousal if there's some kind of strong visual stimulation or I read some smut or something, it just doesn't happen by itself.

Then, where people with a libido feel the need to masturbate (either as a result of that arousal or just because, I'm not sure here), I don't. I just never have an 'urge' or 'itch' to masturbate. If I do get aroused, the feeling goes away in 30 seconds or so, with no need to 'finish it' or whatever.

[kelico]

Have you checked out the Non-libidoist thread? : )

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/118371-a-new-thread-for-non-libidoist-asexuals/page-2

There's a lot of good descriptions and analogies (I attempted to make one car-related lol) in there to help explain it. But yes, a nonlibidoist can feel arousal, since it is a reaction to stimulation (visual, touching, reading, etc.--things that are usually sexual). But some nonlibidoists don't feel arousal at all. (But that doesn't mean they might not want to try satisfying or feeling it.) It comes down to the urge/drive to seek out arousal and satisfy it. I feel arousal if I'm reading yaoi/books with smexy time in it...but I have no desire to "satisfy" it. It just goes away when the stimulation is gone (after I'm done reading that part). I find it to be an annoying sensation lol.

(I can totally relate to Mycroft's post!)

[MoraDollie]

Libido is the sensation you have, the desire to have sex basically. Arousal is the actual physical response with the respective male and female body parts (all I'll say here is that blood rushes to certain locations)

[SkyWorld]

Another question about arousals... as I have mentioned before, if I have to ask what it is, I think it's safe to assume that I do not experience it. I tried doing some research about this, but I can't seem to find anything that actually applies to me. It's not like it was there and was suddenly gone, I never had it in the first place. I understand if it just all of a sudden disappeared and may need to see a doctor about it, but what about those who never had arousals ever? I don't feel ill and I am not interested in fixing it. What I'm interested in is trying to understand what's going on.

All the sources I see come up is stuff like "how to increase your sexual arousals" and "sexual arousal disorder". But how can it be a disorder if I am not distressed and it does not affect my life negatively? I'm fine the way I am and I think it would be unnecessary to "fix" it. All I want to do is understand myself more. And yes, I did have my hormones checked and they're normal (except very little higher levels of T, but not by much). So... I don't really know what's going on. Sure, I guess I could see a doctor, but I really don't think they would understand me and give me the information that actually applies to me. Considering that I'm asexual and sex-repulsed, I'm not interested in fixing anything to improve a non-existent sex-life.

I don't think it's a disorder because my hormone levels are fine and I'm not depressed or stressed or whatever... and the thing is, it's always been this way for me and I'm WAY past puberty (started and finished early and it SUCKED) and apparently I'm supposed to have experience arousal... but I never did.

[MoraDollie]

Another question about arousals... as I have mentioned before, if I have to ask what it is, I think it's safe to assume that I do not experience it. I tried doing some research about this, but I can't seem to find anything that actually applies to me. It's not like it was there and was suddenly gone, I never had it in the first place. I understand if it just all of a sudden disappeared and may need to see a doctor about it, but what about those who never had arousals ever? I don't feel ill and I am not interested in fixing it. What I'm interested in is trying to understand what's going on.

(This is gonna be in depth detail about sexual arousal so if you're sensitive to this, don't read)

For a female, this means the nipples get more stiff. The vagina produces more lubrication (hence why they say "wet") and the clitoris swells with blood (and thus becomes more visible). Female genitalia generally has more of a red or pinkish coloring to them when aroused. Other symptoms are faster heart beat, faster breathing, sometimes limbs shake due to change in blood pressure (legs/feet/arms common ones). Sometimes "loss of sensation" in limbs and body parts can happen (more common in feet and hands).

[SkyWorld]

Another question about arousals... as I have mentioned before, if I have to ask what it is, I think it's safe to assume that I do not experience it. I tried doing some research about this, but I can't seem to find anything that actually applies to me. It's not like it was there and was suddenly gone, I never had it in the first place. I understand if it just all of a sudden disappeared and may need to see a doctor about it, but what about those who never had arousals ever? I don't feel ill and I am not interested in fixing it. What I'm interested in is trying to understand what's going on.

