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My joining was prompted by a hilarious psychiatric appointment...


Hidden Greg

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Hidden Greg

I'll try to keep it short. For the last 7 years, I've been dealing with the accumulation of a heap of mental problems, trying to seek help and an effective structure for moving forward. Every healthcare professional I've seen, though, has always relied on me recounting the same extensive details over and over again, only to have a stab in the dark at what therapy I need and completely miss the point - cognitive behavioural therapists, occupational therapist, clinical psychologist, clueless vaguery after clueless vaguery.

I repeatedly voiced a need for further assessment to actually identify what to treat in the first place. It took long enough, but I finally managed to see a consultant psychiatrist for this purpose. Never in my life would I have imagined what followed, though.

After an extensive period of parsing through my life in detail from as far back as I can remember, I was asked "so what do you think is missing from your life?"

This, the psychiatrist used as a lead to discuss my sexuality. It's only recently that I discovered the Ace spectrum, knowing full well that I was never fully asexual, but not being able to put a finger on what I actually was. After the roller coaster of the last year I've had, discovering that demisexual was a thing couldn't have come sooner. It fit like a glove. I explained how in retrospect it accounted for how I viewed my sexuality in my early teens, long before the problems I actually wanted addressing had set in, and yet he fixated on that specifically.

Having already challenged me on how I repeatedly fall back on the belief that love is something to be earned, and to be deserving of love you have to stoically commit yourself to self-improvement until you feel suitably grounded and stable, it amazed me that he seemed to imply that my (demi)sexuality was something I ought to work on hiding from prospective partners, that effectively I should be prepared to engage in casual sex if I am to hope to lay the foundations for a relationship with the emotional intimacy I require - and to paste from a skype rant I had upon my return

"what does he really think then?
that the reason i can't bring myself to start the car on my driving test is because i'm not getting laid? that the reason i find it difficult to approach businesses about jobs is because i'm not prepared to sleep around? that the reason i've become a social recluse is that above all else, the one thing i apparently stress out about the most is the prospect that engaging in casual sex might be the one thing that's required of me that i can't comply with?"

Because I had the audacity to claim I didn't see anything wrong with the way I was in that respect, the way he responded implicitly betrayed his presumption that I have a s**t theory of mind and that I can't grasp the concept that different people require different things in relationships. Maybe if he had actually further enquired as to my only relationship, 2 months, long distance, he'd have realised this wasn't the case. But no - as soon as he had established that, it being long distance, we weren't sexually active, he brushed over it without a second thought.

I'm still struck with disbelief, that in a professional capacity, this guy effectively pathologised my sexuality and paid no attention to what I was trying to stress as of importance in my situation.


I might not be the most assertive person, but I'm fed up now. People can accuse me all they like of diagnosis shopping, but without a shadow of a doubt, nothing explains what I've experienced over the last 7 years more precisely and concisely than the diagnostic criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder, something I can mark as having its onset just before I turned 16, long after I was aware of my own sexuality.

I've held back from joining this forum for some time now. I'm sorry that my first post had to be on such a negative note.

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Welcome!

And don't feel sorry for ranting. I'd be just as pissed as you apparently are. (My mom actually went through that too - her psychiatrist outright told her she's feeling bad because she doesn't have enough sex. That was the first and last time she ever talked to him.

that I can't grasp the concept that different people require different things in relationships.

Look who's talking, Mr. "Sex is the greatest thing ever for everyone" asshole psychiatrist. <_<

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Sorry you had to go through that. Shrinks can be real dicks sometimes and yeah they dismiss anything they think isn't what they want to hear. :cake::cake::cake: have some cake. I'm thinking about firing both my doctors right now psychiatrist and GP. I won't because I can't get other ones, but I'm still thinking about it. Totally feel you.

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Dang man, I've heard a lot of stories of psychiatrists and therapists invalidating asexuality. They honestly feel justified with what they're doing and saying. I'm sorry that you had to experience that.

Welcome to AVEN, though. I'm Karmynn. I'm glad that you've been able to find out your sexuality now. I hope you enjoy it here! :cake: :cake: :cake:

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DannyFenton123

Welcome to AVEN! I'm Mandy, though you can call me Danny or whatever if that's easier :cake:

That guy sounds like a real jerk (refer to my signature on what one should do with jerks) and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Just because he's a professional doesn't mean he's not also human, and humans can be really wrong about stuff like asexuality. Don't worry about ranting - I do it all the time! :)

See you around!

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Anthracite_Impreza

Uff, these people have serious problems themselves if they think every problem is caused by not having "enough" sex <_< Sorry you have to deal with this bonehead.

On the self diagnosis point - a lot of people put it down and try to invalidate it, but when you have doctors and psychiatrists like this, who really is the one who knows best? I'm a great believer that the best person to diagnose you is... you. You're the one who lives everyday with the problems you have, and you're the only one with access to your mind, so yes, you know best.

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Wow, this guy must still be in the Freudian camp or something. The 90s called, they want their theories back...the 1890s, that is!

