Hunter of Artemis Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 Okay, so I recently came upon this post on tumblr: http://asexualspectrumspector.tumblr.com/post/125016852515/roarkshop-ohaugustine-sherokutakari And it made me realize just how much I want a platonic relationship. Only problem is I've never been in a relationship before and I don't even know how to really get one. They've always seemed more trouble than they're worth in the past. But there are many reasons (a lot included on that list) of why I would like a relationship. I'm still not sure if I'm ready for a relationship, or what all it entails. They just seem to take up so much time and effort. And I will be in school for the next 2 years finishing my degree. I know others manage to do relationships while in college, and I applaud them because it seems I never have enough time to get homework done let alone manage a relationship. So yeah, that's my situation. Any advise would be welcome. Also, sorry I couldn't do a quick link or just post screenshots, I'm on my tablet at the moment... Link to post Share on other sites
Jlx Without his bowtie Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 A platonic relationship is a wonderful thing really, it isn't common though because it requires a deep connection between two individuals to make it work, and as you may know, such connection doesn't happen often. I guess two compatible beings bonds over time. If you're in search of such a relationship (and I totally understand you, I wish I had that, but I tend to fall in love with sexual people..) I suggest you try to meet like-minded people, and to form a bond with them, but don't be in a hurry it isn't easy and it should happen naturally, relationships have a complex balance and forcing anyone into it, or forcing any relationship into a platonic relationship is surely the best way to hurt and get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Hunter of Artemis Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 I completely understand, and know about how long a deep bond takes. It's all just very frustrating that there is literally nothing I can do to satisfy this want/need right now or in the near future. I've thought about trying asexual dating sites, but I've always been hesitant about online dating even if one of my best friends found her husband online. Not only that, but like I said in my original post, despite how much I would like a platonic relationship with a partner I still feel like I don't have the time to commit to it. I've always said to myself, "Later, later we will have the time", but later never comes. Link to post Share on other sites
Quill Pen Gentleman Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I can relate as I'd wanted this sort of companionship for quite some time, despite my sexual and romantic tendencies. I feel it's a more efficient relationship than romantic or sexual ones and I feel you can be just as intimate. Unfortunately the world we live in tends to undermine these types of relationships but that doesn't mean they can't happen. In my experience, if I keep thinking about it it's not going to happen. I get into relationships of any kind when I least expect it, and I think that happens with most other people as well. Don't dwell on it, but do seek out people who you can bond with over common interests and whatnot. I recommend in person, but that's just me. Either way, I wish you the best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
blacktea Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I completely understand, and know about how long a deep bond takes. It's all just very frustrating that there is literally nothing I can do to satisfy this want/need right now or in the near future. I've thought about trying asexual dating sites, but I've always been hesitant about online dating even if one of my best friends found her husband online. Not only that, but like I said in my original post, despite how much I would like a platonic relationship with a partner I still feel like I don't have the time to commit to it. I've always said to myself, "Later, later we will have the time", but later never comes. I wonder if there are any platonic or aromatic dating sites, that would be kind of cool. I have thought that a QPR might be nice at times but I never really wanted to invest the time or energy into finding one. Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I know others manage to do relationships while in college, and I applaud them because it seems I never have enough time to get homework done let alone manage a relationship. Really it doesn't have to be a problem. Me and my girlfriend both are very busy with uni to the point where we hardly have time for anything else. Our "first dates" were lectures we took together and meals at the university cafeteria, and these days we spend most of our time together going for walks between study sessions, shopping for groceries together, etc. We only spend a day together maybe once a month at most. Neither of us has much time available, and both of us are ambitious, so it works just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Hunter of Artemis Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 I completely understand, and know about how long a deep bond takes. It's all just very frustrating that there is literally nothing I can do to satisfy this want/need right now or in the near future. I've thought about trying asexual dating sites, but I've always been hesitant about online dating even if one of my best friends found her husband online. Not only that, but like I said in my original post, despite how much I would like a platonic relationship with a partner I still feel like I don't have the time to commit to it. I've always said to myself, "Later, later we will have the time", but later never comes. I wonder if there are any platonic or aromatic dating sites, that would be kind of cool. I have thought that a QPR might be nice at times but I never really wanted to invest the time or energy into finding one. I actually did look it up, and there's a spot in this forum topic with Ace-friendly dating sites (tagged near the top). But I'm very much like you in that investing the energy or time into finding a relationship just seems like a lot of work. I know that makes me sound lazy and whiney. I just don't know how else to put it. I know others manage to do relationships while in college, and I applaud them because it seems I never have enough time to get homework done let alone manage a relationship. Really it doesn't have to be a problem. Me and my girlfriend both are very busy with uni to the point where we hardly have time for anything else. Our "first dates" were lectures we took together and meals at the university cafeteria, and these days we spend most of our time together going for walks between study sessions, shopping for groceries together, etc. We only spend a day together maybe once a month at most. Neither of us has much time available, and both of us are ambitious, so it works just fine. That is encouraging! :) I just gotta find that someone who will have patience. