Lover Of Cats And Cake Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Alright guys, I came out to my nan four years ago as aromantic, but she's in complete denial about it. Now, when she talked to me about relationships today, I revealed my aversion to kissing. Her reaction was: "What happens when you get a boyfriend then?" I don't know how to make her see that being aromantic is a real orientation. That it's MY orientation, and that I'm not just a "late bloomer". Help, please? Link to post Share on other sites
knout Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 "The same that happens when I don't get a boyfriend" would that work? :P Link to post Share on other sites
purplesnow Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Perhaps I'm extrapolating from my own family too much, but: older family members often have this nasty tendency of assuming their age makes them wiser than you and you'll see things their way eventually. She might not be open to persuasion at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Nymra Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 It's hard to convince people who are in denial. Maybe one day she'll realize by herself that you will never be like 'everybody else'. I wish you the best with that situation though. And I do hope one day your aunt will understand what it means to be aromantic :x Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 She either has memory problems or she's being willfully ignorant. Kissing is validly not for everyone; even romantics. It's not the majority but it's a real thing. Secondly, why does she need to understand? What's the point? I know it's nice to have yourself revealed but it poses no actual benefit. If you've already said that no one makes you feel all romantically and you don't desire such a relationship then there's nothing else to say and she's a lost cause. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 The only thing that convinces people like that is giving them time...hears of it. You'll have to keep rolling your eyes and reminding her. "What happens when you get a boyfriend then?" "I check if I have a fever, because I don't want want a boyfriend." "Well, not now..." "So its not a problem now, is it?" Link to post Share on other sites
Lover Of Cats And Cake Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Thanks for all your help, guys. I guess I'll have to be much more blunt with her about my orientation, and hope she eventually gets it Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Also, you can say you're the only one that can know your own desires and other people have no right in assuming them or the future state of them. Link to post Share on other sites
StygianSoul Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 It may not be much consolation (it never really is for me), but sometimes you have to remember that older family members grew up in different time periods. My grand-uncle is gay, and my great-grandmother was never completely settled with it, even though she loved him. One of my older cousins grew up in a time period when "transgender" wasn't really a term, and drag queens were simply not allowed in his family. So he still identifies as male, even though looking in the mirror every morning makes him jump in shock. Asexuality is so foreign to my grandmother (who raised me), that she can't even really wrap her mind around it. Sometimes it's just when they grew up, outside influences. Things you can't change. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 I don't know how to make her see that being aromantic is a real orientation. That it's MY orientation, and that I'm not just a "late bloomer". Help, please? You can't and shouldn't try to "make" anyone see anything. Just leave her alone, and live your life. Link to post Share on other sites
KendraPM Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 If she's religious, specifically Christian, you can point out that you are like Paul. He was an aromantic asexual (or at least it can be assumed he probably was since he didn't see the point in marriage or sex). Otherwise, you may just have to gently stick to your guns and let her go on her way. People, especially when they're older, don't always grasp the idea that there is more out there than they were taught. Link to post Share on other sites
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