Sex, sex and no sex?

[ladylovebug]

Okay so I've never posted in forums or that before because I was always so sure of myself. Like, at 13 I figured out I liked guys and girls and that I could see myself in a relationship with either gender and I think I assumed that I could also see myself having sex.

But recently I've been re-thinking. Like, I've got a boyfriend and we've had sex and engaged in other sexual activities but I'm kinda realising I don't see much appeal to it? Like I can kiss and cuddle and hold hands with him but anything more than that and I just don't have much want or desire for it??? It was the same with my ex girlfriend. When we do have sex I rarely get any pleasure/enjoyment from it and it kind of bores me.

I don't know much about asexuality so I don't know if this counts as being asexual???

Can someone please help me?

[Unlabeled]

Okay so I've never posted in forums or that before because I was always so sure of myself. Like, at 13 I figured out I liked guys and girls and that I could see myself in a relationship with either gender and I think I assumed that I could also see myself having sex.

But recently I've been re-thinking. Like, I've got a boyfriend and we've had sex and engaged in other sexual activities but I'm kinda realising I don't see much appeal to it? Like I can kiss and cuddle and hold hands with him but anything more than that and I just don't have much want or desire for it??? It was the same with my ex girlfriend. When we do have sex I rarely get any pleasure/enjoyment from it and it kind of bores me.

I don't know much about asexuality so I don't know if this counts as being asexual???

Can someone please help me?

One experience with both sexes is hardly enough to know if you don't like sex. Might just not enjoy sex with those two people. :) Not all lovers are created equal. And given the utter lack of sex-positive education in English speaking countries, I'm more inclined to think you just haven't had good sex yet.

Many women complain about not having had orgasms from partner-sex well into middle age. They can masturbate to orgasm just fine so the plumbing works ok, they just haven't had skillful lovers as yet.

For a quick and dirty explanation of male-female sex (will leave female-female to my lesbian brethren heh,) our penis has nothing to do with your orgasms. Penis into a woman's vagina isn't what helps her orgasm, at least not directly. Yes, it feels good, but the clittoris is the center of a woman's sexual pleasure, and PIV (penis into vagina) doesn't stimulate it.

For a male to help (hate saying 'make' we're just helping hehe) a woman orgasm he should orally stimulate her but only once she's physically arroused. Going straight to the clittoris is usually less than wonderful as women need to be arroused so they begin to lubricate their vaginas and their clittoris becomes a bit less sensitive. Once she's turned on kissing, cuddling, caressing, etc. direct stimulation to her clittoris can help her reach the first of (with good lovers) many orgasms. Oraly stimulation's good, though using her vibrator is best as that's probably how she's most accustomed to reaching orgasms.

Once our female-lover's had a few orgasms, PIV is fun for mutual pleasure. Though I've always gotten more out of giving than getting. I masturbate and cum every day, but know many women don't for whatever reason so like spoiling them when I do have fun. :)

Very few women reach orgasm from vaginal intercourse, like less than 10%. If that and some slobbery licking is your fella's idea of sex, find a new boyfriend, or train him up. :)

[ladylovebug]

Okay so I've never posted in forums or that before because I was always so sure of myself. Like, at 13 I figured out I liked guys and girls and that I could see myself in a relationship with either gender and I think I assumed that I could also see myself having sex.

But recently I've been re-thinking. Like, I've got a boyfriend and we've had sex and engaged in other sexual activities but I'm kinda realising I don't see much appeal to it? Like I can kiss and cuddle and hold hands with him but anything more than that and I just don't have much want or desire for it??? It was the same with my ex girlfriend. When we do have sex I rarely get any pleasure/enjoyment from it and it kind of bores me.

I don't know much about asexuality so I don't know if this counts as being asexual???

Can someone please help me?

One experience with both sexes is hardly enough to know if you don't like sex. Might just not enjoy sex with those two people. :) Not all lovers are created equal. And given the utter lack of sex-positive education in English speaking countries, I'm more inclined to think you just haven't had good sex yet.

Many women complain about not having had orgasms from partner-sex well into middle age. They can masturbate to orgasm just fine so the plumbing works ok, they just haven't had skillful lovers as yet.

For a quick and dirty explanation of male-female sex (will leave female-female to my lesbian brethren heh,) our penis has nothing to do with your orgasms. Penis into a woman's vagina isn't what helps her orgasm, at least not directly. Yes, it feels good, but the clittoris is the center of a woman's sexual pleasure, and PIV (penis into vagina) doesn't stimulate it.

For a male to help (hate saying 'make' we're just helping hehe) a woman orgasm he should orally stimulate her but only once she's physically arroused. Going straight to the clittoris is usually less than wonderful as women need to be arroused so they begin to lubricate their vaginas and their clittoris becomes a bit less sensitive. Once she's turned on kissing, cuddling, caressing, etc. direct stimulation to her clittoris can help her reach the first of (with good lovers) many orgasms. Oraly stimulation's good, though using her vibrator is best as that's probably how she's most accustomed to reaching orgasms.

Once our female-lover's had a few orgasms, PIV is fun for mutual pleasure. Though I've always gotten more out of giving than getting. I masturbate and cum every day, but know many women don't for whatever reason so like spoiling them when I do have fun. :)

Very few women reach orgasm from vaginal intercourse, like less than 10%. If that and some slobbery licking is your fella's idea of sex, find a new boyfriend, or train him up. :)

This was informative but I think you may have misread?

I've had sex with more than one guy and one girl and it's still never actually appealed to me? Like it's boring and the thought almost repulses me?

[themadhattersghost]

Some people that identify as being asexual don't even have to have sex to know that they will not like it. Like the desire just isn't there for them to even want to try it. But in your case, it does sound like you do fall somewhere on the asexual scale. I'm fairly new to the whole idea, but I've been doing some research on the subject so I can better understand.

