How do you feel about flirting?

[MarieIsEatingTacobell]

I wanted to get some thoughts from some other Demis and Grey A's about this.

How do you feel about being flirted with?

Personally, I can't stand it. It drives me insane. It practically sends me into a panic. I sometimes have said it's almost like i'm flirt repulsed rather then sex repulsed. Anytime someone I don't know or am not comfortable with starts flirting or showing romantic interest in any way to me, instantly my anxiety takes over, my body tightens up, sometimes I forget how to talk, and I just start nervous laughing. Which is a poor response considering a lot of people take that as a "great! she loves it! keep going!" but- I can't help it. It's not that I get nervous or shy, It legitimately makes me feel disgusting. I hate it. I remember once, this guy was flirting with me and I was trying to like it, because I felt like such an idiot weirdo for not enjoying that kind of attention. Finally he says "you're just so beautiful" and no joke, I broke down crying.

Yeah. I know.

Though, I am okay with friends play flirting with me. I can count on one hand the people I'm comfortable with doing so, but they are out there. It's almost all my best friend and I do, so much so that everyone thinks we're dating (there's people who have thought this since high school, its hilarious). I guess it's because I feel safe with her, knowing that it's all in good fun and that she'll never expect anything out of me I wouldn't want to do. Genuine compliments, I'm okay with. "You're cute!" "You're pretty!" Yes, thank you that's always flattering, but you know you can just tell peoples intent? Yeah, no, the second I sense someone trying to shack up with me I break down. It makes me never want to talk to someone again. It's not even that they're all sleazy by any means. Sometimes it's been situations where I could understand why they felt they could take that shot comfortably, not knowing I'd have such an adverse reaction to it.

I can think of two people I was becoming good friends with that showed some interest in maybe dating me, that I dropped immediately and just don't talk to anymore because I couldn't handle it.

Welp, at least I never have to question being demiromantic. Ever.

Anyways, yes. Thoughts? Is this just me?

[andreas1033]

Its not just you.

I just found it boring, so i do not take part in it. You know yourself, that many people like that stuff. But obviously not all.

[demiandproud]

Wait, I was being flirted with? Wait, seriously, that's happened to me? Is my reaction, the few times it's happened.

The few times I've noticed while I was being flirted with? I just froze up.

[SorryNotSorry]

It's very frustrating to me. From my POV flirting is like some slang-heavy foreign language that eveyone but me speaks, and then they ridicule or chide me for not knowing it.

But the alternative would feel like a job interview, something others would hardly find romantic.

[crazypimpernelfan]

I, too, hate flirting. Some of my guy friends have made the excuse recently that I've been "flirting" with them--and I keep having to correct them numerous times and tell them I'm treating them like I treat all of my other friends. The ONLY friends I treat differently are my best friends, and I do not flirt with them.

The thing with me is that I HATE flirting because the first time I decided to try flirting, the guy I flirted with eventually began sexually harassing me and cyberstalking me, and it got too much for me--and afterwards I've become very, VERY flirting-repulsed. I know this isn't the case with everyone who despises flirting, but it was the case with me. So every time a guy begins flirting with me, I begin getting into panic mode and worrying that they, too, will eventually harass me in some way. It doesn't happen with a woman, though, but when a woman flirts with me I still try to exercise caution anyway. I normally don't flirt back.

I do think flirting should be harmless though--it should NEVER lead to harassment. Maybe other people there like flirting, but oh-ho, not me!

[.,.]

I think it's a lot of fun honestly, and if I'm not in the mood or in a setting when I'm not interested in flirting (like when chicks are jumping up and down at concerts rubbing their asses against me constantly, I mean what the fuck is that), I just ignore it.

[scarletlatitude]

I strongly dislike flirting, mostly because the sexual men that I was trying to date have other intentions behind their flirting.

I am also touch adverse (I wouldn't necessarily say repulsed but it's close). Whenever they try to get handsy I'm like

Also I find it really superficial to talk only about physical things. Okay, I get it that you think I'm pretty. Thanks. Now can we move on to more intelligent conversation? If you really want to flirt with me in an effective way, complement my mind. Give me something to think about.

