Help please: when would it be the right time to tell my partner I'm asexual?

[Donatsu]

Okay, so I'm asexual but not aromantic, and I recently got a boyfriend. That's a huge thing for me because I haven't crushed on someone in years. Basically I met him and instantly had a crush on him - we've been on one date and both really like each other, and I've got another date this weekend and he's asked me to go to his school ball - I said yes :D

I was wondering, considering the fact that I REALLY want to be with him for the foreseeable future, when do people think it would be an appropriate time to tell him that I'm ace? I don't want to tell him too early, but I don't want to leave it too late either.

I'm fine with kissing, but I know there's going to be a point that if we reach it I'm going to be uncomfortable.

I just wanted to ask some people who might have been in this kind of thing before and/or can offer me any advice, because like I said I'm so inexperienced that any help is appreciated.

Thank you ^_^

P.S. I don't know 100% for sure that he is straight, so for all I know he could be ace too, but I'm terrible at reading the signs so I really have no idea. All I know is that he really likes me.

[Guest]

The best time to tell a partner you are asexual is *before* they are your partner.. like as soon as it is potentially looking like you might be together, you need to tell them. No ifs, no buts. It's just cruel going into a relationship knowing you are asexual, with someone who may (it doesn't seem you know one way or another) be 'straight' and expect eventual sex as a normal part of the relationship (it's generally something that goes unsaid, but yeah, sex is always expected as a normal part of intimacy in a relationship for sexual people) ..If you *know* you are asexual, you should never wait until *after* you are in a relationship to reveal your asexuality.

[The Terrible Travis]

The best time to tell a partner you are asexual is *before* they are your partner.. like as soon as it is potentially looking like you might be together, you need to tell them. No ifs, no buts. It's just cruel going into a relationship knowing you are asexual, with someone who may (it doesn't seem you know one way or another) be 'straight' and expect eventual sex as a normal part of the relationship (it's generally something that goes unsaid, but yeah, sex is always expected as a normal part of intimacy in a relationship for sexual people. If you *know* you are asexual, you should never wait until *after* you are in a relationship to reveal your asexuality.

I'm sorry but no. Just no, no, no, no, NO. It is not cruel at all to go into a relationship without telling them you are asexual first. If you automatically expect sex from a relationship, that's YOUR problem and your problem only. Maybe sexual people should fess up that they can't make a relationship last without sex before getting into one. So please stop with the double standards.

[Tarfeather]

What PanFicto said is correct. If you're already dating, that means he's already investing into the potential of a relationship with you, which might mean that right at this moment he's already interested in having sex with you somewhere down the line. If you tell him now, he can decide for himself if he'd be okay with that and opt out if he's not. If you're already in a relationship, things would get more difficult, and you really don't want to "trap" someone in a relationship they're not really comfortable with.

I'm sorry but no. Just no, no, no, no, NO. It is not cruel at all to go into a relationship without telling them you are asexual first. If you automatically expect sex from a relationship, that's YOUR problem and your problem only. Maybe sexual people should fess up that they can't make a relationship last without sex before getting into one. So please stop with the double standards.

"that's YOUR problem and your problem only"? o_O No, it is the problem of both participants of the relationship. If one person doesn't get the thing they primarily care about in the relationship, that will put a damper on the whole thing.

[Guest]

I'd say, as soon as possible. Honesty is always best! I don't agree that it's cruel not to tell him, no one is entitled to sex in a relationship, no matter what their orientation, but it might save you both a lot of angst further down the line. Best to tell him now, before you both get too attached, so that he has the space to think things through, he won't be angry about you hiding important things from him, you won't be too miserable if he reacts badly, and you won't spend time worrying about how he might react.

[Tarfeather]

I don't agree that it's cruel not to tell him, no one is entitled to sex in a relationship, no matter what their orientation,

What, you don't think it's cruel to put someone in the situation where they have to choose between someone they love deeply, and a very important desire of theirs? When that situation could have been entirely avoided by being upfront from the start?

