Dealing with sexual people feelings

[iMatt]

OK, putting it really simple, I'm demisexual.

A few days ago I was invited for something I would really consider stranger sex (most exactly, go a night out then have it at the end), but I really don't feel that I want it. The person won't listen to me either, just keeps insisting on it, even after I mentioning that I would do it if I felt something with her, that could happen, but not exactly now...

What should I do? Open up? Just go for it? Run to a desert island? I have no idea.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Simply say that you dont want to and if the person insist on it, get up and walk away.

[SilentDaisy]

Run to a deserted island!!

Seriously though, I would suggest not doing anything if you're not comfortable with it

If that person isn't listening to you and is repetitively insisting for you to do so despite your reluctance then I personally don't think that person is worth your time.

Ultimately, the decision is up to you but from my experience if you're having doubts about if you should

you may end up with some regrets after you do

[Anyina]

Island! Island! O.O

That kind of invitation you're talking about sure sounds strange. I know I would run away and never look back, but I can't tell you what to do. If it were a friend, I would try and talk to them, but I very much doubt I'd be friends with a person that would made to me that kind of proposal so I can't be too sure o.o

Good luck =)

[iMatt]

I can't say she's really a friend since we barely met (she said she knew me from some other place but I'm not sure)

I may be wrong, but I wouldn't like remove this person from my life forever, as I told her, I would prefer we were at least close friends before something, but she told me "nothing could prevent her loose hands"

As a person she seems really cool and have lots of mutual interests but idk, I'm lost.

[SilentDaisy]

Im not going to say you shouldn't be friends with this girl because if you enjoy being around her and shes a cool person to you then that's great

but if you barely know this girl , then i've got to say, you should be careful!

I mean, at the very least make sure she fully understands and respects how you feel in those kinds of situations because saying

"nothing could prevent her loose hands"

seems like a big Red Flag for sexual assault to me!!

[The Great WTF]

I can't say she's really a friend since we barely met (she said she knew me from some other place but I'm not sure)

I may be wrong, but I wouldn't like remove this person from my life forever, as I told her, I would prefer we were at least close friends before something, but she told me "nothing could prevent her loose hands"

As a person she seems really cool and have lots of mutual interests but idk, I'm lost.

If she's trying to push you into a sexual situation that you do not want and you've made it clear that you don't want it, that's not someone you want as a friend.

[iMatt]

My red flag for her was already high as soon she started to get into the feelings and sexual stuff, yet I'm one of these who believe people CAN actually change.

Not that I have any interests right now, what keeps messing with me is that even she accepting it, at same time she would say "I still want to do it someday", at some point I will have to face her, that scares the heck of me since you can't predict what people think or understand...

I also would hate if she was one of these types that would publicly screw you up later by saying things to the entire town.. (small towns people will get this)

[SilentDaisy]

I wouldn't put too much faith in the whole 'People Can Change' thing

Personally, I clung to that phrase and it dragged me down like an anchor for a really long time and in some pretty bad situations

Im not really going into what those situations were but im just saying that although it is good to hope that people can change, its not good to rely on it..

its better to see people for what they are and not for what they Might turn out to be

Meaning: If shes acting this way now with pushing you to have sex then its most likely shes going to be that way later on

Im also going to state that i have started a couple relationships that i thought were really accepting of my 'not wanting to have sex'. But those same relationships ended after either a few months or after a couple of years of sexual/emotional abuse

now, im also not saying that thats going to happen to you if you stay with her because i dont actually know her or you for that matter and she could be a genuinely accepting person, but i guess, all im really trying to say is be careful :( you may not ever be in a situation anywhere close to mine but from what you've said, your situation does have a lot of potential to be a really bad one and believing that people can change might only make it that much worse :(

[Guest]

I'm confused. So she wants to go out and is talking all flirty and sexylike about how she can't keep her hands off of you... that's a situation where either you're into it or you're not, and if you're not, that's totally fine. Just say you're not feelin' it. I don't understand what she's done wrong, or why we're discussing her value as a friend.

[VanGhost]

I say be honest and don't do anything you don't want to do.

[Tarfeather]

I'm confused. So she wants to go out and is talking all flirty and sexylike about how she can't keep her hands off of you... that's a situation where either you're into it or you're not, and if you're not, that's totally fine. Just say you're not feelin' it. I don't understand what she's done wrong, or why we're discussing her value as a friend.

Uhh, that part --

The person won't listen to me either

Though yeah, we don't know what actually happened, it could mean many things. If they're literally disregarding the OP's wishes, though, that probably makes for bad friend material.

[Guest]

The OP said he'd do it if he felt something... unless I missed something, that's not a no and shouldn't be expected to be treated like a no. I get the feeling the OP is taking this waaay more seriously than the girl is.

[Chardog]

To me, it sounds like the girl won't let him take no for an answer if he goes out with her.. Sounds rape-y to me.. While OP said he'd do something if he felt like it, it's pretty obvious that he doesn't feel like it to begin with and that she has no intention of respecting his feelings..

[Guest]

LOL. Accusing someone of rape that hasn't even happened just because she says she can't keep her hands off him? Jesus Christ almighty.

[iMatt]

I agree with most of the comments above, Skullery got it right though - I'd DO it if, and only if, I felt close enough with her.

As a quick update, I'm still risking with my belief of people changing, in last case I still have an escape too. By what I got to know until now, she seems to be a good person, one that would respect it when she sees I was being serious about it. Yet, I'm having my cautions, just in case...

[iMatt]

I wouldn't say she'd rape me. IMHO she got a little too attracted/excited about me (lulz) and wanted to do it and just acted direct on me. Much better than someone inviting you to something like a party and *surprise!!*

[Guest]

To me, it sounds like the girl won't let him take no for an answer if he goes out with her.. Sounds rape-y to me.. While OP said he'd do something if he felt like it, it's pretty obvious that he doesn't feel like it to begin with and that she has no intention of respecting his feelings..

Thats the biggest nonsense i have ever heard.Thats not rape because she didnt force him to have sex with her in the first place she wants to have sex with him and he doesnt want to have sex with her.It is called harrassment because she is trying to get him to do something against his will and she doesnt respect the fact that he is demisexual and has no intention to respect that anytime soon. For as far as i can see she just wants a quick way to fulfill her sex drive and will keep on trying untill he gives in... or maybe not.The fact that she cant keeps her hands off him means to me that its time to say : Dump and flush if you really had enough and see no solution to the problem of it or just make it crystal clear to her that she wont get what she is trying to achieve and that if she loves and respects him then she will accept his opinion on the matter instead of accusing the girl of rape.

[iMatt]

Hey guys, I'd like to put an update on this, in case it may help someone (sure, people are different, but here's my 2¢):

A few days after my last post I decided to (finally) go out and meet her, so we went to a place and ate ice cream and cake.

I really enjoyed it, we talked a lot about ourselves, joked about people we knew, people who passed by, etc and while I took her to her home (she lived really close) we held hands and she gave me a kiss before I left.

She didn't rape me, if anyone wonders it :P

After this day we met again, went to shows, etc, she was a really nice person to be around with and seemed to like and respect me the same way I did like and respect her (by then I started to feel some connection).

Sadly, it didn't last very much, even though she liked me a lot, she didn't felt like she liked me the same way I did liked her and in the end, we decided to stop seeing each other (we're still friends, not any close, but friends, still).

TL;DR: If you really like the person or would like to give a chance, or atleast think the experience is worth, then go for it, but try not to fall in love, because it hurts A LOT.