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Do I need to come out?


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This choice is up to me, but how common is it for people to come out? Am I even hiding? Ugh I'm so confused! I've told my best friends but not my mom. Do I even need to tell my mom?

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mustardblood

personally I don't think that is necessarily important to come out unless you just wish to. Like you I have only come out to a few trusted friends but not really anyone else but, it does come down to you're choice in the end.

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DelphianFactor

Hey there!

I'm only out to my close friends as well. While I think my parents are supportive and wouldn't react badly to my coming out to them (on a few occasions now I've come close to telling them!) I don't think it's something I'm comfortable discussing with them now. That's not to say that it won't happen in the future. But there are other more important things for me at least to focus on right now.

I don't know how it is for others. So my advice would be if you feel the need to, do it when you're comfortable discussing it with your mom. If you don't think there's any compelling reason for you to tell your mom, then there isn't a need to.

Good luck! :)

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Don't feel like you need to tell anyone. If you feel comfortable doing it then do. I haven't told my family and neither do I feel obliged to; it doesn't really affect them and it hasn't been brought up in conversation before (but, like you, I have told my friends).

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Someone Else

I don't need to rush up to people and tell them what I do with my genitals. If that sentence seemed a little awkward, indeed, yes, I think it is an akward thing to tell people -- I don't do it. Exception of course would be in a dating situation where it's probably only fair to mention up front, because the default expectation is that a 'good" romantic relationship will result in sex.

edit:
And if I did tell someone, I'd be more likely to just say that I don't have a strong sex drive, rather than open the can of worms that can be the word "asexual." I was brought up with the word referring exclusively to amoebas, so ... it can confuse people.

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Hey,I don't think there are rules for coming out! If you want people to know, then tell them. But if you feel someone will have a bad reaction, you don't need to say anything at all. What reasons do you have for telling your mom? For not telling her?

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Only come out when the circumstances are mentally and physically safe. Visibility is great but not at the cost of the person coming out. No one even actually needs to know other than a potential partner. Parents most certainly don't need to know about your sex life. If i came out to my parents I'd prefer it under the terms that I've already moved out of the house for the sake of my mental health in reaction to their bigotry. You can test the waters with simply mentioned "this new thing i heard about called asexuality."

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I've been grappling with this question all day today. The only reason I want to is so people will stop talking to me about going on dating websites and "sexual" meet ups. So basically it will just be my brother and sister in law. I think that it will come as no surprise to them. But I have no intention of coming out to anyone else except maybe one friend. So I guess it's just a personal choice. I guess some people while other don't. Good luck with whatever you decide.

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I don't see "asexual" as some I'd need to "come out" as to friends and family. I think it'd be important to disclose to any partners you have (unless you're aro) but I don't hide it either. If someone asks about relationships or whatever then I mention it but I just don't see it as something I have to initiate a conversation over. ^^

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Do you have to tell your mom? I am merely guessing, but I sense this is the issue.

I haven't told my parents. But, as most people on this tread, I told my friends. I think it all depends on your personal relationship with each person. If you have an urge to tell, that is usually a sign of your inner insecurity (not necessarily a bad thing), and you should first address it in that way. "Why do I need to tell people I am asexual?" Whatever might be the reason, don't make rash decisions. Enjoy being who you are. Other people can't take that away from you. When you feel good about yourself (and this forum is all about that), it doesn't really matter whom you told and whom you didn't.

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Only if you want to, or feel the need to for your own sake. :) I don't, purely because I've never felt as though I'm 'in' to begin with. I've never claimed to be sexual or intentionally made people believe that, so I personally don't see why it matters.

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Someone Else

Only if you want to, or feel the need to for your own sake. :) I don't, purely because I've never felt as though I'm 'in' to begin with. I've never claimed to be sexual or intentionally made people believe that, so I personally don't see why it matters.

That's an extremely good point. I've never _pretended_ to be sexual, so really, was never "in", and so never needed to come "out." I mean, I can flirt and such more than some asexuals, but... never felt "in" or hiding anyway.

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Queen Under the Mountain

I'm not out to anybody because I never felt the urge to. The only situation I think it is "mandatory" is if you are starting a romantic relationship, to other people I think it is enough to say only that I don't care for dating and if they insist too much, I say I never fell in love (which usually lead to a pity face and "one day you'll find someone", but this is only with people I'm already intimate with and I don't mind). I don't think the inner works of my sexual orientation is anybody business, it is like going out telling random people which are my fetiches (if I had any :p), it is something private, no one needs to know, when they ask something what they actually want to know is about romantic life, so asexuality has nothing to do with it.

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The question isn't whether you need to or not but whether you want to or not. I'm only out to my friends and my mom (though my mom probably doesn't even remember). There's nothing mandatory about coming out (except for when a romantic partner is involved, I'm assuming).

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I'd say come out if it's gonna effect a relationship, friendship, or situation.

Honestly, I'm an open asexual. I personally make sure people know this is me and gain respect through this. I don't expect people to understand it but asexuality is a pretty big part of who an ace is. If you want to hide from it you can but coming out in my opinion is the best option.

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Im not out to anyone for several reasons, the only important reason for me to come out as asexual one day would be with my future partner because its very important for my future partner to know what to expect from me and what not.

I think its up to you to decide whenever you want to come out to your mom or not thats not something others can decide for you.

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Oh my gosh I am brand new to this site and I didn't think anyone would even see this. It's so great that other people understand how I feel!

As far as coming out, I just don't want my mom to prevent me from hanging out with a guy because she think we'll do anything. I think it would be important then but for now, I have decided not to, because I do guess it doesn't really matter thanks for everyone's help!!

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I told a group of 4 friends two thursdays ago, one had already guessed, and they were pretty good about it.

I tried to tell my mam last year, but it was in the middle of an argument, and she said something like "alright, so you have that" which upset me. Today, I emailed both my parents a link to the family/friends section of AVEN, and I'm really nervous for them to read it, but I think they'll be acepting, I mean, I can't really get any diseases can I???!!! Anyway, in regards to should you come out, I think yes, even if only so that you have someone who knows, and who can make your excuses if a conversation among friends gets to sexyal, can stand up for you infront of others, and personally, I tell my mam everything so keeping anything from her is hard on my consionce. (A word that i cant spell) But ultimatly, its up to you and to what you feel. You, like me, might take two years to find that you need to tell someone, or you might kust not want to. Thats fine, its nobody's buisness anyway.

Wish me luck,

Martha

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