why is it so important to attend a wedding?

[astrobean]

I was recently at my dad’s wedding and all my cousins were there. They came from great distances, some toting small children. I mean, I'm his child, so I get why I'm there. But non-immediate family that we didn't even grow up around? They really wanted to be there to ‘see him get married.’ Why? Why does it matter? Why do so many people have to be there? You get one picture with them and that’s it. It’s a long way to go for a short conversation. If these people are so important, why don’t they visit more often? What is it about this one monumentally boring event that draws people from the woodwork?

My aunt told me that it just "shows how much they respect him." Am I showing disrespect to my cousins or other relatives when I don't show up at their weddings?

I already don't get love and romance, and I'm so tired of being forced to understand these quirks of human nature on an intellectual level without actually feeling it. Is it part of that, or am I dead in some other way by not understanding why it's such a big deal?

[Guest]

I am romantic and married and... I still don't get it. So, don't worry. It's some ancient social tradition that makes no sense. Sorry, I am NOT spending hundreds to thousands of dollars to be at some family member I barely know's wedding... just not happening. Didn't invite anyone to my "wedding" either. I also don't get why people spend tens of thousands on one party!

[Arthany]

I don't think you're dead. The wedding is a heterosexual celebration, involving people you presumably care about your opinion in the eyes of, watching you do something they think you're supposed to do.

What I've never understood are registries. Someone explained to me that there is a list, and you ask people to buy you stuff on it? And...it's "registered"? And...you have dishes? From your "bridal registry"? I thought a registration was like a form for signing up for stuff. I'm also confused about watermelon and ice sculptures, and once I saw a kayak used as a cooler full of ice for a bunch of drinks.

What confuses me even more is acting like you're "trapped" in a marriage when you sort of organized the whole thing? Or calling someone your ball and chain? Relationships are supposed to be voluntary, not obligatory, and the idea of checking off marriage as one of the things you're required to do in your life confuses me most of all. But then I also don't understand why people are asked to give other people grandkids. Basically heteronormativity is weird and expensive, kind of like golf, but so entrenched in our lives that we don't recognize how weird it is, just like with golf.

I think weddings are cute in a weird way.

[Lord Jade Cross]

In simple terms, wedding are social gatherings and everyone is told from the ground about their importance so pretty much most people are brainwashed enough that they dont question it, just follow it.

[Sally]

Weddings are family traditions. Human beings have practiced traditions since we became differentiated from the apes (who also follow traditions, actually). If you are in the same area, and it doesn't cost you a lot, yes, you will be showing disrespect if you don't go to a family wedding. It's several hours out of your life; what's so difficult about it?

[DannyFenton123]

Okay, so I used to live with my aunt, who owned a wedding venue on site (literally right next to us) and I still never get the concept of marriage, never mind why somebody would spend so much to visit an obscure cousin's. Tradition is weird.

[EmpathyAce]

This is like how I was feeling when I attended my cousin's wedding a few months ago.

I knew why I was there, albeit not too pumped. She's my cousin, of course I'd have to go.

But then there were just so many people I had never even seen before in my life. Most of the time, I was just wondering why there were so many people while also sitting in the corner thinking on my disgust for large parties and ceremonies.

It's just a traditional thing, I'd say.

Do I think it's a logical tradition?
Hell to the naw.

[Star Bit]

Support? /not attending means you don't support? Maybe meaning they have a reason to get divorced?

[Zash]

Also, excuse to travel, and two words (sometimes) "Open Bar"

[Philip027]

What is it about this one monumentally boring event that draws people from the woodwork?

It's just an important life event for most people, such as graduation, childbirth, etc...

I get that they can be boring to attend if you yourself are not interested in these sorts of things, but these events are not really about you. A marriage, for instance, is just one particular special day for a couple other people. It's kinda like how people make their birthdays their one special little day that's (mostly) all about them. I think they're entitled to have that once out of 365 days in the year.