[wrendering]

It sounds to me like you have a good chance of being on the asexual scale! There's a lot of soul searching involved in answering your question and in the end, no one knows what you're feeling except you. Asexuality is characterized with not feeling sexual attraction, which has nothing to do with whether or not you have sex, it's more whether or not you desire to have it. Of course, sexual attraction has a very illusive definition, especially for those of us who have never felt it. What I understand sexual attraction to be is the inexplicable urge to have sex with someone. It doesn't mean you will have sex with them, or even that you would try to, just that you're thinking about it and it's a pleasant thought... kind of... One train of thought that helped me realize that I'm asexual is the idea of walking into a room and seeing what you consider to be an attractive man (or what society considers to be an attractive man if you don't differentiate aesthetically) who gives you the choice to have sex with him with no strings attached, no consequences whatsoever. What would you do? Then, think of the same situation with an attractive woman. In my reality, if I were faced with both of these situations, I'd be like "no thanks.... but I'll give you a hug if you want..." Of course this is in no way fool proof and answers can vary greatly based on personality. Anyway! I wish you luck in your investigation and welcome you to AVEN! This is the friendliest forum I've ever encountered and I hope you enjoy your stay! ^_^

[dandelionfluff]

Okay so I've never posted in forums or that before because I was always so sure of myself. Like, at 13 I figured out I liked guys and girls and that I could see myself in a relationship with either gender and I think I assumed that I could also see myself having sex.

But recently I've been re-thinking. Like, I've got a boyfriend and we've had sex and engaged in other sexual activities but I'm kinda realising I don't see much appeal to it? Like I can kiss and cuddle and hold hands with him but anything more than that and I just don't have much want or desire for it??? It was the same with my ex girlfriend. When we do have sex I rarely get any pleasure/enjoyment from it and it kind of bores me.

I don't know much about asexuality so I don't know if this counts as being asexual???

Can someone please help me?

One experience with both sexes is hardly enough to know if you don't like sex. Might just not enjoy sex with those two people. :) Not all lovers are created equal. And given the utter lack of sex-positive education in English speaking countries, I'm more inclined to think you just haven't had good sex yet.

Many women complain about not having had orgasms from partner-sex well into middle age. They can masturbate to orgasm just fine so the plumbing works ok, they just haven't had skillful lovers as yet.

For a quick and dirty explanation of male-female sex (will leave female-female to my lesbian brethren heh,) our penis has nothing to do with your orgasms. Penis into a woman's vagina isn't what helps her orgasm, at least not directly. Yes, it feels good, but the clittoris is the center of a woman's sexual pleasure, and PIV (penis into vagina) doesn't stimulate it.

For a male to help (hate saying 'make' we're just helping hehe) a woman orgasm he should orally stimulate her but only once she's physically arroused. Going straight to the clittoris is usually less than wonderful as women need to be arroused so they begin to lubricate their vaginas and their clittoris becomes a bit less sensitive. Once she's turned on kissing, cuddling, caressing, etc. direct stimulation to her clittoris can help her reach the first of (with good lovers) many orgasms. Oraly stimulation's good, though using her vibrator is best as that's probably how she's most accustomed to reaching orgasms.

Once our female-lover's had a few orgasms, PIV is fun for mutual pleasure. Though I've always gotten more out of giving than getting. I masturbate and cum every day, but know many women don't for whatever reason so like spoiling them when I do have fun. :)

Very few women reach orgasm from vaginal intercourse, like less than 10%. If that and some slobbery licking is your fella's idea of sex, find a new boyfriend, or train him up. :)

This is so, so wrong. Too many asexuals have been told this same BS: "You haven't found the right yet!" "How do you know if you like it if you haven't tried it?" "Asexual? Well you haven't had sex with me yet."

This is the wrong place to post that kind of advice. Maybe on a forum for sexual people, but not here. Most likely, if this person has tried sex many times and hasn't enjoyed it, it isn't for them. It doesn't matter who they're with. They don't need to find a new partner or someone "skilled." There are people who haven't had sex and have no desire to, and know perfectly well that they have no interest in it. There are people who have had sex many times and never enjoyed, and no one magical person is going to cure that.

To OP, there is a good chance that you're asexual. I would suggest that you read around some threads and stickies here, and see if you can identify with the asexual experience. If what you read resonates with you, then welcome to the club!

[HypocryteHater]

Some people that identify as being asexual don't even have to have sex to know that they will not like it. Like the desire just isn't there for them to even want to try it. But in your case, it does sound like you do fall somewhere on the asexual scale. I'm fairly new to the whole idea, but I've been doing some research on the subject so I can better understand.

Yes. Like with food, if you picture a steak or pork chop and you start gagging, it means that it's not for you. And if you imagine having sex ... and don't like the imagination ... it's likely that sex is not your thing. Millions of people love steaks and pork chops, but some just don't.

[themadhattersghost]

Some people that identify as being asexual don't even have to have sex to know that they will not like it. Like the desire just isn't there for them to even want to try it. But in your case, it does sound like you do fall somewhere on the asexual scale. I'm fairly new to the whole idea, but I've been doing some research on the subject so I can better understand.

Yes. Like with food, if you picture a steak or pork chop and you start gagging, it means that it's not for you. And if you imagine having sex ... and don't like the imagination ... it's likely that sex is not your thing. Millions of people love steaks and pork chops, but some just don't.

Exactly. I'm all for cuddling and kissing, but anything else isn't really all that appealing to me. It never has been, even though I understand why sexual people make such a big deal out it.

[Brianna Schultz]

Sounds asexual to me! But only you can decide for certain. The one main thing about asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction. So if you don't look at an attractive person and think "Damn, I'd totally bang that!" then you're asexual.