Would you change being ace?

[just an owl]

(Sorry if this thread already exists, couldn't see it)

I do believe this was part of the AVEN survey but I'd like to hear some more indepth posts about it.

So, if you could stop being ace - would you? And what would you identify instead (ie if you're homoromantic, would you rather be homosexual?)

For me - I do hate it at times. I hate feeling abnormal and not fitting it, I hate being invisible, I hate not being able to be open about it to my family for fear of "it's just a phase", I hate being repulsed by sex and having to worry about that in a relationship, I hate how people don't think I deserve any place in the LGBT+ community but I don't fit in with straight people... It's kind of difficult.

But I wouldn't change it. I'm proud, although I couldn't really say why. I like being different, I like that I have a community to belong to, I like to think I can make a change by making people more aware of it (for example when I tell friends about it), and of course, the various puns possible with "ace" (the amount of times I can see something that says ace and just point and say "that's me!")...

That's my take on it, really. I wouldn't change it, even if I struggle with it.

How about you all?

Or, for you grey aces/demis, would you rather be asexual, or happy where you are, or be (allo)sexual?

Here's a poll (thanks Confusion!) with identities, sex in relationships and if you're happy with your current identity.

edit : thanks for all the responses everyone :)

[andreas1033]

I wouldn't want to change it, i am comfortable being asexual. I am not a people person anyway, and do not want to change, and glad i am the way i am.

So i agree, i am happy with being the way i am.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Nope, never. The thought of being sexual disturbs me.

[Mor]

No I wouldn't. Alright there's times where I feel down because of it, and times where I wish I hadn't realised about my asexuality, but being asexual is normal to me. There's downsides, like feeling like I have to hide it, and not being able to tell my family because I'm not sure I'd be able to handle a negative reaction from them. At least we have AVEN and other places where asexuals can talk, so we can make sense of it all and not feel alone, something I do experience on occasion when I start dwelling on the fact I'm ace, probably aro, but I still want some form of relationship and I'm a little afraid that as I get older, I'll be lonely.

[Unlabeled]

(Sorry if this thread already exists, couldn't see it)

I do believe this was part of the AVEN survey but I'd like to hear some more indepth posts about it.

So, if you could stop being ace - would you? And what would you identify instead (ie if you're homoromantic, would you rather be homosexual?)

For me - I do hate it at times. I hate feeling abnormal and not fitting it, I hate being invisible, I hate not being able to be open about it to my family for fear of "it's just a phase", I hate being repulsed by sex and having to worry about that in a relationship, I hate how people don't think I deserve any place in the LGBT+ community but I don't fit in with straight people... It's kind of difficult.

But I wouldn't change it. I'm proud, although I couldn't really say why. I like being different, I like that I have a community to belong to, I like to think I can make a change by making people more aware of it (for example when I tell friends about it), and of course, the various puns possible with "ace" (the amount of times I can see something that says ace and just point and say "that's me!")...

That's my take on it, really. I wouldn't change it, even if I struggle with it.

How about you all?

Having spent my entire life wondering what I was I finally concluded I'm just me. Rather than fixate on the plethora of labels I just finally accepted I'm a 'me.' Labels are for other peoples' benefit relating to me, but they don't do anything for me myself. If I'm involved with a guy, I'm 'gay.' But I love women too, so am I bi? Then there's my fantasy lovers, transsexual women. Am I an admirer? What if I'm only into trans-women? What if I only really like the fantasy of sex, but have next to no interest in actual partner-sex? A-sexual?

Rather than continue to try defining a sexuality that comes and goes, I'm just 'me' or 'sexual' or 'not sexual right now.' But the label doesn't bind me to a fixed set of attraction or eagerness.

Labels are for other people when thinking about me.

[LadyNobody]

I wouldn't change my ace status unless I could pick my sexuality (or asexuality) and romantic orientation based on the day and what I want to be at the moment. That way I could figure out how it feels to be sexual, but as soon as I got tired of being distracted by attraction I'd have an off switch. But at least I'd have a chance at maybe dating someone I'm attracted to and finding out what that's like without automatically giving up based on "they'll want something I can never give".

If I had to choose an actual orientation that worked the way these things actually work, I'd choose to be fully aro rather than grayromantic. My very occasional crushes annoy me more than anything, really, and I could do without them.

[Unlabeled]

(Sorry if this thread already exists, couldn't see it)
I do believe this was part of the AVEN survey but I'd like to hear some more indepth posts about it.

So, if you could stop being ace - would you? And what would you identify instead (ie if you're homoromantic, would you rather be homosexual?)

For me - I do hate it at times. I hate feeling abnormal and not fitting it, I hate being invisible, I hate not being able to be open about it to my family for fear of "it's just a phase", I hate being repulsed by sex and having to worry about that in a relationship, I hate how people don't think I deserve any place in the LGBT+ community but I don't fit in with straight people... It's kind of difficult.