[Guest]

I hate flirting. Its annoying and unnecessary, I would like it if it is with someone im close with and its the right time for it but i hate it when random people i dont know flirt with me.

I work in a male enviroment and have to deal with this crap on a regular base and what bothers me the most is that people obviously dont know theyre limits and just go on and on thinking every girl they meet is into this crap and i hate that.They just wont stop when you say you are not interested and they just assume you are going to change your mind about them if they keep on trying. Believe me i have experienced this over 10 times in my time at work, I honestly wish that people would just compare with ones limits while trying to find "the one", not everyone is interested you know.

[MarieIsEatingTacobell]

Wait, I was being flirted with? Wait, seriously, that's happened to me? Is my reaction, the few times it's happened.

The few times I've noticed while I was being flirted with? I just froze up.

Ah, I used to be like that too. Guys would walk away from me defeated and my friends would be like "holy shit he was totally flirting with you!!" Like?? oh, okay. Now I sense that shit a mile away though, and immediately head for the hills. Nope. Nooooooooooooope.

I, too, hate flirting. Some of my guy friends have made the excuse recently that I've been "flirting" with them--and I keep having to correct them numerous times and tell them I'm treating them like I treat all of my other friends. The ONLY friends I treat differently are my best friends, and I do not flirt with them.

The thing with me is that I HATE flirting because the first time I decided to try flirting, the guy I flirted with eventually began sexually harassing me and cyberstalking me, and it got too much for me--and afterwards I've become very, VERY flirting-repulsed. I know this isn't the case with everyone who despises flirting, but it was the case with me. So every time a guy begins flirting with me, I begin getting into panic mode and worrying that they, too, will eventually harass me in some way. It doesn't happen with a woman, though, but when a woman flirts with me I still try to exercise caution anyway. I normally don't flirt back.

I do think flirting should be harmless though--it should NEVER lead to harassment. Maybe other people there like flirting, but oh-ho, not me!

Wow, I'm so very sorry that happened to you. I think my repulsed feelings towards flirting have something to do of being scared that might happen to me. I've never been stalked by someone I tried flirting with, but- my ex boyfriend did harass me for a year or so after we broke up. No matter how many times I told him no, he would stalk me online, he would call me off the hook day and night, it was a nightmare. Maybe that's why it's so scary for me, because I know some people just can't take no for an answer and I don't want to have that happen to me. Also, their intentions might include sex, and that's definitely something I'm not willing to do. It might seem silly to jump to all those conclusions just from flirting but- I can't help it and obviously I'm not the only one.

I strongly dislike flirting, mostly because the sexual men that I was trying to date have other intentions behind their flirting.

I am also touch adverse (I wouldn't necessarily say repulsed but it's close). Whenever they try to get handsy I'm like

Also I find it really superficial to talk only about physical things. Okay, I get it that you think I'm pretty. Thanks. Now can we move on to more intelligent conversation? If you really want to flirt with me in an effective way, complement my mind. Give me something to think about.

It is pretty superficial to try and build a conversation with "so, you're pretty." Like ??? okay ??? Your normal, everyday, pick up style flirting does seem so freaking shallow. If I'm not being repulsed, which usually is the case, I actually find myself feeling a bit insulted. I can think of two times off the top of my head that I've found myself thinking "wow, okay. you find me attractive. am I supposed to be happy about that? you think you're that special? don't flatter yourself." I love the gif by the way, I hate people who aren't close to me touching me too. I give courtesy hugs, but like- yeah don't touch me if you don't know me, thanks.

I hate flirting. Its annoying and unnecessary, I would like it if it is with someone im close with and its the right time for it but i hate it when random people i dont know flirt with me.

I work in a male enviroment and have to deal with this crap on a regular base and what bothers me the most is that people obviously dont know theyre limits and just go on and on thinking every girl they meet is into this crap and i hate that.They just wont stop when you say you are not interested and they just assume you are going to change your mind about them if they keep on trying. Believe me i have experienced this over 10 times in my time at work, I honestly wish that people would just compare with ones limits while trying to find "the one", not everyone is interested you know.

