Urban_Mrs Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Hi AVENites. I am very new to the community and have only recently discovered what asexuality truly is (although I have been struggling with it my entire life). I am 34 years old and married to a very frustrated sexual man, with whom I have two beautiful daughters. Although I say my husband is frustrated, I must also state the he is supporting me fully and is very understanding of my orientation now that he and I both have found information and resources to not only clarify our situation but to help support us in our mixed-orientation relationship. My question is, as a community, how do Aces handle "coming out"? Is it something that many Aces do, and if so, how have you all approached friends and family with the revelation? My fear is that people will assume that I am an attention-seeker and that, since there is so little visibility on the orientation, they will struggle to understand. How do the gay and lesbian communities view the "coming out" of asexuals? Does anyone have any advice? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Personally I'm out to just about everyone in my family, friends and coworkers. For coworkers and friends I start with asking if they've ever heard of asexuality and if they have what they've heard about it then I go from there. For family I start with the typical 'I need to tell you something' stuff and just go on from there. I've been lucky and the worst reaction I've gotten is confusion Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sisky Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I'm not "officially out", but everyone who knows me knows my interest in doing anything other people is very, very low. I never dated, I never expressed any interest in a relationship, and I frequently say the one I'm in right now was pure coincidence. That should have clued everyone in by now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Urban_Mrs Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Thanks Gwendolyn. That is really helpful. Have you encountered any backlash from the gay and lesbion community? I fear also that I am treading on their territory (as strange as that may sound). I feel as though they have something to celebrate in terms of their orientation, whereas I, being a sexually-repulsed ace, don't feel much pride in mine. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jay williams Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 What do you have to come out for---or to? Your husband knows. Who else needs to know about something as private as this? I think you have the best of all worlds. You are married, and your husband supports you fully and understands! You go Woman! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Personally no, though I've heard some people have. Any members I've met have been fine with it, though some have been confused Quote Link to post Share on other sites
IAmNoBird Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Whether you come out is up to you. It's generally agreed that significant others should know, but as it seems you've already told your husband, you don't have to tell anyone else if you don't want to. The only thing about coming out is that most people aren't aware it's a thing. The LGBT community won't always be accepting, either (if you have Netflix you could check out (a)sexual, it has a segment showing some of the attitudes). Not everyone is going to be like that, but it's something to be aware of. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SkyWorld Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I understand why some people would think that there's no need to come out because it's none of anybody else's business, unless it's their partner or whatnot. Which I can agree with and understand. However, it's completely fine if people want to come out with friends in family so they don't have to feel like they're lying and so they can just be themselves. There's no shame in that. Though sometimes it's best not to come out because some people may not be so understanding and could shun them... in the end, the choice is yours and just do what you think is best for you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
scarletlatitude Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Exactly how you come out is really up to you and the person you are coming out to. The conversation can be difficult and awkward, but sometimes it is a conversation that you need to have. Personally I don't want to come out, because I just don't want to. Your decision is up to you. No matter what, the people on AVEN will support you. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Urban_Mrs Posted August 20, 2015 Author Share Posted August 20, 2015 I am so grateful to the people on AVEN for the support and advice. Since posting this topic, I have come out to my mom, my sister and my best friend. I have decided to leave it at that for the time being. My husband has asked my permission to speak to a trusted friend about the issue as well.. he will need as much support as I do and so I respect that. Thank you AVENites!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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