Future life plans?

[bluetrench]

So I'm new here. I have very recently come to realize that I'm aro-ace. I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship -- I just thought I was a "late bloomer" and I would eventually find the right guy. I realize now that I never really *wanted* a relationship in the first place, and it was only due to societal pressures and norms that I thought I wanted/needed one.

I am currently coming to terms with being aro-ace and the likelihood that I will never desire a romantic relationship, and am wondering where that leaves my future. I had kind of always assumed that I would get married eventually and have a family because that's what you're supposed to do, right? But since I probably won't ever desire that I'm wondering what else is out there.

So fellow aro-aces, what do your future life plans look like? What do you want in life, and where do you want to end up?

Do you (or do you think you will ever) hope to get married and/or have a family?

[nerdperson777]

It's always possible to live alone, but I can be really dedicated to someone in a platonic way. If I can be in a queer platonic relationship with someone (an extremely close friendship with someone, without the romance or sex), that would be preferable. But I don't make friends easily as it is, so it would be hard to find someone like that with my expectations. In a legal standpoint, this person can be considered a partner. Get legal benefits with them, have children with them, just don't do romantic or sexual things with them. (Actually my parents are practically like that, but that explanation is for another day.)

[Archon]

First off, I'd like to say welcome to AVEN! Have some cake

Fortunately, I get along very well with the family I already have, so I live with them and I don't see that changing in the future. I have a bunch of friends and luckily a twin sister who is my best friend. I already work part-time and after college, I'll work full-time. I'll do all the things I love - spreading visibility for aces and aros, playing video games, reading, cosplaying, hiking, and whatever I like. I'm not a very ambitious person and all I want in life is to live quietly and happily. I want to end up exactly where I am now.

You couldn't pay me to get married and/or start a family of my own. I don't want that at all. Given the choice between that and living alone, I'd live alone.

I used to dread planning for the future, since I was also misled by the "you must marry, buy a house, and have children" pressure that society places on us. I'm so much happier now that I know I don't have to do that. :)

[FiddleKid]

As long as i'm living peacefully with no social pressures or the forced idea that I should get married and have kids (two things I will never do) then I should be fine. No plans for the future yet though, maybe living alone with lots of animals, not sure yet.

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

So I'm new here. I have very recently come to realize that I'm aro-ace. I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship -- I just thought I was a "late bloomer" and I would eventually find the right guy. I realize now that I never really *wanted* a relationship in the first place, and it was only due to societal pressures and norms that I thought I wanted/needed one.

That sounds exactly like my history, just that you discovered it 14 years younger than me. ;)

I'm 37 now and this realization of my aro-ace is pushing me to climb the corporate ladder. Knowing that I won't ever deal with marriage means I should have more time to devote to my work. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't love my job, but being certain of my future singlehood makes this an easier choice.

There's also my hobbies to pursue, as well as fitness and friendships.

Here's my take on what makes your life important. If you have a positive impact on the world and the people around you, then you've done better than average (which I think is good). Be joyous, and spread joy to others.

I think it's important to have goals too. Try getting a sheet of paper or Wordpad and just start typing out stuff you'd like to do. You can make short range easier goals, and longer range tough goals. Maybe you'd like to write a novel, or visit Egypt or help your grandmother paint her house. If your list of goals ever completes, or you find some goals don't align with your current desires, make a new list!

[Crowfather]

Fake it 'till you make it!

Nah, I'm probably gonna be a high school teacher in 10 years on the other side of the country.

[nerdperson777]

Fortunately, I get along very well with the family I already have, so I live with them and I don't see that changing in the future. I have a bunch of friends and luckily a twin sister who is my best friend. I already work part-time and after college, I'll work full-time. I'll do all the things I love - spreading visibility for aces and aros, playing video games, reading, cosplaying, hiking, and whatever I like. I'm not a very ambitious person and all I want in life is to live quietly and happily. I want to end up exactly where I am now.

Omg, I need to be friends with you. We have so much in common.

[Elluna Hellen]

Probably either living on my own (with a bunch of pets :P) or MAYBE with friends. I'll hopefully have a job I enjoy and that earns me enough to live on comfortably enough. And other than that... Eeeeeh...

