Dysphoria vs. Sex-repulsion associated with being asexual

[Sleepy Skeleton]

[TMI warning]

I've been thinking about my gender lately, but there is one thing that I can't figure out on my own.

To many people, you can only be transgender if you experience some kind of dysphoria. Otherwise, you're just someone who doesn't conform to their gender roles.

I've decided that I'm some kind of non-binary and that's going to be the label I use, but I'm concerned over whether or not what I'm feeling is enough to be considered dysphoria. It doesn't matter to me if I'm really dysphoric or not, but it's just something I'd like to know.

I'm very sex-repulsed. The naked human body is forever gross to me, even my own body. I try not to think about it as much as possible. I hate having breasts and periods are incredibly stressful to me. It's to the point that I can't sleep at night when I'm on my period and sometimes the pain is so bad that I can barely function. I'm about 25 pounds underweight, which has made my periods lighter, and pretty much the only reason why I don't try to reach a healthy weight is because I know they will get worse. I don't want a female body. But at the same time, I don't want a male body either. Penises are just as gross to me.

I know some other asexuals feel similar, but how normal is that?

Tl;dr:

How do you tell the difference between sex dysphoria and sex-repulsion?

[comeondieyoung]

For me, there's been specific reasons and causation for my sex-aversion/repulsion, whereas my sex dysphoria is internal and would be there regardless

[ThaHoward]

In the end, I guess it is up to you. What may be dysphoria for you might not be it for others and the other way around. However from what you post it do seem that you dislike the idea of having both a male and female body. And for me that is "enough" (as I see it) for someone to not want to label or associate themselves with one sex or the other. If some say that it isn't enough of a reason, well disregard them. It's your identiy and body, and you choose what you "are" and it is your own pesonal perspectives and feelings - others can't dictate that for you.

[Philip027]

To many people, you can only be transgender if you experience some kind of dysphoria. Otherwise, you're just someone who doesn't conform to their gender roles.

It may be what a lot of people think, but it is wrong.

There are differences between transgender and transsexual (as well as gender and sex, in general), and this is just another instance of people conflating the two.

Tl;dr:

How do you tell the difference between sex dysphoria and sex-repulsion?

Imagine yourself with the other set of equipment. Is sex still something you personally would dislike to have?

That seems like the simplest way of finding out, really.

[butterflydreams]

Tl;dr:

How do you tell the difference between sex dysphoria and sex-repulsion?

Imagine yourself with the other set of equipment. Is sex still something you personally would dislike to have?

That seems like the simplest way of finding out, really.

Well, damn, that sure makes things a lot clearer :)

Lacey, I guess I'd ask why you want to know the difference? There's nothing wrong with sex repulsion, regardless of whether it's caused by some kind of dysphoria, Mercury being retrograde, or just because. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. I'm personally of the opinion that sex dysphoria and sex repulsion can often be tied up in quite the convoluted knot. They play off one another, feed each other, influence each other...it's hard to say whether an experience is really one or the other. It's likely a combination of both.

What Philip suggests is good I think. It doesn't really seem like changing your sexual characteristics is going to affect your feelings of sex repulsion one way or another. That's not to say it wouldn't, but really only you can determine that.

[noparlpf]

That sounds sort of like how I feel, but not quite.

I'm a cis man. I'm comfortable with my secondary sex characters (except for male-pattern baldness >:|) and with being perceived as male socially.

But, I'm uncomfortable at best with my genitalia.

The thing is, it seems to be linked to my sexuality. When I'm more asexual it's less nagging, but when I'm more demi it gets more annoying. I tend to think that in my case it's more like some kind of internalised sex-repulsion than some kind of gender-related dysphoria.

RE: Philip's post: I kinda feel like I'd be less uncomfortable with a vagina under the same conditions that make me uncomfortable with what I do have, but for all I know it would turn out the same. It's impossible to know.

[Sleepy Skeleton]

Imagine yourself with the other set of equipment. Is sex still something you personally would dislike to have?

That seems like the simplest way of finding out, really.

Yes, because having a different body wouldn't change the fact that I'm asexual. That's my problem. I can't imagine myself as anything other than asexual, therefore I don't know where my dislike of my own anatomy comes from.

