Jump to content

? For romantics/sex positives


Recommended Posts

Disclaimer: my question is not meant to hurt any feelings or try to make anyone feel like a lesser asexual, I really am just confused/curious since I am Aro/sex averse. Please do not take offense because I think anyone can label themselves however they see fit.

I have identified as an ace for a while now but am new to Aven and am seeing many posts about people who label as asexual but then say that they do not mind having sex or some that say they even enjoy sex. My confusion is if you enjoy the act of sex or sex-like things why do you label as asexual rather than just identifying as someone who is not visually stimulated? I'm sure there are multiple reasons and a million slightly different labels I just thought i would get the best answer from people who actually live it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Because I'm not sexually attracted to other people and have no inherent need to do sexual things with other people. I just like the physical stimulation. I do it with my partner because I feel comfortable enough with him, but it wouldn't make much of a difference if it was a robot (as long as said robot is adaptable enough, fixed patterns don't do anything for me).

Link to post
Share on other sites

That makes some sense to me. Thanks for clarifying a bit! Glad I didn't offend!

Link to post
Share on other sites

And now I can't help but picture some mad scientist making a sex robot hee hee :) although I'm sure if I googled I would find they actually already exist somewhere

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're welcome :) I don't find genuine questions offensive.

And I would actually like a sex robot that acted somewhat like a human. Would probably be way too expensive for me, but the best sex toy ever. :P

Link to post
Share on other sites

IMHO there should still be a line between simple enjoyment and desire of sex.

Otherwise, having asexuals who desire sex (and aromantics who desire romantic relationships) is just going to get more and more confusing for people who aren't ace (or aro) and actually want to understand what makes ours a valid identity and not just something made up for "special snowflakes".

Link to post
Share on other sites

I define "asexuality" as "no innate desire for partnered sex," therefore, an asexual person can certainly experience orgasm and pleasurable sensations in the genital area as they generally have bodies that function.

Check this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77o83_U8O5o&feature=youtu.be

(excerpt)

Laci Green:

"What is asexuality by definition?"

David Jay:
"An asexual person is someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction. I don't feel an intrinsic desire to make sex a part of my relationships with other people. It's different than celibacy. Celibacy is a choice, so, people choose not to have sex. Asexual people aren't intrinsically drawn towards sex, but may or may not choose to have it."
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks to all! For me, I wouldn't mind having someone around to do normal friend stuff with, with the maximum physical contact being hugs and shoulder pats and the like but the idea of having any type of sex with another person is not appealing to me in the slightest and something I won't force myself to do to try and fit in because it makes me feel sick about myself.. Almost like how could I allow someone to rape me just for their own pleasure? I'd rather be called frigid or prude by ignorant people than pretend I am or feel a type of way that I don't. As far as personal pleasure I don't mind it a couple times a year when the thought crosses my mind but it's not something that is important in my life. I am so glad I can have open and honest conversations with other people here! In real life opening up about these things often gets me labeled as an outcast or I am looked at strangely for even asking about others feelings on the crazy/taboo topic of sex and masturbation. I wish I could bake cakes and cookies for you all!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Moving this thread from Romantic and Aromantic Orientations to Asexual Q&A.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Like others, I don't feel sexual attraction.

I'm pretty much sex-indifferent. The actions feel good, but I'm not actually attracted to my partner. I don't inciate sex, I don't really think about inciating it, and I don't particularally want sex. What I want is the emotional connection I feel with my partner when we have sexual contact, and well, touching feels good. I even prefer a sexual romantic realtionship, because that emtional connection I can't get any other way, over a sexless romantic relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ditto. I don't feel sexual attraction, but I do enjoy the emotional connection with my partner, and sex seems to engender emotional intimacy, which is something I do want.

The sensations of sex can also be really nice, though I have to disconnect my brain a bit - f I think about what's going on physically with my own body, I just feel awkward and uninterested. Though I do take an interest in making sure my partner is happy.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can experience pleasurable genital sensations, however, my preference would be to masturbate for that and not to seek out a sexual partner.

I feel it's my lack of an innate desire for partnered sex that makes me an asexual person.

I feel the same as David Jay describes here: "I don't feel an intrinsic desire to make sex a part of my relationships with other people" and "Asexual people aren't intrinsically drawn towards sex, but may or may not choose to have it."

If I'm in a romantic relationship with a sexual person and partnered sex is something they strongly desire with me, then I'm willing to consider sharing partnered sex with them as long as I don't feel a sense of obligation, entitlement, or pressure about it and as long as the type of sexual activity they desire isn't one that's particularly repulsive to me or would be emotionally or physically harmful to me.

Of note, sexual people can also experience sexual aversion, sexual repulsion, and partnered sex that is emotionally or physically harmful to them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ditto. I don't feel sexual attraction, but I do enjoy the emotional connection with my partner, and sex seems to engender emotional intimacy, which is something I do want.

The sensations of sex can also be really nice, though I have to disconnect my brain a bit - f I think about what's going on physically with my own body, I just feel awkward and uninterested. Though I do take an interest in making sure my partner is happy.

Same here. It's better if I "ignore" my partner, as I put it. Basically, I close my eyes, look away, etc. And without the emotional connection, sex would be more or less something I only did to make my partner happy, like giving a back rub; I'm not against it, and sure it feels nice, but it's not something I want to do for me. Mild TMI, but sex is something I prefer to do solo.

But that emotional connection, I love it. I love how close I feel to my partner after sexual contact and it's not something I want to give up. I'm a tactile person, so I think it ties into that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
PurplePr1nc3ss

I am ace and panro, but sex-indifferent. I am truly not interested in sex, but I am interested in falling in love and finding a partner. I've never had sex and don't really plan on it, never masturbated (I'm a slight prude). My attraction is purely gooey feelings towards another person.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Like others here, what I want is to gain something from the intimacy in the acts I do with my partner, sex being a relatively small part of that over a long distance relationship. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all replies :) I am quite opposite from some of you because I find that anytime my relationships start heading in a sexual/touchy direction it reduces my feelings of intimacy. Chatting and spending time with others makes me happy but as soon as anything more is introduced I get mentally, emotionally, and physically turned off. Relationships I've had sure would be simpler if that wasn't the case but I don't mind short lived flings so far.. Just feel a bit bad when others start getting attached and want to take things to a new level and it is my total off switch.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...