My aunt told me that it just "shows how much they respect him." Am I showing disrespect to my cousins or other relatives when I don't show up at their weddings?

If they were expecting you and you don't necessarily have a good reason to not be there? Yeah, probably.

[Prairie]

If I were going to one, it would be to avoid having the people later get angry at me for not going.

Obligatory definition:

MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

[Cimmerian]

I don't really get it either when it comes to the very extended or acquaintance invitees. Weddings with people you know well and want to celebrate with-- that makes sense to me. On the other hand I do not understand weddings where extended family, co-workers, and other people the couple doesn't know very well are invited. To me, weddings are/should be a celebration among people they know very well, even if they don't see them a lot because it's a celebration about a relationship and closeness, so why would anyone want to deal with or attend a wedding of people they don't know well?

On a personal note, my cousin is about to get married, and I've never been close with her so I'm not going. If it was almost any of the others I would try to go, assuming circumstances allow, because I've always been closer to them so it'd be a bit of a supportive gesture. I don't consider it an obligation to show up, almost regardless of circumstance, but I know quite a few people who feel differently.

[Space_Elf13]

Once upon a time weddings were really huge beacuse speedy travel and literacy were not wide-spread. Weddings would have been one of the few times people had an opportunity to meet others outside their immediate family/village. Now... Weddings are big because tradition and/or politics (be they inter-family politics or the more news-worthy kind).

Personally, unless you're playing an active role in the wedding, I see them as kind of pointless. Also wasteful. The money some people spend on weddings could do so much more good being spent on more practical things.

[VindicatorPhoenix]

I think weddings are an overrated tradition. All guests dressed in similar clothing, just watching a predictable event that might be a highly expensive, one-day thing (not to mention it may be expensive for guests to travel there). I also don't understand why a sincere phone call, email, or text message wouldn't be a sufficient congratulations. No need to attend such an event if one finds it to be boring and/or unnecessary.

If anyone wants to have a wedding and invite guests, that's perfectly fine, just don't expect me to come. :P I work in the shadows.

[Guest]

I really dont like weddings because i dont understand the whole part of "celebrating your love" Its nice if you want to celebrate but i dont need to see that! Its just the usual over the top lovey dovey stuff they do and the constant "awww" of the audience when a couple does something or go emotional just make no sense to me i mean its just the usual: "Baby you are my everything, my soul mate" and the audience: "Awww" and all the pictures they make of that super romantic moment they wanna share with the whole world.

I usually just go to the ceremony because i cant stand too much people in one room, the loud music and drunken people arent my cup of tea, im glad if i managed to survive the ceremony alone and finnaly see my house!

I love it when people get married but i guess its just not my cup of tea to be a part of them celebrating theyre love, i do go because its a relative and i dont want to dissapoint them but ill be good if i dont have to go at all

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

I'm a former wedding DJ so I may be able to shed some light on this (ironic that I'm aromantic, but... heh).

Weddings can actually be a lot of fun. I know this is hard for unsociable folks to understand, but at a wedding you get to talk to family members or friends you may not have seen in a long time. Most of them have music so it's a good chance to have some real clean fun on the dancefloor. With the right DJ, you'll get a good mix of slow dances and energetic fun stuff too. Almost every wedding I DJ'd contained a crowd full of smiling faces. I even once saw a guy on crutches out on the dancefloor who just couldn't stay away! It's a chance to celebrate an important event in someone's life, even if the majority of folks do it, and about 40% end in divorce...

Weddings can also be very emotional. One time I put on Norah Jone's "Come Away With Me" as requested by the bride and groom. About halfway through the song I could see tears running down their cheeks. It was about all I could do not to cry myself, it was a beautiful sight. A lot of couples may feel a rekindling of what brought them together at a wedding too.

