officially annoyed

[butterflydreams]

I've been trying to find resources on how to satisfy desires for physical (non-sexual) and/or emotional intimacy when you don't have a partner, and I've have been coming up awfully empty handed. At this point, I'd settle for resources discussing ways to meet desires for sexual intimacy. Just to get some idea, you know?

What's annoying about it? Everything I search for turns up tons of results from faith blogs, Christian blogs, God-loving/fearing bible-toting blogs, etc. Fine if that's your cup of tea, but it's not mine, and I don't particularly find "resources" that just quote bible verses and scripture helpful.

You're desiring intimacy? Why not bury your nose in the bible and find intimacy with God? Thanks but no thanks. Why is this so darn common?!

Am I totally missing the mark here? Does anyone know of any resources for this kind of thing? Or how I might better conduct my search? Sexual or non-sexual, doesn't matter to me.

[Guest]

A lot of athletes don't have sex before big games because sexual frustration can be channeled into their skills as athletes. A few other people have done similar things (the faith blogs for instance).

You don't need to channel your energy into any religion but maybe art or fitness will work.

Sorry but this is the best I can come up with to help :(

[Ricki]

Find outlets! As said before, art and exercise are great ones. A lot of people on here are writers, or generate close friendships with one-another. Or even just games.

Intimacy as far as ive seen derives from the want to pay close attention to something and then experience 'rewards' by doing so.

Winning at games, watching your team win a football match etc.

[butterflydreams]

Well it's good to know it's a tricky thing to find resources for :)

I mean, single people want to feel loved, needed and cared for as much as anyone, right? And we can't all be paired up all the time. Some of us may never be paired up. For me, it's really not about sex at all, though I can see why it would be for others.

I do personally worry that pushing harder into activities, art, exercise, etc can be not so great for certain personality types. I know I'm prone to pushing myself too hard and suffering the fallout from that.

[Archived]

I guess do something that requires a good amount of physical/mental power. The physical things could tire you out (and you might actually like it) or the mental things can clear your mind.

I'm honestly just trying to generalize, but I can think of more specific things. Meditate or type up/write down your thoughts. And yeah, exercise, running.

[Arctangent]

For nonsexual physical touch, there's this blog post: 5 ways to get enough touch, without all the pressure. There's also an old AVEN thread that discusses it and includes some ideas from other AVEN members about how to go about talking to other people about non-romantic touch. In general, I think blogs written by asexuals, aromantics, and/or non-monogamous people can be good resources. Many of those people have had personal experience with this issue and can offer insight about it, although you might have to dig through a number of posts before finding one that's relevant to you.

Have you tried finding out if there are any organizations that hold cuddle parties, kink meetups, and other such things in your area? Sometimes people are able to find outlets for their desires that way as well.

[Ricki]

Then maybe take a wider selection and invest into multiple things?

Try getting close friendships? I really didnt want to say that cause it's easier said than done.... maybe go to some meetups or like the previous post said,; go to certain meetups that appeal to you.

Or depending on your situation, maybe volunteer at places that are around people? :)

[butterflydreams]

I've been trying to think of my own meetup to start, since all others I've been to have been so uninspired.

There's actually this place nearby I got invited to from some meetup I'm in...only looking into it revealed it was a thing about orgasmic meditation :O no no no no thank you ahhhhh

I'll have to look into cuddle parties or groups. Just a real hug would be nice honestly.

Can lack of intimacy mess a person up?

[AveSatanas]

Have you tried things like teddy bears and weighted blankets? I write and I am intimate with my characters. I also have two huge teddy bears and A wall full of posters that inspire characters to write about. I hate meditation, but I'm told for those who like it it's the bomb. I also hear really good things about weighted blankets. Seriously though writing is my go to, maybe something creative would work for you. If you want a site for giant teddy bears Google Giant Teddy they're so great I follow them on twitter

[Batman's Ace]

My personal favorite is hugging a cooperative puppy or dog. Also, dances (square and contra, in particular), and occasionally I'll ask someone I've known for a while, would they please hug me. Try sleeping with a stuffed animal? With that, I'm out of suggestions. Sitting about on E myself, most of the time.

[Notte stellata]

How about free hugs? You can gather some friends and spend a couple of hours offering free hugs to people in some public space. I've done it twice and liked it. It's not "intimacy" in its usual sense, but still feels good if you're comfortable with the idea.