(This is gonna be in depth detail about sexual arousal so if you're sensitive to this, don't read)

For a female, this means the nipples get more stiff. The vagina produces more lubrication (hence why they say "wet") and the clitoris swells with blood (and thus becomes more visible). Female genitalia generally has more of a red or pinkish coloring to them when aroused. Other symptoms are faster heart beat, faster breathing, sometimes limbs shake due to change in blood pressure (legs/feet/arms common ones). Sometimes "loss of sensation" in limbs and body parts can happen (more common in feet and hands).

Spoiler for TMI!

Within the last week did I actually finally figure out what a clitoris was... I heard people talking about it and mention where it is.... but I honestly had no idea what they were talking about and I was confused about this for YEARS. I mean, it's not like I "explore" down there because I'm honestly kind of repulsed by it. The only thing I do is for hygienic purposes and nothing more (and still refuse to look). I feel silly and embarrassed for not understanding my own anatomy... health class has always bored me and I would zone out about this kind of stuff since it repulsed me... But I'm asking in a more friendly environment that understands more about how my asexuality could be a play in this and not talk about "fixing" anything. So really... I can't tell what goes on downstairs because I don't really pay attention to it. I don't think I feel anything... thus I probably don't experience this... Faster heartbeat, rapid breathing, and shaking limps only happens when I'm really nervous, like I'm about to get in front of hundreds of people. :lol:

[kelico]

You aren't alone, Honey! :P I didn't even know females could masturbate until a couple years ago...and I am certainly female-bodied. I didn't know how it worked. And I've never put it into practice cause I'm also really repulsed by it. I'm more repulsed by the female lower-half than male. (Probably why I don't mind yaoi.) But yeah...besides the fast heartbeat etc. that kumo mentioned:

The sensation down below...is like tingly? It can feel swollen...and to me, it just makes me feel like I need to go to the bathroom lol. So usually, after I'm done reading whatever is giving me arousal, I go #1, and then the sensation goes away. XD; Ew, this sounds so gross to actually mention.

But yeah, if you've never felt what we're describing as arousal, and you have no desire to fix it, then no, it isn't a disorder. You've had your hormones and all checked, so you're totally fine. : )

[KendraPM]

I started a similar thread before (similar, but not nearly the same) and it's the terms I'm confused on. But to share my experience, with possible TMI (although I'll try to keep it as clinical as I can); sometimes I want to be aroused, but am not. I have a want/desire/"itch I wanna scratch" to acheive orgasm/experience sexual pleasure. I'm not aroused, (I know I'm aroused by a couple of things, but the number one sign is the fact that I'm, well, wet) and I need to do things to get myself aroused. This can be extremely frustrating because sometimes my hormones are in a place where arousal is impossible.

Then there is the other side of that coin where I'm aroused for no reason and don't want to be. It's annoying, but there I am, with every little move stimulates me.

Then sometimes they line up perfectly and I'm aroused and want to get off at the same time and everything works out well.

Whether the libido is tied to the arousal and the other is just a masterbation-drive, or if libido is my desire to acheive an orgasm, I'm not sure

[demiandproud]

For me libido >> I want to have sex in general on occasion. Arousal >> I desire sexual stimulation at a specific time and place.

Being demisexual, I feel a little like a plug-in hybrid. I run on batteries, and I usually recharge during the night at home. I pretty happily bypass all the gas stations. I do still have a tank though (a libido), which occasionally gets filled with gas (arousal) so I can go places I rarely go, and usually have little interest in. I may look like a normal car, but I work rather differently, even when I'm not completely an electric vehicle.

I hope that car metaphor makes some sense :/

[CaptainYesterday]

Libido is having an itch and then scratching it.

Arousal/sexual desire is having the desire to go out and find someone to induce an itch and then scratch it for you.

[KendraPM]

Libido is having an itch and then scratching it.

Arousal/sexual desire is having the desire to go out and find someone to induce an itch and then scratch it for you.

OK, but then what about the desire to induce and scratch the itch yourself? Or even not caring if it's you or someone else who induces the itch.

[scarletlatitude]

I believe that would still be libido? Although there is something called auto-sexual or self sexual, which means you enjoy sexual things but only if you do them to yourself.

[Rising Sun]

I'd call it libido too. Some people feel the itch but feel no need to scratch it.