OH my god, yes flirting in the work place is- UGH. No. NOoooooo. I will never understand the "flirt with random people you don't know" thing. N.E.V.E.R.

[Hardly any]

Flirting freaks me the heck out.

Like, I'm actively pursuing romantic relationships right now 'cause I like those and I want one, but I also end up panicky when flirted with, because I've never been flirted with in a way that's not overtly sexual. It's like sex is so inextricably linked with romance that it is actually impossible to approach a person with romance in mind and hope they don't want sex.

A person with whom I am building a rapport with intent to try dating makes a comment implying that sex is anywhere in the near future and I'm like, SORRY I CAN NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN AUGH. Not out of disgust at the person or even at the comment, just freaking out.

[Lord Jade Cross]

My reaction to flirting would be *hiss*. Yea that prrtty much describes how ive felt when ive been flirted with.

[gracious]

I was just thinking about making a topic about this, so I am so happy that there already is one!

I would say that I enjoy flirting when I get the sense that "this is someone I can flirt with once in a while and nothing will ever actually happen between us." I like snuggling and massages (once I'm comfortable with someone), but if I start to get the sense that "something sexual could happen here" then it starts to freak me out.

I'm kind of curious how others who are demisexual demiromantic deal with this. Because for me, I'm open to having a romantic relationship, and I'm open to having that romantic relationship include sex. Flirting seems to be the way to start establishing that sort of relationship... but I get really anxious when I start to get the sense that someone might want to do more than flirt with me. Should I just try to be really upfront about my feelings and what I'm looking for?

[MarieIsEatingTacobell]

Should I just try to be really upfront about my feelings and what I'm looking for?

That's the age old question, isn't it? Are we upfront about what we aren't willing to do or is that too much? There's all these weird social rules behind this, and honestly I wish I could answer that for you, but I don't think any of us can. I can relate though. I'm in relationship right now, but say I wasn't. I wouldn't be opposed to being with someone if the person was right, and I'm not against sex with someone I'm in love with, but no flirting from people I'm not already close to. It seems counter productive in a way, doesn't it? Like.. that's usually how people get close? I don't know. Maybe it's good you be upfront. The one that sticks around and deals with it might be worth it? but yes as a demisexul/demiromantic, I loathe flirting and I handle it by panicking, and generally never talking to that person ever again. Not exactly constructive.

My reaction to flirting would be *hiss*. Yea that prrtty much describes how ive felt when ive been flirted with.

Accurate.

It's like sex is so inextricably linked with romance that it is actually impossible to approach a person with romance in mind and hope they don't want sex.

YES EXACTLY. Everything linked to flirting is so sexual. How can you even differ between harmless and sexual flirting? Like ?????????

A person with whom I am building a rapport with intent to try dating makes a comment implying that sex is anywhere in the near future and I'm like, SORRY I CAN NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN AUGH. Not out of disgust at the person or even at the comment, just freaking out.

Same. Same. Exactly me.

[CloakedSchemer]

My friends tell me that I have an inherent 'flirty' demeanor...and I don't understand really. I think what they must be referring to is me genuinely enjoying someone else's company; I tend to get more bubbly and engaged in a conversation. I guess this is seen as flirty? >.>

Sometimes I'll get messages on other websites and the first thing they will tell me is something like, "Is it bad I think you're really beautiful? Because I do..." or "You're so gorgeous and I couldn't resist messaging you" etc., and I'm in my head like "No...it's not bad to compliment me...but you're creeping me the heck out. Stahp. Now. Pleeeease. *cringes*."

I'm instantly uncomfortable talking to that person because they started their first conversation with me like that. I respond and immediately tell them I'm asexual, hoping (and not hoping at the same time I guess...because not talking to me anymore because I'm asexual hurts) that they will just stop talking to me.

