How do I stop being asexual?

[WheelCuddle]

There is a quote that is often attributed to Albert Einstein that is probably not from him. “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

If you insist on finding straight men who desire sex, when you have no desire, you will feel like that fish trying to climb that tree forever. Stop trying to make yourself be happy in the way you think happiness is found and embrace what ACTUALLY makes you happy. Admitting you don't want sex does NOT mean you don't want love. Someone to come home to. Someone to laugh and snuggle with. Someone to spend your life with. You can still have all of those things!!

Has your dating pool gotten smaller? Probably. Welcome to being an asexual. Many people on here will tell you can date a sexual. I don't agree with that school of thought. I am sure it works for some people, but I don't think it is practical for most. Remember, everyone is trying to get that number down to one anyway, your sexuality is giving you some help :)

So what can you do? Get an okcupid account, you can set your sexuality as asexual, or at the very least, search for those who identify the same way. you can sign up for Acebook, a site for asexuals, and again find locals. You can search the member list for this very site many here would love to date. You aren't doomed to be alone, you just have to find someone else who doesn't want sex either. Someone who won't assume you are broken or need fixing, someone who will be relieved that you don't expect it from them either.

[Darkthrone]

It it makes you feel better, in addition to ace guys there are also the occasional sex repulsed allosexual guy like me. I feel like guys are less likely to talk about not wanting sex because society portrays men as hypersexual. Good luck!

[*a*rteest]

I've never quite had this problem because I was never attractive (never had anyone interested in me) AND I'm aromantic so i've never been interested in relationships to begin with, but you really need to START relationships with the other knowing what you are instead of "making the right noises at the right time" and then later having everything crash down, which is only making BOTH OF YOU unhappy.

You really gotta love yourself before you love anyone else.

[thekittyhawk]

I don't want to be asexual! I want to have a boyfriend! ! :(

You CAN have a boyfriend... an asexual one! Granted, it won't be easy to meet aces in social settings but loads of people have found love on AVEN and also asexual dating sites like Acebook, and i think there's one called meetaces or something like that.

I don't think you can literally stop being asexual, just like a gay person can't stop being gay, no matter how much they want to. Actually there is a thing called "corrective rape" where people take aces and rape them, thinking they can cure them. That really scares me, so it makes me a little nervous when people talk about "curing" asexuality because in my mind that's almost synonymous with rape. All i'm saying is, don't shout about wanting to be cured unless you trust that person! :) Hope you figure some stuff out. Good luck x

[Sally]

You really gotta love yourself before you love anyone else.

That's more cliché than truth. However, it's better if you know yourself before you get to know someone else.

[an indignant hedgepig]

Are you... attracted to people sexually? And you just don't understand or like the act of sex? Because if that's the case, you're not asexual, but you might be sex-repulsed. And even if you don't experience sexual attraction, one of the diagnostic criteria for hypoactive sexual desire disorder is that "a lack of sexual attraction causes discomfort or distress on the part of the subject". So yes, you can get treatment for it, it's in psychiatric manuals as a treatable disorder. Now my opinions about the disorder (that it stigmatizes our orientation et cetera) don't really matter here; if you really, really want to want sex, there are options for you. In psychiatry terms: being okay with not experiencing sexual orientation is asexuality, being freaked out about it is HSDD.

(Urk. I can't believe I just seriously brought up HSDD in a conversation about asexuality. I am becoming everything I hate.)

As a romantic ace I am mildly off-put by the idea that you can't have a boyfriend if you are asexual, because it's just not true. My situation with my partner can't really be applied to your situation (or a lot of aces' situations), but it is more than possible to find someone who shares your desires in a relationship, or, at least, is happy to concede to your needs in terms of intimacy. In fact, you should not settle for someone who is not willing to at least come to some sort of compromise, because that's just plain unhealthy.

[*a*rteest]

You really gotta love yourself before you love anyone else.

That's more cliché than truth. However, it's better if you know yourself before you get to know someone else.

I don't think it's cliche. I think it'd be very strange for someone to hate their orientation. It's certainly understandable to be upset at **society's** reaction to your orientation, but i'd be very wary of making someone who hates themself because of something so far out of their control a life partner.

[KendraPM]

You really gotta love yourself before you love anyone else.

That's more cliché than truth. However, it's better if you know yourself before you get to know someone else.

I don't think it's cliche. I think it'd be very strange for someone to hate their orientation. It's certainly understandable to be upset at **society's** reaction to your orientation, but i'd be very wary of making someone who hates themself because of something so far out of their control a life partner.

I think the phrase is misleading. I don't think you need to love yourself before you can love someone else, but I do think you need a certain amount of healthy respect for yourself to inorder to be sure you're in a healthy relationship. You can have a perfectly healthy and loving relationship without loving/respecting yourself, but you are then putting a lot on your partner. And it's hard to know you're in a healthy relationship if you don't care about yourself enough to make sure they are treating you right.