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Sexual attraction influencing romantic feelings?


supersymmetry

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supersymmetry

So there's this girl I've been friends with for the past few months, but I haven't started developping sexual attraction to her until a few weeks ago (due to my being demihomosexual). However, when I talk about my feelings toward her with others, I use the word crush to simplify things for friends not well-educated about the asexual and aromantic spectrums-- which, unfortunately comprises many, many people.

Anyhow, the more I describe her this way, the more I feel like I should be pursuing a romantic relationship as well. I don't know whether it's just something that mainstream society is enforcing-- that sex is not differentiated from romance (which, of course, is not true)-- or whether I'm starting to develop legitimate romantic attraction as well. When I try to analyze myself for any signs of romantic attraction, everything's sort of a jumbled-up blur and I really don't know. Usually, though, I'm able to recognize romantic attraction very easily, but I've only ever been attracted that way to boys, so I'm not really sure (and maybe that in itself says something? Who knows).

Lastly, if I do figure out I'm romantically attracted to her, and I previously identified as gray-heteroromantic, what would I call it? Demihomograyheteroromantic? It honestly sounds ridiculous to me.

So, there it is, a whole bunch of stewing feelings and confusion. Thoughts?

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Since some people confuse other attractions with sexual attraction, are you sure that's it?

Also, yes, you could be feeling you need to romantically date her because of society, but that could also be your genuine feeling. It all depends if you have romantic attraction for her.

There are 6 types of attraction. They're all typically felt with romantic attraction (and why there can be confusion between attractions) but aren't needed to make it valid. Other than romantic attraction, obviously, they can all be felt platonically, separately and in different combinations.

  • Sexual attraction - the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with a specific person; to do genital involving things to their body. In sexual people this desire is typically triggered by someone’s presence being sexually arousing.
  • Romantic attraction - an emotion so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to how one is normally with other people). Some people react to it with butterflies in their stomach, dreamy mind set, increased heart rate, limerence, etc., and others don't.
  • Aesthetic attraction - the pull to look at someone because of their looks and or mannerisms. It's different from recognizing good looks/what is aesthetically pleasing.
  • Emotional attraction - the fixation on someone because of their emotions (their optimism, stoicness, etc.), and by extent personality. I would compare it to having a favorite character or admirance.
  • Sensual attraction - the urge to have non-genital physical contact. Platonically displaying this above the norm qualifies as a type of queerplatonic relationship (QPR). I would compare it to how many people have the urge to act toward their pets. Though this term is typically applied to other humans. There are 3 forms of sensual attraction; platonic, romantic (which only differ by chaste kissing), and sexual (in the sense that it’s done for sexual arousal, not because it includes sex/genital contact --and it’s still under the asexual umbrella as a kink).
  • Platonic attraction (aka a squish; a play on the romantic word crush) - the strong urge to know or befriend someone.
  • And it's possible to find someone charming without romantic attraction. (look up charming's definition for further clarification)
  • It's also possible to have queerplatonic feelings for someone; to emotionally feel platonic but have the characteristic(s) associated with a romantic relationship. It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm, displaying platonic sensual attraction above the norm (only differing from romantic sensual attraction with chaste kissing, although preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make one’s feelings unromantic), friends with sexual benefits, romantically pleasing someone they platonically love (QP to one and romantic to the other, although it's their decision on what they call the relationship), or any combination of those. They may or may not have monogamy, live together, have kids, or look like a couple to the public. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs.
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Since some people confuse other attractions with sexual attraction, are you sure that's it?

Also, yes, you could be feeling you need to romantically date her because of society, but that could also be your genuine feeling. It all depends if you have romantic attraction to her.

There are 6 types of attraction. They're all typically felt with romantic attraction (and why there can be confusion between attractions) but aren't needed to make it valid. Other than romantic attraction, obviously, they can all be felt platonically, separately and in different combinations.

  • Sexual attraction - the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with a specific person; to do genital involving things to their body. In sexual people this desire is typically triggered by someone’s presence being sexually arousing.
  • Romantic attraction - an emotion so it doesn't translate well into words, but it can be inadequately put as soft/fuzzy feelings with some degree of fixation (at least in comparison to how one is normally with other people). Some people react to it with butterflies in their stomach, dreamy mind set, increased heart rate, limerence, etc., and others don't.
  • Aesthetic attraction - the pull to look at someone because of their looks and or mannerisms. It's different from recognizing good looks/what is aesthetically pleasing.
  • Emotional attraction - the fixation on someone because of their emotions (their optimism, stoicness, etc.), and by extent personality. I would compare it to having a favorite character or admirance.
  • Sensual attraction - the urge to have non-genital physical contact. Platonically displaying this above the norm qualifies as a type of queerplatonic relationship (QPR). I would compare it to how many people have the urge to act toward their pets. Though this term is typically applied to other humans. There are 3 forms of sensual attraction; platonic, romantic (which only differ by chaste kissing), and sexual (in the sense that it’s done for sexual arousal, not because it includes sex/genital contact --and it’s still under the asexual umbrella as a kink).
  • Platonic attraction (aka a squish; a play on the romantic word crush) - the strong urge to know or befriend someone.
  • And it's possible to find someone charming without romantic attraction. (look up charming's definition for further clarification)
  • It's also possible to have queerplatonic feelings for someone; to emotionally feel platonic but have the characteristic(s) associated with a romantic relationship. It can be an importance/closeness stronger than the best friend norm, displaying platonic sensual attraction above the norm (only differing from romantic sensual attraction with chaste kissing, although preferring chaste kissing or no kissing does not make one’s feelings unromantic), friends with sexual benefits, romantically pleasing someone they platonically love (QP to one and romantic to the other, although it's their decision on what they call the relationship), or any combination of those. They may or may not have monogamy, live together, have kids, or look like a couple to the public. Romantics and Aromantics can have QPRs.

Your descriptions of types of attraction are honestly so accurate I want to hug you... this makes it a lot easier to figure myself out :)

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scarletlatitude

I've heard of people who are heteroromantic and homosexual (or the other way around). I'm not one of them, but they do exist.

It's okay to have lots of labels if you want them. I have at least 4 - sapiosexual, sapioromantic, heteroromantic, heterosexual, gray-ace (maybe demisexual).

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Demihomograyheteroromantic?

Demi-biromantic would work better and is easier to spell and pronounce :P

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