[Unlabeled]

I've been trying to find resources on how to satisfy desires for physical (non-sexual) and/or emotional intimacy when you don't have a partner, and I've have been coming up awfully empty handed. At this point, I'd settle for resources discussing ways to meet desires for sexual intimacy. Just to get some idea, you know?

What's annoying about it? Everything I search for turns up tons of results from faith blogs, Christian blogs, God-loving/fearing bible-toting blogs, etc. Fine if that's your cup of tea, but it's not mine, and I don't particularly find "resources" that just quote bible verses and scripture helpful.

You're desiring intimacy? Why not bury your nose in the bible and find intimacy with God? Thanks but no thanks. Why is this so darn common?!

Am I totally missing the mark here? Does anyone know of any resources for this kind of thing? Or how I might better conduct my search? Sexual or non-sexual, doesn't matter to me.

Get a pet. Best cuddle buddies there are. :)

[butterflydreams]

How about free hugs? You can gather some friends and spend a couple of hours offering free hugs to people in some public space. I've done it twice and liked it. It's not "intimacy" in its usual sense, but still feels good if you're comfortable with the idea.

It really worked? I've seen things like this, but I didn't think they actually worked :P

[Notte stellata]

How about free hugs? You can gather some friends and spend a couple of hours offering free hugs to people in some public space. I've done it twice and liked it. It's not "intimacy" in its usual sense, but still feels good if you're comfortable with the idea.

It really worked? I've seen things like this, but I didn't think they actually worked :P

Yeah, it works. :) We did it in China, where most people didn't know about free hugs (so we often had to explain what we were doing), but it still went quite well. I'm sure people in the US are much more familiar with and open to free hugs.

[scarletlatitude]

While this isn't physical intimacy, it may help. Lots of people do random acts of kindness. Sometimes they will pay for small gift cards or something and just randomly leave them in places. If you don't have much money you could just get a bunch of paper, write some nice notes, and then leave them in public places for people to find. I used to do this around Christmas time and leave them on people's cars and on store shelves.

[butterflydreams]

While this isn't physical intimacy, it may help. Lots of people do random acts of kindness. Sometimes they will pay for small gift cards or something and just randomly leave them in places. If you don't have much money you could just get a bunch of paper, write some nice notes, and then leave them in public places for people to find. I used to do this around Christmas time and leave them on people's cars and on store shelves.

Ooo, that's a really outside-the-box idea. I like it :)

[demiandproud]

You're desiring intimacy? Why not bury your nose in the bible and find intimacy with God? Thanks but no thanks. Why is this so darn common?!

Heh, it's annoying when you run into the wrong thing all the time yes. To answer that question, for Christians the whole bible reading and weekly small group thing actually does satisfy their craving for a sense of community, a measure of peace and emotional intimacy. So for them it's useful, even if it answers only one part of the desire for intimacy. If that's nor your religion, it's not even partially useful...

Three suggestions:

- Do something you love that expresses emotion in some way. For me, that's writing, so even when I'm alone I get some peace by having a story express an emotion I'm feeling, and I get intimacy, both on an emotional and intellectual, when I share my writing, or even just the writing process, with others. It can be creative, but also sports, long walks, meditation. And if you can share it, all the better to keep it up and get some community out of it as well. If you want to do it a bit more directly. maybe an acting class?

- Find a socially accepted way of touching. Visit family and hug them. Ask your friends if you can lean against them on the couch when you watch a movie or, if someone is long-haired, fiddling around with that is awesome. Spas, massages, even haircuts help a little. It's easier if you know people well. If you've lived somewhere less than a year it's pretty normal to be kinda touch-starved. Good luck :)

- Volunteer work, the social kind? Like, where you sign up to have outings with someone who's learning English, for example.

Again, good luck. It's not easy to find, sometimes, physical and emotional intimacy in our super-individualistic society :-/

[scarletlatitude]

Writing totally works for me too. I put all of my asexy quirks into characters. One (I should say two) of my characters is in my ideal relationship - lots of romantic stuff with no intentions of sex, and the relationship took a really long time to form, until the characters knew each other really well. I don't know if you're creative at all but there might be some kind of creative outlet for you that will make you feel better.