John Oliver on sex education in the USA [TMI]

[scarletlatitude]

As a person who went through US sex education, and as a person who currently works in schools where this mess is happening, I think he did a really good job here.

WARNING: This video contains a whole lot of sex discussion and tons of TMI. Images, words, and mentions of anatomy/sexual acts are involved. If you are at all repulsed you may not want to watch it.

Thoughts? I'd really like to know what sex education is like in other countries as well.

[AveSatanas]

I never went to public school, but my son tells me that sex ed in Canada is good but basic and doesn't address things like homosexuality or asexuality. However he said the information about STD"S and contraceptives was complete and informative. He says they took about three days of grade seven to lay out the facts and he thinks it was well timed because it prepared him for puberty. It's not as good as the Dutch system which begins in kindergarten and teaches about relationships as well as simple sex acts, but I am glad Canada is not completely head up its ass about sex.

[butterscotchwm]

Yo Jon Oliver's video was so real to me because I had a Catholic sex ed and we literally saw those same videos of the lady yelling about sex and how terrible / sinful it is. I'm pretty sure I'm one of the kids who got the worst sex education lol, But even as an asexual it really sucked, because I didn't know that sex negativity was actually a bad thing for a long time. And eventually when I actually started seeing the world and human sexuality for what it really was I was upset because I felt like I'd been lied to by the adults I trusted.

[boxed toast]

I received no sex ed, but it seems like that was probably for the best. I'm...I'm really glad I'm ace.

[OttRInvy]

I went to high school in a small town in the Midwest. We were taught abstinence only.

• Birth Control: We learned about condoms, but we weren't allowed to use them on produce. The teacher showed us one, verbally told us how to put it on, and that was that. We also learned about "the pill." We were taught calendar days and ovulation patterns for when the eggs are most fertile, but we were correctly taught that you can become pregnant at any point during your cycle.
• STDS: We were thoroughly taught about a wide range of them. We covered how they were transmitted, how "popular" they were, what the physical symptoms were, etc. It took up a large portion of our curriculum.
• Pregnancy: Obviously, the focus was on teen pregnancy. The gist of it was that a woman's life was severely hampered by pregnancy, and she would have to decide to raise the baby or put it up for adoption (the class quietly chose to ignore the unspoken option of abortion). The man's life was ruined because she would probably choose to keep the baby and they'd be legally required to pay child support. We watched a video of a live birth as well. It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be, but the video quality wasn't very good, so....
• Consent: We talked about this, but I only remember two things. We were taught that "no means no" and what a roofie was, but I don't recall whether we went any further in depth (ie: what if you're both drunk? Then it's okay, right?). We watched one movie about an abusive relationship and we were taught that was wrong as well.
• Sexual Orientation: Never brought up. Always used the context of heterosexual, "when a man and a woman love each other very much," very much held the idea of heterosexual-by-default. There was one openly bisexual girl in my class who asked a question about girl-on-girl sex. If I remember correctly, the subject was largely avoided and then the teacher "moved on."

Overall mood of the class: no one wants to be here. I would have liked to ask more questions but my peers nor my teacher seemed like they wanted to discuss anything at all beyond what they were required to. I'm naturally inquisitive, and since I didn't feel it was a 'personal' subject I didn't find it as awkward as the other kids did. I'd say I was largely disappointed by the negative focus the class had and the refusal to have any discussion about any sex subject (in middle school, at least, we had an anonymous question box). Definitely not the worst education, but hardly the best either.

[scarletlatitude]

From what I can remember about my own sex ed (granted this was over 10 years ago), we did discuss abstinence, and STDs, and pregnancy. I don't think they ever went into detail though. For me it was all moot point because I was acting like an ace back then, even though I had no idea what that meant. The teenage pregnancy rate in my area was low so I guess something was working?

The health teacher who taught sex ed used to swim like a sperm through the room... I remember that because he always did the backstroke and I was like that's not accurate at all... :P

Oh I also remember in 5th grade we were separated into gender groups (boys and girls) and given "the talk" about puberty, which included some video for the girls. It lasted for about 20 minutes from what I can remember, and then the teachers shuffled us back to our normal activities.

[iff]

I'm pretty sure it came under health education but that class seems like a blur to me.