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Ace Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I actually did look it up, and there's a spot in this forum topic with Ace-friendly dating sites (tagged near the top). But I'm very much like you in that investing the energy or time into finding a relationship just seems like a lot of work. I know that makes me sound lazy and whiney. I just don't know how else to put it. If you don't feel the energy to go and try it out, then perhaps it's not really a priority in your life. Try to evaluate how you really feel. I find that the optional tasks I tend to push out and ignore end up being the least important. By striking such things from my "to do" list, it frees my mind for the tasks that are more important to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Combat Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 I feel like this is pretty close to what I want, too. I friend that I would love but not want to "date", you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Unlabeled Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Okay, so I recently came upon this post on tumblr: http://asexualspectrumspector.tumblr.com/post/125016852515/roarkshop-ohaugustine-sherokutakari And it made me realize just how much I want a platonic relationship. Only problem is I've never been in a relationship before and I don't even know how to really get one. They've always seemed more trouble than they're worth in the past. But there are many reasons (a lot included on that list) of why I would like a relationship. I'm still not sure if I'm ready for a relationship, or what all it entails. They just seem to take up so much time and effort. And I will be in school for the next 2 years finishing my degree. I know others manage to do relationships while in college, and I applaud them because it seems I never have enough time to get homework done let alone manage a relationship. So yeah, that's my situation. Any advise would be welcome. Also, sorry I couldn't do a quick link or just post screenshots, I'm on my tablet at the moment... Poor Plato, probably rolls over in his grave everytime platonic relationship is mentioned. Plato had sex. Lots of sex. His relationships were not lacking sex. How he ever came to be about sexless relationships boggles the mind. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Hunter of Artemis Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 I actually did look it up, and there's a spot in this forum topic with Ace-friendly dating sites (tagged near the top). But I'm very much like you in that investing the energy or time into finding a relationship just seems like a lot of work. I know that makes me sound lazy and whiney. I just don't know how else to put it. If you don't feel the energy to go and try it out, then perhaps it's not really a priority in your life. Try to evaluate how you really feel. I find that the optional tasks I tend to push out and ignore end up being the least important. By striking such things from my "to do" list, it frees my mind for the tasks that are more important to me. That is true. I've done that with other things in my life. It's just every once and a while, a post like that will pop up on tumblr, and I'll get whimsical about being in a relationship. Even now, a few days after initially writing that original post, the feelings aren't as strong. Still would like a relationship like that, but I would also really like to win the lottery. Okay, so I recently came upon this post on tumblr: http://asexualspectrumspector.tumblr.com/post/125016852515/roarkshop-ohaugustine-sherokutakari And it made me realize just how much I want a platonic relationship. Only problem is I've never been in a relationship before and I don't even know how to really get one. They've always seemed more trouble than they're worth in the past. But there are many reasons (a lot included on that list) of why I would like a relationship. I'm still not sure if I'm ready for a relationship, or what all it entails. They just seem to take up so much time and effort. And I will be in school for the next 2 years finishing my degree. I know others manage to do relationships while in college, and I applaud them because it seems I never have enough time to get homework done let alone manage a relationship. So yeah, that's my situation. Any advise would be welcome. Also, sorry I couldn't do a quick link or just post screenshots, I'm on my tablet at the moment... Poor Plato, probably rolls over in his grave everytime platonic relationship is mentioned. Plato had sex. Lots of sex. His relationships were not lacking sex. How he ever came to be about sexless relationships boggles the mind. :) :lol: I don't know much about Plato, but that is funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Poor Plato, probably rolls over in his grave everytime platonic relationship is mentioned. Plato had sex. Lots of sex. His relationships were not lacking sex. How he ever came to be about sexless relationships boggles the mind. :) Most people I know don't use platonic to mean "sexless". They use it to describe a kind of relationship/love that focuses on more "pure" aspects than mere attraction (physical, romantic, etc.). I think that is very much in line with what Plato had in mind: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platonic_love Link to post Share on other sites
Joshua Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I'm still not sure if I'm ready for a relationship, or what all it entails. It's only when I almost got into one that it "hit me" and I fully appreciated the potential complexity and burden that comes with a relationship - though at the same time I appreciate that a relationship can be a really wonderful thing. Mine is a long story, but it's here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/107448-my-asexual-relationship-experience/#entry1060908463 That experience was very educational for me. I feel much more comfortable with a good platonic friendship or companionship where there is no pressure, and where there is greater latitude. Also, for me, there must be a really compelling case to progress a platonic friendship to relationship. Though I must add, I'm not against the idea of a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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