[The Terrible Travis]

I don't agree that it's cruel not to tell him, no one is entitled to sex in a relationship, no matter what their orientation,

What, you don't think it's cruel to put someone in the situation where they have to choose between someone they love deeply, and a very important desire of theirs? When that situation could have been entirely avoided by being upfront from the start?

No, it's not cruel at all. If they love this person so much, I think they could easily do without the sex. I mean, I don't understand what's so hard about it? Seems incrtedibly easy to me. Also, why is all the weight being placed on whoever's asexual? The asexual should not be the only one confessing their sexuality. Shouldn't they both be doing it? It seems a little unfair to blame the asexual for being uncomfortable with doing something you never said you wanted in the first place.

[fish of hearts]

Tell him a.s.a.p., but you don't just have to blurt it out. So far this approach has been working for me:

I say, "Tell me what you know about LGBT letters." My conversation partner (or as with your particular case, love interest) answers with what letters they know. I catch them up on any they're missing, watching their relactions carefully to the asexuality label.

Depending on their reaction, I would then come out, hold off coming out while planning to approach the subject again after they've had some time to think about it, or be put out and exit the conversation immediately. I've been pleasantly surprised how often I can do the first of those and how little I feel the need to do the latter.

If you're already dating, that means he's already investing into the potential of a relationship with you, which might mean that right at this moment he's already interested in having sex with you somewhere down the line.

There's always the hope that he doesn't follow the Physical Touch Escalator bullshit (see signature below). They sound young, and they may not have bought into the cultural mythos about agenda-driven relationships fully yet.

[Knight of Cydonia]

I'm sorry but no. Just no, no, no, no, NO. It is not cruel at all to go into a relationship without telling them you are asexual first. If you automatically expect sex from a relationship, that's YOUR problem and your problem only. Maybe sexual people should fess up that they can't make a relationship last without sex before getting into one. So please stop with the double standards.

No, it's not cruel at all. If they love this person so much, I think they could easily do without the sex. I mean, I don't understand what's so hard about it? Seems incrtedibly easy to me. Also, why is all the weight being placed on whoever's asexual? The asexual should not be the only one confessing their sexuality. Shouldn't they both be doing it? It seems a little unfair to blame the asexual for being uncomfortable with doing something you never said you wanted in the first place.

Why should it be only the sexual person that sacrifices their needs by having no sex at all?

Asking a sexual person to say no to sex if you're going to be together is unfair on them, because that means they are sacrificing their needs on their end to accommodate you, with nothing in return from you. It would also be unfair for the sexual to expect sex whenever they want it out of the asexual, but what I'm saying is that it goes both ways. I'm a firm believer that a sexual/asexual relationship needs compromise and a lot of communication to work best long term, so that both of your needs are met and respected.

You say it's "incredibly easy" for a sexual person to say no to sex for the entire span of the relationship, which could last the rest of their lives... how would you feel if you were in a relationship with a sexual person, and they told you how they can't understand why you don't want sex, that it should be really easy for you to say yes to having sex whenever they wanted? I know I would feel ignored and invalidated by someone brushing my feelings off so easily.

I'm not saying that in every sexual/asexual relationship, the compromise will be that there will necessarily be sex... sex means different things to different people, and maybe it's just so that the sexual would say yes to being celibate without feeling like they are sacrificing a great ton, maybe sex isn't as a big a deal to them as is it to other sexuals. But the truth is, that's not going to happen in the majority of cases, so expecting it as a given is being unrealistic and unfair on the sexual. Again, you have to figure something mutual out, and that very well might involve you having sex every now and then.

[Tarfeather]

If they love this person so much, I think they could easily do without the sex. I mean, I don't understand what's so hard about it? Seems incrtedibly easy to me.

Are you literally just trolling? O_o

I say, "Tell me what you know about LGBT letters." My conversation partner (or as with your particular case, love interest) answers with what letters they know. I catch them up on any they're missing, watching their relactions carefully to the asexuality label.