[lucie]

I can't watch the video atm but I don't think I had a bad experience with sex ed in high school. I think it was pretty decent. The teacher taught us about contraceptives and planning around the menstrual cycle and stuff like that. He also taught us about consent in the context of relationships in general. The most prominent part of the experience that I still remember vividly was the powerpoint with pictures of STDs and stuff. Shit was scary. But it guaranteed that I'm gonna use protection if 'it' ever happens.

I also had a mini sex ed lessons in 5th and 8th grade. I don't remember much of those except that they showed us short movies about puberty both times.

[AveSatanas]

Like I said, I never went to public school and they don't teach sex ed in church school, but my mother's secular friend pulled me aside while I was babysitting for her and forced me to borrow a copy of Our Bodies; Ourselves which had good information and lots of illustrations. She made me swear not to show it to my mother. Nicest thing an almost stranger ever did for me.

[demiandproud]

It's not as good as the Dutch system which begins in kindergarten and teaches about relationships as well as simple sex acts, but I am glad Canada is not completely head up its ass about sex.

Yeah, even the Dutch system is imperfect, but I think we benefit in that almost all schools receive public funding, whether non-religious, Catholic, Protestant or Muslim, so they all need to discuss certain subjects. Nevertheless, though LGBT information has to be included by law since 2012, it's still not in half the schools in the past year, says the awareness organisations' website. Plus it's usually done by the biology teachers so... heavy on the facts, is what I'm saying. I'd like to see a bit more "this is how you communicate about this subject with family/friends/partners" and a bit less "WARNING, watch out for X". It'd help a lot more with the whole coming out and navigating sexualities in relationships part of the deal.

[scarletlatitude]

It's not as good as the Dutch system which begins in kindergarten and teaches about relationships as well as simple sex acts, but I am glad Canada is not completely head up its ass about sex.

Yeah, even the Dutch system is imperfect, but I think we benefit in that almost all schools receive public funding, whether non-religious, Catholic, Protestant or Muslim, so they all need to discuss certain subjects. Nevertheless, though LGBT information has to be included by law since 2012, it's still not in half the schools in the past year, says the awareness organisations' website. Plus it's usually done by the biology teachers so... heavy on the facts, is what I'm saying. I'd like to see a bit more "this is how you communicate about this subject with family/friends/partners" and a bit less "WARNING, watch out for X". It'd help a lot more with the whole coming out and navigating sexualities in relationships part of the deal.

That is interesting that the biology teachers teach it. I would really like to do that (I am a biology teacher) but the curriculum I have is way more interested in photosynthesis. <_<

The problem in the USA is that every state sets their own standards for education, and some states have much more open opinions on sex than other states. Even within states, cities and small towns may have their own curriculum, because as he said in the video, there is no set curriculum for sex ed. Schools can do what they want... or they can do nothing. No one is stopping them or checking to see if their methods are accurate.

[demiandproud]

That is interesting that the biology teachers teach it. I would really like to do that (I am a biology teacher) but the curriculum I have is way more interested in photosynthesis. <_<

The problem in the USA is that every state sets their own standards for education, and some states have much more open opinions on sex than other states. Even within states, cities and small towns may have their own curriculum, because as he said in the video, there is no set curriculum for sex ed. Schools can do what they want... or they can do nothing. No one is stopping them or checking to see if their methods are accurate.

It's true, then, that kids pretty much get taught by their parents, youtube and MTV?

[scarletlatitude]

That is interesting that the biology teachers teach it. I would really like to do that (I am a biology teacher) but the curriculum I have is way more interested in photosynthesis. <_<

The problem in the USA is that every state sets their own standards for education, and some states have much more open opinions on sex than other states. Even within states, cities and small towns may have their own curriculum, because as he said in the video, there is no set curriculum for sex ed. Schools can do what they want... or they can do nothing. No one is stopping them or checking to see if their methods are accurate.

It's true, then, that kids pretty much get taught by their parents, youtube and MTV?

Yes, unfortunately. And then some areas have an extremely high teenage pregnancy rate or an STD gets passed around a high school and everyone seems shocked.

