Jump to content

Attractions different for men and women


interpol

Recommended Posts

So I noticed that here is how my mind works with women versus men:

Men: I like if they're strong and confident, they're smart, they can protect me, dominate me, but still treat me as an equal partner. But the thought of a serious relationship with one? Love, marriage and babies could happen----and that makes me close up my heart, mind, and legs. Because that just couldn't happen, now could it?

Women: because I am one, I know that we relate to each other on that level. I can hug them, cuddle them, and the thought of sex would be interesting though not necessarily enjoyable. (But it could be.)

The problem is, I wouldn't be all that interested in a female/female relationship for anything more than convenience. But I can talk to them fine.

So, what can be made of this?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Some men are true Dominants and would never let a female dominate them (or they're completely submissive and would never let themselves be dominant over a woman). However, you're getting into BDSM dynamic of things with power exchanges. Since this is an open form, I'm not going to go too much more in depth about it. If you'd like to know more, feel free to PM me if you're 18+.

Back on track,

A lot of men vs women is due to socialization. Women are basically trained by the patriarchal society we live in, to just flop over and let whatever happen to them, happen to them, because they're women, and "men naturally have power over you". So there's that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
scarletlatitude

A lot of men vs women is due to socialization. Women are basically trained by the patriarchal society we live in, to just flop over and let whatever happen to them, happen to them, because they're women, and "men naturally have power over you". So there's that.

And a lot of men are trained by society to think that they have to have control. Some men are threatened by women who might be more powerful than them. I know that I run into this when I try to date because I am a hella independent woman and I defy you to try to control me in any way. Imagine me dating one of those men...

I know there are always exceptions to everything but society does push things in certain directions, doesn't it? -_-

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, it's just....I'm bashfully attracted to men who are good with kids and would like to have their own, but then the thing is *I* don't know if I want my own. And me being married and a mom.....it just........can't happen. Like I have too much stuff.

Link to post
Share on other sites
scarletlatitude

I agree. I can't ever foresee kids coming out of this body. I might see being married, because just that relationship alone can be great if you have the right person. But little humans... I dunno...

I hear so many older people telling me why I should have kids, followed by them lamenting all of the things they never got to do after they had kids. It is like children are the off switch to their whole personal life. I understand in a way. I just don't think that's for me.

Sometimes finding the right partner is like finding a unicorn.

Link to post
Share on other sites
butterflydreams

Back on track,

A lot of men vs women is due to socialization. Women are basically trained by the patriarchal society we live in, to just flop over and let whatever happen to them, happen to them, because they're women, and "men naturally have power over you". So there's that.

I'm sorry, but what? Not in the world I've ever lived in. My mom always called the shots over my dad. Same thing with my neighbors now. His wife always calls the shots. My sister always calls the shots. Every single woman I've ever known especially in relationships has been dominant over men around them. Often to the point where it's bordered on abuse. Patriarchy my ass.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've seen what Hadley is talking about. It's a case of feminism run rampant and I think it's dangerous for men because it gives men the wrong idea about masculinity. I see nothing wrong with a traditional relationship or traditional gender roles at all. I think men are naturally dominant. Quite frankly, the root of this is because we're physically stronger.

I don't seek out relationships or sex anymore, I don't want those things, but when I did every female has been naturally submissive.

It's actually interesting, because I see that many allosexual women think they can manipulate me using sex appeal, but they can't. In a way I'm more dominant because of my disinterest in sex.

Link to post
Share on other sites
TooOldForThis

So, what can be made of this?

Well - a lot of people who experience attraction to people of more than one gender do feel that attraction differently depending on the gender of the person. Some folks (let me stress, only some - this is a subject of heated debate!) define the difference between bisexuality/biromanticism and pansexuality/panromanticism as this - they say that bi people feel attraction towards people differently depending on gender, and pan people feel it the same regardless of gender ('genderblind' is sometimes used for this, though I think the term's a bit confusing). I can be attracted to people of any gender, and the sort of attraction doesn't changed based on gender, but I know several people who feel attraction to people of any/multiple genders and definitely differentiate in how it feels/what they're attracted to based on gender! So it varies by person.

On the debate about dominance, above - the situation between my own parents was very much like those described by Hadley167 (so much so that it was one of the biggest factors leading me to break off most contact with them), though I've also seen it work the other way around. Not to mention same-gender couples, or poly relationships, of course. So that, too, I guess just varies by person and relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A lot of men vs women is due to socialization. Women are basically trained by the patriarchal society we live in, to just flop over and let whatever happen to them, happen to them, because they're women, and "men naturally have power over you". So there's that.

And a lot of men are trained by society to think that they have to have control. Some men are threatened by women who might be more powerful than them. I know that I run into this when I try to date because I am a hella independent woman and I defy you to try to control me in any way. Imagine me dating one of those men...

I know there are always exceptions to everything but society does push things in certain directions, doesn't it? -_-

Really? I've had two serious relationships, and in both cases they were alpha males who wanted me to dominate them. This worked out well for me because I love a good power struggle in a relationship. (Not really an angry "you will listen to me" sort of one, but "defiant at first but will ultimately do what I say, but never acknowledge that they are" is my ideal.)

But back on topic. I feel different types of attraction based on personality. I'm heteromantic to one set of personality traits, and gray-bi-frayromantic to another. It's perfectly possible you feel different types of romantic attraction towards each gender.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A lot of men vs women is due to socialization. Women are basically trained by the patriarchal society we live in, to just flop over and let whatever happen to them, happen to them, because they're women, and "men naturally have power over you". So there's that.

