Blue shorts Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I am trying to determine if I am asexual. I am a 28 year old male. I have never had sex. I have always considered myself heterosexual. I have never even had a girlfriend. I never really cared about being single or a virgin until I was around 22. My friends started to give me a lot of shit for it. I actually have a lot of friends. I have buddies who are real whores and get women all the time. My buddies have tried to get me laid by taking me to bars but I always freeze when they try to get me to talk to a random girl.I overthink it like crazy and stress out and nearly have an anxiety attack. But I have no problem simply talking to girl and even have many friends who are girls, so my problem is only with pursuing a romantic or sexual oppurtunity. I even stress out if I try to talk to a girl through online dating. There have been a few times where I did have an oppurtunity to have sex but I always overthought it and sabotaged myself in the end. But it was never with a girl I was physically or emotionally attracted to. I also wouldn't have any idea what to do anyway and would get stressed out. I am at the point now where I no longer care that I am single and a virgin. I get too stressed to bother with it and think I am better off without it. So I have decided to not pursue it at all. Being a virgin at my age of 28 and always being single honestly doesn't bother me anymore. Does this make me asexual? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OttRInvy Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Being a virgin, getting nervous talking to girls, and being single doesn't make anyone asexual. The only indicator of whether or not someone is asexual is whether or not they experience sexual attraction. So, if you don't experience sexual attraction, then there's a large possibility that you're asexual. When asking whether you experience sexual attraction, it's important to know what sexual attraction is and what it is not. Enjoying the way someone looks and finding them pleasing to the eye is considered aesthetic attraction. Wanting to be in a relationship with a specific someone in what you define as "a romantic way" is romantic attraction. Enjoying nonsexual touching with a specific someone is sensual attraction. Here is the definition of sexual attraction with a few explanations/analogies. But, as many AVENites will tell you, only you can decide for yourself whether your asexual or not. We can put in our two cents, but it's ultimately up to you how you choose to identify. Either way, AVEN is a great place to learn and grow! I'm glad you found us, and welcome! :cake: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Welcome! Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. Many asexuals describe themselves as perfectly content to never have sex, or don't feel like anything is missing in their lives over not having it. Were you content to never have sex, because you never felt the desire for it with anyone? If so, you could be asexual, but it's up to you to determine if that label fits you. It's possible that the only reason you started to care, was because of the pressure that your friends were putting on you to seek a partner and have sex. It could've been the pressure by your friends that prevented those opportunities to have sex from happening, but you said you just would've been stressed out by it, so you didn't end up doing something that you didn't want to. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
butterscotchwm Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Yeah I agree with the two people above. Just call yourself whatever feels natural. If you think asexual is a good word to describe how you feel (maybe you should read a few forums, articles, or watch a documentary about asexuality to educate yourself on it) then by all means you can call yourself asexual. I would recommend watching Swank Ivy's youtube channel. Soooo yeah! IF you're not sexually attracted to anyone, then it would make sense for you to get confused, and therefore stressed, and therefore feel "forced" into a sex life that you don't want. I feel like you have every reason to call yourself asexual IF you want to. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Sexual attraction is the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with someone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blue shorts Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 I don't want to just call myself anything that feels natural. I will only call myself asexual if it actually makes sense to use that term. I think I may be asexual because I am perfectly content in not having sex or being in a relationship. I just don't like dating and hitting on women. Human courtship just seems retarded to me and I really can't be bothered with it. I would rather be single and a virgin than having anything to do with it. Just stresses me out too much. I also have a very low sex drive. I have looked up asexuality and just don't know if I actually fit the definition. But I am content with how I am so I think I could be asexual or I may just be cowardly or too uptight about it all like my buddies have told me. I don't want to just call myself anything that feels natural. I will only call myself asexual if it actually makes sense to use that term. I think I may be asexual because I am perfectly content in not having sex or being in a relationship. I just don't like dating and hitting on women. Human courtship just seems retarded to me and I really can't be bothered with it. I would rather be single and a virgin than having anything to do with it. Just stresses me out too much. I also have a very low sex drive. I have looked up asexuality and just don't know if I actually fit the definition. But I am content with how I am so I think I could be asexual or I may just be cowardly or too uptight about it all like my buddies have told me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nidwin Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 The question here is "I am perfectly content in not having sex or being in a relationship" and that you find out why, the real why. Can you relate, remember that you have ever felt what Star Bit has mentioned when being with or around someone? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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