Depending on their reaction, I would then come out, hold off coming out while planning to approach the subject again after they've had some time to think about it, or be put out and exit the conversation immediately. I've been pleasantly surprised how often I can do the first of those and how little I feel the need to do the latter.

The issue is that not every considerate person is interested in the LGBT stuff. Me, personally, I think I'm relatively understanding about my girlfriend's asexuality (for example I joined this site), have had several homosexual and bisexual acquaintances that I got along with well, but I don't generally give a damn about the LGBT movement as a whole. In fact if you'd asked me about LGBT+ around two years ago, I'd have told you that I don't know what any of those letters mean.

There's always the hope that he doesn't follow the Physical Touch Escalator bullshit (see signature below). They sound young, and they may not have bought into the cultural mythos about agenda-driven relationships fully yet.

That "physical touch escalator" is actually more instinctive than anything else. I don't generally just get an urge to have sex with someone. First it's an urge to touch them, then I get "in the mood" and instinctively desire "to do more". Some asexuals get the initial urge to touch, but lack the "followup instincts", which is what often leads to issues. It's a difference in instinctive nature, not in cultural conditioning.

[Orchid]

Hehehe the idea that a sexual should had no trouble sacrificing their natural instincts just so they can continue to be with someone without receiving anything in return actually made me chuckle until I realised you were serious.

As others have said, you need to tell them as soon as possible. It's not something you can avoid as if we assume he is expecting sex at some point in the future then it's best to tell him now than wait until it's almost too late. I know this is such an easy thing for me- an outsider- to say without having to understand how difficult it really is, but I do believe if he decides to break off the relationship because you're asexual it's better for that to happen now than four months down the road.

And anyway, who's to say he'll react negatively? Wouldn't it feel daft to spend ages worrying about telling him and then when you finally do he's totally cool with it?

Whatever you decide to do, AVEN is here to offer you cake when you need it (and when you don't, to be honest)

[fish of hearts]

I say, "Tell me what you know about LGBT letters." My conversation partner (or as with your particular case, love interest) answers with what letters they know. I catch them up on any they're missing, watching their relactions carefully to the asexuality label.

Depending on their reaction, I would then come out, hold off coming out while planning to approach the subject again after they've had some time to think about it, or be put out and exit the conversation immediately. I've been pleasantly surprised how often I can do the first of those and how little I feel the need to do the latter.

The issue is that not every considerate person is interested in the LGBT stuff. Me, personally, I think I'm relatively understanding about my girlfriend's asexuality (for example I joined this site), have had several homosexual and bisexual acquaintances that I got along with well, but I don't generally give a damn about the LGBT movement as a whole. In fact if you'd asked me about LGBT+ around two years ago, I'd have told you that I don't know what any of those letters mean.

I don't see how that's an issue. The objective here isn't to share a passion for the movement but to use basic knowledge (which is spreading rapidly in the U.S. for example) as either a gauge for current understanding or a jumping point for basic awareness, which any asexual would require of a mixed partner in a long-term relationship.

There's always the hope that he doesn't follow the Physical Touch Escalator bullshit (see signature below). They sound young, and they may not have bought into the cultural mythos about agenda-driven relationships fully yet.

That "physical touch escalator" is actually more instinctive than anything else. I don't generally just get an urge to have sex with someone. First it's an urge to touch them, then I get "in the mood" and instinctively desire "to do more". Some asexuals get the initial urge to touch, but lack the "followup instincts", which is what often leads to issues. It's a difference in instinctive nature, not in cultural conditioning.

Lack of consent and lack of awareness are very culturally instilled, whatever an individual's drive might incline them to do. You also generalize yourself to be representative of the entire population, but the people who desire or enjoy sex without having someone specifically in mind is no small number. Society already accepts that people can want sex without romance or initial attraction, and we have an albeit small, but growing awareness that people can want romance and have attraction without sex. We also know that romantic attraction and sexual desires are separate systems in the brain. Relationships and the emotional and physical stimuli that feed into them are far more complex than mere endocrine-powered inclinations.