... I'm bad at making future plans, don't judge. :P

[CallMeAnthony]

In a perfect world, I would have a queer-platonic relationship and have adopted some kids. If I can't find a platonic relationship (which I admit is very hard to find), then I do still hope to adopt, despite the fact that it can be hard to adopt as a single parent. Also, dogs. All of the dogs.

[JaynieBoo]

I want to own my own home, preferably a flat/apartment or small house. I don't want children, but I would love a long-term romantic relationship. Job wise, I'm still deciding, but my family is very important to me. I'd love to live close by, but my family is spread around the UK. :P

[Tozby]

Thought I was reading my own life story in the OP there for a moment.

Everyone around me is starting to get married, have children and talk about their Careers (capital 'C' not optional), et cetera, et cetera. Me? I'm content with being able to read, play games and spend time with animals. My plans for the future comprise of doing whatever work turns up to support myself and my future pets.

But I do confess that I'm looking forward to my siblings and friends having children so I can babysit. It'll be great. All the cute fun, with the added bonus that I get to give them back when they get difficult. I can't understand why it's considered so strange to prefer it that way.

Planning out your future is an exercise in frustration anyway, because something will always turn up to disrupt it. At the end of the day, if you're safe, peaceful and happy, I'd call that a success.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I've just started an apprenticeship in a garage which will eat a *lot* of my time, but I will continue living my dreams and the things I enjoy: tuning/restoring the cars, cruising around, car shows (now I can afford moar! :D), games, doodling, writing, more pets (which I might also be able to afford!) and maybe even going on a few holidays that aren't in a caravan :P

Seriously, partners/kids have never been part of my life plan; I can't understand why anyone would waste time and money on them when they could be running off to Santa Pod to watch drag racing! I don't even want my own house really; currently I flit between my (dad's) house, my mam's and my auntie's, and I wouldn't want to live on my own (the cars won't fit in the house unfortunately :(). Maybe I'll just build a big garage and live with the cars.

[Dodecahedron314]

Life goal: become Tony Stark.

Realistic life goal: just having a nice research job at one of the major particle physics labs like CERN or Fermilab that pays enough to live well on is enough for me. I'll probably wind up traveling a lot if I do take my dream job, but I'd still like to have a nice house somewhere in Germany or Switzerland. A Nobel Prize or two would be nice (y'know, nothing too major :P ). But a partner and kids??? Oh Hades no. I'd much rather be a crazy cat person. Maybe I could handle a QPP, but there will be no marriage or anything of the sort involved (if I marry anything, it'll be my work). I don't feel compelled to find "someone to grow old with" at all.

[oskietje]

Written 6 month, 1year , 5 years, and 10 year plans are commonplace and help keep direction in one's life. The goals set out need to be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timely) in order to get the most positive outcome. Baring in mind that paths change through that, constant review of the goals can help realign a desired life path.

At the age of 16 I started posturing towards self-dependance as it became quite clear that I would need to rely only on myself for the indefinite future. It's just as well that I did, because otherwise I'd have been a mess and I'd be in a horrible situation. The only unideal aspect is that now I've focused so much time and energy into being by myself, changing it all to include another person feels like moving a mountain instead of a molehill.

[Anne Li]

I don't want children but I could imagine getting married or living with someone either in a romantic or in a platonic relationship. I love traveling and would love to live outside my home country or have a job that allows me to travel a lot.

[SwirlyKitten]

I'm aro but I don't want to live alone. I'd rather be in a QP but since there's so little aro people in the world I don't know how to find one. I also plan to have children with said QP.

[Lover Of Cats And Cake]

I want to devote my life to writing and working with animals. Getting a few bestsellers, and becoming a zookeeper are my life goals

[.diva plavalaguna.]

I have goals I am working towards (becoming a successful small business owner, losing weight and actually being pretty) but I guess I don't have much of a life plan. There is no way I can plan for any sort of life with a partner because it just seems so unlikely to happen at this point. I might like to be married but it's just as likely I could get my body frozen and saved for a century or two before I'm woken up again. ^^; I don't know how my life is going to turn out, even with a plan. Hopefully I'm making enough to at least have fun with shopping and traveling. :/

[Mikasa]

Honestly, I have no idea. When I was younger, I was always hoping I'd meet 'the one', get married, get kids... Just like most people. I'm pretty sure that will never happen though. I'll probably just live alone, maybe with a QPP (but that also doesn't seem very likely, because where would I find someone like that?) or with a pet. We'll see. Career wise, I don't really have a specific goal, as long as my job doesn't stress me out too much and I earn enough money to take care of myself. Being able to travel a lot would also be great. :)

[Dodecahedron314]

I might like to be married but it's just as likely I could get my body frozen and saved for a century or two before I'm woken up again. ^^;

For me, I'd say it's more likely that the latter will come to pass than the former. If nothing else, it would make a much better sci-fi novel. Marriage or cryogenic preservation... Is that even a question?

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

You might wake up in the movie Demolition Man. Or perhaps it would be like Futurama. :)

I will say, planning for a future alone is kinda tough. There's sooo many more options. If you get hitched and hatch a few babies, it's pretty much settled. You gotta raise those kids for the next 20 or so years. But for us, there's so much to choose from!

[Rainbow~Sprinkles]

I've only recently found out I'm asexual so I'm still working things out. All I know is that I've never wanted kids or a relationship. I'm studying to be a primary school teacher so I'll be around kids everyday anyway.

Right now I'm living at home with my family and working casually while I study. After I finish my degree I want to move out with a flat mate preferably another teacher so we can share a cupboard full of resources :) I'd like to go overseas, maybe volunteer to teach in a third world country or I'm also considering living in London and teaching there once I get my experience up.

I'm thinking of focusing on hobbies for the moment, I used to really enjoy drawing and writing so I might get back into that again. I also really enjoy yoga :) I don't really have anything else at the moment.

[Salmacis]

I plan on living somewhere pretty and having pet chickens, as well as keeping busy with my amazingly funny, witty & successful blog that I haven't started yet but will make people love me and think I'm far cooler than I am. That's about it.

Never gave a crap about climbing the career ladder. Plus, the whole 'marriage & kids' thing kind of just happened unexpectedly, of its own accord - shouldn't interfere with my ambitious hen-based life goals anyway. ;)

[DeathCanoeIV]

I honestly have no plans, just kind of winging it. I'm really not one for commitment. I have no desire for marriage or children and don't think I'm capable of sustaining a really close, life-long platonic relationship. I get tired of the same people, places, and things, and I can only handle the same routine for a limited amount of time. So, I just do whatever I feel like doing at the time.

I started the same way as you, thinking I had to pick a career and get married, but neither of those things are for me. I change jobs if I'm not happy, and I'll change locations on a whim given the right opportunity. So, I have no idea where I'll be, what I'll be doing, or who I'll be with in a few years, and I'm really excited about that.

[Whofan York]

I think my life plans are finally starting to take shape. My ex-housemate was too much to deal with so I moved out. But I can't even afford to rent alone in this town. That was a tough one to come to terms with at first because I've always wanted to live on my own. But in two weeks I'm getting a little flat fifteen miles away from most people I know, BUT I'll be able to indulge all my hobbies, even the antisocial ones like singing. I never wanted a life partner, even more so after I discovered I was asexual. I do love kids, but in the new flat there will be room to adopt when I am settled. I'll keep working in the area because I love this town, and I'll keep up with my friends and fit in fun trips! That seems a good enough life plan to me.

[Tanzanite]

Hmm. I'm not sure on what career path I'm going for yet, but if I make enough money, I'll consider doing things like travelling to other countries on my vacation days, and trying things like skydiving. I don't mind continuing to living alone since it's the best thing that's happened to me so far. I'm also not really looking for romantic relationships (though if that happens, and it's legit, then why not?) let alone getting married and I don't plan on having kids. In other words: Introverted bachelorette with hedonistic tendencies for life as far as I know! (There's got to be a shorter title for that...)

[kaysir]

I don't see myself getting married and moving in or living with a partner, but I'm terrified of living on my own, so hopefully a close friend or two is up to living with me or I find someone platonic, or a nice poly group that can keep most of the sexy and datey stuff to themselves. I do want a family, however, one kid or somewhere around 500, hehe. It is unlikely, but since you asked where we WANT to end up, I want to be rich somehow and own tons and donate tons. Ideally, I'd be both an English teacher and some sort of doctor (psychiatrist or speech pathologist, maybe) and also run a group home or even a school, perhaps in another country. My family will have inherited our city's audiology center and our longboard business will have flourished along with any online artistic work I'd do.

More realistically, I hope to become a teacher and give my kids a good life. I'll probably have debt from paying for university and a house and a car and all, but I'll manage. I just want to be safe and happy with my family.

[dreamfae]

So I'm new here. I have very recently come to realize that I'm aro-ace. I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship -- I just thought I was a "late bloomer" and I would eventually find the right guy. I realize now that I never really *wanted* a relationship in the first place, and it was only due to societal pressures and norms that I thought I wanted/needed one.

I am currently coming to terms with being aro-ace and the likelihood that I will never desire a romantic relationship, and am wondering where that leaves my future. I had kind of always assumed that I would get married eventually and have a family because that's what you're supposed to do, right? But since I probably won't ever desire that I'm wondering what else is out there.

I'm 29 and at least somewhat romantic, but otherwise this sounds exactly like me! I always thought I wanted to get married and have kids, and now that I've realized I don't actually want to get married in the usual sense, I'm starting to wonder about the children part too. It's disconcerting to suddenly be questioning feelings that I'd taken for truth most of my life.

Right now I live at home with my parents, a situation that suits us all very well. Otherwise I think I'd live by myself with some cats. The idea of being Crazy Cat Ladies together with my best friend sounds appealing, except that she wants to get married once she finds the right guy. Something else I've considered, at least briefly, is living in one of those communal houses that are becoming popular these days - something where there are other people around if you need them, but you don't necessarily have to interact if you don't want to.

Career-wise I'm not at all ambitious, which is something of a problem - I have a part-time job that I enjoy, but it's not enough to live on if I needed to support myself. I want a life where I have plenty of time for the things I love to do - reading, writing, designing knitting patterns - and I'm not quite sure how to find a job that A) pays enough to support me, B) leaves me enough free time, and C) I can stand as a long-term option.

[Guest]

While I'm perfectly capable of romantic attraction, I am very career-focused right now in my life, and mostly preoccupied with finding my place in the world, both in a literal and a metaphorical sense. I want to settle down (and by that I mean finding a stable place to live and work at, not making a family, ugh kids) somewhere that I think I want to stay at either for the rest of my life, or at least for the foreseeable future. I want a job I actually enjoy doing and that gives me prospects to never get bored and actually grow and keep learning. And I know what job I want, it's just difficult getting in my desired field. Thankfully, I'm slowly taking steps forward :)

Everything else is basically secondary. Even though I'm not aromantic and would hypothetically like a relationship one day, I'm not in a rush to get it (and I feel kind of pessimistic about my chances). Part of me would prefer to just end up dating a long-term friend even if we aren't romantically attracted to each other, so long as we have been friends for years and are comfortable enough with one another to think about getting a house together and sharing other relevant parts of our lives... the reason is that romantic attraction is seriously overwhelming for me, and I don't handle it well at all. If I were to feel it again for somebody, of course I'd want to pursue a relationship with them, but it'd be hard for me to wade through my melting pot of feels to begin with, let alone do anything else. A lack of romantic attraction would perhaps make it more difficult to "get the relationship going", but I see it working better in the long term, at least for me.

Then again, I haven't been in a relationship in years nor have I ever gotten together with anybody I wasn't romantically attracted to, so I can't know for sure. All I have is gut and hunches.

But god, whatever happens, no kids. I hate kids. (Sorry, kid lovers)

[Holmbo]

I too always assumed that I would eventually marry and have kids. But upon realizing that I'm aro I started to question all that and now I'm thinking that I'll never want any kind of life partner and probably not even kids. It's not that I don't like the idea of having children, just that there are so many things I'd like to do with my life. Like being successful in my career, engage in politics and environmental movements, social entrepreneurship. I think my options are so much wider if I only have myself to consider.

I would like to live in a collective or possibly, when I have enough money, to rent a large enough place that I can have people staying as guest for long periods.