[MarieIsEatingTacobell]

My friends tell me that I have an inherent 'flirty' demeanor...and I don't understand really. I think what they must be referring to is me genuinely enjoying someone else's company; I tend to get more bubbly and engaged in a conversation. I guess this is seen as flirty? >.>

Yeah! Apparently showing interest in the conversation is being flirty? Like- what even? We must live on a different planet then everyone else because I've apparently "mislead" a lot of people that way too.

Sometimes I'll get messages on other websites and the first thing they will tell me is something like, "Is it bad I think you're really beautiful? Because I do..." or "You're so gorgeous and I couldn't resist messaging you" etc., and I'm in my head like "No...it's not bad to compliment me...but you're creeping me the heck out. Stahp. Now. Pleeeease. *cringes*."

Noooo. Nonononono. That's exactly the kind of crap that sends my anxiety through the freaking roof. Oh my god that's so gross.

I'm instantly uncomfortable talking to that person because they started their first conversation with me like that. I respond and immediately tell them I'm asexual, hoping (and not hoping at the same time I guess...because not talking to me anymore because I'm asexual hurts) that they will just stop talking to me.

Mm, do they usually stop talking to you? I've never out right told someone I'm demi or a. I've just kind of awkwardly delt with it and prayed it'd be over soon.

[CloakedSchemer]

I'm instantly uncomfortable talking to that person because they started their first conversation with me like that. I respond and immediately tell them I'm asexual, hoping (and not hoping at the same time I guess...because not talking to me anymore because I'm asexual hurts) that they will just stop talking to me.

Mm, do they usually stop talking to you? I've never out right told someone I'm demi or a. I've just kind of awkwardly delt with it and prayed it'd be over soon.

Oh yeah. Most times they'll be polite and at least respond with an, "Okay then." and never message me again, some will just never respond back, and then...then there are the few that will insult my sexuality & various other things about me so I allow myself to send a very sarcastically polite message back to them so I don't feel degraded and like a waste of space.

Not all people are like that though! Some people accept it and let us just be friends, and I still talk to some of them :)

[Unlabeled]

I wanted to get some thoughts from some other Demis and Grey A's about this.

How do you feel about being flirted with?

Personally, I can't stand it. It drives me insane. It practically sends me into a panic. I sometimes have said it's almost like i'm flirt repulsed rather then sex repulsed. Anytime someone I don't know or am not comfortable with starts flirting or showing romantic interest in any way to me, instantly my anxiety takes over, my body tightens up, sometimes I forget how to talk, and I just start nervous laughing. Which is a poor response considering a lot of people take that as a "great! she loves it! keep going!" but- I can't help it. It's not that I get nervous or shy, It legitimately makes me feel disgusting. I hate it. I remember once, this guy was flirting with me and I was trying to like it, because I felt like such an idiot weirdo for not enjoying that kind of attention. Finally he says "you're just so beautiful" and no joke, I broke down crying.

Yeah. I know.

Though, I am okay with friends play flirting with me. I can count on one hand the people I'm comfortable with doing so, but they are out there. It's almost all my best friend and I do, so much so that everyone thinks we're dating (there's people who have thought this since high school, its hilarious). I guess it's because I feel safe with her, knowing that it's all in good fun and that she'll never expect anything out of me I wouldn't want to do. Genuine compliments, I'm okay with. "You're cute!" "You're pretty!" Yes, thank you that's always flattering, but you know you can just tell peoples intent? Yeah, no, the second I sense someone trying to shack up with me I break down. It makes me never want to talk to someone again. It's not even that they're all sleazy by any means. Sometimes it's been situations where I could understand why they felt they could take that shot comfortably, not knowing I'd have such an adverse reaction to it.

I can think of two people I was becoming good friends with that showed some interest in maybe dating me, that I dropped immediately and just don't talk to anymore because I couldn't handle it.

Welp, at least I never have to question being demiromantic. Ever.

Anyways, yes. Thoughts? Is this just me?

I'm kinda stupid and don't understand when someone's flirting with me. I like 'plain spoken.' Not code. :) If you're interested, tell me.

If flirting is done to express a genuine interest I'm fine with it. But if it's being done just to tease, lead on, etc. then I find it objectionable.