Lacey, I guess I'd ask why you want to know the difference? There's nothing wrong with sex repulsion, regardless of whether it's caused by some kind of dysphoria, Mercury being retrograde, or just because. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. I'm personally of the opinion that sex dysphoria and sex repulsion can often be tied up in quite the convoluted knot. They play off one another, feed each other, influence each other...it's hard to say whether an experience is really one or the other. It's likely a combination of both.

What Philip suggests is good I think. It doesn't really seem like changing your sexual characteristics is going to affect your feelings of sex repulsion one way or another. That's not to say it wouldn't, but really only you can determine that.

I want to know the difference because I don't like the idea of misusing a label. I don't want to say I'm trans when my experiences are not comparable to others. I don't want to tell someone I'm a dysphoric nb and have them say "That's just because you're asexual. You don't have REAL dysphoria."

But I think you're right about it being a combination of both. That makes sense!

[Philip027]

Yes, because having a different body wouldn't change the fact that I'm asexual. That's my problem. I can't imagine myself as anything other than asexual, therefore I don't know where my dislike of my own anatomy comes from.

Does it really matter where it comes from? The fact is, it's still there. You don't have to be a sexual person to have a reason to dislike the equipment you have; we matter more than just for that reason. I'm pretty sure I would not enjoy being female-bodied because I'd hate leaking gallons of blood every month. The reasoning doesn't really matter that much.

I don't want to say I'm trans when my experiences are not comparable to others.

Being trans- or whatever else is not based on comparable experiences though. It's based on whether you fit the criteria. Would you call a black person "not black" if they never experienced racism before in their life?

Over my time here I have felt like I could not relate to many other aces, due to the fact seemingly most of them were still libidoist and otherwise still experienced a form of "sexuality" that I did not. But that still did not change the fact that I was ace. It just meant that I felt "ace" on its own was not enough to adequately describe me, so I added on the "nonlibidoist" label and called it good.

[Kappamaki]

I want to know the difference because I don't like the idea of misusing a label. I don't want to say I'm trans when my experiences are not comparable to others. I don't want to tell someone I'm a dysphoric nb and have them say "That's just because you're asexual. You don't have REAL dysphoria."

You can call yourself trans if you have a gender identity that does not match the sex assigned to you at birth. That's what trans means. So if you're non-binary, you can call yourself trans. (Unless, I suppose, if you were declared non-binary at birth somehow.) Not all trans people experience dysphoria. It's common, but it's not a requirement. Even if you experience absolutely zero dysphoria, body or social, you can still be trans, and you wouldn't be misusing the label at all.

As for the question of whether or not you experience dysphoria... It's good to know if you do, because then you can take steps to mitigate it and become more comfortable. Self-awareness is important for self-care, and research is important for self-awareness.

Dysphoria's difficult to describe sometimes. Not all people experience dysphoria about the same things - if one person feels dysphoric about their vagina and another doesn't, that doesn't mean the other doesn't have problems with their voice and being seen as and treated as female by others. It's possible for you experience dysphoria that you're unaware of, even, or that all sorts of little hangups and pains in your life are linked to dysphoria and you just haven't thought about them that way. The "Different Dysphorias" thread here in the Gender Forums includes a lot of people's experiences - it also gets off-topic sometimes - that might ring true with you. Also, this article by Anagnori describes dysphoria in a way that is not always talked about:

http://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/75333093314/the-more-subtle-kind-of-gender-dysphoria

Also, if you look at your own writing here:

I'm very sex-repulsed. The naked human body is forever gross to me, even my own body. I try not to think about it as much as possible. I hate having breasts and periods are incredibly stressful to me. It's to the point that I can't sleep at night when I'm on my period and sometimes the pain is so bad that I can barely function. I'm about 25 pounds underweight, which has made my periods lighter, and pretty much the only reason why I don't try to reach a healthy weight is because I know they will get worse. I don't want a female body. But at the same time, I don't want a male body either. Penises are just as gross to me.

Hating having breasts and periods are very common manifestations of gender dysphoria in AFAB people. And it seems to me like the language you use isn't just saying "I do not want to have sex happen to my body" or "I'm uncomfortable with thinking about my body as sexual," so I would hazard that this goes beyond sex repulsion.