[Lixt]

I can't speak for my whole country, since we're a federal state and school stuff change a lot depending on where you are. I had two special "days" for sex ed. One at the end of primary school (about 11-12 years old), for about 2 hours. We heard about: basic reproductive anatomy ; menstrual cycle and "pregnancy risk" (nothing on pregnancy itself) ; the pill and condoms (with demonstration and the info that they were the most efficient against STD, but we didn't have more info on STD).

Then in high school we had a longer one (don't remember if it was half a day or a full day). There was a recap of everything listed above, and a few additions: pregnancy, abortion (just the fact that it is a possibility) and the delay to be able to have one (nothing on what the medical procedure is though, I would have like to have some myths debunked), plan B, pornography and surreal expectations was a long talk. And that was pretty much it, for what I can remember.

What I wish they would talk about: consent (not a word on that, they talked about sex with the assumption that it was consensual, but never defined what consent is), sexual orientations (it was really cisheteronormative), gender identity.

[Kerriganne]

I was taught an abstinence-only course where having sex (as a woman) was likened to being a piece of tape being stuck on someone... which, I didn't even question until I watched this video and realized how BS that is. TMI about how they "justified" it (talking about vaginas... lol) ahead in the spoiler:

Basically, they taught us that when there's something in a woman's vagina, hormones are released that cause an emotional bond to form. (...How the hell I did not recognize this as pure unfiltered bullshit before now I don't know, I blame having grown up in this environment and only just getting out of it...) They said that was why women love men they have sex with and it is also what causes women to love babies when they have them. They then likened the tape becoming less sticky to the woman losing her capability to form strong emotional bonds.

Oh... did I mention that this was taught to a group of students who had been taught from a very young age to never question what teachers said about this kind of stuff unless they already knew something that contradicted it? Oh god thinking about this is actually making me a little sick with fear and knowledge that I actually believed that at some point...

After teaching that the more times a woman had sex the more she lost her capability to form strong emotional bonds as I just described, they taught a sort of chain of actions that they claimed would lead to sex unless you stopped it at some point and decided where to stop it. Where did it start? Making eye contact with the opposite sex. Then it went to holding hands, then hugs, then kissing, then intercourse. (There was some stuff inbetween, and it was put in a much more awkward phrasing, like "Step 1: Eye to Eye, Step 2: Eye to Body, Step 3: Hand to Body, etc.") This was taught in classes separated by sex by the way, so I don't know what the boys were taught. Condoms and birth control were mentioned... but we never even learned what they looked like or how to put them on, we were just told "Don't have sex and you don't need to worry about any of this stuff."

Also, the woman teaching it started off by talking about how sex is amazing and feels wonderful and she loves doing it with her husband, but DON'T DO IT UNTIL MARRIAGE TEENAGERS. And on the last day of the classes (which was the only day the boys and girls were in the same room) they showed us pictures of STDs and descriptions of them. (You couldn't tell what the genitals were from the pictures though, they didn't show us anything about what those looked like or where anything was.) And they basically said "This is why you don't want to have sex at your age, because this can happen."

Oh, and sexuality wasn't even touched on, which I shouldn't be surprised at considering my school. It was presented as "Every woman wants sex with a man and only with a man, and every man wants sex with every woman he sees." Had someone brought up homosexuals, they would have been met with either "That doesn't exist" or "That's even worse". And if someone had brought up asexuality, I don't even know what they would have been met with in all honesty, probably either "That doesn't exist" or "They're just late bloomers".

Now... I'll be right back while I have a minor breakdown about yet another thing my high school did horribly wrong coming to light now that I'm out of it and get even more terrified for the future of my classmates who still think like this and refuse to even consider anything else...

[scarletlatitude]

I was taught an abstinence-only course where having sex (as a woman) was likened to being a piece of tape being stuck on someone... which, I didn't even question until I watched this video and realized how BS that is. TMI about how they "justified" it (talking about vaginas... lol) ahead in the spoiler:

Basically, they taught us that when there's something in a woman's vagina, hormones are released that cause an emotional bond to form. (...How the hell I did not recognize this as pure unfiltered bullshit before now I don't know, I blame having grown up in this environment and only just getting out of it...) They said that was why women love men they have sex with and it is also what causes women to love babies when they have them. They then likened the tape becoming less sticky to the woman losing her capability to form strong emotional bonds.