I would also strongly caution against using "instincts" as a term for sexual activity, as it has been used as a defense of rape.

[Corretto]

@AsexualPsychopath86...PanFicto & Tarfeather have got it right. I'm not sure where you're coming from; but the OP refers to only having had one date and states doubts about the datee's sexual orientation. Leaping in with your "no, no, no" edict is the last thing Donatsu needs. A positive, long-term, relationship would be sabotaged if honesty was avoided from Day #1.

The sooner their orientations are shared, the better...if they want to meet again on Day #101.

[Apologs to Donatsu for so much shit on your 3rd post]

[Knight of Cydonia]

OP, I would tell him soon, definitely sooner than later. Tell him honestly and directly how you feel. If he accepts that you are asexual and is willing to work out whatever must be worked out, then wonderful! If he can't accept it, well, there you go. A lot better to know now than when you are much more involved and deeper into your relationship, when I imagine this result would be a lot more painful.

I would advise you think about what you might be willing to compromise on your part now, in case it comes up in the conversation. These kinds of relationships are all about compromise and communication, two words I've already spouted out on this thread but are very important. He might be the kind of sexual person who would be willing to go celibate for you, but more likely than not, to make a relationship work you might both have to sacrifice things on each of your ends.

What I'm saying is - think about what it means when you tell him you are asexual. He may want you to clarify what you being asexual means for your relationship. Does that mean you don't want any sex, ever, and for him to be with you he will live with that? Or does that mean you're not expecting him to go celibate for you, but you'd like him to recognize that you are asexual so sex shouldn't always be a given? etc.

[an18059]

It's clearly a good idea to tell him ASAP, because the longer you leave it, the harder it will be and the more it could potentially hurt both of you further down the line.

However I don't agree with what other people have been saying about it being wrong to enter a relationship without telling them first. The start of a relationship is about getting to know each other and see if you are compatible and that kind of thing, so you don't really have any obligation or commitment at that point. They shouldn't be expecting sex from you, because they don't know if the relationship will even work out or how long it will last

If you don't feel comfortable telling them immediately then don't, but I would say only leave it a week or so max. They do need to know before (if) it gets more serious, otherwise they may feel like you were leading them on or keeping a big secret from them that they should have known from early on.

[Donatsu]

Thank you all SO much for all the help and sorry, I didn't mean to get any sort of heated discussion going.

I think I'll tell him this weekend in person, as appose to having to tell him through fb.

Thanks again for everything :)

[Ace of Cakes]

I just wanted to wish you good luck! I know how nervous I was to come out to my boyfriend, and I hope everything goes well for you <3 Please update us with how things go!

[Unlabeled]

Okay, so I'm asexual but not aromantic, and I recently got a boyfriend. That's a huge thing for me because I haven't crushed on someone in years. Basically I met him and instantly had a crush on him - we've been on one date and both really like each other, and I've got another date this weekend and he's asked me to go to his school ball - I said yes :D

I was wondering, considering the fact that I REALLY want to be with him for the foreseeable future, when do people think it would be an appropriate time to tell him that I'm ace? I don't want to tell him too early, but I don't want to leave it too late either.

I'm fine with kissing, but I know there's going to be a point that if we reach it I'm going to be uncomfortable.

I just wanted to ask some people who might have been in this kind of thing before and/or can offer me any advice, because like I said I'm so inexperienced that any help is appreciated.

Thank you ^_^

P.S. I don't know 100% for sure that he is straight, so for all I know he could be ace too, but I'm terrible at reading the signs so I really have no idea. All I know is that he really likes me.

Hard to advise people on this kinda thing because there's so much subtley and innuendo which can reveal where people are in the 'when this should happen or not' area. So with that understood, and your specific situation may well differ, I'd avoid bringing up sexuality or lack of interest ins exuality until things actually become sexual or seem to headed that way. Nothing wrong with holding hands, hugging, and kissing if that's all your comfortable with.