As for me, I first noticed feeling dysphoric about things - and using that language to describe it - several months before first identifying as trans and agender. Since then, my dysphoria actually took a turn for the worse, since a lot of my previous way of dealing with things was to deny it on a subconscious level, and this was now no longer possible. But I found ways of dealing with myself more healthily, and things are far better now than they were when I was in denial. So just a heads up that things might get worse for a moment while figuring this out if it turns out you've got a mental blockade system like what I had going on.

[butterflydreams]

"I do not want to have sex happen to my body" or "I'm uncomfortable with thinking about my body as sexual," so I would hazard that this goes beyond sex repulsion.

Is that sex dysphoria in a nutshell?

[Heart]

This may be over-simplifying things, but I'd say that sex repulsion is when you are repulsed by the thought of actions associated with sex or that are somehow sexualized (I'm going to include masturbation in there, as some people are very repulsed by that too, though not all; some experience only repulsion towards partnered sex acts). Sex repulsion is based on actions and connotations/hints of actions.

Gender dysphoria, and genital dysphoria specifically, tends to stick around even when no icky actions are involved. So, if you still feel uncomfortable with your genitalia even when fully clothed and in a completely non-sexualized situation (eg eating at a family dinner or something), then likely that is dysphoria.

Having said that, it's not uncommon for the two to go hand-in-hand. I, for one, get a healthy dose of both. For some people, one affects the other (eg having genital dysphoria augments their sex repulsion, and as such after transition they may no longer feel sex repulsed, or not as much), and for others they have no relation at all.

Ultimately, no one kind or combination is "more legitimate" though. Just because you may have an explanation for one through the existence of another doesn't make it any more, or any less, important or real.

Does that mostly make sense?

[Sleepy Skeleton]

You can call yourself trans if you have a gender identity that does not match the sex assigned to you at birth. That's what trans means. So if you're non-binary, you can call yourself trans. (Unless, I suppose, if you were declared non-binary at birth somehow.) Not all trans people experience dysphoria. It's common, but it's not a requirement. Even if you experience absolutely zero dysphoria, body or social, you can still be trans, and you wouldn't be misusing the label at all.

As for the question of whether or not you experience dysphoria... It's good to know if you do, because then you can take steps to mitigate it and become more comfortable. Self-awareness is important for self-care, and research is important for self-awareness.

Dysphoria's difficult to describe sometimes. Not all people experience dysphoria about the same things - if one person feels dysphoric about their vagina and another doesn't, that doesn't mean the other doesn't have problems with their voice and being seen as and treated as female by others. It's possible for you experience dysphoria that you're unaware of, even, or that all sorts of little hangups and pains in your life are linked to dysphoria and you just haven't thought about them that way. The "Different Dysphorias" thread here in the Gender Forums includes a lot of people's experiences - it also gets off-topic sometimes - that might ring true with you. Also, this article by Anagnori describes dysphoria in a way that is not always talked about:

http://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/75333093314/the-more-subtle-kind-of-gender-dysphoria

Also, if you look at your own writing here:

I'm very sex-repulsed. The naked human body is forever gross to me, even my own body. I try not to think about it as much as possible. I hate having breasts and periods are incredibly stressful to me. It's to the point that I can't sleep at night when I'm on my period and sometimes the pain is so bad that I can barely function. I'm about 25 pounds underweight, which has made my periods lighter, and pretty much the only reason why I don't try to reach a healthy weight is because I know they will get worse. I don't want a female body. But at the same time, I don't want a male body either. Penises are just as gross to me.

Hating having breasts and periods are very common manifestations of gender dysphoria in AFAB people. And it seems to me like the language you use isn't just saying "I do not want to have sex happen to my body" or "I'm uncomfortable with thinking about my body as sexual," so I would hazard that this goes beyond sex repulsion.

As for me, I first noticed feeling dysphoric about things - and using that language to describe it - several months before first identifying as trans and agender. Since then, my dysphoria actually took a turn for the worse, since a lot of my previous way of dealing with things was to deny it on a subconscious level, and this was now no longer possible. But I found ways of dealing with myself more healthily, and things are far better now than they were when I was in denial. So just a heads up that things might get worse for a moment while figuring this out if it turns out you've got a mental blockade system like what I had going on.

Thank you! Everything you said was really helpful and I appreciated it!

[gdfgdssfsd]

Truth be told, I'm a sex-repulsed asexual, but I have no problem looking at naked people or myself naked. I'm guessing if it's vice versa that's dysphoria?