[tarot1330]

Like some others have posted above, I'm kind of clueless when it comes to flirting. I don't know when someone is flirting with me and I don't know when I'm flirting with someone else. Sometimes it seems like just being nice can be constituted as flirting for some people. I rarely intentionally flirt with someone but have been accused of it several times. It's confusing.

[Artistofnoname]

These days I just let it roll off my back and show disinterest

[Guest Sheka4]

I feel like I'm the only person in the category who loves to flirt. Like yea that seems kind of odd, but I'm naturally flirtatious when I want to be and I flirt with friends and just basically have harmless fun with it.

[MiilkyWay]

I don't think anybody's ever flirted with me, but I'm always checking people out in public. Although if they notice me I get really shy.

[Zorc]

I flirt a lot, but in my mind it's just showing off or sharing a sarcastic joke with close friends? Most of the time I don't mind being flirted with since it's usually a form of flattery which gives my ego a nice stroke, but the moment someone is asking me out romantically or a stranger is trying to get into my pants it starts to make me somewhat uncomfortable... That being said, I'm incredibly oblivious and you'd practically have to hit me over the back of the head with your flirtations for me to notice them.

This has lead to many moments of some poor misguided soul trying to kiss me or the like while I'm all, 'Woah, woah! Back the fuck up for a second...! How the hell did this happen?!'

[HypocryteHater]

I avoid it because it's so silly that I always burst out laughing.

[scarletlatitude]

Sometimes I'll get messages on other websites and the first thing they will tell me is something like, "Is it bad I think you're really beautiful? Because I do..." or "You're so gorgeous and I couldn't resist messaging you" etc., and I'm in my head like "No...it's not bad to compliment me...but you're creeping me the heck out. Stahp. Now. Pleeeease. *cringes*."

I'm instantly uncomfortable talking to that person because they started their first conversation with me like that. I respond and immediately tell them I'm asexual, hoping (and not hoping at the same time I guess...because not talking to me anymore because I'm asexual hurts) that they will just stop talking to me.

Oh this is me too. I've just stopped responding. They are not very nice with me. They tend to get more aggressive.

[LadyRose94]

Kinda that way, maybe to a less degree with minor more romantic stuff but if it gets even remotely sexual I get really uncomfortable and have resorted to crying if it's persisted, which actually happened back in May >.> I'm the typical demisexual that's like "hi let's talk for a long time about anything but sex or romance so I can see if I even want any of that with you, thanks" haha

[skymint]

I'm pretty straight-forward and very into finding what is aesthetically pleasing to me, so if I like someone's face, or hair, or shirt, or whatever, I usually just tell them straight up, even if I don't know them well. I don't mean it in any specific way, other than an acknowledgment that they look good (to me). I guess I'm more into giving random compliments like that than flirting with the intention of having it go anywhere.

But I rarely catch when someone is flirting with me. If I do, I don't know how to respond. Laugh it off and change the subject? Sit there awkwardly and stare into space? Flirting generally seems to be attached to wanting to hook up with the other party, and in that sense isn't it incredibly awkward?

[ghoul]

I'm personaly not able to really identify flirting. I think it's too subtly and could cause trouble since you'd not be straight up informing someone ur interested in them and not just... idk... being friendly? It seems like a weird social tactic.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I don't understand it, I very rarely notice it at the time, though one of the parts guys did try it over the phone recently and I just nervously coughed and went "Yeah, right, anyway...". Very uncomfortable and it makes me sad cos I thought he was just being friendly :( It almost feels like a betrayal, if you know what I mean, cos after flirting things will be forever awkward.

Just... don't do it with me. Please? :(

[LiviaHyde7]

If someone flirts with me I either don't even notice or freeze up.

Once I was at a party (mainly family and friends) and I was talking to this boy for about 30 minutes and it was not until after when my Grandad! pointed it out that he had been flirting with me!

[Flyaway4me]

I think that flirting is fun, as long as they understand I don't have any intention of going any further than I want to. My flirting though, it's a bit different..