While it's true most guys get into dating relationships hoping for it all, there's nothing wrong with declining when it comes up and explaining you're simply not wanting that kind of relationship. I would advise however not saying you're asexual as I can imagine his reaction easily, "Why'd you start dating me, making out with me, if you're asexual?" Can be interpreted as leading him on or teasing him. When it's simply your idea of relationship is different than his expectation of one. So if things seem headed that way just make it clear you're not interested in having sex with him or anyone. You are interested in kissing or whatever you're into.

We tend to make bad assumptions on what's entailed when we "date." But people can and do have different ideas about what "dating" entails, and they shouldn't change their ideas to suit another's expectations.

[Guest]

I would advise however not saying you're asexual as I can imagine his reaction easily, "Why'd you start dating me, making out with me, if you're asexual?" Can be interpreted as leading him on or teasing him. When it's simply your idea of relationship is different than his expectation of one. So if things seem headed that way just make it clear you're not interested in having sex with him or anyone. You are interested in kissing or whatever you're into.

So you would advise instead leading him on and hiding the truth from him until he has quite possibly fallen deeply in love with her? Then when the time for sex finally comes, he has to find out the person he loves may never be able to give him something he may see as a vitally important aspect of pleasure, fulfillment and intimacy in a relationship?

.. A great deal of pain and time would be solved by revealing ones asexuality sooner, rather than later, so your partner doesn't have false ideas about who you may be (he may just think you are someone who will want sex eventually, but wants to take things very slowly, for example). If one reveals ones asexuality to a potential partner up front, then you can make the decision together to continue the relationship and do your best to make it work, or go your separate ways BEFORE feelings and lives and families etc have become entangled in the relationship, which is when things becomes a lot more complicated and a lot more painful to end if you literally will just not be compatible due to the sexual partner ''needing'' sex (and almost as importantly, needing you to also want sex - that's a big part of sexual relationships) to be happy.

@ the OP, good luck telling your boyfriend about your asexuality. Maybe you will experience what I would compare to winning the lottery, and he will tell you he is asexual as well but couldn't work out how to tell you

[Guest]

I don't agree that it's cruel not to tell him, no one is entitled to sex in a relationship, no matter what their orientation,

What, you don't think it's cruel to put someone in the situation where they have to choose between someone they love deeply, and a very important desire of theirs? When that situation could have been entirely avoided by being upfront from the start?

No, it's not cruel at all. If they love this person so much, I think they could easily do without the sex. I mean, I don't understand what's so hard about it? Seems incrtedibly easy to me. Also, why is all the weight being placed on whoever's asexual? The asexual should not be the only one confessing their sexuality. Shouldn't they both be doing it? It seems a little unfair to blame the asexual for being uncomfortable with doing something you never said you wanted in the first place.

Yes... it's terribly easy to give up something you desire deeply and that makes you feel completely awful if you don't get. It's totally easy to be deeply depressed with low self-esteem because you aren't getting an important psychological and emotional need fulfilled. It's completely easy to totally ignore your important needs/desires/wants just because you're in love. One should be able to give up the career they dreamed of their whole lives, cuddling, sex, their pets... I mean, it's love, you gotta give up EVERYTHING IMPORTANT TO YOU if your partner doesn't like t!

.. or not.

And the burden of coming out is on us because WE are the ones that want something against the norm. Just like the burden is on the child-free person to tell the potential partner "I never want kids" because we're against the norm. MOST people will want sex. MOST people will expect it is a part of a relationship. To NOT say it's not going to be is simply leading a person on and being very dishonest, a lie by omission is still a lie. Most people who have had partners that didn't tell them early have felt betrayed and end up very angry and resentful. There is no reason to NOT tell the person, except to try to trick them into loving you so they won't leave even if it's a deal breaker for them. All you have to do is read a couple of threads from sexuals who didn't realize their partner's were asexual to see how much that hurts BOTH sides. If you want a toxic relationship, don't tell the partner. If you want a healthy one, be honest and see if you're compatible. The only time it's OK to not tell ... is when you don't know yourself.

