Confused

[Maalie]

Hi,

I hope someone can help here, I've read a few things about Asexuality and feel it is something I can relate too. However I have also read things that blur the lines and I'm now confused. I do have an attraction to others but I have no interest in sex and it has been like this most of my life and I'm 46 now. Sex does take place at the start but days into the relationship I feel numb towards sex and sometimes even to the point of being repulsed by the thought. It would be helpful if people could share their views and clear up my confusion.

Thank you

Maalie

[CMV]

Hello And Welcome To AVEN! You've come to the right place for answers.

There are different types of attraction. One of them being aesthetic attraction,

which is basically physical attraction.Meaning you have admiration toward someones

physical apperance without thinking about having sex with that person.

Many asexuals experience aesthetic attraction.

[Maalie]

Thank you Jasterminator for the welcome that makes sense, I sometimes have the physical attraction and think about the sex, if I go through with it the desire for sex disappears after or the thought scares/repulses me. Am I ace, and is this the right community for me ?

thanks

[CMV]

Thank you Amoeba for the welcome that makes sense, I sometimes have the physical attraction and think about the sex, if I go through with it the desire for sex disappears after or the thought scares/repulses me. Am I ace, and is this the right community for me ?

thanks

Yes.It sounds like you're in the gray spectrum.Gray-Asexuals can experience aesthetic attraction

and infrequently become interested in sex.And many asexuals are sex repulsed, when thinking about it and/or

aftet having sex.

Thank you Amoeba for the welcome that makes sense, I sometimes have the physical attraction and think about the sex, if I go through with it the desire for sex disappears after or the thought scares/repulses me. Am I ace, and is this the right community for me ?

thanks

Yes.It sounds like you're in the gray spectrum.Gray-Asexuals can experience aesthetic attraction

and infrequently become interested in sex.And many asexuals are sex repulsed, when thinking about it and/or

aftet having sex.

after having sex.

[Maalie]

Thanks that is so helpful will look more into the gray spectrum :) thanks again

[CMV]

Thanks that is so helpful will look more into the gray spectrum :) thanks again

You're very welcome!

[OttRInvy]

(I took way too long to post this, and 3 replies have been posted since I started, hopefully this is still mildly relevant?)

Welcome to AVEN, Maalie! :cake:

JASTERMINATOR is right: there's tons of different types of attraction. You might also experience sensual attraction, the desire to touch certain people in nonsexual ways. As far as sex in a relationship goes, I think that could be many things. You said that "Sex does take place at the start but days into the relationship I feel numb towards sex." Does this mean you typically have sex at the very beginning of the relationship and then feel numb to it, or you are in a relationship where you haven't had sex but your open to the idea and a few days later you don't feel so open? Either way, you can still consider yourself asexual or not. Asexuality is about experiencing sexual attraction, not necessarily about whether or not you'd be okay with having sex with someone.

Am I ace, and is this the right community for me?

As many people will tell you when you start asking questions about identity, "only you can decide if your _____." The nice thing about this community is that many of us are supportive of identifying how you choose to. So, really it's up to you if you want to use the label "asexual," something completely different, or no label at all.

Another nice thing about this community is that you don't need to be asexual to be a part of it. We have a whole range of people who identify from asexual, graysexual, demisexual, pansexual, homosexual, etc. etc. Some people are still questioning. But all of us are on AVEN, because all of us can benefit from being on here and having discussions.

Some good links to look into:

List of sexual orientations + definitions

Definition of "Sexual Attraction"

[thekittyhawk]

Another definition of grey-a is experiencing sexual attraction but not necessarily wanting to act on it. That sounds like it could be you!

My advice is, don't stress out over labels as they can be very confusing. As long as you feel comfortable with the one you have, or even if you are okay with not labelling yourself at all, then that's great! And whether you turn out to be ace or not, AVEN is a very welcoming community and we'll try and help you figure yourself out.

-Kitty :)

[Star Bit]

Hello And Welcome To AVEN! You've come to the right place for answers.

There are different types of attraction. One of them being aesthetic attraction,

which is basically physical attraction.Meaning you have admiration toward someones

physical apperance without thinking about having sex with that person.

Many asexuals experience aesthetic attraction.

Physical attraction is an inaccurate word. It can be interpreted and intended as 3 different attractions; aesthetic, sensual, and sexual.

Thank you Jasterminator for the welcome that makes sense, I sometimes have the physical attraction and think about the sex, if I go through with it the desire for sex disappears after or the thought scares/repulses me. Am I ace, and is this the right community for me ?

thanks

Lithsexual aka Aposexual (which i prefer because the prefix isn't a metaphor): basically an umbrella term for sexual reciprocation causing an unpositive reaction; more specifically over time or immediately causing indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. Some say they can sistain the desire if the partner is indifferently unreciprocative during sex. Or there's the more precise term Fraysexual; sexual attraction (the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with someone) perminantly fades away. But both terms fall under the Gray-A/Gray-Asexual umbrella.

[CMV]

Hello And Welcome To AVEN! You've come to the right place for answers.

There are different types of attraction. One of them being aesthetic attraction,

which is basically physical attraction.Meaning you have admiration toward someones

physical apperance without thinking about having sex with that person.

Many asexuals experience aesthetic attraction.

Physical attraction is an inaccurate word. It can be interpreted and intended as 3 different attractions; aesthetic, sensual, and sexual.

Thank you Jasterminator for the welcome that makes sense, I sometimes have the physical attraction and think about the sex, if I go through with it the desire for sex disappears after or the thought scares/repulses me. Am I ace, and is this the right community for me ?

thanks

Lithsexual aka Aposexual (which i prefer because the prefix isn't a metaphor): basically an umbrella term for sexual reciprocation causing an unpositive reaction; more specifically over time or immediately causing indifference, loss of interest, or repulsion. Some say they can sistain the desire if the partner is indifferently unreciprocative during sex. Or there's the more precise term Fraysexual; sexual attraction (the impulse/urge/compulsion to have sex with someone) perminantly fades away. But both terms fall under the Gray-A/Gray-Asexual umbrella.

Yeah a better way to describe aesthetic attraction would be visual attraction.

[Star Bit]

Actually aesthetic is perfect; look up its definition.

[CMV]

Actually aesthetic is perfect; look up its definition.

I was just saying in general its better to describe aesthetic attraction as visual attraction instead of describing It as physical attraction.

Because you're right about physical attraction describing aesthetic, sensual, and sexual attraction.

[Maalie]

Thank you everyone for the comments, believe me it is so appreciated and helpful. Definitely know I've found the right community here ;) I'll definitely be more active Jasterminator, Invictus, theKittyHawk and Star Bit :)

[Erasmvs]

Sexual attraction is not the only attraction. You might not want sex but would engage in romantic relationships, thus making you a (hetero)romantic asexual. I'm only saying hetero as an example, you can be a-/hetero-/bi-/panromatic, depending on what gender would you date. Hope this cleared some things up.

[Erasmvs]

Sexual attraction is not the only attraction. You might not want sex but would engage in romantic relationships, thus making you a (hetero)romantic asexual. I'm only saying hetero as an example, you can be a-/hetero-/bi-/panromatic, depending on what gender would you date. Hope this cleared some things up.

However, you might not even feel romantic attraction either, here's a picture clarify things even more: