An1 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 My mom often tells me how immoral I am due to my religion and gender identity. Then goes on to say that I need to respect her. I suddenly told her that she hurt my feeling. She just replied, 'you did too.' And I feel that's her defense mechansm. Whenever someone blames for her wrongdoing, she flips the script on that person accusing her and tells them that they have done wrong also. I tried therapy, but she left unhappy because she didn't want the therapist to point out her flaws. She thinks that if she is not doing any wrong according to her bible then I am the bad person. I tried educating her about my gender dysphoria, since she thinks that I am delusional because of it. As a result, she stays biased because the bible told her to in her opinion. Despite me telling her the differences between sex and gender, she doesn't change, yet accuses me of 'not listening' to her whenever I disagree with her. I have no income, so I cannot move. I go to my room, suddenly she follows me or yell at me about her insults. She constantly pressures me to attend church with her despite me revealing my religious beliefs. I am not a fundamentalist and I seldomly practice my religion. Seems like everything I say won't work. She literally said that if the bible told her that 2+2=5, then she'd believe it. I was very close to her, but now since she hasn't made amends to her actions I think it's time to dissociate from her. Today, she still decides to call me 'Ms', got mad when I corrected her, and lectured me about how need to become cisgender and Christian like her. And she goes crazy if someone asks her to stop singing and listening to her Gospel music yet repetitively tells my sibling to turn down and stop listening to her secular music, no matter how 'dirty' and 'clean' it is. I believe that my mom's religious dogma has gone to far. Link to post Share on other sites
stonehengegirl Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I think I began to get along with my own mother when I accepted the fact that she is who she is and she isn't going to change. If I wanted a good relationship with her I needed to find common ground and build on stuff that doesn't trigger the bad stuff. Your mom is who she is based upon her past experiences and who she is makes sense to her. I know you can't move out but you might not be able to build a better relationship until that happens. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
An1 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 I think I began to get along with my own mother when I accepted the fact that she is who she is and she isn't going to change. If I wanted a good relationship with her I needed to find common ground and build on stuff that doesn't trigger the bad stuff. Your mom is who she is based upon her past experiences and who she is makes sense to her. I know you can't move out but you might not be able to build a better relationship until that happens. Good luck. Yes, but this isn't about accepting who she is. It is about opening your mind and becoming less egotistical. If I didn't accept who she was, I wouldn't be making this post. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 It seems you've done all you can do. As stonehenge says, and i don't think she means it will fix the issue; there is no fixing this issue and she even rejects therapy, but accepting that the ignorent people in my family will never change does make it easier to deal with their BS. I know a good relationship with our mothers sounds great but we need to accept that (for you and me) that easier state of mind isn't going to happen. It can be easier to be around them when we try to avoid their triggering topics but it's not going to change. Their BS is easy to roll off when you know it's just from an over emotional state or an ignorent mind that doesn't know how to cope. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Your mom looks like the worst qualities of both my parents put together. My dad is the one who plays the unconditional respect card and he's always right regardless. If I do something wrong, it's my fault. When he does something wrong, it's MY fault for not reminding him. Mom is the one who hurt me years ago, and she put it back on me saying that my physical scars aren't visible, but the ones I give her are, since she has such fragile bones. I only did it out of self-defense. I never told my parents about my preferred name and pronouns but I stew in it a bit when dad calls me a girl, when I said so many times that I wasn't. But really, if people are not willing to accept new ideas, there's no stopping them. You can't force them to take on new ideas. Sorry, can't help. Link to post Share on other sites
EmpathyAce Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 This sounds a lot like my mother when someone tries to point out her flaws to her, or when someone does something she doesn't like. For me, I guess, the way I reduce it is by being overall more avoidant. I don't talk to my mother about important or personal matters unless it is particularly important. I also try to keep it to myself when she's being like this, because otherwise it just sparks more conflict. I try to find other ways to vent it out an leave her alone. However, there was a time I got fed up and called her out, on all of her flaws. She was angry, then faded away from me for about a week, then played the victim card and was angry again, and then never did anything to try to fix her flaws or make a change. I think this is just how mothers are. Way I see it, do your best to live through it and then you can get the hell out. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 It's not just mothers, it's people in general. Link to post Share on other sites
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