Am I Asexual?

[arthurpendragon57]

I know this is probably a very common topic here, but there isn't really a definitive definition I can use to align myself. "Sexual Attraction" is a term always used, but I'm not really sure what that is now. How i think of it may be different as to how it actually is. But there's really no way of finding out. I just recently became aware that my identity may be this because of some recently new sexual experiences that I had (which I will have listed down). Also I know for sure I am homo-romantic. So i decided to list some points about me, and maybe you guys can help me figure out how likely that I'm asexual:

1. I've NEVER had a wet dream
2. Rarely have morning wood EVER.
3. When I fantasize about my wedding, I COMPLETELY forgot and did not even consider or think about the honeymoon. I guess I just assumed we would go home or go on vacation after. Sex just really don't come to mind. But I'm not against it nor do I think it "ruins things." I'm just indifferent and neutral to having it in a relationship.
4. When I see someone hot, I want sex acts to be done to them. I don't necessarily see my corporeal self doing it. I don't want to have sex with anyone nor do I have the desire to be sexually intimate. But at the same time I don't think this is merely "aesthetic attraction" (not that sexual and aesthetic attractions even have accurate definitions to even refer to). There is a sexual component in my attraction. I'm just not involved, or atleast my corporeal self. Anything imagined or fantasized in my head is done through my character avatars.
5. When I masturbate, it hinges on the coordination of physical stimulation AND visual stimulation. The act of sex itself doesn't really get to me.
6. I've always fantasized about public sex in bathrooms, especially airports (and I still do). But when I did suck get to have an encounter with a guy and sucked him off, I felt completely neutral and mechanical. I didn't even get hard. But leading up to it I was horny and hard thinking about the scenario. I wasn't even upset or considered having the guy finish me off or even touch me.
7. When this hot "bi-curious" friend made out with me at a party 3 times with tongue, I did not get hard at all as well. I blamed the confusion and the mechanicalness because of it being something new and foreign as it was my first kiss. But I still felt neutral after the third time. However, I look back at it more fondly now that it's romanticized/idealized in my head. But at the time I didn't really feel anything in my dick or my heart.
8. When I watch porn; I focus more on their posture, their faces and how they look like their arched back, their mouth, their arms. I tend to skip parts that show only penetration or just the dick.
9. My preferred and most revered and desired form of intimacy still have physical touch but they fall under the realm of kissing or holding hands or snuggling or having his head rest on my shoulder or having him wrap himself around me or full body contact warm hugs from behind.
10. I see sex and love as two separate things. I can have "sexual attractions" or fantasies for some people and have romantic attractions and fantasies for others. But it's usually not together in one person. In my head those two seem to exist in separate realms. When I think I'm "falling in love" with someone or crushing there are no sexual thoughts about them and it's pretty difficult to conjure even if I try. But I realized that once I've moved them away from being objects of my romantic love it's easier to think of them sexually. (I wonder if that could work inversely, like thinking of someone sexually can help me move on from having romantic feelings for them. Further testing is needed).

*But I'm definitely attracted to guys though. But what if the reason I don't like sex is because of my self-image issues and being disgusted with my body. Would that count as asexual? Or what if I just happened to be asexual and hated my body? I'll never know because I can't really isolate the two. Also, what if I've just made my self-image issues a logical reason for my actual asexuality. I realized there must be a lot of fat and ugly people who hate themselves and know how they look AND still yearn for sex....like sleezy people who hire prostitutes and male escorts. I don't really know. I'm really confused. But does it matter, if no one can really like me? But if I was beautiful, I'm sure I won't be having this same problem anyway.

[Member54880]

Welcome! Your experiences sound similar to a lot of asexual people, but it's up to you to decide if that label fits you. Many feel like love and sex are naturally separate things, and can have varying attitudes towards having sex including: repulsion to most or all acts (sex-repulsion), indifference to most or all acts (sex-indifference), or being favorable towards sex under some circumstances (sex-favorable). Those that are indifferent towards it, might be okay with having it in a relationship, but are perfectly content to never have it. Asexuals that have a libido often feel like self-stimulation is just done for physical relief, like scratching an itch.

Some are also interested in sexual fantasies, but feel a disconnect, and don't desire the acts themselves, or don't desire to see themselves as a participant: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/112825-autochorissexualaegosexual-heard-of-it/

If your body image changed, it wouldn't affect whether you desire sex or not. As you said, there are people who hate their bodies but still want sex, and seek it out

[Ruby Thought]

Hey! I think you could definitely fall within the asexual spectrum somewhere, remember there are lots of things that fall under the same "ace umbrella", you just have to keep investigating to find what fits you the best.

For instance, I recently identified as cupiosexual. This means that though I have a desire for sex, I don't feel sexually attracted to people.

Like you, I have had plenty of sexual fantasies and thoughts, but they're always better in my imagination than they are in reality.

Since you claim to have experienced sexual attraction before with no romantic attachments, the term that seems to fit the most is fraysexual

Fraysexual - A person who experiences sexual attraction to others inversely proportional to their familiarity with said person. The sexual attraction decreases as they become more emotionally involved. (opposite of demisexual)

What do you think?

[arthurpendragon57]

Aqua-Ace: yeah I realized I'm gonna have to explore myself more and try to uncover my identity. For now Im probably asexual with the certainty of atleast 75%. My first thought is that if/when I have more sexual encounters, Maybe i can record how i feel during them. But i don't really want any for now or the foreseeable future. Also the Autochorisexual term seems to be worth looking into as well.

Ruby Thought: Fraysexual seems to fit for now too. So i'll definitely try to do a little more research on that. I guess my biggest problem is finding the "universal" or true definition of Sexual attraction and somehow figure out if what I think Sexual Attraction is is the same as what it is really (if that makes sense).

Thank you so much for your responses. I appreciate it. I'm hoping there will be more others that can share their perspectives. The more data the better :)

[Star Bit]

Many people; sexual and asexual, don't immediately understand what sexual attraction is supposed to entail either. It's when you have the impulse/compulsion to have sex with someone; to do genital involving things with their body. And i think aesthetic attraction has a pretty solid definition. I put it as a pull to look at someone due to their looks and or mannerisms. Which is different from recognizing good looks/what is aesthetically pleasing. Lithsexual normally applies to IRL reciprocation but i suppose it could apply mentally as well, as some Fictosexuals (people sexually attracted to fictional characters) also use avatars in their mind to interact with people they're sexually attracted to. But Ficto-Lith would be more accurate for that. Lithsexual is basically when someone reacts unpositively to sexual reciprocation; more specifically over time or immediately resulting in indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. These titles are under the umbrella term Gray-Asexual. And kissing isn't for everyone.

[Ruby Thought]

I totally get it; your first forays into the "ace" world can be quite intimidating, with all the new terms and definitions there are out there.

However, you ultimately define yourself.

I personally don't think there's a universal or true definition of sexual attraction, as you put it. It's all very subjective.

Go ahead and choose whatever label you feel more comfortable with.

Good luck with the research! ^_^