And a lot of men are trained by society to think that they have to have control. Some men are threatened by women who might be more powerful than them. I know that I run into this when I try to date because I am a hella independent woman and I defy you to try to control me in any way. Imagine me dating one of those men...

I know there are always exceptions to everything but society does push things in certain directions, doesn't it? -_-

Really? I've had two serious relationships, and in both cases they were alpha males who wanted me to dominate them. This worked out well for me because I love a good power struggle in a relationship. (Not really an angry "you will listen to me" sort of one, but "defiant at first but will ultimately do what I say, but never acknowledge that they are" is my ideal.)

But back on topic. I feel different types of attraction based on personality. I'm heteromantic to one set of personality traits, and gray-bi-frayromantic to another. It's perfectly possible you feel different types of romantic attraction towards each gender.

They weren't "alpha" if they wanted to be dominated lol. This whole topics starting to repulsive to me, so I'll say this and then leave:

Men are naturally dominate due to physical strength. Simply put, a man can dominate a women against her will, the opposite will rarely, if ever happen. If I ever were to theoretically get into a relationship again, she'd either have to be submissive housewife type or learn to be.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes!!! Totally.

I don't feel the way with kids you are talking about, but I do feel different for men and women (if we here generalize to two genders, since I am a bad person and unconciously see people I meet MOST OFTEN as either men or women).

Men: Very repulsed if someone would find me attractive since I wish to be totally equal, especially if I ever of some reason suddely would randomly feel to be intimate with a guy and I think patriarchy has fucked up too much of our mind for that, but could imagine an emotional relationship with an ace guy. I also like men better who look traditional manly, ie short hair, beard, wide shoulders, protective (without dominating).

Women: Cuddle would be okay and I like women who don't care that much about looks (opposite to men).

Link to post
Share on other sites

The thing is, I do think I could be with a man and have a family, but I just...I have a certain image of the type of guy I want and if it's not that specific thing it just can't happen. Even if I did love him it just can't happen, not because I don't want it at that point because I /would/ but because nice girls aren't supposed to have sex, independent women are supposed to be either single or lesbian, and I just don't feel *worthy* of a guy saying "please have my baby" because I'm not *perfect*. And it didn't fit my idea of what I wanted. Yes, that's bad.

With women, well, I've lived with a lot of them to know that it really just turns out to be friendship. Except for that one creepy time when I realize sometimes when the girls' cycles sync up so do their masturbatory times and written tastes....which makes me realize if they were feeling really horny and had nowhere to go then it could happen, but I don't see the love/sex between f/f as easily as m/f.

Link to post
Share on other sites

A lot of men vs women is due to socialization. Women are basically trained by the patriarchal society we live in, to just flop over and let whatever happen to them, happen to them, because they're women, and "men naturally have power over you". So there's that.

And a lot of men are trained by society to think that they have to have control. Some men are threatened by women who might be more powerful than them. I know that I run into this when I try to date because I am a hella independent woman and I defy you to try to control me in any way. Imagine me dating one of those men...

I know there are always exceptions to everything but society does push things in certain directions, doesn't it? -_-

Really? I've had two serious relationships, and in both cases they were alpha males who wanted me to dominate them. This worked out well for me because I love a good power struggle in a relationship. (Not really an angry "you will listen to me" sort of one, but "defiant at first but will ultimately do what I say, but never acknowledge that they are" is my ideal.)

But back on topic. I feel different types of attraction based on personality. I'm heteromantic to one set of personality traits, and gray-bi-frayromantic to another. It's perfectly possible you feel different types of romantic attraction towards each gender.

They weren't "alpha" if they wanted to be dominated lol. This whole topics starting to repulsive to me, so I'll say this and then leave:

Men are naturally dominate due to physical strength. Simply put, a man can dominate a women against her will, the opposite will rarely, if ever happen. If I ever were to theoretically get into a relationship again, she'd either have to be submissive housewife type or learn to be.

You didn't know them. They were both macho men who were alpha males in their social circles. Just because they liked when I bossed them around doesn't make them automatically omegas.

Everyone has their own type. But being physically strong doesn't make someone dominate. Being able to physically overpower someone doesn't make someone a dominate. It's a personality trait. Nothing more, nothing less.

Link to post
Share on other sites
You didn't know them. They were both macho men who were alpha males in their social circles. Just because they liked when I bossed them around doesn't make them automatically omegas.

I suppose this is true. Maybe it's just my personal revulsion towards even the idea of being in submissive sexual/relationship role.

Everyone has their own type. But being physically strong doesn't make someone dominate. Being able to physically overpower someone doesn't make someone a dominate. It's a personality trait. Nothing more, nothing less.

True, but submissiveness is traditionally associated with females, and I believe the root of that in older times was that women were reliant on men for protection, so traits that are valued traditionally in male circles (dominance, violence, physical prowess) became valuable to the whole, as these are what allowed us to survive dangerous times. Females are often attracted to these things because men who exhibited these traits could protect them.

As an allosexual male, my relatively newfound dislike of sex has almost had the opposite effect that many allosexuals said it would. They told me it would turn me "feminine," but all I did was spend more time working out and practicing martial arts to occupy my time. My experiences with people that led me to become sex repulsed in the first place and the pressure to have sex by "friends" led me to really dislike them. Now I act more aggressive then I ever was before.

The result? I'm more muscular, stronger, a better fighter, and more aggressive then I was before. I actually (and unfortunately) get approached by females more now. It sucks, but it's kinda fun to shut their pickup lines down.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...