But I wouldn't change it. I'm proud, although I couldn't really say why. I like being different, I like that I have a community to belong to, I like to think I can make a change by making people more aware of it (for example when I tell friends about it), and of course, the various puns possible with "ace" (the amount of times I can see something that says ace and just point and say "that's me!")...

That's my take on it, really. I wouldn't change it, even if I struggle with it.
How about you all?

Having spent my entire life wondering what I was I finally concluded I'm just me. Rather than fixate on the plethora of labels I just finally accepted I'm a 'me.' Labels are for other peoples' benefit relating to me, but they don't do anything for me myself. If I'm involved with a guy, I'm 'gay.' But I love women too, so am I bi? Then there's my fantasy lovers, transsexual women. Am I an admirer? What if I'm only into trans-women? What if I only really like the fantasy of sex, but have next to no interest in actual partner-sex? A-sexual?

Rather than continue to try defining a sexuality that comes and goes, I'm just 'me' or 'sexual' or 'not sexual right now.' But the label doesn't bind me to a fixed set of attraction or eagerness.

Labels are for other people when thinking about me.

[HomeBirdJen]

I wouldn't change it for a second. Since I realised that asexuality was a "thing" and there was actually nothing wrong with me my life has done nothing but improve.

I just wish sometimes that I'd known sooner.

[Confusion 0]

I'm grey, and I want to be completely asexual, dunno if that counts. I've done my own poll which asks this question, actually.

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/122160-asexual-orientation-and-preference-toward-sex-etc/#entry1061313772

[FiddleKid]

Nope wouldn't change, I don't think I could change though even if I wanted to, I've been asexual ever since I can remember.

[just an owl]

I'm grey, and I want to be completely asexual, dunno if that counts. I've done my own poll which asks this question, actually.

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/122160-asexual-orientation-and-preference-toward-sex-etc/#entry1061313772

Yeah, that counts too! Very interesting poll, thanks for sharing! I'll add it to the main post, if that's alright.

[Angelsonggd]

yes! I would! I hate being who I am but I have accepted it whole heartedly. Am I the only one who hates it? This is the first time since joining Aven that I have not felt like I belong. I wish I was normal. It would have made my life so much easier. I would have not failed at so many relationships and I would have enjoyed having sex and making love.

[Confusion 0]

I'm grey, and I want to be completely asexual, dunno if that counts. I've done my own poll which asks this question, actually.

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/122160-asexual-orientation-and-preference-toward-sex-etc/#entry1061313772

Yeah, that counts too! Very interesting poll, thanks for sharing! I'll add it to the main post, if that's alright.

Of course, by all means! It'll get more accurate results if more people take part. :lol:

[allrightalready]

i am demi and i don't want to change it, i would really just like to change society/other people so they can celebrate peoples differences

[just an owl]

yes! I would! I hate being who I am but I have accepted it whole heartedly. Am I the only one who hates it? This is the first time since joining Aven that I have not felt like I belong. I wish I was normal. It would have made my life so much easier. I would have not failed at so many relationships and I would have enjoyed having sex and making love.

You're definitely not the only one. AVEN census 2014 (see page 9) found that 22% would change their orientation (not necessarily from asexual to sexual, as it does include greys/demis but probably mainly). You belong here, and just because you don't like it doesn't mean you don't. A lot of people will come here because they may be proud or like this part of their identity.

I'm grey, and I want to be completely asexual, dunno if that counts. I've done my own poll which asks this question, actually.

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/122160-asexual-orientation-and-preference-toward-sex-etc/#entry1061313772

Yeah, that counts too! Very interesting poll, thanks for sharing! I'll add it to the main post, if that's alright.

Of course, by all means! It'll get more accurate results if more people take part. :lol:

I've already taken the poll, hopefully more will follow suit :)

[A380]

yes! I would! I hate being who I am but I have accepted it whole heartedly. Am I the only one who hates it? This is the first time since joining Aven that I have not felt like I belong. I wish I was normal. It would have made my life so much easier. I would have not failed at so many relationships and I would have enjoyed having sex and making love.

I'm with you! I wish I was one of those sex-obsessed girls. A fully-fledged nympho, even. Their lives seem easier. And what keeps them up at night is probably way more enjoyable than the fear of dying alone I deal with.

[R_1]

Been sexual, and my orientation changes on it own. Sexuality is overrated.

[EmpathyAce]

I wouldn't change it for the world. I am very comfortable how I am, and can't stand the idea of being anything else tbh. If others can't accept that, they can take a hike.

It does kind of suck, however, when the ones taking that hike are people I thought were friends.

