Geralt Of Rivia Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Hello So, I just found out there is even such a thing as Asexuals today, honestly before today I had never heard the term. For a while I was thinking maybe I had found more people like me but the more I read the more I think I'm still just odd. Please allow me to explain my confusion. The reason I don't think I'm asexual is because I am indeed very much attracted to women. All ethnicities, a wide range of sizes, I see a beautiful woman and I just can't stop looking. Becomes a problem when I'm driving and I see a sexy woman walk by. If she has a nice rear or a good pair of legs that's just even better for me. Immediately I start thinking about how I want that, how I want to bite, slap, caress. The reason I wonder if I'm something in the asexual vicinity is because all those thoughts aside, if given the opportunity, I wouldn't do anything with it. The thought of actually being that intimate with someone freaks me out. I've had girlfriends, I've had sex but certainly not very often, hell last time was in 2009 and I'm ok with that. Seems every chance I've had since I've just ended up sabotaging one way or another. I've dated a few women since and I've always really enjoyed doing all kind of stuff with them, shopping, hanging out, I always try to be as romantic as possible but the idea of having sex with them, well that's always in the back of my mind as some sort of chore that I'll have to do even though I don't really want to. Usually once I break up with them where sex isn't actually a possibility I go back to thinking "OH man I should have totally hit that when I had the chance". I've always assumed I just have some sort of intimacy problem, although I'm more than willing to be open with them about just anything. I've sometimes thought it would be so much easier if I was to become a priest, that way I'd have a reason to not have sex, but then I'm not catholic and in my religion priests CAN have sex so that kills that idea. I've convinced myself that I'm destined to live alone and so far it's working out ok but I still do have an urge to share my life with someone, I just think I'd be happier with a marriage like the one Grandpa had where at night he'd go to his room and Grandma would go to hers. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
McDoogledork Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Autochorisexualism: A disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies, or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein. Commonly found in asexual people; an analogous feeling may occur in aromantic people for romantic fantasies. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 You will find that what your describing is actually pretty common for many people, asexual or not. I personally have had the same doubts and there have been threads here about people going through the same. It sounds as though part of the confusion may be due to social pressures. After all, men are expected to perform at all times. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ricecream-man Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 To find the answer to your question you'd have to look into why you feel that way. If it just is then you're probably asexual. If it's linked to any past trauma or some sort of fear then you may not be. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Autochrois is a pointless term. Not to mention it's been more pleasingly renamed Anegosexual. It is normal for an asexual to masturbate and even watch erotica (though some also don't). Sexual attraction is not arousal, it is the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with someone. In sexual people this desire is triggered by someones presence being sexually arousing, not what they're doing to be sexually arousing (like how an asexual reacts to erotica). If you seriously want to include that you masturbate then there is the term libidoist, and non-libidoist for those who don't. But a sexual term should refer to sexual attraction. The uninformed doctor who originally created the term; like many sexual people, don't understand that sexual arousal and sexual attraction are two different things. Aesthetic attraction: a fixation on someone/having a pull to look at someone because of their looks and or mannerisms. It is different from recognizing good looks/what is "aesthetically pleasing" with no fixation. This does not mean a romantic or platonic relationship is desired but attractions can be felt with other attractions. What is sexual involves genitals. If you don't have the urge to have contact with their genitals then it's not sexual. What you're describing is sensual attraction (desire for non-sexual; as in non-genital, physical contact). If you desire to do it for the arousal then it's sexual sensual attraction (in the sense that it's sex-like and indirectly involves the genitals, not that it actually pertains to sexual attraction/the desire for sex). That would be a kink and as long as it doesn't involve sex it's still under asexual. There are asexual dating sites and there's a meet up section on this site; look for one in your area or create your own. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Geralt Of Rivia Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 There is no trauma in my past, I'm a heavy guy so you could say some of it is fear of not performing properly, but in the past that hasn't really been an issue, I know HOW to please a woman I just don't find it all that much fun. As I said earlier, it feels like a chore, something I'm just expected to do. Even when watching porn I'm a bit different (I think), I can't just watch a dumb porn where the guy just shows up and they are having sex, I need some sort of story, some sort of seduction, just has to be more than just sex. I've never been able to understand some of my friends that just NEED to have sex, they keep making the same mistakes over and over and they keep saying that they just HAVE to have sex and that's never made any sense to me. I used to always think they were full of it because there is no way anyone just HAS to have sex that often but then eventually I started to think maybe I was the odd one out. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Darkthrone Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I'm a sexual person, but I only feel comfortable with sex under certain circumstances, and lately have been feeling repulsed by all sex. It's the same thing in that I can experience sexual attraction to the opposite sex, but I don't want to act on it, even though the attraction is there. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I'm a sexual person, but I only feel comfortable with sex under certain circumstances, and lately have been feeling repulsed by all sex. It's the same thing in that I can experience sexual attraction to the opposite sex, but I don't want to act on it, even though the attraction is there. Lithsexual aka Aposexual (which i prefer because its prefix isn't a metaphor): sexual reciprocation causes a unpositive reaction; more specifically over time or immediately indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Darkthrone Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I'm a sexual person, but I only feel comfortable with sex under certain circumstances, and lately have been feeling repulsed by all sex. It's the same thing in that I can experience sexual attraction to the opposite sex, but I don't want to act on it, even though the attraction is there. Lithsexual aka Aposexual (which i prefer because its prefix isn't a metaphor): sexual reciprocation causes a unpositive reaction; more specifically over time or immediately indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. That term fits me perfectly, thank you for mentioning it! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Geralt Of Rivia Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 I just wanted to Thank all of those that have tried to help me. I certainly have a lot to learn about things like sexual vs sensual attraction. I keep thinking I'm just normal but society makes me feel like I'm not. Although really we are all normal, labels like "Asexual" just help us interact with similarly minded people better, so I really should stop defining sexual people as normal, but I hope you all know what I mean when I say it. I think society overall is scared of people who don't NEED sex, not sure why, maybe it makes them wonder why they need it, or maybe they are scared of the idea of having to form relationships based on actual interests and communication. I don't know. As I said, I have a lot to learn, but it certainly has been nice finding a place where I can say "I don't really want to have sex" and the response isn't "Wtf is wrong with you?". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
chair jockey Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Star Brit's discourse on the difference between arousal and attraction helps me too. Recently I've been occasionally aroused by a select few women (and a select few sexual suggestions) but it's an open question whether I want to have sex with the arouser. So thanks. The fact is that all of us are so complex that any one term doesn't do us justice. I've decided to give up on seeking that one perfect term and just live my life and do what I want when I want to, an it harm none. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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