When to come out... well, that really depends. IMO the first date or two are about seeing if you click, so it's OK to wait til date three or so. Unless you know the person as a friend first, in which case, should tell them before you start dating.

@ OP - Since you've already been on the date and like each other and he's talking about dances and stuff.. I would say have the talk soon. He's investing time and emotions into this, so are you. You both need to know if you're compatible before you put too much more into this relationship. Some sexuals are totally OK with not having sex, so even if he's not ace, there is still a chance. :) Good luck ! It's hard to have that talk, but so important too.

[Guest]

If they love this person so much, I think they could easily do without the sex. I mean, I don't understand what's so hard about it? Seems incrtedibly easy to me.

Are you literally just trolling? O_o

I'm afraid not. I've heard people make these arguments in all honesty, more than once, and I have no reason to assume AP86 isn't one of these people.

Myself, I'll side with the "ASAP" crowd. I'd go so far as calling coming out to a potential partner an ethical duty. IMO, the right time to do it is before the first date if you already know them as a friend/good acquaintance, and definitely not ever later than the third date if you were complete strangers when you started dating. (The latter is pretty alien to me, personally, but I've heard from enough people that it's a thing for many people... so, yeah. *shrug* )

I can just hope for people like AP86 that if they start dating and refuse to come out in time, they will learn to have the grace to humbly accept the anger with which they get dumped over leading their partner on - something that is highly likely to happen to them, repeatedly - as something they truly, 100% brought on themselves, and accept their own full responsibility and apologize for it, instead of playing the innocent victim. If they can't or won't do that, it's better by far both for them and for all of their potential partners to simply not date anyone, ever.

[Donatsu]

Again thank you all - I'm slowly discovering more and more how AMAZING the AVEN community is :D I mean there was quite a bit of disagreement in that discussion but there wasn't a single bit of spam.

I ended up skyping him to tell him because I was too nervous to wait. I told him and his reaction was pretty much: "...so that's it? OK, cool."

I love him so freaking much

Anyways thought I should tell you guys how it went - thanks again for everything

[Tarfeather]

I told him and his reaction was pretty much: "...so that's it? OK, cool."

Mm.. more detail, maybe? That reaction could mean anything from "Oh, so we can't date then" to "I get what you're saying but I don't believe you, so that's fine.". My point is, if they're sexual and genuinely interested in you, that doesn't seem like a positive kind of reaction, but then you didn't provide any context.

[Orchid]

I told him and his reaction was pretty much: "...so that's it? OK, cool."

Mm.. more detail, maybe? That reaction could mean anything from "Oh, so we can't date then" to "I get what you're saying but I don't believe you, so that's fine.". My point is, if they're sexual and genuinely interested in you, that doesn't seem like a positive kind of reaction, but then you didn't provide any context.

Really? Donatsu's post there made it sound like he was saying "oh, that's what the whole fuss has been about? [Especially if it was clear to him that she was nervous about telling him something] It's no big deal". I could be wrong, but judging by her positivity afterwards I assume that's what happened.

If so, way to go! :D

[Hooded_Crow]

I'd say, as soon as possible. Honesty is always best! I don't agree that it's cruel not to tell him, no one is entitled to sex in a relationship, no matter what their orientation, but it might save you both a lot of angst further down the line. Best to tell him now, before you both get too attached, so that he has the space to think things through, he won't be angry about you hiding important things from him, you won't be too miserable if he reacts badly, and you won't spend time worrying about how he might react.

This. Nobody has the *obligation* to disclose anything on a first date. Obligation to disclose is a dangerous concept. You should be allowed to wait until you feel comfortable enough with someone before letting them in on this very private part of yourself.

But yeah, honesty is always best. The sooner you tell him, the easier it will make in on both of you. You don't have to present it in a "I'm asexual so I won't ever desire sex with you, is that something you can live with" way. It can be more of a "I feel this way about sex and I trust you enough to tell you". Not a disclosure but more a sign of trust.