Then again, I guess they aren't really friends if they can't accept a natural part of me...

[Squirrel Combat]

This thread did exist at some point in the past. But it's cool!

I wouldn't change my Aceness. The perks outweigh the cons just a little too much.

[Lightning Blue Ray]

Actually, I love it. I just wish people would stop invalidating me. But I'm really proud to be ace. It's a part of who I am.

[Skycaptain]

Difficult question. Some of me says no, but it would need to be more than just orientation to change. As a repulsed aromantic feeling sexual attraction would be a great conflict. There is also that part of me doesn't want to live my entire life alone.

But against that, I have, finally, found a sexual and gender identity I am comfortable with. And I'm probably sufficiently set in my ways that I would be impossible to live with.

Part of me says "sex may be enjoyable, how can I tell if I've never tried " but another part says "you don't need to try something to know how you feel. "

Weighing up the evidence, overall I wouldn't want to change.

Maybe if I was capable of fathering kids it would be different, but I can't and I'm child -repulsed anyway.

[lazypanda]

NO way i would stop being ace !!! I feel sexual people are not in control of their minds and slave to a basic,animalistic urge to reproduce...and i hate not being in control !!! Sexuals waste wayyyy too much time on these stupid urges that serve no purpose(unless they are actively trying to concieve a child) !!! Aces save all that time, are not at risk for stds and have a clearer mind !!!

[Guest]

As long as I have this body... absolutely not. No way, no how, not ever. Being ace makes my life infinitely easier.

If I would also (magically?) change into having a body more in line with my gender... still probably not, but I'd no longer put the no as absolutely.

[SilentDaisy]

Honestly, I love who I am and that I've finally come to realize that there are more people out there that feel the same way that I do but if I could've changed it from the very beginning I would have.. I mean, Im sooo happy with it now that I have an understanding of what it is and know that I don't have to be alone but for a long time I felt so out of place from people. My friends conversations, watching TV and movies, and listening to music was always kinda weird for me. It seemed so odd and desterbing. I didn't get why people wanted sex so badly and at first I didn't really believe they actually did until I was about 16 and all of my relationships started having a running theme of; if I didn't want it then I didn't really love them. Some of them would go as far a threatening to kill themselves and cutting themselves in front of me until I gave in.. More often then not, I felt like there was something legitimatly wrong with me. That if I couldn't actually commit to wanting to have sex then I was incapable of love and id never be able to make somebody happy in a relationship. My mother even said I might as well become a nun because if I didn't want sex,no one would ever want to stay with me but she also kept telling me I just had to find the right person..

Again, if I could've changed from the beginning I definitely would have but knowing what I know now about the asexual community I don't think I want to anymore.

[cavyX]

Honestly, on my bad days, I'd say yes in a heartbeat. But for the most part, I am happy with the way I am, I just wish I could get over my touching thing.

[PerformativeSurprise]

Nope. I don't love or hate it; it's just an aspect of who I am. It's hard to say to what extent it has affected my life, but I have a feeling it has subtly played into many choices I've made over the years. Perhaps my life would be quite different were I not ace (and aro). But seeing as I'm happy with how my life is turning out, I have no desire to change that.

[Starflower]

I wouldn't change it for any reason. I'm actually very happy that I'm ace, though I would be happier if it was a thing you could tell people and have them understand rather than make fun of you.

[*a*rteest]

(Sorry if this thread already exists, couldn't see it)

I do believe this was part of the AVEN survey but I'd like to hear some more indepth posts about it.

So, if you could stop being ace - would you? And what would you identify instead (ie if you're homoromantic, would you rather be homosexual?)

I'd never want to be allo or romantic.

If anything, I'd love to lose my libido entirely and permanently (it's useless), I'd love to have a hysterectomy and I'd love to lose my sense of aesthetic attraction. My sense of aesthetic attraction has caused me more pain in my life than anything else to absolutely zero benefit on my part, and makes it the hardest to deal with being alone.

[NothingMuchToDo]

I would prefer to be different. Actually, ideally I'd prefer to be aromantic and asexual, but unfortunately I'm romantic. So I'd really love a relationship, but because of my sexuality it seems a very real possibility I will actually genuinely end up living alone with ten cats - a prospect it's all very well to joke about but it's not half so funny when you contemplate the reality. Sexuality is highly disturbing but I'd rather be sexual than alone.

[AceWolf]

I didn't really like it at first but I'm starting too, I wouldn't change it. I couldn't imagine being any other way it wouldn't feel right - its part of who I am. I have always been an outcast anyway so not fitting in doesn't bother me anymore. I just fed up with 'do you have a boyfriend yet' , 'are you gay' etc. If I could change anything I wish people would stop asking me these things like its their business anyway.