As for the cake, food, liquor... bleh whatever. I find wedding food to be generally quite good, but would prefer a meal with a smaller group of friends at a good restaurant. Most wedding cakes aren't even that tasty, with a few pretty amazing exceptions here in town. And free liquor? Does that really add up to much money there? I always detested open bar weddings because drunk people are obnoxious. They request stupid songs and do stupid things that endanger other guests. Some of my best wedding receptions were dry. Play "Call Me Maybe" for a bunch of Mormons and you've made some friends for life.

In all honesty, I preferred the smaller weddings too. About 100 guests is a good number. Receptions with 200+ guests, most people are gone right after dinner. Better to have quality over quantity on that one. Since it's easy to shell out $20,000 on a good wedding reception, I think it's best to invite your closest friends and family only. That way you can pay more for a great DJ!

Anyway, I hope that makes some sense. I often felt like an "emotion sponge" at weddings. When people were having a good time, I could feel it myself, even though I didn't know any of the guests. All emotions were just amplified somehow magically.

[DannyFenton123]

I'm a former wedding DJ so I may be able to shed some light on this (ironic that I'm aromantic, but... heh).

Weddings can actually be a lot of fun. I know this is hard for unsociable folks to understand, but at a wedding you get to talk to family members or friends you may not have seen in a long time. Most of them have music so it's a good chance to have some real clean fun on the dancefloor. With the right DJ, you'll get a good mix of slow dances and energetic fun stuff too. Almost every wedding I DJ'd contained a crowd full of smiling faces. I even once saw a guy on crutches out on the dancefloor who just couldn't stay away! It's a chance to celebrate an important event in someone's life, even if the majority of folks do it, and about 40% end in divorce...

Weddings can also be very emotional. One time I put on Norah Jone's "Come Away With Me" as requested by the bride and groom. About halfway through the song I could see tears running down their cheeks. It was about all I could do not to cry myself, it was a beautiful sight. A lot of couples may feel a rekindling of what brought them together at a wedding too.

As for the cake, food, liquor... bleh whatever. I find wedding food to be generally quite good, but would prefer a meal with a smaller group of friends at a good restaurant. Most wedding cakes aren't even that tasty, with a few pretty amazing exceptions here in town. And free liquor? Does that really add up to much money there? I always detested open bar weddings because drunk people are obnoxious. They request stupid songs and do stupid things that endanger other guests. Some of my best wedding receptions were dry. Play "Call Me Maybe" for a bunch of Mormons and you've made some friends for life.

In all honesty, I preferred the smaller weddings too. About 100 guests is a good number. Receptions with 200+ guests, most people are gone right after dinner. Better to have quality over quantity on that one. Since it's easy to shell out $20,000 on a good wedding reception, I think it's best to invite your closest friends and family only. That way you can pay more for a great DJ!

Anyway, I hope that makes some sense. I often felt like an "emotion sponge" at weddings. When people were having a good time, I could feel it myself, even though I didn't know any of the guests. All emotions were just amplified somehow magically.

I used to stay up at night because DJ's kept playing my favourite songs outside my window. I would go to a wedding solely for the party, but the rest? Nah-ah.

Also, I remember one time when I was sitting behind some people touring the venue, and they said that they didn't like the usual wedding cakes, but their uncle or whatever had already said he'd bake them some huge rich fruit cake with tons of marzipan... I felt kind of sorry for them xD

[*a*rteest]

i heard a solemn, fatherly, ascetic, very wise man on a very educational, spiritually-enlightening show say once, that marriage was good for two things: tax breaks and adultery.

[Blue Phoenix Ace]

Well it's definitely all about the party for me too. I also provided sound for ceremonies and they were always pretty boring. :)

[Batman's Ace]

I don't really get the people who invite every sort-of friend they've ever known, but for family, I get it. In my family weddings function as mini family reunions. It's great to see so-and-so get married, yes. Main attraction is the whole group, though, not just the happy couple. Then again, it's not just weddings for us--we make a lot of effort to stay connected in general, and a wedding is merely one of the times we make that connection face-to-face. If your family is generally not in touch that much, I can see the effort making a lot less sense.