[Guest]

Again thank you all - I'm slowly discovering more and more how AMAZING the AVEN community is :D I mean there was quite a bit of disagreement in that discussion but there wasn't a single bit of spam.

I ended up skyping him to tell him because I was too nervous to wait. I told him and his reaction was pretty much: "...so that's it? OK, cool."

I love him so freaking much

Anyways thought I should tell you guys how it went - thanks again for everything

Yay. Glad it wasn't a deal breaker for him. :)

[Tarfeather]

Really? Donatsu's post there made it sound like he was saying "oh, that's what the whole fuss has been about? [Especially if it was clear to him that she was nervous about telling him something] It's no big deal". I could be wrong, but judging by her positivity afterwards I assume that's what happened.

If so, way to go! :D

Which would be a bad reaction from a typical sexual person, because for us it's a huge deal whether the person we take a romantic interest in is interested in sex. So, either they're not a typical sexual person, or they don't understand the implications, or they don't take a long term romantic interest in Donatsu. I hope it's the former, yet nothing was said that would make me come to that conclusion over the other two possibilities.

[Guest]

Really? Donatsu's post there made it sound like he was saying "oh, that's what the whole fuss has been about? [Especially if it was clear to him that she was nervous about telling him something] It's no big deal". I could be wrong, but judging by her positivity afterwards I assume that's what happened.

If so, way to go! :D

Which would be a bad reaction from a typical sexual person, because for us it's a huge deal whether the person we take a romantic interest in is interested in sex. So, either they're not a typical sexual person, or they don't understand the implications, or they don't take a long term romantic interest in Donatsu. I hope it's the former, yet nothing was said that would make me come to that conclusion over the other two possibilities.

I agree with you in principle, but in this case... and I could be wrong, obviously... I think they're still in high school. I would have had the exact same reaction in high school because I hadn't yet learned the role sexuality would play in my romantic life. If he's never had sex before, for example, it probably doesn't resonate with him the way it will once he, you know, starts really craving it.

[Tarfeather]

I agree with you in principle, but in this case... and I could be wrong, obviously... I think they're still in high school. I would have had the exact same reaction in high school because I hadn't yet learned the role sexuality would play in my romantic life. If he's never had sex before, for example, it probably doesn't resonate with him the way it will once he, you know, starts really craving it.

Which would be bad if they end up in a long-term relationship and he realizes sex is something he thinks to be important after all. I don't think you need to actually have sex to come to that realization.

[The Terrible Travis]

Wow, my two posts sure did elicit a lot of angry posts this time. Not that's it something uncommon of course. Happens to a lot of forums I post on. Except usually we're arguing over a reboot. But anyways, after reading the responses my posts have gotten on here, I've come to the conclusion that my posts were just me complaining about something I didn't really understand in the first place. Strange, that's usually Tumblr's job. Then again...I am a member of Tumblr. Maybe it's rubbing off on me! Or I'm just an idiot. Probably the latter.

As for my "going without sex seems incredibly easy" post, no, that was not trolling. I really do think going without sex seems incredibly easy. Unfortunately, the problem with that is we're not talking about me. So that statement doesn't really hold much weight here. It was pretty silly of me to say all these stupid things without really understanding the topic at all. While it may be easy for me, it's not for a lot of people and I should've known that from a start. Similarly, I suppose there's many things a ton of people could do without, but I can't. So it all depends on the person. And as most people are sexual...yeah, it's probably a good idea to tell him right off the bat.

As for Mysty's kind little comment about me getting dumped for leading my partner on...well, first of all, I don't see how you're leading someone on if you never mention a want for sex in the first place. It was under my impression that leading someone on was when you made them think you were going to have a sexual encounter with them - and didn't. Also, I'm way under the age of consent. Not gonna happen. Also, the chance of me getting in a romantic relationship in very, very low. I mean, really. I can't think of one person who'd ever think of having some sort of romantic relations with me. Like, ever.