Oh... did I mention that this was taught to a group of students who had been taught from a very young age to never question what teachers said about this kind of stuff unless they already knew something that contradicted it? Oh god thinking about this is actually making me a little sick with fear and knowledge that I actually believed that at some point...

After teaching that the more times a woman had sex the more she lost her capability to form strong emotional bonds as I just described, they taught a sort of chain of actions that they claimed would lead to sex unless you stopped it at some point and decided where to stop it. Where did it start? Making eye contact with the opposite sex. Then it went to holding hands, then hugs, then kissing, then intercourse. (There was some stuff inbetween, and it was put in a much more awkward phrasing, like "Step 1: Eye to Eye, Step 2: Eye to Body, Step 3: Hand to Body, etc.") This was taught in classes separated by sex by the way, so I don't know what the boys were taught. Condoms and birth control were mentioned... but we never even learned what they looked like or how to put them on, we were just told "Don't have sex and you don't need to worry about any of this stuff."

Also, the woman teaching it started off by talking about how sex is amazing and feels wonderful and she loves doing it with her husband, but DON'T DO IT UNTIL MARRIAGE TEENAGERS. And on the last day of the classes (which was the only day the boys and girls were in the same room) they showed us pictures of STDs and descriptions of them. (You couldn't tell what the genitals were from the pictures though, they didn't show us anything about what those looked like or where anything was.) And they basically said "This is why you don't want to have sex at your age, because this can happen."

Oh, and sexuality wasn't even touched on, which I shouldn't be surprised at considering my school. It was presented as "Every woman wants sex with a man and only with a man, and every man wants sex with every woman he sees." Had someone brought up homosexuals, they would have been met with either "That doesn't exist" or "That's even worse". And if someone had brought up asexuality, I don't even know what they would have been met with in all honesty, probably either "That doesn't exist" or "They're just late bloomers".

Now... I'll be right back while I have a minor breakdown about yet another thing my high school did horribly wrong coming to light now that I'm out of it and get even more terrified for the future of my classmates who still think like this and refuse to even consider anything else...

This is why I get so upset at schools that refuse to teach anything, or schools who force this level of bullshit onto their students. They are doing way more damage than they realize. The kids who need this the most are the ones whose parents' can't or won't talk to them, or the kids who are of different orientations, or the kids who have strong sexual feelings and don't know how to act... This type of education is misinforming them and even hurting them. It's awful and I hate it.

This is coming from a high school biology teacher. Disclaimer -- I'm not necessarily placing the blame solely on the teacher here. Sometimes the health teacher (or whoever is teaching it) has no choice. I have a good friend who teaches parenting, and naturally a part of the parenting course is to talk about how pregnancies happen. She has to teach abstinence. If she teaches anything else she will lose her certification. It's that bad.

[EmsanQ]

Schooled in Finland, and after watching this video I think our sex ed was pretty good.
We had about three instances of sex ed. In fifth grade it was an obligatory course thing where we mostly learned about anatomy and such, and then in... I think 7th grade it was more about consent and stuff. And then in the first year of high school it was about consent and anatomy and sex acceptance.
We did not get to see anyone put a condom on produce or anything as such.

The only thing I'm pissed at was that it was always working on the assumption that " Hey, you are heterosexual" which was really dumb. They did mention other sexualities (homo and bi) but nothing else and nothing about how non-heterosexual sex worked. Which I know must have felt really stupid for all the non-hetero people out there.
I'm also kinda pissed at it because them leaving it out lead to a whole lot of confusion for me until I discovered asexuality and its spectrum. I figured I was bisexual because I didn't really put any importance on gender, and only later realised that this was because I didn't feel attraction to anyone and judged a partner solely based on their personality. And of course my assumption got even more befuddled when I felt attraction to my female best friend because she was an awesome human being and I was like: ???? What is this feeling? Why do I find her body important all of a sudden? Why do I want to touch it?? WHAT?!?!?! Am I a lesbian? Am I bisexual?
And then when it stopped I got even more confused. So that was fun.
I would really have appreciated it if my school could have at least taught us a bit about sexualities too.