And yeah, it really sucks that we've all been conditioned to believe that things like demisexuality don't exist, because apparently sexual attraction can only be experienced by looking at a nice ass, and not because of a deep excitement of intense and sincere love for another person. Haha... :rolleyes:

Joking aside, as others have said, it sounds like your psych is one of those people who thinks "everything is about sex except sex," or whatever, because when you were trying to talk about your life and experiences he just barged in and said "So what do you think was missing?" as a jumping-off point for talking about sex. If you haven't already, I'd start looking for a new psych -- and I know that must suck, because as you said it took forever just for someone to listen when you said you needed a consultant to examine things more carefully (which is exactly what this goof isn't doing). I really hope you find someone who's actually committed to helping people who don't have the exact same beliefs.

Also, your points about "trying to seek help and an effective structure for moving forward" and wanting to be stable and self-loving before you find someone else are spot-on. I failed to do this myself and it resulted in the violent end of a 4.5 year relationship. Of course, that's not to say that people living with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or anything else can't get in a relationship, just that (imo) relationships come second to securing one's mental health (and if one is already in a relationship, the partner needs to be understanding of whatever measures are needed to protect that health).

And...Welcome to the forum! :cake: :cake: :cake: ^_^

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Hi and welcome! Don't worry about your intro, it was good...this is the best place to tell your story. I'm glad you joined and hope you love being part of this awesome community. Here's your cake!!! :)

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Hidden Greg

Hi guys, thanks for the welcome messages. Guess it's time for me to have more of a look around here :)

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Member54880

Welcome! :cake: Sorry to hear that you've had such unhelpful experiences with mental health professionals over the past 7 years. That last therapist you described sounds like one of the worst, pressuring you into seeking casual sex, and pathologizing you. A lot of people here have also had bad experiences with mental health professionals, and it's okay that's your first post. We're here to support you!

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Sounds like psychiatric abuse to me... yes, there is such a thing. Look it up... and think of all the vast amounts of $$$ he is making by brainwashing you into believing you are "sick."

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CosineTheCat

Hello and Welcome to AVEN!

This is a wonderful site full of amazing people and I’m glad that you’ve become a part of it, and thank you for sharing your story, I know it’s not always easy thing to do. And no worries, your introduction was awesome. I'm sorry that that is what you have had to go through, hopefully you've become stronger from it though. Be sure to browse around and check out all the different areas. I’m sure you’ll find something that interests you!

Welcome Again!

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I read the title to this post just knowing that the word hilarious was a misnomer. I hate to say it, but the people in psychology who aren't happy with the way it's been done (there's a lot) are the people who either don't want to are quit practicing psychiatry. So, we have tons of well intentioned people in there, but nobody who's not already sold on something that makes them a bit more closed minded than they'd think.

So, welcome to AVEN, where I only ask that if you're still seeing that psychiatrist you tell them to f**k off, as they've a tendency to create problems where there are none, because they love their theories. Or, if you're not, great, but you probably still have an email. Maybe link them to this site! . . . Sorry, but this is far from the first time I've heard this story, and it just gets more annoying each time.

P.S. I say all of this as a person with a degree in the subject. It's a great subject, but it's also a surprisingly conservative one.

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Hidden Greg

I just thought I'd clarify, since a few of you seemed concerned about it, that it was the first and only time I have ever seen that psych and I have no inclination or obligation to see him again.

Does anyone else follow Kati Morton? Youtube sometimes recommends me vids from her backcatalog. I thought her answer to the title question here was spot on. If only the people I've seen had held this outlook.

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I just thought I'd clarify, since a few of you seemed concerned about it, that it was the first and only time I have ever seen that psych and I have no inclination or obligation to see him again.

Does anyone else follow Kati Morton? Youtube sometimes recommends me vids from her backcatalog. I thought her answer to the title question here was spot on. If only the people I've seen had held this outlook.

This is good. Or, not so good if you still need to see a psychiatrist and this just slows it down, but still good.

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It's disappointing when psychiatrist are supposed to listen to your concerns and help lead to towards finding the right, healthy balance to things but often ultimately use their "professional" opinions to actually derail that further. I'm glad you've decided to not return to them. Even better; you found us, and I'm sure we all have a lot more in common with you than that person already. Make yourself at home! :cake:

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CavannaRose

There's nothing worse than a health care professional who lets their own opinions become facts, and thus fail to actually help you in any way. :s

Regardless, I hope that we make you feel at home here. Chat around, make friends. We're pretty supportive!

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If someone is going to assist me as a human being, they cannot be giving their own pet theories about what's really going on with me weight beyond as a personal tick they have that they need to deal with. The moment someone starts relating to me through a lense like that, rather than with me as someone with agency, they destroy the benefit and become someone trying to manipulate me into their view of what I should be. It should always be up to the client as to what the current narrative is, and it should be changeable on a whim. "You know how we've been exploring the idea that it was X that was behind all this for a while? I'm going to abandon that and switch to Y." Therapist should say OK and drop the previous one. They cannot drag their weight without damaging the process.

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